In My Day We Watched Solid Gold and We Liked It

I'm really excited about the unique blog niche I now fill called "when I don't blog about blogging I blog about dogs or TV." Here are my notes from last night's So You Think You Can Dance.

When Janette got sent home I suddenly didn't care about the show anymore because it suddenly became about who America likes best and not about the "best" dancer. I realize this is the point of the show, but aside from having value as a social experiment about the taste of the kind of people who call in to vote, it's disappointing. Notice how dancing with Evan=Kiss of death. I'm just saying.

Wade Robson danced in long pants instead of knickers. Why? To make himself more of a focal point or are those legs of his just too long for knickers? Think about it. Did you know the only movie Wade Robson has downloaded for a while is "The Notebook"? Makes me want to see The Notebook. Is there dancing in that movie? (Keep track of Wade's downloads here. I do.) Wade Robson. Wade Robson. Wade Robson. Wade Robson. So interesting.

Katie Holmes' "dance" was a joke. I'm not sure what's going on there. She seems a little out of it. I hate to criticize anyone's "religion," you know, and Scientology does serve a purpose. The purpose it serves is to provide a front for brainwashing cute girls to marry gay guys. But I digress.

I feel that Brandon and Janine have the best EQ (you know, the emotional counterpart of IQ). They seem the most poised and best able to handle criticism. Kayla seems VERY fragile. Maybe winning would be good for her and teach her to be more professional and tough. But maybe her psyche can't handle the tumultuous world of dance. I don't care who wins as long as it's not Evan. I think Evan is nice and talented. But I hate watching him dance. Admit it--you do too. You feel like you should like it because he's so nice, but if you're being honest with yourself and with me--it is torture. Evan. Evan. Matt Roloff. Evan. So interesting.

If it does come down to Evan in the finale I think in order for him to claim the title of America's favorite dancer he should have to win a dance-off with Elijah Wood. I'm just saying.

I Know I Can't Dance

I'm new and late to the hot tamale train but I have been watching So You Think You Can Dance the last few weeks thanks to my girly girls who are not shy about pausing lifts and rewinding shimmies.

I know people have been blogging/Facebooking/Tweeting about SYTYCD for, what, years now? I know because I have been tuning out whenever I see the letters SYTYCD. But I'm into it now and I have a couple of questions and comments. First of all, can someone explain chemistry to me? What is it? If you are an actor or a dancer and have chemistry with someone, does that mean you are secretly in love with them? Or get along with them really well? What is it? I ask this because I am wondering how being a gay man-dancer affects your chemistry with your hetero-woman dance partner. Are we allowed to talk about this? I guess I'm wondering if an element of chemistry is sexual attraction.

Next, so much depends on choreographers, right? There are the ballroom people who are great (the woman was on What Not to Wear, remember?), and there's Mandy Bore--I mean Moore, there's a bunch of other ones--including the notorious Russian Folk Dance creators who I picture as a sort of goofy version of Boris and Natasha. (Pity, they won't work in THIS town again.) And then there's Wade Robson. Wade Robson is the only one who knows how to make people look cool. He's cool, I guess, but more than that he can make up dance movements that make you look cool. That's a real talent. I think Wade Robson is some kind of genius. I mean, a lot of people say he is and I agree.

You can't talk about Wade without mentioning Michael Jackson--another genius who somehow could figure out which weird movements look cool all together. All the individual moves of Thriller are so strange. Who would have guessed the cumulative effect would be so awesome? Of course Wade was one of Michael Jackson's child proteges, along with Macaulay Culkin. And out of respect for Wade who is fiercely loyal to MJ, no jokes. But he must have learned a lot from him about dancing. Seriously.

I do think Wade is really cool, but there's something about being so obsessed with Michael Jackson that you copy his exact movements and outfits that is a little disarming and maybe just a tinge on the nerdy side of cool. Also, ever see a cool guy move his shoulders that fast? I bet you haven't. Wade pulls it off with aplomb--all 6'4 of him.

I Hanker for a Hunk of [amazing] Cheese

You know how people sometimes describe things as "cheesy"? Not food, but other things like a movie or a smile? Whenever I hear that it gives me pause to think. I never say it because I don't know exactly what it means. I know it means basically the same thing as "corny," but why did people start saying "cheesy"? Does it convey something extra or different? I don't get it. I really just don't get it. I certainly don't mind it if you say it--I want you to say it freely around me. But if you ever hear me say it I am either being fake or have just succumbed to peer pressure.

I also never say "amazing." OK, I rarely say "amazing." Think about it. Every time you hear the word "amazing," it's an exaggeration. For me, using the word "amazing" sparingly is a matter of principle just like not using antibiotics when I don't really need them. The overuse of antibiotics weakens their effect when they are genuinely necessary. Now when I want to refer to something that amazes me it's just not the same because people think, "Oh my gosh! Amazing? That sounds just like Red Mango! Or these flats I'm wearing! Or Gwyneth Paltrow's website! Or, guys--chocolate!"

Until I die I will not have my linguistic integrity removed from me.

*Bored by this post? Yeah, I should have reduced it to a Tweet. Can't win 'em all.