Friday, December 10, 2004

Spas: Are you Experienced?

First of all, what is the deal with Josh Groban and hair salons? I have only ever heard Josh Groban on the radio at hair salons and EVERY time the person cutting my hair has gone on and on about how much she loves his voice. I'm sure he's "talented," as they say--if you like that sort of thing. I just can't figure out the hair salon connection. Perhaps they are just making conversation. "Just making conversation" causes a lot of problems. For example, my ward council was talking about our ward christmas party. "What do you think?" asked the bishop. Of course, who really cares? But I believe people felt compelled to "just make conversation." Yadda, yadda, yadda, now we are having our ward Christmas party at Independence High (the local alternative high school). Dinner will be provided but it's "bring your own" plates, utensils, and paprika doobies.

So Christian gave me a gift certificate to go to a spa for Mother's day last year and I used it last Saturday. It's not really my bag but I'm trying to become more of a spa-type person because it is so popular among the celebs. I had a pedicure. This is supposed to be luxurious and relaxing but it is not. First of all, someone is scrutinizing, touching, and "exfoliating" (grating) your feet. I just tell myself it is their job. You know, like a nurse or a maid. But the worst part is holding up your feet the whole time at a certain level just above their hands because you don't really want them to have to bear the whole weight of your legs. It's tiring.

Then I got a hair cut. My stylist was nervous, but excited as I gave her the challenge of a lifetime: "Make it look like Richard Gere's hair, but for a girl, and good."

I could have gotten a massage but opted out. You do realize that you have to be naked, or partially naked for those don't you? I've had one before, again--a present from Christian. Christian had seen the masseur and as he dropped me off giggled and said, "Have fun." My masseur was a huge man. Huge in a clumsy and lumbering way rather than a muscular swedish way. He also had a very stuffed nose so he breathed heavily through his mouth the whole time. Very funny, Christian. I've since sworn off massages but people get them all the time. I just don't see how Mormons get to do this, but we can't drink iced-tea. Let me be clear, I don't drink iced-tea--especially since my liquor-guzzling father-in-law schooled me in Word of Wisdom matters. But serioulsy folks, half-naked on a table with a heavily-breathing fat man and I don't technically even have to mention it to my bishop? Doesn't that seem like and oversight to you?

But every so often something wonderful happens at the spa and this is the real reason I persist in going about once every 2 years. One time I was gettting a manicure by a middle-aged woman who, as it turned out was recently divorced from an infamous Utah CIA guy that was arrested for being a spy. She was a little bitter about the whole thing and VERY forthcoming with interesting details. I couldn't believe my ears. You can google it, if you want. I can't because I have to disassemble my daughter's bed (with tools) so she and my 2 year old can trade beds. It's just another one of my crazy schemes to get them to sleep better. Desperate times call for desperate measures.

11 comments:

  1. Anonymous10:02 AM

    You are so funny. This is a great post. I hope your kids sleep better.

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  2. I like massages but not if it is a male. That's just freaky to me. I also like manicures although the nail polish flakes off after two days because they don't let it sufficiently dry in between. I also like facials except I really break out bad after them. Wait - maybe I don't like all of this stuff now that I am thinking about it.

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  3. I am actually a little disheartened by your blog… Over thanksgiving you gave me a list of reasons why I should move back to Provo… one of them (and I distinctly remember this) "we can go to the spa together", yet you are not even a true fan… should I begin to question your other reasons why I should move back?

    Laughed out loud through the entire post, printed it and left on the printer so some random co-worker can laugh too.

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  4. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  5. As you may or may not imagine I don’t or haven’t done the spa thing too much. Yet when I did (once, many years ago) I was not impressed. Overt touching by someone that I don’t really know; maybe all the rage with shut ins or people who buy sex or have poor boundaries. But for me? Icky! And no, I wouldn’t want a fat man rubbing me as I was half naked while he was breathing through his mouth or nose or even scuba gear for that matter. I wouldn’t want a fat man touching me while I rode the bus either. Hmmmm, I think I can safely say that I really don’t want a fat man touching me at all, unless he was an undertaker and I was dead and then I don’t think that I’d really care one way or the other and as homophobic as this may all sound I really don’t want a man to be touching me at all. Wow! Touchy huh? Fortunately my feet be so ugly that no one would even think of touching them let alone look at them twice and I cut/do my own nails, sans polish and well I think I’ve covered this subject thoroughly and to no one’s great surprise either I am sure!

    But that young boy’s blogg thing? Sketchy Kacy, really sketchy…

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  6. Thems pers'nal matters, Fromage. You leave my bidness well enough alone.

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  7. Do you delete my comments out? I always comment and they never show up, almost like you are deleting them!
    Kacy why do you hate me? Is it because its now winter adn your kids still are not in the treehouse? I take some of the blame, but Christian needs to fess up to some of it. I mean he did start it 6 years ago?

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  8. PS or does this go back to my scenes I wish I had written where I "ignored" you? You said you could go on all day, I just wanted to see if that was true, but nope, you only lasted 3 comments!

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  9. Anonymous11:11 PM

    Guzzling? Au contraire! I never, ever guzzle (except Coke over lots of crushed ice on a really hot day).

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  10. We were supposed to bring our own plates AND doobies? And Fromage...I'll pay for you to go to the spa. The material you get from salons and spas is INVALUABLE! Not to mention the free soft-drinks with lemon wedges...

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  11. Girl! Let them hold your feet during the pedicure. Perhaps that is the secret to you liking your spa days more...

    New to your blog, found from Rebecca and Kacey...VERY funny. I will be back...

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