This post could have been titled, "I recall I remember when. . ." but that was the theme for my junior prom and the senior class officers were unwilling to give me permission to use it. I've burned too many bridges, I suppose. Well, I don't want to make it worse so I won't mention the fact that "I recall I remember when. . ." is about the lamest theme for a prom ever. Please, don't get me wrong. I don't care much about proms or their accompanying themes. I spent mine sitting in "the car" at The Underground Restaurant while Nikkola Pack prayed over her food. (Not that there's anything wrong with it.) But shouldn't a theme be something like "Under the Sea" or "Yesterday" or even "Forever Plaid?" I Recall I Remember When is not even in theme format; it is also badly punctuated. Faxton Five is a superior title in every way and, I might add, would make an excellent prom theme. Now, fasten your seatbelts: I recall, I remember when. . .
When I was little my family used to play Nurts with the spinster neighbors who lived in the mother-in-law apartment behind our house. They are both married now, so I guess they weren't really spinsters but they seemed like it at the time. Peggy used to "lay out" in her back yard which was surrounded by pear and cherry orchards. Ever modest, she would back up her car, pop the trunk, hang a towel from it, and use that for cover. Peggy would certainly be horrified today by the exposure and proximity of new neighbors, courtesy of Ivory Homes. On the bright side, we suffer from much less diarrhea in the summer now that those orchards have been razed and we don't gorge ourselves on fruit anymore. Progress!
At any rate, until fairly recently, I thought my family invented the card game Nurts. And I am ashamed to say that as a small child I cheated at Nurts until my mom told me that it was obvious. I also thought that my family invented the rhyme, "Who stole the cookies from the cookie jar. . .who me? Yes you. Couldn't be. Then who?" When I heard other people say it I was in shock. Did my mom teach them that?
I also had some vague notion that Elvis Presley was my father--not literally, but somehow he seemed patriarchal to my family. As it turns out, he wasn't involved with us on any level. I was also convinced that this friend of my mom's, named Nick, was actually Schneider from One day at a Time. And even though Schneider was a fictional character, I'm still not sure he didn't help us set up our swing set. In our ward lived the Salts. At least, that is what I have been told. I always thought their names were Mr. Salt and Mrs. Pepper. When you think about it, I know it doesn't make much sense.
Like many people, I thought the words to the primary song "As I Have Loved You" included the mysterious word "shallmeno." I used context to figure out that this was, probably, a Hebrew word that meant something like "alms" or "token." "By this shallmeno [shall men know] ye are my disciples. . . "
I was engaged to Christian when I admitted to him and to my sister Carly that I had always believed the song Shilo, by Neil Diamond was, in fact, about an imaginary monkey-type creature. As you know, the song is about an imaginary friend, but most people agree that the friend takes the more conventional shape of a girl--not a monkey.
My friend, Rachel, swore to everyone that Michael Jackson was Diana Ross's son. My mom couldn't even talk her out of it. I can laugh about that, but when we saw Michael Jackson moonwalk on the Motown Music awards for the first time everyone in my family thought it was an optical illusion done with special effects. Seriously dude, it was like he was walking on the moon. Or something. So you know. Michael Jackson was in the Jackson Five which sounds an awful lot like Faxton Five and that, my friend, is where this blog begins and ends.