What if someone told you they had recently decided they hated the web and wanted to go on a "web diet" and quit blogging because blogs were "claptrap" and then cited "musicians I like" as a sample topic of said claptrap? Wouldn't it be clear that that person was totally talking about me? Would you be offended or just hurt? I'm just curious. What if that person were Paul Bettany?
What I’m about to do is not something I would normally do because I know it’s risky. Listening to someone describe their dreams is always super boring but, if I might, (just this once) be a little self-indulgent (yes, I’ll ONLY do it this one time). Speaking of Paul Bettany, I know he’s not a household name. I didn’t know who he was until I looked him up after seeing Wimbledon last week and I certainly don’t expect people who read my blog to look him up if they don’t know him. Consequently, my post called “Paul Bettany Hates Me” was boring to many or just skipped over by most. Nevertheless, writing this post had a profound effect on me. As I thought and thought about Paul Bettany liking John better than Paul I found myself creating an argument to counter the claim he makes on http://www.imdb.com/. I wanted to defend my position on this and let him know that it would be hard for me to choose Paul over John, etc. etc. I realized I was just like Russell Crowe in the movie, “A Beautiful Mind” because I was having imaginary conversations with Paul Bettany in my head and he wasn’t really there. This is funny, in fact, I’m embarrassed to say that I am laughing out loud right now even as I type because I am an idiot. More embarrassing still is how deep into my psyche the idiocy runs because last night I dreamed I was Russell Crowe. And I don’t even like Russell Crowe. I hadn’t seen him on T.V. or anything—I had only thought about him in reference to my blog.
Last night I also dreamed that my sister, Erin, and I were hosting KISS for a dinner party. I don’t like KISS that much, but Erin does. Of note are three things: 1.Just as the doorbell rang I realized I hadn’t prepared Maggie to see the members of KISS so I quickly and cheerfully said, “Oh, and they will probably have painted faces but it’s nothing to worry about.” 2. One of KISS’s girlfriends came and was acting like she was being helpful by serving the food we had made but when everyone said it was good she said “Thanks,” like she had made it herself! We were so mad. 3. Paul Stanley’s hair looked really good. He had cut it short and choppy, like Jon Bon Jovi in later years and it was blond with very severe highlights. He should consider doing this in real life.
The last dream I will tell you about happened a month ago. I dreamed I WAS the Young Men’s president in our ward. Don’t tell him this, because it might creep him out. It really wasn’t creepy. First I was me, then I turned into him. I know I was him because I had these big-honking feet. I was running all over downtown Provo, diving into cars and climbing on roofs and stuff. The kids in our ward were in trouble and we were trying to “save” them. It was very much like a Beastie Boys video, which is to say, it was like a 70s cop show. I guess a really good young women’s president wouldn’t allude to the Beastie Boys or even mention them at all but I think this dream just reeks of devotion.
So there you have it. In the future I will spare you these kinds of recollections.