Monday, March 21, 2005

My Sordid Past--Dating!

It is true that, for the most part, I dated a lot of jerks, losers, and unmarriable people during my formative years but--to my credit--I had the good sense to marry someone decent and be friends with cool, funny boys during those same formative years. It's just that those cool funny boys didn't like me or love me or want to date me.

I've mentioned the webbed feet, but there were many more suitors whose main handicap was just plain cruelty. Generally the cruelty didn't rear its ugly head until after the break-up. Like the boy who really did go a little crazy writing me notes with strange scriptural references and the word "cursed." There was some pushing and some frenzied locked-door rattling--a restraining order really should have been obtained but I like the fact that I can tuck this story away and pull it out when I need a little street cred--like if I ever find myself in a shelter for battered women. Besides, it bonds me to my sister-in-law who dated him too. Hope he don't read this blog!

I'm not sure whether an enforced diet of plain cracked wheat would qualify as physical or emotional abuse or whether it's just a little weird but I had another temperamental and health-conscious beau who ate it every day and really wanted me to eat it all the time. Strange, isn't it? He implied that I really shouldn't be eating ice cream and ham sandwiches. Don't worry, I kept eating the ham sandwiches. He also taught me how to drive a stick shift and break into the swimming pool at Old Mill Apts. for midnight swimming so there was some good that came from that relationship. Except, once when I went swimming there by myself I came home and was immediately stricken with a horrible case of hives which caused me to vomit a green bile-like substance and only commenced with a trip to the ER when my throat began to close off with swelling. Hmmm. Don't swim there. And don't date people who eat cracked wheat at every meal. [It's not just that I'm against healthy eating. When I broke up with this person he actually laid down under the wheels of my truck so the cracked wheat really was a red flag.]

And then there was thoughtless "Toby." He was pretty good in most ways but for his birthday I SEWED him a robe and gave him a shirt and tie all wrapped up beautifully and stashed secretly as a surprise for him to discover at his house, as I like to do. So later when he and his much more thoughtful friend picked me up for a Sting concert he said nothing. NOTHING. Finally the friend complimented me on what a kind and thoughtful gift it was. You might be thinking poor Toby just felt uncomfortable, that I had given him too much at that stage in our relationship and that the faux pas was mine and not his. But this man's mom surprised my mom at her office with some future mother-in-law banter and once as we watched the fireworks from his [very cool] old house in Provo he said, "We'll live here some day." So a robe wasn't too much, but apparently a "thank you" was.

And one time I found myself on a date with a man who told me about his true love who had died. Then U2's "With or Without You" came on and he proceeded to sing the whole song at the top of his lungs. I'm not exaggerating. He was the singer in a band so I think he thought he was providing me with a rare treat but--me no likey. Good luck with that. We didn't have caller ID in those days, but somehow we managed just fine. Sure we had to tell more lies and disguise our voices when people called us but it got the job done.

Finally a cool and funny boy liked me. So I married him.

22 comments:

  1. So there was a reason that you didn’t guest blog this post last Sunday at the VS of M? Or was this a slight thumbing of the nose in their direction?

    But what I really wanna say is – now after reading your post I don’t feel so un-normal anymore.

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  2. I'm embarrassed to say I'm a little behind on my blog-reading. Pure coincidence and no nose-thumbing intended. Christian was telling these stories the other night and I decided to blog about them before he steals my past for his blog. (Which is, I suppose, his right since much of our past is shared but still...)

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  3. The other day as we were thus conversing I thought "Why would someone as cool as Kacy date such LOSERS?"... but then I thought about the relationships that didn't work out for ME and I realized that those guys were ALSO losers...if not, why didn't I marry them? Because you would HAVE to be loser to not want a piece of THIS action...

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  4. I'm one of those guys that women will look back on a laugh.
    "I dated this guy who was really into music. He used to spend all his money on CDs so we could never go out on dates. Whenever it was a special event, like Christmas, or my birthday, or something he would just buy me music. This one time he got busted for graffiti and was fined a lot of money. We didn't go out for months. He liked to read a lot and watch R-rated movies (which are against my high standards) and he tended to use a moderate amount of profanity. Plus he never washed his sweatshirt. Bleh, what a jerk."

    I've never pushed anyone though. That's a plus.

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  5. Oh Nate--there's nothing more charming than a catch who doesn't know he's a catch.

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  6. All's well that ends well. Whew.

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  7. Anonymous11:50 AM

    I actually used to live at Old Mill. The pool there is nothing that anyone should ever be swimming in. When we moved in, the sludge in the pool was a blackish green. It took months before they cleaned it out and even then, no one dared to enter it. This could explain your hives/throwing up incident.

    Camelio Estevez

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  8. At least after all these wackos, you ended up with a husband who will steal a dummy with someone else's clothes on it!

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  9. Oh, the losers I've dated! And then when I met my darling, funny, cute husband who was 32 years old, I was so convinced that there was a secret "loser" hidden deep in him that we had to break up twice and have lots of trauma before I could marry him. Going on 6 years and he is still as darling as ever!

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  10. Anonymous2:30 PM

    Tell us more about the, "cool funny boys [that] didn't like [you] or love [you] or want to date you]". What was their problem(s).

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  11. Well Anonymous, I guess I did date a couple of cool funny boys but that's not good for blogging (or for Christian's ego).

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  12. At least the cracked wheat was't wheat grass juice. That truck that your wounded boyfriend lay down under was a sweet truck, though. Did you keep the bumper sticker?

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  13. It WAS a sweet truck. But, apparently, not sweet enough for Carly or Heidi who both spurned it when it was taken from me and given to them (with bumper sticker in tact).

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  14. Alas, nothing gold (or Irish) can stay I suppose.

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  15. HANG ON. I drove that truck for a year before it wouldn't pass the safety inspection. That truck went on all my drive-by's with me. I never spurned it. The Utah Department of Transportation spurned it. Now I feel spurned by you.

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  16. What was the bumper sticker?

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  17. Yes! I'm up to 16 comments and Heidi hasn't even responded to my accusations yet!

    I bought the bumper sticker at the Scotch-Irish festival (which I attended alone) and it read, "Thank God I'm Irish."

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  18. The pool at Old Mill is kinda stinky, I guess. But aren't most indoor pools? Nevertheless, it was a nice refuge during those winter months.

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  19. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  20. Sorry, I changed my mind.

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  21. You caused a man to lay down under your tires. Woman- you are my idol!

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  22. I'm always too afraid to comment on people's questionable grammar, spelling and usage. I don't want to make a mistake in my correction and look like an idiot.

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