Thursday, July 29, 2010

You Can't Have it All

 I read this interview with Emma Thompson and Maggie Gyllenhaal. Both women are pretty and cool and seem smart and interesting. I've always liked them. This interview makes me like them even more. I like Emma Thompson WAY better than Maggie Gyllenhall though. She is so much more grounded and real. Maggie Gyllenhaal tries to seem grounded and real and I do think she is great and I like what she has to say in this article AND I like her much better than Gwyneth Paltrow but people who "carve out me time" by doing 2 1/2 hours of yoga every day just aren't the same as me. I don't relate.  I mean, maybe I would take 1 hour at the most on a treadmill but it's more likely that I would lock the door to go to the bathroom or hide in the pantry and eat chocolate chips. I'm not genteel like these Hollywood types.  [Read the interview so we can discuss it.]

I also think that saying "I want to be X when I grow up" is a backhanded compliment and another way of saying X is old. But Emma Thompson is much more gracious than I am and takes Maggie's compliment like a lady. I want to be her when I grow up. I also think it's funny that when Maggie Gyllenhaal was playing the role of a frazzled mother driving a car with 5 kids and pets in Nanny McPhee 2 she "cracked." Granted I ONLY have 4 kids but it's my real life and I haven't cracked. I mean, not clinically.  I wish I were Maggie's acting coach because I would tell her, "Since these aren't your real kids and you aren't really driving them but only acting like they are your real kids and acting like you are driving them why don't you pull a Robert Dinero and ACT LIKE YOU AREN'T CRACKED." Actors--they act, right? Am I not getting it?

Nevertheless, Maggie Gyllenhaal is smart to take advice from Emma Thompson and I really like what she says about paying attention to her husband and I have also read Home Comforts and it is very good.

Emma Thompson gives the best advice when she tells Maggie Gyllenhaal that you can't have it all. It's the post-feminist truth. You don't need it all and you can't have it. I don't. But I have enough. You might think that I'm a fantastic blogger and my children are charming but I have a really fat stomach and I have to suck in all the time and it is very tiring. I might think you have a great life and shapely legs but your blog is really boring. See? None of us have it all. [Please don't make comments about someone who really does have it all. I'm not interested.] Anyways. I like what Emma Thompson says about this. It's kind of a revelation.

That being said I think there is an interesting feminist backlash going on right now in the form of people who are really into homemaking and claim to be anti-feminist. They can do and say what they want. That's part of feminism. Actually, it's just part of being a nice, fair, person who lets other people live their life. What do I care? I happen to not be good at homemaking, or maybe I'd go all Martha Stewart on you. I think a lot of people my age are "rebelling" or asserting their individuality by embracing the 50s because maybe they grew up in the 70s and 80s with a working mom and Claire Huxtabel so now baking bread in heels and an apron seems quaintly retro and awesome. And their mom's are going, "Red lipstick and homemade cupcakes? Yeah--we remember Donna Reed just a little too well for it to be awesome to us." Kind of like how I remember baggy fluorescents and stinky plastic flats just a little too well for the 80s to be awesome to me.

I find it interesting. I am nostalgic for the past, too. My mom used to tie a dish towel around her neck like a bib to keep her church clothes clean while cooking Sunday dinner. I do that sometimes--but I'm not going to start an Etsy shop selling dishtowels. Whatevs. I could hang out with Emma Thompson I think. I could hang out with Maggie Gyllenhaal too if she wanted to.

37 comments:

  1. I read that article! And I concur with your assessment. The bit when Maggie "cracked," come on. Let's not forget what you do for a living, dear. And Emma is so gracious and wise. You can't have it all, nor should you want to. Jack of all trades, etc.

    I'm reminded of hearing a few years ago about Sharon Stone at some public event saying something to the effect of "See? Single mothers CAN do it all!" And I was like, "You tool. REAL, ACTUAL single mothers probably want to punch your rich, entitled, nannied and housekeepered self right in the throat."

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  2. I liked reading this post. So true. I feel I'm a bit of an alien in Utah sometimes....I like knowing there are some real women out there! Thank you.

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  3. I enjoyed reading this. I like both women, too, despite the barefoot-on-the-couch-laughing photo.

    I also like Home Comforts, too, and I think constantly sucking in your stomach counts as yoga.

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  4. Doesn't Emma Thompson hate God?

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  5. Hilarious entry!!

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  6. I love that you also read this article. I don't read many magazines, but this one I did.

    My girl crush has always been Emma Thompson, I love her acceptance speech when she won the Oscar for Sense & Sensibility.

    But what I meant to say when I started this comment is to ask if you noticed the blurb at the end with the pictures of other Hollywood people and who their BFF's were. Some of the pairings I thought were kind of odd. I mean, come on, Jennifer Garner (who I love) and that girl who is dating Justin Timberlake?? Really??

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  7. Welp. I love you. It's done.

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  8. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  9. I totally agree. Wait, you're not saying MEN can't have it all, are you?

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  10. I concur. I will also second that holding in your tummy is flat out exhausting. Lets both stop!

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  11. Mostly, I think women are nostalgic for the 50s because it means they can wear bullet bras AND a girdle. No more sucking in.

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  12. So when I tell someone I want to be them when I grow up I totally don't think they are old. I just think they are better than me and worth aspiring to- nothing to do with age at all. Just in case I ever say that too you, you won't be offended. Also, five of someone else's children might make me crack. I'm pretty fond of my own, though. Love all the feminist stuff-perfect. I totally dig your blog.

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  13. You write good.
    And I haven't stopped thinking of your pulled pork since the bbq and for the first time ever I keep thinking, "We need to invest in a smoker."

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  14. Your second to last paragraph was wicked awesome.

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  15. Your third to last paragraph was wicked awesome.

    Sorry, La Yen will always be wittier than me, it's why I stalk her blog too.

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  16. love your post,
    but feeling a bit paranoid.
    my legs aren't that great,
    but- is my blog boring?
    (seriously, I doubt if you've ever even heard of me--but, if so-I need to make some changes.)

    Please forgive my "up too late" paranoia.

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  17. OK-I know that 10:15pm isn't that late --in your time zone. Mine's a few hours different :).

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  18. Here, here to the reality that you can't do it all! And to the real women who will admit the real truth about that!
    I need to hear this more even though I know it to be true because I wish it wasn't. I was fed the "You can do it all" line when I was growing up and I have a hard time shaking it, partly because I want to have it all. And so I still have too high of expectations for myself! And when I read blogs where women seem to do it all that really doesn't help!
    Yours is a breath of fresh air!

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  19. I KNEW my blog was boring.

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  20. She doesn't have a nanny but she gets 2.5 hours of yoga in? And she won't cook with her daughter bugging her? What is she doing with that child?

    I have six kids and I rarely crack so SUCK IT Gyllenhaal!

    (I don't like her that much. She needs to wear a bra more often.)

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  21. I don't get the June Cleaver dresses/shoes these days. That was the first thought that popped into my head.
    Sucking your tummy in is false advertising. -someone on Twitter

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  22. If someone tells me about someone who "has it all" I know for sure that that person not only does not have it all, but is really good at hiding the truth - either intentionally or not.

    And I like your idea that we "have enough" - I can embrace that.

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  23. Love Emma Thompson. Though this interview made it all seem a little more forced then I like to think she is.

    I taught my kids about the saying "cut the cheese" which apparently isn't said anymore, I have an eight yr old boy so he would know. But I like to think Emma would think that was good mothering.

    And 2 1/2 hours of yoga? I like yoga but even Tony's 1 1/2 makes me crazy.

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  24. Jamie2:03 PM

    I enjoyed the article and I've always thought Emma Thompson is very fine. That is until I read she is friends with MG.
    I don't detest Maggie, and I'm sure she's thought of as hip in some circles but she's just not that cool to me. Emma has talent and grace, Maggie struggles to be a wannabe (put a bra on, wear some makeup you're a WOMAN.)
    I like actresses who aren't afraid to be who they are and have class. I'll take my douches of the Massengil variety, thank you very much.

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  25. Home Comforts is one of my favorite books, I had wondered if you read it. I like the yellow cover.

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  26. I didn't have the patience for all the next-page-clicking in the interview but I can certainly say Maggie's "she didn't, you know, moisturize," comment about her mom makes Mags sound like a snooty snoot.

    Additionally, aprons and heels both make me puke.

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  27. Oh help me! I'm always reading your blog too late at night because my laughter might wake the children.

    I wish sucking in my tummy helped more, but at least I'm getting some exercise by belly laughing at your blog!

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  28. I never woulda guessed they were pals, but that's cool.

    I ADORE Emma Thompson (I merely LIKE Maggie) and here is the history of my 'like' growing into 'adore': saw her and Kenneth in "Much Ado" back in the day and loved it, so I LIKED Emma. Then I realized that she was on my fave Young Ones episode and was the older sister in Howard's End, and I REALLY liked her. There's no need to tell you that Sense & Sensibility made me LOVE her (that scene where she hyperventilates with joy when Edward says he's not married? SPOT-ON, SISTER!). But when Helena Bonham-Carter (I used to adore her, but she was downgraded for the affair) stole her husband and Emma remained so gracious, well, I ADORED her. And still do. I can't wait to see Nanny McPhee.

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  29. Ummm, yhea. I don't know. I just can't relate to anyone who gets their nails done, does yoga for 2 1/2 hours a day, has a girls night out every week, and can sit and primp in front of a vanity.

    That kind of livin' just doesn't happen in my world.

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  30. First time visiting your blog. Very nice. Love the way you write. And your observations.

    "...asserting their individuality by embracing the 50s ... quaintly retro and awesome. And their mom's are going, "Red lipstick and homemade cupcakes? Yeah--we remember Donna Reed just a little too well for it to be awesome to us." " I laughed out loud.

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  31. I concur. That is all. My blog is boring and my stomach is fat and mostly un-suck-in-able.

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  32. I often read articles about high-powered business women who have kids, claiming they "have it all." If by "it all" they mean 3 nannies and superficial relationships with their kids, maybe they're right, but the truth is there are only so many hours in the day, and you have to make trade-offs. I much prefer people who acknowledge the trade-offs, like "Yeah, I only see my kids on Sundays, but I just became CEO." Or "I work part-time for crappy pay, but I do homework with my kids every night." I'm glad you know about not having it all.

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  33. Anonymous9:14 PM

    I like Maggie too. - Bra or no.
    And your bag o chocolate chips part killed me. So right there with ya.

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  34. But at what point in our lives do we stop wanting it all? Ever? Tell me there's hope!

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  35. Love this.

    I really liked: "They can do and say what they want. That's part of feminism. Actually, it's just part of being a nice, fair, person who lets other people live their life. What do I care?"

    And, this is not meant at all to upstage your post. But the commenter who taught her kids "cut the cheese" made me LOL too.

    And...I love Emma T. And I am going to read the interview (I saw the mag cover a while ago at the grocery store and was intrigued!). And I am fascinated by Gwyneth Paltrow because she seems so completely removed from reality.

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  36. I love Emma ('cause she's awesome).

    I like Maggie ('cause she's fab).

    But let's be honest: both have nannies, spa days, facials, whatever - things we normal "cracked ladies" don't have.

    I mean, seriously - my spa day actually includes a facial... right after the kids leave for school on the third Tuesday of whatever month I realize my legs need shaving and the face needs attending. It lasts for about a half-hour before the phone rings with "are you available to...?" and the UPS guy rings the doorbell with a package and the dog goes nuts and the phone rings with "this is Visa calling to remind you that you have a payment due on..."

    I bet their spa days don't look like ours, but I like them anyway.

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