At First it Was Called "Pic and Save"

I've been thinking about getting one of these Big Ben Moon Beam clocks for a while now. I was super stoked to find one at Big Lots for $15!


Being a scrounge is finally starting to pay off for me. Go buy one because I want to give Big Lots positive reinforcement. When you are there DON'T BUY ANY CLORETS.

Frances Got Spayed Yesterday

Does Frances look a little out of it? Mourning the puppies she'll never have? I know. It's hard to get spayed and yet. . . I wish I were.

When I posted about my new dog a few months a go I imagined that people would be clamoring for more details about her and yet. . . people aren't. Nevertheless, she is fine. She is kind of a pain, as all puppies are, but she is lovely and sweet and I like her. Most days I wish we never got her, but that's just most days.

As you know her name is Frances. Her middle name is Gortagh. Maggie's friend made up that middle name. She just started calling her Frances "Gore-taw" because it sounded fancy. I decided to spell it Gortagh because it sounded fancy and Irish. As it turns out, it is Irish. Later I found out what a gortagh is and I couldn't be happier. It really was a thrill to Google it and find, "Fear Gortagh: Meaning 'hungry grass'. Although this is not a person but a place, it is still worth mentioning. It is a spot where someone has died of starvation. The hunger is said to linger and can suck up your vital energy." I love that. It is so perfect and awesome. So maybe her full name should be "Frances Fear Gortagh." She sucks up a lot of my vital energy.

Any gifts/flowers/bones/chewies can be sent to 1311 Camelot Drive Provo, UT 84601. Frances says, "Rank rou!"

And This is Ben

When I was little I used to play house all the time. I was the mom, of course. My husband's name was "Steve." We had two beautiful children! Page Ann--our baby girl--was a hot water bottle that wore my little sister's old baby sleepers. My toddler was a tan stuffed animal monkey with a big gross red smile. I dressed him in Carly's blue 2t corduroys and a sweat shirt that could be for a boy (but was really for a girl, because it was Carly's), and called him Benjamin Wells. That was my boy name always: Benjamin Wells. When my first son was born, my husband's family had a naming tradition we adhered to. So "Benjamin Wells" was given to my next son (born five years later). He just turned 7. He's not as weird as a monkey dressed in hand me downs (and much, MUCH more conventional than a water bottle dressed in a sleeper), but he's not at all what you might expect, either.He calls me "Motheh" or "Kacy."He likes to eat a big meatball at the Spaghetti Factory every year for his birthday.

He told me last night that he wants to be a teacher. I got all excited and started asking him for more details because he never offers this kind of insight into himself. When pressed, he told me he wanted to go to the least amount of college possible and major in bubbles and gas. Then he told me he wanted to buy bubblesandgas.com. Christian checked to see if it is available. (It is.)
He names all his pets and stuffed animals "Bobalina."He wanted a Santa hat for Christmas--and that's really all he wanted from me. But I did see a letter he wrote to Santa at school. It said, "I want an iPod touch for Christmas. And a computer. I believe in you. From Ben." He also wrote a Christmas story called Stupid Olive. It's about a dog who thinks she is a reindeer and how stupid she is.

Lately he has been singing contemplatively and seductively, "I smelled my poo. It smelled like you." Ben is surprising. He is the funniest of my kids, the truly quirkiest, and hardest to describe. Adults are often put off by him because, well, he's rude. He won't ever give you five or respond to friendly, chummy banter. It has been the greatest treat to me as the motheh of Ben that his first grade teacher thinks he is wonderful, charming, smart, delightful. Bless her heart! An adult who gets Ben--it's kind of a litmus test for awesomeness.

Ben has humbled me more than any of my children--and by humble I mean humiliate. In his 7 years he has acted horribly in front of people, thrown fits in public, refused to speak at kindergarten evaluation, looked awful at church, behaved oddly around cashiers, and embarrassed me even though it has always been clear to me and Christian that Ben is good, bright, articulate, kind, thoughtful, and sensitive. You can't really be Ben's mother and care about what other people think of you and your parenting, which is really great because keeping up parenting appearances is exhausting.

I know it might sound weird that someone like me who carried around a headless water bottle in baby clothes ever really cared about parenting appearances but I did, and it is much easier and better when you don't . You don't take as many pictures of your kids in coordinating outfits and you let them drink way more Sprite than you should, but it's all for the best.

Meet Ellen

In case you are new to blogging (and I don't see why you would be--it's totally on it's way out at this point) and are interested in me and my family I thought I'd take the beginning of the year to introduce them to you. And as always, no pervs or stalkers.

My youngest daughter is Ellen. She's two but it really is true that she talks like a 5 year old. Once I said she had the vocabulary of a twenty year old, but that was an exaggeration. Of course, my last 5 year old was selectively mute so my frame of reference could be off. What is most striking about Ellen and her talking is her intonation and gestures. She's also just very bizarre. Today she pretended to pour me a cup of tea from a chewed up rawhide bone while asking in a British accent if I'd like a biscuit.
I guess I'm just trying to psyche myself up about her because I am weaning her off her pacifier and it is very difficult. A few months ago at church a precocious little girl told me that Ellen was too old to be using a pacifier. I hope my kids never ever say that to anyone. It's a turn off.
Not only is Ellen's pose awesome, I also made that skirt she's wearing. I made it while she sucked on a pacifier in the corner.

Sherlock Holmes is Great

I saw the new Sherlock Holmes movie and it is really great. Go see it. You'll like it. I liked the violence and the clothes and the music and the actors. I liked everything about it, but frankly it seemed like a rip off of House.

"Holy Cow I'm Gonna Die in 90 Seconds"

I can't wait to watch this on January 10th, but I'm sort of nervous about how in love with Captain Sully I'm going to fall.