I mean, I knew prom was a big deal on T.V. and stuff but when I went to high school I didn't think anyone really went to all that trouble in real life. Apparently, things have changed. My, isn't that interesting from a sociological perspective? Or, alternatively and perhaps more likely: My, isn't it interesting that I was so out of touch that I had no idea prom was such a big deal?
*I recall I remember when my special prom date knocked on my door and said do you want to go to prom and I said yes. Mind you, this was in the day and age of "creative asking." Looking back on it I am struck by the absolute creativity in the lack of my date's creativity--it's brilliance is it's lameness ("the spice is the worm. . . the worm is the spice").
I recall I remember when I went shopping for prom dresses with my mom and I was a little surly because shopping for prom dresses was so gay. (I have and will in the future refrain from using the word "gay" in this way for the sake of political correctness--a cause I believe in. However, I have made the decision to use it here because it expresses most accurately what I would have thought and probably said at the time, i.e. "Mom, this is so gay." I'm not sure I have made the right rhetorical choice but one does what one can. Onward.)
I also recall that I spent the day with my friend Otto in Salt Lake and we got home just in time to stop at Campus Creations to pick up a boutoniere for my date. Why wasn't I ice blocking with my date all day preceding the prom? I don't know. Like I said, prom wasn't as big of a deal. Or maybe it was for everyone else and Otto was assigned to take me to Salt Lake so I wouldn't notice the picnics, balloon rides, and rose-petal-strewn limousines that everyone else had. At any rate, you bet I was grateful for banana clips that day because I was able to create a formal "up do" with little effort or know-how. I never said it would be be classy, I only said it would be worth it.
Yada yada yada, we ate dinner in the restored gangster car at The Underground a la Scott Baio and Jodie Foster in Bugsy Malone. Little did I know I would be taken back to that car years later on another special date--the night Godfather III came out. It's too bad that those poor well-intentioned non-jerk (which was rare) suitors had no idea that not only am I totally claustrophobic, but I also think eating in the car is gay [if not a thoughtful touch].
I don't remember actually promenading although I have a vague recollection of seeing my mom there and wondering how she knew about it. Had it been outside in the rain as it was this year for Provo High's up and coming there's no way she would have been there--and that's not a comment on her devotion. Just as my dismay and disappointment and general bad attitude about having to stand in the rain to watch promenade this year is not a reflection of my devotion to anyone or anything that may or may not have been promenading at the time. I'm just saying.
So banana clip, car, prom, that's about it. Then I went the next year but I recall, I remember when it was not necessarily en vogue to go to prom if you were a senior. In fact, it was more of a lark if you did go. Sadly, I did not get to eat in the car as a senior but I did wear the same dress which had a stain from the previous prom's meal which had been eaten in the car.
But all of this is just so much prelude to the shocking revelation that occurred at Provo High's prom. As I was bracing myself against a solid-trunked tree so as not to blow away and rubbing vaseline into my chapped and bleeding cheeks Berkeley encouraged me to look into the storm because she says to me she says, "That's ERP." I was so surprised because erp is one of the few blogging entities I have yet to meet in real life. He was hard to make out through the sheets of oppressive rain but I saw enough to be sure of one thing: He doesn't look at all like Screech from Saved by the Bell, which, for some reason, is what I was picturing. So that totally rocked my world. And believe me, I could (and would) go on about it but for one thing. I just remembered that yesterday I bought 4 large Hershey bars for 5 dollars. And so you see, I must go.
*Prom Theme as discussed in Faxton Five