Wednesday, July 21, 2010

For the Curious: About Me

Here are some things about me. 

When I was little I had the vague notion that catnip was really bad. I thought it was like chewing tobacco for cats. I also thought that foxes were as dangerous and menacing to humans as wolves. It has only been in the last 5 years or so that I realized that foxes are small and can't really hurt you. 

Until What Not to Wear aired I was suspicious of makeovers because they always seemed to make you sluttier--like in Grease or the Legs video by ZZ Top.

When I get my hair washed before a haircut I never know where to look. It feels hedonistic to close my eyes. Staring at the ceiling seems weird too. I hate it.

If I were a Native American I would wear this kind of hat because it just seems really cool to me.

My mom has never given me a whole stick of gum.

Sometimes out of desperation on Sunday mornings I play The Mormon Tabernacle Choir to get my kids to be calm even though I'm not really that into The Tabernacle Choir and rarely listen to them when it's just me. I wonder if my kids will incorrectly remember that their mother loved The Tabernacle Choir. Then I wonder if my Mom actually hated dates and pine nuts, which she seemed to have an odd fetish for considering they are both so gross.

The other day I realized that the sound "Bowm chicka bow wow" is the new "Duh nuh neer neer neer neer neer neer" (Dueling Banjos from Deliverance). I was all, "I should write a book on pop culture." Now it seems less apt.

I've never shopped at or even seen The Duty Free Shop. Is it some kind of gag?

When I was a peer counselor in high school I was in a skit where I played "cocaine."

I'm mad that in addition to worrying about fat I also have to worry about my dermatological age now. That blows.

I call deodorant that smells worse than body odor "B.O.dorant." It's apt.

Now you know everything.

19 comments:

  1. Now I'm SURE that I want to be you.

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  2. What the heck is the Duty Shop? Is that what it was? I wish I could still see your post. And now I'm wondering if my kids think the same thing about me and the Tabbies, cause I do the same, exact thing. Weird. Maybe we should try Enya just to shake it up a bit.

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  3. My hair salon has a TV on the ceiling above the washing stations. Unfortunately, they play hair product ads. But at least their expectations are obvious.

    Also. My hair stylist is male. His head massages/shampoos are so, sooo good. I try to act casual and make small talk while he's washing my hair, but it is really, really hard to avoid closing my eyes and purring.

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  4. Um, this is the best post ever.

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  5. You are wrong on both dates and pinenuts. It makes me want to cook for you, but I guess that would just be mean if your mind is made up. Dates and pinenuts are pretty expensive anyway, so you are lucky not to like them.

    On the necessity of worrying about dermatological age--you are so right! My face tells me I've had a hard year. I don't like that.

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  6. did you mean DELIVERANCE or is duelin' banjos in DEER HUNTER, too? I have never seen it, but that scene in DELIVERANCE? It's my mission to NC in a nutshell.

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  7. Yes. I mean Deliverance. And anyone can cook dates or pine nuts for me at any time.

    I'm glad I didn't go on a Deliverance mission.

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  8. my hairdresser has a tv on the ceiling as well. I still close my eyes. I don't think it is wrong.

    don't try to fool me, you're an onion, this isn't even close to all.

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  9. The Duty Free shop rocks. I live right on the Canadian border (in MN) and we have one. I go there for the purses, but most people go there for the very cheep beer and booze. They also have a very extensive selection of perfume. Not sure why, but it's very inexpensive and great for last minute gifts.

    I grew up one town away from Ned Beaty (from Deliverance). Both towns only have like 600 people in them and are in the middle of nowhere. When there is only one grocery store in town, you run into everyone and it was always weird seeing him around. He used to do a float in the 4th of July parade each year. Like sit in the back of a convertible and wave. Really.

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  10. Your instincts about foxes may not be false: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/10251349

    I would also have loved to see you play cocaine!

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  11. Is there video of you as cocaine? Because I would pay good money....

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  12. hehehe. You said "doodee" shop...

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  13. I TOTALLY wish I were a Native American...or any other type of Native, really. Aren't full-figured women praised in Native tribes for being wealthy or something?? Either that, or I'd be an Avatar cuz they're all skinny. It's in their DNA.

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  14. I studied all the hard words for my 4th grade spelling bee - just skipped looking at the first two pages. The first word I was asked to spell was "DUTY". I drew a complete blank - even when they used it in a sentence.

    I will never forget how to spell it.

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  15. I always close my eyes at the beauty shop. It's supposed to be a nap isn't it??

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  16. I like read topic like this, It really make sense to me. Thank you

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  17. I enjoyed reading your post. Keep on posting. Thanks for the share!

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  18. Dates are creepy but figs are worse.

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  19. The mom and gum thing has sent me into cognitive dissonance of sorts. Was there perhaps a fear that you would swallow a whole piece? What's just as intriguing is that you would recognize such a phenomenon in the first place. From a psychological perspective, whether such recognition is indicative of resentment, bemusement, or neither would be an interesting study. It would also be a curiosity to see what psychological makeup could be pieced together from those few morsels you've provided, and the way they were conveyed. If I'm going back to 1955 again, I'll be a psychologist this time. Thanks for the fodder, Kacy.

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