What the Heck

I saw this in Lillian Vernon. I think she has jumped the shark. I mean ugly crap and old lady treasures are one thing but what the heck?
They are holiday pants treat holders in sets of 6. I have so many questions. What kind of treats go into these pants?
Why would you want 6 of them and not 10? Or 4? I wonder how they decided what constitutes a "set."If I got them for my kids and filled them with candy would I just say, "Go get a candy cane out of Santa's pants!"

Now I've seen everything. Don't buy them.

Staycation Report: Thumbs Up!

I think if you stay in a hotel it is technically not a "stay-cation" but richies who are used to leaving town every weekend won't understand. So I'm trying to be really clear--for all the richies who read my blog. Hi richies! (They're burning money again.) Thanks to everyone who encouraged me on my single-parenting vacation and thanks also to all my blog stalkers who didn't break into my house while I was gone. Even though if you tried you would have been attacked by a de-barked dachshund mother and her litter of three puppies who are staying temporarily in my garage. I'm trying to be really clear to all the blog stalkers out there. Oh hai gyz! Weenerdogz r in mi garage guardin mi stuffs.

Our stay-cation technically started on Thursday with a viewing of Toy Story 1 and 2 in 3D. Then we went to Where the Wild Things Are on Friday. This was an interesting movie about childhood, but not really a kids' movie. My kids liked it but it's kind of boring and full of awkward parts where monsters act like brats. I was talking about the movie with my kids later that night at dinner. It was clear that my 12 year old sort of "got it." That saddened me because I think you have to be a little removed from childhood in order to "get it." At the same time, it was fun to have a conversation with him about it. Do see it. But remember that it's not super appealing for the 2-8 set. My kids thought it should be rated PG-13. (They're prudes.)

After the movie we went to Salt Lake City and checked into our hotel. Here we are taking a picture of ourselves in the mirror on the bathroom door.

We went swimming without incident. And by that I mean that a life guard did not have to save Maggie. The swimming was probably the part I liked least, and it wasn't even that bad. So that's pretty good. Then we went to dinner.
I had the french dip. It was good. They put ketchup in little trays for us. All of the kids drank out of glass goblets--including Ellen. Nothing broke. I figured out the tip in my head. Then we went to Star Wars in concert which was more awesome than I even imagined.

C3P0 was there and narrated the show. It was remarkable. He wore normal clothes--NOT his robot outfit. His posture is impeccable. I posed with the imperial guards. I am the one in front.

Ellen fell soundly asleep at the end and I pretended to sacrifice her to Darth Vader and made Sam take a picture. It was really dumb. But I did it because I am fun and we have fun together. See my backpack? It's full of suckers. When security searched my bag I told them I had candy in there, but I had to spell it out so Ellen wouldn't hear because I wanted to save it for an emergency. I didn't even have to use the c-a-n-d-y. As we left the arena some homeless people played the Star Wars theme on their harmonicas. My kids referred to them as hobos. We didn't give them any money, but we did give a homeless man one of our extra egg McMuffin's earlier that day before the movie because we were full.

These are my wonderful hard-sided suitcases. I always look for them at DI. I am grateful for them and for the stuff in them.
Here's Ben in our posh suite. I'd like to thank the Radisson for putting us up for the night for free in exchange for this mention here on my blog, but I'm not Dooce y'all. So I won't. Cuz I paid.

And there you have it! I did it. I drove. I parked. I paid. I checked in. I carried and swam and did everything. And so can you, unless your kids are younger than mine or less obedient and more prone to mischief and running away from you in crowded arenas. If that's the case than I suggest you stay home for a few years. You aren't missing anything. Don't get me wrong--I had fun. But staying home and watching TV would have been fun too.

One Giant Leap for Momkind

First of all, I really hate that I just said "momkind." But whatever. My kids are on Fall Break. We used to call it UEA and before that we called it "the deer hunt." Since we don't hunt deer per se I decided to take the family to Star Wars in Concert for a "staycation" of sorts. It was going to be so fun. We weren't going to take Ellen so we could go to dinner in Salt Lake and enjoy ourselves with the three older kids. Then I realized Christian would be out of town.

Since I've had kids I don't like to do stuff. It's hard. The logistics of driving, parking, checking into hotels and carrying things is too much for me. Because in addition to all of the aforementioned complicated things I have kids to deal with as well, which (if you're one of Kate Gosselin's nannys) is a full-time job itself. I can do stuff, I just don't want to do stuff. I'm not incapable of packing up kids by myself, finding locations on GoogleMaps, changing lanes, driving the right way on one-way streets, or figuring out tips. It's more of a quality of life issue for me. My quality of life is better when I avoid these things.

But I'm actually excited about this concert. And the tickets were expensive. And I enjoy my kids. This isn't one of those obligatory trips to the zoo or Pumpkinland. I really want to do it. And I think it could possibly-maybe-if-nothing-goes wrong be fun. And yes, I just admitted to being jazzed about Star Wars in Concert after also admitting in a previous post that I ordered a real wand online. (It's awesome! Don't judge me. JEALOUS!)

So tomorrow I'm going to 1) Take my kids (including Ellen) to Where the Wild Things Are. 2) Drive to Salt Lake and check into a hotel across the street from Energy Solutions Arena (I've thought of everything--no late night driving home after the concert or finding a parking space at the venue!) 3) Take my 4 kids swimming by myself. 4) Eat dinner in the big city with my 4 kids. 5) Take my 4 kids to see Star Wars in Concert at 8 pm.

Yep. 8 pm. I know it's a recipe for disaster. . . but let's just see what happens, shall we? I'll be wearing a backpack full of suckers so I might just beat the odds. Wish me luck!

I Never Said it Would be Easy, I Only Said it Would Be Worth It

This year I am helping with my ward's Halloween party so I have an occasion to dress up. I started thinking about costumes in September. Obviously, this is the year to dress up as Michael Jackson. I was leaning toward something a la Smooth Criminal when Dumbledore came to mind--another appropriate costume because his [untimely and heart wrenching] death was commemorated in film this year. Then I realized the most fitting tribute would be to dress as Snape. The key to a good Snape costume, as I understand it, is The Matrix underneath and Graduation on the top.

But--let's be honest--that hair doesn't look good on anyone. Fortunately I am cursed with indiscretion when it comes to flattering Halloween Costumes. (Exhibit A: Hamm from Toy Story costume of pink Hanes sweats and a latex pig nose circa 2001.) So I was willing to brave the hair. But then I found a pair of high-heeled, pointy-toed, lace-up granny boots at DI. Bellatrix Lestrange it is!
Putting my costume together has been quite a journey--and I'm not even finished yet (need leather corset and wig). But I'd like to share a few of the highs and lows.

I found a perfect gown at Halloween USA and some accessories for Ben's Danger Mouse costume. And then my credit card was denied and I couldn't pay for my goods. (It was a mistake and they wouldn't take checks--I swear I'm not poor guys!) I don't know if this has happened to you before--Maybe you were buying milk or formula or even a much-needed winter coat for an unexpected snow storm. But imagine, if you will, just how it feels to leave your eye patch, mouse ears, and polyester witch gown on the counter and walk away in shame. It's like they wanted to rub it in that I'm spending foolishly. And to think, just days before I had been mesmerized in an intersection by Halloween USA's pumpkin-headed mascot. HONK! HONK! This, my friends, was a low.

But I went back with my head held high and I bought all that junk AND MORE! Including the perfect fish-net arm warmers. It was definitely a high, if not a tender mercy.

As I was searching the internet for various costume sundries I found myself on many Wiccan sites. This was kind of a low, but mostly a reality check.

The perfect rosewood wand with a bend in it (Like Bellatrix's) was on sale for 7.99! This is a huge discount, you guys. I don't know how familiar you are with wand prices, but it's like 70% off. HIGH!

Christian seemed apprehensive when he found out I was getting a "real" (his words) wand. High!

I really hate Bellatrix Lestrange. Dressing up as her is kind of a low because I hate what she stands for. She killed Sirius Black, you know. I would prefer to personify someone admirable, but it's just Halloween. That's what I keep telling myself. And when all is said and done [spoiler], we wont' have Bellatrix Lestrange to kick around anymore. If you know what I mean.

I know I'm kind of ruining it by telling you this in advance but since you probably won't be at the Halloween party, I've been studying Spells from Harry Potter so when I'm setting up for the party and we have to find the lights or open a closet I can bust the wand out with lumos or alohomora for some precious nerdlaughs. Prediction: High!

And so you see, Halloween is not all fun and games. You might even think it's a cake walk, because that's what happens at Halloween Carnivals. But it's not that either.