Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Don't Go Back to Scroungeville

Hmmm. I'm the scrounge. Interesting. My friends and I used to describe people as scrounges. I know it's not nice. However, it seems that I'm finally getting the come-uppance I deserve with the realization that I'm the scrounge. I was trying to find some pants to wear and I realized that in my regular rotation of clothes I keep pants that have large black ink stains, rips, and holes. Instead of just giving them to DI I think, "These will be my new work pants." But you see, I don't really work, rendering the need for "work pants" minimal at best. Consequently I end up wearing these pants all the time for non-work occasions. I finally decided to just get rid of them. "I should write a blog about how I'm such a scrounge ha ha!"

Later that day I noticed the pants I had decided to wear--the pants that in my mind are my "good" pants (pants that I would probably change out of if I were to work)--had a hole in the knee and two large holes in the back above the pockets. I really am a scrounge. And then other hard evidence started to pile up in my mind. Evidence such as how I believe that circumstances beyond my control often prevent me from showering and how I think that a wallet made out of tape is a really good present. And when someone mentioned that they had an extra comforter in their closet I asked if I could have it. And now it's on my bed. And how I asked for a bed out of someone's garage. And I'm not even poor--I'm not saying I'm rich, but I can afford pants without large gaping holes in them that show my underwear.

I used to work with a man name Carl Wayne who, one day, stooped to remove a half-eaten apple out of the garbage can, took a bite, and finished it off. Ladies and gentleman, I thought I was better than Carl Wayne that day but I was wrong. Because today when I realized that the cold sopping end of my bath towel had actually been dipped into the toilet by my son I simply hung it back up on the towel rack. "I'll use this later--when it's dry."

16 comments:

  1. Wallet Recipient11:40 AM

    I received a wallet made of tape from you. There may be others, we could start a group, or our own blog.

    Anyway, I love the wallet and I have it with me today and every day since it was given to me. I get a lot of compliments when I break it out to pay for things. I don't know if they say scrounge behind my back, but none have said it to my face.

    Thanks for the wallet.

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  2. Indeed. I have given tape wallets to 3 people. That is, I think, enough to start a blog. Glad you like it. Gladder still that you use it (not everyone does, you know).

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  3. I just stood at my door and talked to the Jehova's Witness people for about 20 minutes. What was I wearing? Pajama bottoms, red cross t-shirt, socks. They, on the other hand, were very clean-cut and smelled good.

    They didn't want a copy of The Living Christ video... :(

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  4. I thought I was bad for wearing pants that I slept in last night and eating my third toaster struedel (sp?) of the day. But the towel thing, that puts you in a whole new category of scrounginess.

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  5. Am now on fourth strudel.

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  6. Today I ate 1 and 1/2 pieces of carrot cake for breakfast in the car on my way to work. This resulted in a large cream cheese frosting stain on the front of my skirt as well as about 3 cars of people seeing me with green & orange frosting lips while I tried to lick the frosting off the paper towel I had wrapped around the cake and was eating out of.

    I have to say, if I just saw you out I would never peg you as a scrounge. You don't look like one at all, but after today you may start smelling like one.

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  7. Oh no you di-in't...you DID NOT hang a towel back up after it had been dipped in the toilet. From now on I will be bringing my own towels to your house. But you do buy that really good soap...Does that cancel out? Hmmmm. No.

    You are not a scrounge. People with cute new bluey striped pants are not scrounges. Just because you don't shower doens't mean your a scrounge. I didn't shower today. I just put on sequins instead. Shower or sequins...

    And eating an apple out of the garbage?!? So gross...What if the person who started the apple had gingivitis or something!

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  8. Is it a cream puff that George Costanza takes out of the garbage can to eat? I don't remember. Anyway, if you'll remember, the cream puff (or whatever it was), though bitten into, was sitting right on top--hadn't even touched the other garbage. Maybe that was how Carl Wayne's apple was.

    I don't eat out of the trash, but I do eat off the ground if I'm the one who dropped the food--I'm a strict follower of the 10-second rule. That said, the towel in the toilet is kinda gross. You could at least rinse it in the sink...

    I don't think you're a "scrounge."

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  9. I know for a fact that several members of your extended,in-law family covet the tape wallets.

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  10. Eliza,
    It was a half-eaten eclair that George ate out of the garbage can. Have you ever had Kneaders' eclairs? OH MAN, are they good!

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  11. I can't believe I wrote "your" for "you're". I'm a gramatical scrounge.

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  12. And that toilet water soaked towel bit? You say that like nobody else does it and it’s a bad thing! As a matter of fact I use the same towel as a bathmat, dish towel, shower towel, lamp shade, shoe shiner and dusting cloth and then I just hang it out my window in the clean city air and then do it all again the next day!

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  13. Thanks Fromage, for providing the validating voice of reason in this anal retentive blogworld.

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  14. I get the song "Last Train to Clarksville" (The Monkees) in my head every time I read the title of the post.

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  15. cannot... stop... laughing

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  16. I hear music (and laughter), too, but it's the REM song my brother and I used to perform together as a duet with the piano & ukulele...and think scroungeville sounds even better than rockville. also, get this scrounginess: I only shower every other day (the days I work out) and I use shower- to- shower and dry shampoo on the in between days. my hubs and I bought 6 pairs of black drawstring lounge pants from Target for the express purpose of having jammies you could conceivably wear all the time without actually looking like you're wearing jammies.

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