Wednesday, August 15, 2007

I Love Your Clunky Vintage Shoes!

I went to Smiths the other day and on the way in some college students asked me where the Dollar Store was. I panicked, like I always do--east is the mountains, west is the lake, and north is Salt Lake. . . east is the mountains, west is the lake, and north is Salt Lake. . .but I managed to tell them. Then I thought it was rude that they assumed I would know where the dollar store is. Do I look like I shop at the dollar store or something? But ever since I read an article from a life coach in a magazine I've been trying to interpret things to my advantage--that is the life coach's advice and I think it is sound. My tendency is to always assume the worst, like when I met David Sedaris and he asked if we had gone to dinner before his show. I knew it was because we all had a stinky food smell that he was trying to identify. I should have assumed it was because he was really taken by me, that he probably reads my blog, and that he just wanted to know more about me and what I was doing before his show.

So I should assume that those college students thought I was really cute and just wanted to talk to me and "Where's the dollar store?" was their nervous attempt to get to know me. They probably read my blog.

As I was shopping a song came on and I had an immediate and visceral positive response to it--before I even recognized what it was. Earlier in the week Christian had mentioned an interview he saw with Rush Limbaugh where the interviewer gave him a quote and asked him whether he agreed or disagreed with the quote. Rush Limbaugh would not answer the question until he knew who said the quote! That is so Rush Limbaugh. So I decided that I was going to commit fully to the song even before I knew what it was or who it was by. I admitted to myself, I LOVE THIS SONG! Shortly after that I recognized the song: "You know I never meant to see you again, and I only passed by as a friend. All this time I stayed out of sight, I started wondering why. Now I wish it would rain down, down on me. Yes I wish it would rain, rain down on me now. " Are you loving it? Afraid to admit that you love it? Don't be like Rush Limbaugh. Just admit that you love it. It's by Phil Collins, does that change anything?

After I got my groceries the checker offered to send the bagger out to help me. I accepted. As we walked out I was quietly musing over whether or not the bagger had full mental faculties--you know how you sometimes wonder. Sometimes I see a person who looks really cool with some clunky vintage shoes and Elvis Costello glasses and sometimes they turn out to be retarded--this doesn't change anything, you know--God bless them and all--they still look cool. So as I was thinking this--wondering about the bagger--she says to me, "Hey, you're like me!" I was taken aback. It was just like when George is worried about growing manbreasts like his Dad and a buxom lady (wearing the same shirt as him) points to her chest and says, "Hey, we're twins!"

I was at a loss for words (sort of like when people ask me for directions) but she filled the silence by pointing to my case of Diet Coke, "Looks like we both drink too much of that stuff." Right, right, right. The Diet Coke. Everyone loves Diet Coke and we're all addicted to it. Gotcha. We have that in common. I can't say whether or not she was quietly musing over my mental faculties--my life coach would say not--but I can say that if she were, it wouldn't be the first time.

15 comments:

  1. Every time I see that picture I cry a little bit inside.

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  2. I am so thoroughly amused. By the way, what did you do after the grocery store? I'm just curious about your life--ok, you fascinate me. Are you growing a smaller, blonde-haired head out of your head in that picture? Ok, just wondering.

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  3. I got lectured about my Diet Coke with Lime addiction the other day. O.K. so I had 2 twelve packs in my cart and of course picked up a chilled bottle for the drive home, but is it really the checker at Targets responsibility to remind me that I have an addiction? And then to say, "well, it could be worse, you could be addicted to alcohol". Utah is such a weird place!

    BTW, have I told you how much I LOVE the way you write? You kill me!

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  4. I think Abby is right about that blonde-haired head. It's like one part of you thinks the ride is great (the blonde part) and one part is terrified (the brunette part).

    Your title reminds me of the time we helped organize that ESL program for Japanese high school students and they ended the week with a demonstration of their newly acquired English skills: "We love your eyes! We love your happiness! We love your hair!" I would have been impressed if they had said, "We love your clunky vintage shoes!"

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  5. Mountains to the east, lake to the west, Salt Lake to the north, ...Dollar Store to the south. Naturally! East Bay!!! No shame to say, I've been there.

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  6. That picture freaks me out a little bit. In a good way.

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  7. I nearly choked on breakfast. Oh, the laughter...

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  8. Your writing is hilarious. Love it. I figured that even though you don't know me, I owe you a comment since you provided that much amusement and laughter in my life this morning. : )

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  9. Kacy, re: your comment on my blog. True, there are many similarities. Here are the two glaring differences that I see: 1) you teach english on the college level, while I possess cringe-worthy writing skills at times. I'm just learn-ed enough to be aware AND embarrassed about. 2) you are hilarious. me? not so much.

    Other than that? same same. : )

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  11. Kacy,

    I am so glad that picture made a come back, why just the other day it passed into my head and made me laugh.

    love c jane,
    (towards the lake (west).)

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  12. These are things love to tell me about my diet coke addiction: It causes cancer (it doesn't,) it is really high in sodium (it's not,) drinking carbonation causes you to become more "winded" (am I running a marathon?,) and it causes headaches (strike 4.) Just let me have my sauce...

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  13. I am going to start trying to interpret things to my advantage, too. What a good idea. You can be my life coach.

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  14. I saw a segment on one of those television news programs about Life Coaches. I had to ask myself, "And what makes them the expert on life?" Not to impose my negative vibs here, but after some scrutiny into their lives, folks may come to the conclusion these coaches are just as screwed up as the rest of us. It comes with life. It just happens.

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  15. Life coach is merely a euphemism for unlicensed therapist. They dole out fluffy advice that we all know but just don't care to implement. "Eat more fiber, drink more water, exercise more." There I'm a life coach. Oh wait, that's a personal trainer. Same thing.

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