I used to hate Women's Conference at BYU when I was a student. The crowds! Parking was already the bane of my existence and throwing 50,000 women into the mix did not help. I just made that number up. Does it sound right? Maybe it's more like 5,000? Or 700,000? Did I mention that while attending BYU I took Math 99? That class was full of dummies like me. I don't know math well enough to make a funny joke about the questions we asked our teacher and his long-suffering answers but suffice it to say that he would be all [insert obvious math principle here] and we would be all, "What are you talking about?"
I couldn't understand why women would flock to campus to stand in line and walk everywhere just to go to more church. It seemed kind of pitiful to me. Like, "Don't you have anything better to do?" However, now I look back at myself and think, "Why did you sleep in every day and never really do the reading for any of your classes? It's not like you had anything better to do." So I guess we're even--me and my college self, that is.
Now I'm--I don't know--about 15 years older (or something) and Women's Conference seems like fun. In fact, it is fun. I went to it today because Lisa gave a presentation. She did great. Her session was my favorite but I picked out a lot of other sessions to go to tomorrow. I'm trying to get more attention from Lisa so I picked out ones about depression, getting out of debt, and saving your marriage. I hope she notices and starts to worry about me and do special things for me.
I got lots of good ideas today about being a better person and I was really excited and took notes but when I got home implementing the ideas just seemed too hard. Plus I was really worn out from walking around at Women's Conference.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Is Aaron the Boy Who Lived?
I just found this article by Damon Lindelof from 2007 about the final Harry Potter book. I wish I had read it three years ago! You need to read it so instead of thinking I'm a nut for comparing Lost, Harry Potter, and other nerdly goodies (nerdish goodlies?) you will think, "Wow. She's totally in Lindelof's head."
Moreover, it's kind of fun to read him contemplate the ending of the Harry Potter series since we're all (ok, maybe just me) contemplating the ending of Lost. It is--oh what is it that Simon Cowell is always accusing Aaron Kelley of NOT being? Oh yes, relevant. (Poor Aaron. Simon is right.)
Of course now we know that (spoiler) Harry doesn't die but it was dicey there for a while and I think a lot of us were worried that he might. Lindelof explains, "And that’s because we want to be surprised.
Because if there’s one thing we like more than explosions, it’s surprises. And even though 8 out of 10 of us want him to die, we know in our hearts that he won’t.And that’s because Ms. Rowling wouldn’t dare.
She can’t whack Harry because there are rules that must be followed when it comes to how one ends a grand mythology. Good triumphs over evil. Hope overcomes despair. Paper covers rock. Harry wins. Voldemort loses. The Ewoks sing."
So Lindelof definitely knows the rules. But does he consider himself more daring than JK Rowling? We'll see.
Food for thought: Would the sorting hat put Aaron in Gryffindor or Slytherin?
Moreover, it's kind of fun to read him contemplate the ending of the Harry Potter series since we're all (ok, maybe just me) contemplating the ending of Lost. It is--oh what is it that Simon Cowell is always accusing Aaron Kelley of NOT being? Oh yes, relevant. (Poor Aaron. Simon is right.)
Of course now we know that (spoiler) Harry doesn't die but it was dicey there for a while and I think a lot of us were worried that he might. Lindelof explains, "And that’s because we want to be surprised.
Because if there’s one thing we like more than explosions, it’s surprises. And even though 8 out of 10 of us want him to die, we know in our hearts that he won’t.And that’s because Ms. Rowling wouldn’t dare.
She can’t whack Harry because there are rules that must be followed when it comes to how one ends a grand mythology. Good triumphs over evil. Hope overcomes despair. Paper covers rock. Harry wins. Voldemort loses. The Ewoks sing."
So Lindelof definitely knows the rules. But does he consider himself more daring than JK Rowling? We'll see.
Food for thought: Would the sorting hat put Aaron in Gryffindor or Slytherin?
Friday, April 23, 2010
How Lost Will Probably End
Since there's no new episode of Lost to look forward to this Tuesday I'm left to simmer in my own thoughts about it. It's not good. But look at that white board! Don't you wish you could see it more clearly? I'm directing your attention to an interview in Wired magazine with Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse. Generally I like Lindelof a little better. How about you? The interview has a couple swear words in it. Beware. They are biggies.
More about the interview in a second but first you should know that there are Lost spoilers AND Harry Potter spoilers in this post. Nevertheless, stop being such a baby about spoilers, [Hannah]. Heck, I Google "Lost spoilers" every day.
I was intrigued by many of the comments on my last post--very thought provoking. Something I've thought about a lot is how sure I am that Sayid didn't kill Desmond. I am so sure, in fact, that I started to get worried that maybe I'm wrong because that would be a huge shocker and I know how much Lost likes to shock me. Still, I know Desmond is alive--he's got more to do on island. (Like how I used the word "island" the same way Gob uses the word "banner"?) I'm still not sure about Sayid's fate; He seems like a shoe-in for dying as a hero in order to sanctify his assassin's life (sort of like The Professional). How will his life turn out in the sideways world? If he stays bad he'll be behind bars compliments of Sawyer and Miles (Lethal Weapon reboot anyone?) If he does something good, perhaps he will cut a deal with the cops by offering up a terrorist and live in witness relocation--without Nadia. He doesn't get her in the end, I fear. But he might get Shannon who is and always will be Nadia's sloppy seconds.
I'm also dismayed at the notion of Hurley's ability to see and hear the dead being a trick of the Man in Black (Flocke). This is a worry (in principle--not specifically) I have in real life. I have only recently started to overcome it. I guess I am pessimistic and skeptical by nature and I always question whether something is right or maybe just a trick. Like when I got married I felt good about it but I wondered if I should question feeling good about it and if I was supposed to learn not to trust my judgment or something. (17 years and still happily married--is this some kind of long con? Just kidding.)
When we bought our house at a questionable auction Christian and I both felt overwhelmingly good about it and that it was really "right." The auction turned out to be a scam and we lost 100,000 dollars to one Cody Moore. When this happened I was devastated and thought that we had made a mistake from the beginning--that we were wrong to think it was "right." And that is really a horrible feeling. We ended up buying the house AGAIN and Christian negotiated a price $100,000 less than the original. He was completely unfazed and didn't view it as a mistake at all. The way he saw it, we were even-steven and it was still a good choice.
It doesn't seem fair to me that Hurley's "gift" could be used by the Man in Black to lead him astray. That would be like Satan using prayer to get you. Plus, Hurley is one of the few pure-in-heart characters on the show who have always tried to be nice and good. Then again, John Locke is another pure-in-heart character who was usually a nice guy and look what a travesty is being made of of his corpse. His miracle of being able to walk is debased by the Man in Black inhabiting his body. (Flocke wouldn't be half as foreboding if he were stuck in a wheel chair, with all due respect to people stuck in wheel chairs.)
If I remember right, it was bad John Locke who told Richard to tell real John Locke that he had to die in order to save everyone. Real John Locke was willing to make that sacrifice and was even going to kill himself. See why Flocke called him a sucker? I always worry about being a sucker. That's why I mistrust people who are so sure of their spiritual confirmations. "The spirit told me to. . ." HOW DO YOU KNOW IT WASN'T FAKE JOHN LOCKE? It's a moral failing on my part. If Hurley is a sucker too for trusting in his gift, well then there goes my belief system. What? Oh, yeah. My entire belief system IS based on Lost.
I did take a lot of comfort in the aforementioned interview and I want to pull out key quotes and expand on them. Lindelof doesn't know it but he just gave away the ending. SUCKER!
If you don't know what's going on with the sideways flashes, take heart. You aren't supposed to know. In fact, according to Lindelof THAT is one of the big reveals at the end. Lindelof explains, "Right now, the characters are not aware that there’s any time line other than the one they are in. But if they were to become aware of the parallel worlds, what might they do about it? That becomes a fundamental question." So, this explains what Desmond is doing and what Charlie was talking about, though Charlie seems to suggest that the sideways time line is somehow less relevant and I don't get that. BUT I think this quote explains a lot and sets the Losties up to make decisions that effect alternate time lines.
The creators suggest that they won't (can't?) answer everything. They have also taken a vow of radio silence once the show ends. But don't worry. They are giving it a proper end--it's not all a dream and they won't leave it vague. Lindelof promises, "At the end of the day, if Jack and Locke were to sit down and say, 'Well, we were kind of both right,” that would not be satisfying.'" It's going to be so satisfying to see this sucker play out.
But here's where Lindelof tips his cards. "The paradigm has shifted [to], were we brought here for a very specific reason, and what is that reason? Locke is now the voice of a very large subset of the audience who believes that when Lost is all said and done, we will have wasted six years of our lives, that we were making it up as we went along, and that there’s really no purpose. And Jack is now saying, 'the only thing I have left to cling to is that there’s got to be something really cool that’s going to happen, because I have really, really suffered.'"
OK, so, if it's between God and nothingness and nothingness represents fans who poo-poo Lost and say the creators don't know what they're doing, guess who will win? Now that we know that bad John Locke embodies Lost's worst critics, I think we can enjoy seeing him go down hard, bad, and ugly. So I don't think (as some people do) that the sideways world is a place where the fruits of a contract with bad John Locke are born out. And I do think that good/God/Jacob/anyone who believes they are there for a reason/ will win. It will be a hard fight and I think Hurley, Sayid, Ben, Miles, Kate, and maybe even Jack will die. I figure all of them equal one Dumbledore.
Or, if you like:
Hurley=Hedwig
Sayid=Sirius Black
Miles=Fred Weasley
Ben=Remus Lupin
Kate=Tonks
Jack=Dumbledore
The beauty of it is that they can kill off everyone and we still get to see them in the alternate time line. So, I think it's going to be really good and meaningful. I can't wait. And when it's over I'll be sad.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Love Lost
Yeah, that's right. I love Lost. It is very good and I want to talk about it. There will probably be spoilers. So, ALERT. Before I get into it may I say that while there is and always will be a lot of trash and smut on TV (and I can't even think of a funny example because I simply don't watch what I don't think is good--that's the incredible thing about TV, you choose what and when you watch) there is some very innovative, smart, and good stuff happening on TV.
But don't take my word for it. Read this. And I did say read because it is possible to read some of the time and watch TV some of the time. I'm NOT getting defensive. Or ask published author, Frank Delaney. I told him (because we're buds) the way he messes with the narrative structure in his latest book makes it really cool and modern and then I asked him if he watched much TV and he said he did and that he agreed with me and said he loves TV and thinks that whatever is going on in TV and film impacts the way he constructs a dramatic scene in a novel. That reminded me of Kavalier and Clay when they see Citizen Kane and it blows their minds and gives them an idea and an aesthetic for presenting story lines in the comic they are writing. Personally I never really "got" what was so great about Citizen Kane but when I realized that the flashbacks were a totally new and awesome thing it finally made sense. And I was all, it's just like Lost flashing forward. And sideways. It's complicated and cool and interesting and clever.
Don't get me wrong, Lost lost me there for about the last two seasons. It seemed like the story was getting away from the writers and it got a little dicey. But I admire them for committing to a final 6th season and deciding to give the show a proper ending instead of milking it for as many seasons as they could, adding new freaky unexplainable things just to perpetuate the show. It's a kind of integrity and it's not unlike Jerry Seinfeld going out on a high note--but let's all cross our fingers that the last Lost is better than the last Seinfeld.
Now let me just talk some more about Lost. It's coming down to a kind of good vs. evil plot which is always epic and meaningful (see my previous post). I think it's clear that Jacob isn't God and Fake-Locke (or "Flocke" as internet fans of which I am one call him) isn't the devil. Of course, in the Richard episode they called him the devil because in the context of Richard's Catholic belief system "the devil" made sense. I'm still expecting some kind of twist where Jacob isn't necessarily "good" because he does kind of cause bad things to happen by bringing these people to the island and he seems a little uncaring at times. Then again, have you ever heard of anyone causing bad things to happen to good people? Or requiring much where much was given? Or asking for people to believe in him without evidence? But I don't know what will happen. Really, I DON'T KNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN!
I mean, you kind of hope you know which side every one will pick but you just never know. Who thought Sayid would turn out to be an evil zombie henchman? I formed a theory early on in Lost and it was this: "I don't know what's going on but Sayid is always right." I was sad to see him trade his soul for a promise Flocke can't keep. Since the Sayid episode where he seemed condemned I've wondered if people were--even after "choosing" Flocke--beyond redemption. That is, could Sayid still change? It appears that he can. (Like Anakin!) And I think that is what Jack Shepherd might be there for. You know--"shepherd." One thing that is really great is the use of Hurley as a rhetorical device. He voices some of the funny and wacky concerns you'll see internet fans talking about. It let's the writers explain things and bring up questions. It also makes them seem like they don't take themselves too seriously. Even though what is happening on Lost is the very serious business of fate versus self-determination. Destiny versus free will. I don't know what makes me think it has philosophical implications. Other than the characters named after John Locke and David Hume.
I've been very generous as I've watched these final episodes. I know they can't resolve everything. I've agreed to give them the benefit of the doubt if they will just do their best to explain the big stuff. And they have. I just nod my head as I watch and think, "Good job, guys. That makes sense. Nice." In particular I enjoyed the crash of the Black Pearl and how similar it was to the crash of flight 815 which started us all on this crazy ride. Remember when we thought it was dinosaurs or something? Now we know those weird sounds were Flocke as smoke monster. I'll buy that for a dollar.
All of these last episodes have been great. My favorite was the Benjamin Linus episode. I like his character and I am interested in him. He seems like a really good actor to me. When he said that Flocke was the only one who would have him, and then walked back with Ilana and just awkwardly stood off to the side of Jack's group it made me cry in a way that giving birth to two boys and two girls in real life didn't. I am emotionally invested in these guys. I like that doing the right thing is making their sideways lives better. I like this story.
I don't know what will happen, but for the record I've always thought Kate and Sawyer should be together. Although his attachment and loyalty to the off-putting Juliet was moving. I really love Miles and, in particular, the Miles/Sawyer buddy bond. Unfortunately I think Miles will die. Incidentally I feel that Miles and Hurley both serve as arch angels or prophets who use their gift to commune with the dead to encourage people to believe. I think the destiny links are not always boy/girl. For example, Kate seems somehow linked to Claire. And who is Aaron? Does he somehow turn out to be a really evil guy in the future? Remember the warning from the fortune teller early in the show? That was one of my favorite issues. Now crazy Claire seems like the last person who should be around Aaron, but having faith in her and bringing her along may "restore" her and end up being the "right" thing for Kate to do. It's mind boggling. I love it.
What I am most curious about at the moment is this: Who is Jack's ex-sideways wife? Who could it be? Will it be that lady from Modern Family? It's not Kate. I hope it's not Juliet because I hate her stern face and I hate her man walk. But if she's his divorce-destiny, whatever. I think his relationship with his son and half-sister might be the important thing there. Family is somehow relevant (Widmore/Penny/Sun/Jin/Ben/Alex/) along with true love and soul mates, which also seems relevant (Hurley/Libby/Charlie/Claire/Desmond/Penny/Daniel/Charlotte). I wonder what will happen and who will die. Because at this point no one is safe. The series is ending. Kate could keel over.
I know a lot of people gave up on Lost. Of all the times to give up! I feel sorry for those people.
But don't take my word for it. Read this. And I did say read because it is possible to read some of the time and watch TV some of the time. I'm NOT getting defensive. Or ask published author, Frank Delaney. I told him (because we're buds) the way he messes with the narrative structure in his latest book makes it really cool and modern and then I asked him if he watched much TV and he said he did and that he agreed with me and said he loves TV and thinks that whatever is going on in TV and film impacts the way he constructs a dramatic scene in a novel. That reminded me of Kavalier and Clay when they see Citizen Kane and it blows their minds and gives them an idea and an aesthetic for presenting story lines in the comic they are writing. Personally I never really "got" what was so great about Citizen Kane but when I realized that the flashbacks were a totally new and awesome thing it finally made sense. And I was all, it's just like Lost flashing forward. And sideways. It's complicated and cool and interesting and clever.
Don't get me wrong, Lost lost me there for about the last two seasons. It seemed like the story was getting away from the writers and it got a little dicey. But I admire them for committing to a final 6th season and deciding to give the show a proper ending instead of milking it for as many seasons as they could, adding new freaky unexplainable things just to perpetuate the show. It's a kind of integrity and it's not unlike Jerry Seinfeld going out on a high note--but let's all cross our fingers that the last Lost is better than the last Seinfeld.
Now let me just talk some more about Lost. It's coming down to a kind of good vs. evil plot which is always epic and meaningful (see my previous post). I think it's clear that Jacob isn't God and Fake-Locke (or "Flocke" as internet fans of which I am one call him) isn't the devil. Of course, in the Richard episode they called him the devil because in the context of Richard's Catholic belief system "the devil" made sense. I'm still expecting some kind of twist where Jacob isn't necessarily "good" because he does kind of cause bad things to happen by bringing these people to the island and he seems a little uncaring at times. Then again, have you ever heard of anyone causing bad things to happen to good people? Or requiring much where much was given? Or asking for people to believe in him without evidence? But I don't know what will happen. Really, I DON'T KNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN!
I mean, you kind of hope you know which side every one will pick but you just never know. Who thought Sayid would turn out to be an evil zombie henchman? I formed a theory early on in Lost and it was this: "I don't know what's going on but Sayid is always right." I was sad to see him trade his soul for a promise Flocke can't keep. Since the Sayid episode where he seemed condemned I've wondered if people were--even after "choosing" Flocke--beyond redemption. That is, could Sayid still change? It appears that he can. (Like Anakin!) And I think that is what Jack Shepherd might be there for. You know--"shepherd." One thing that is really great is the use of Hurley as a rhetorical device. He voices some of the funny and wacky concerns you'll see internet fans talking about. It let's the writers explain things and bring up questions. It also makes them seem like they don't take themselves too seriously. Even though what is happening on Lost is the very serious business of fate versus self-determination. Destiny versus free will. I don't know what makes me think it has philosophical implications. Other than the characters named after John Locke and David Hume.
I've been very generous as I've watched these final episodes. I know they can't resolve everything. I've agreed to give them the benefit of the doubt if they will just do their best to explain the big stuff. And they have. I just nod my head as I watch and think, "Good job, guys. That makes sense. Nice." In particular I enjoyed the crash of the Black Pearl and how similar it was to the crash of flight 815 which started us all on this crazy ride. Remember when we thought it was dinosaurs or something? Now we know those weird sounds were Flocke as smoke monster. I'll buy that for a dollar.
All of these last episodes have been great. My favorite was the Benjamin Linus episode. I like his character and I am interested in him. He seems like a really good actor to me. When he said that Flocke was the only one who would have him, and then walked back with Ilana and just awkwardly stood off to the side of Jack's group it made me cry in a way that giving birth to two boys and two girls in real life didn't. I am emotionally invested in these guys. I like that doing the right thing is making their sideways lives better. I like this story.
I don't know what will happen, but for the record I've always thought Kate and Sawyer should be together. Although his attachment and loyalty to the off-putting Juliet was moving. I really love Miles and, in particular, the Miles/Sawyer buddy bond. Unfortunately I think Miles will die. Incidentally I feel that Miles and Hurley both serve as arch angels or prophets who use their gift to commune with the dead to encourage people to believe. I think the destiny links are not always boy/girl. For example, Kate seems somehow linked to Claire. And who is Aaron? Does he somehow turn out to be a really evil guy in the future? Remember the warning from the fortune teller early in the show? That was one of my favorite issues. Now crazy Claire seems like the last person who should be around Aaron, but having faith in her and bringing her along may "restore" her and end up being the "right" thing for Kate to do. It's mind boggling. I love it.
What I am most curious about at the moment is this: Who is Jack's ex-sideways wife? Who could it be? Will it be that lady from Modern Family? It's not Kate. I hope it's not Juliet because I hate her stern face and I hate her man walk. But if she's his divorce-destiny, whatever. I think his relationship with his son and half-sister might be the important thing there. Family is somehow relevant (Widmore/Penny/Sun/Jin/Ben/Alex/) along with true love and soul mates, which also seems relevant (Hurley/Libby/Charlie/Claire/Desmond/Penny/Daniel/Charlotte). I wonder what will happen and who will die. Because at this point no one is safe. The series is ending. Kate could keel over.
I know a lot of people gave up on Lost. Of all the times to give up! I feel sorry for those people.
Friday, April 16, 2010
Villains: They Always Go Bad in the End
It's been a long time since I've talked about Super Heroes. I guess they kind of lay dormant over the winter (more of a Lord of the Rings/Harry Potter time of year) and then burst forth like I just lost interest in that simile. Moving on.
I pretty much just like the archetypal hero story--no matter what it is. It can be done more or less well (preferably more well) but I will always think it's entertaining. Here's a case in point: I liked Clash of the Titans. I really enjoyed it. I like all the parts these stories always have. He finds out he's a god/superhero/wizard. He is fortified with special gifts/powers/utility belts/invisibility cloaks. He's up against seemingly insurmountable odds/enemies/immortal pirates/dark lords/krackens. He does something resourceful with the help of his friends/fellowship/mortals/fellow outcasts and it is awesome. If you are lucky there will be slow-motion fight scenes set to powerful orchestral music. Don't get too attached to the wise father figure though because he has to die. If you are lucky he will get to come back White/as the force/in an imaginary train station/or never die because he's Zeus and Zeus is immortal.
I would love to find out that I am half-God or a half-blood or chosen in some way or spoken of in a prophecy. Even if any of that did happen to me chances are good that I would become a villain instead of a hero. Villains start out much like heroes except they always go bad--usually because of pride or jealousy or falling in acid. In their final transformation they get their arms and legs cut off and they are fitted into a custom black suit or they make eight crazy mechanical arms or something like that. Some are more subtle--a subtlety which belies their true ferocity and deadly guile.
Yeah. I'm pretty sure that given the right extraordinary circumstances I would become a villain. Mostly because of how I don't like to help people.
I pretty much just like the archetypal hero story--no matter what it is. It can be done more or less well (preferably more well) but I will always think it's entertaining. Here's a case in point: I liked Clash of the Titans. I really enjoyed it. I like all the parts these stories always have. He finds out he's a god/superhero/wizard. He is fortified with special gifts/powers/utility belts/invisibility cloaks. He's up against seemingly insurmountable odds/enemies/immortal pirates/dark lords/krackens. He does something resourceful with the help of his friends/fellowship/mortals/fellow outcasts and it is awesome. If you are lucky there will be slow-motion fight scenes set to powerful orchestral music. Don't get too attached to the wise father figure though because he has to die. If you are lucky he will get to come back White/as the force/in an imaginary train station/or never die because he's Zeus and Zeus is immortal.
I would love to find out that I am half-God or a half-blood or chosen in some way or spoken of in a prophecy. Even if any of that did happen to me chances are good that I would become a villain instead of a hero. Villains start out much like heroes except they always go bad--usually because of pride or jealousy or falling in acid. In their final transformation they get their arms and legs cut off and they are fitted into a custom black suit or they make eight crazy mechanical arms or something like that. Some are more subtle--a subtlety which belies their true ferocity and deadly guile.
Yeah. I'm pretty sure that given the right extraordinary circumstances I would become a villain. Mostly because of how I don't like to help people.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Google + YouTube= Getting Things Done
I made this short search story. I think I'll go ahead and make ten more.
Monday, April 12, 2010
Wallow In Sadness
I really enjoy making play lists for specific occasions. I wish it were my job. Until I get that job, I will continue making play lists for specific situations that I just make up. I made the following play list for you for when you are depressed. But it's not to cheer you up. That would be a totally different play list. This is for the time (and that time should last for only about ten songs) you want to wallow in sadness and feel sorry for yourself. It's for when you want to indulge your depression. I'm not trying to make anybody suicidal--it's just a very specific play list. It is called Exquisite Sadness.
Friday, April 09, 2010
Mind if I Talk About My Blog More?
So as I mentioned before and hopefully you noticed (because I love nothing more than people who care about and are vested in my blog), I changed my blog template after six years of Minima to a sexy little number called Typography. I did it myself. It was easy and I was proud. Late that night I got an e-mail from "The Blog Fairy" telling me she loved me, was a fan, and wanted to make a header for my blog.
It's happening, I thought. And so I want to give a little advice to my blogging friends out there. Just keep writing. Make bullet lists of all the things you hate. Document your kids' outlandish behavior. Take pictures of your Halloween decorations. Never apologize for loving Harry Potter and Star Wars--Nay, celebrate every geeky interest and nerdy obsession: X-Files, wands, Lord of the Rings--write unceasingly and tirelessly about what you love with special emphasis on Robert Plant and one day maybe six years from now you too will receive a special e-mail from a fairy in the night. I hope you do.
But if you don't, just look at her website. She tells you her prices and describes the process. I never knew how any of this worked and was afraid to ask designers for a bid because I didn't know if it would be around $50 or $5,000. By the way, a favicon is $10. Don't know what a favicon is? You're on your own. (I don't either.)
So the next thing I know the blog fairy is asking me what I like. I told her everything I like is mannish so she would have to work hard to make me seem not butch. I told her I didn't mind seeming like a geek but didn't want to seem too techie. I told her I had no vision or creativity. I sent her these images--no links to blogs I like the look of or any kind of coherent description of what I wanted--just these images:
"And I like wood grain," I concluded.
The miracle of it is that she came up with a header for me at all instead of saying, "You are a lunatic. Forget I ever contacted you." Plus it doesn't look butch--that's the beauty and the brains of the blog fairy.
"And while you're at it could you make the time on the clock be my birthday?" I asked. She did it. And the sad thing is that I thought of this idea because on X-Files the time on the clock is always Chris Carter's wife's birthday. That's where I got the idea. But the really sad thing is that I wanted my birthday on it, not my husband's. What kind of person am I? Who acts like this and makes these requests? In my defense, I've waited six whole years to be fancy. And now look at me. HOW YA LIKE ME NOW?
I keep saying "How ya like me now?" It makes me laugh because I often "rap" that phrase to my kids while doing awful gyrations and dancing. It's really the worst. That phrase is one of the funniest things ever in terms of over-confidence and when you are old and lame and slightly chubby and not considered cool at all by your kids it's not only dumb and embarrassing--it's really quite ghastly. I just realized it is the exact contemporary equivalent of my mom gyrating and dancing while singing, "If you want my body and you think I'm sexy come on baby let me know!" which was also quite ghastly. And wonderful.
So there you have it. I think it's a terrific header. I hope everyone likes it.
It's happening, I thought. And so I want to give a little advice to my blogging friends out there. Just keep writing. Make bullet lists of all the things you hate. Document your kids' outlandish behavior. Take pictures of your Halloween decorations. Never apologize for loving Harry Potter and Star Wars--Nay, celebrate every geeky interest and nerdy obsession: X-Files, wands, Lord of the Rings--write unceasingly and tirelessly about what you love with special emphasis on Robert Plant and one day maybe six years from now you too will receive a special e-mail from a fairy in the night. I hope you do.
But if you don't, just look at her website. She tells you her prices and describes the process. I never knew how any of this worked and was afraid to ask designers for a bid because I didn't know if it would be around $50 or $5,000. By the way, a favicon is $10. Don't know what a favicon is? You're on your own. (I don't either.)
So the next thing I know the blog fairy is asking me what I like. I told her everything I like is mannish so she would have to work hard to make me seem not butch. I told her I didn't mind seeming like a geek but didn't want to seem too techie. I told her I had no vision or creativity. I sent her these images--no links to blogs I like the look of or any kind of coherent description of what I wanted--just these images:
"And I like wood grain," I concluded.
The miracle of it is that she came up with a header for me at all instead of saying, "You are a lunatic. Forget I ever contacted you." Plus it doesn't look butch--that's the beauty and the brains of the blog fairy.
"And while you're at it could you make the time on the clock be my birthday?" I asked. She did it. And the sad thing is that I thought of this idea because on X-Files the time on the clock is always Chris Carter's wife's birthday. That's where I got the idea. But the really sad thing is that I wanted my birthday on it, not my husband's. What kind of person am I? Who acts like this and makes these requests? In my defense, I've waited six whole years to be fancy. And now look at me. HOW YA LIKE ME NOW?
I keep saying "How ya like me now?" It makes me laugh because I often "rap" that phrase to my kids while doing awful gyrations and dancing. It's really the worst. That phrase is one of the funniest things ever in terms of over-confidence and when you are old and lame and slightly chubby and not considered cool at all by your kids it's not only dumb and embarrassing--it's really quite ghastly. I just realized it is the exact contemporary equivalent of my mom gyrating and dancing while singing, "If you want my body and you think I'm sexy come on baby let me know!" which was also quite ghastly. And wonderful.
So there you have it. I think it's a terrific header. I hope everyone likes it.
Zowie Mama
There are two movie reviewers who I find reliable and helpful: Jeff Vice and Eric Snider. I always agree with them. I choose only to see movies they really like. That said, I LOVED Diary of a Wimpy Kid.
Had I read reviews before spontaneously taking my kids to see Diary of a Wimpy Kid yesterday I probably wouldn't have gone. I hate sitting through a bad movie and kids' movies are no exception. Seeing a dumb cartoon with my kids because they really want to is just not one of the sacrifices of parenthood I'm prepared to make. (That's why I'll never see Squequel.) Life's too short, people.
The first day of spring break we saw How to Train your Dragon. That movie has gotten great reviews and I have to admit that reading the reviews beforehand primed me to like it. It is good. I did like it. The voices, in particular, are quite well-done and the story is compelling. I enjoy a good taming sequence just like I enjoy a good make-over sequence.
The next day we saw Diary of a Wimpy Kid and I loved it. We've read all the books. They are hands down the funniest books I've ever read. I mean, they are genuinely funny. And the movie is funny and well-done, too. I really think it's good. But it's gotten bad reviews and is criticized for the dumb, low, bathroom humor. This hurts my feelings. I laughed out loud through the whole thing and I pride myself on my tasteful, smart sense of humor! Critics say the main character, Greg, is unlikeable. But how do you portray an authentic 7th grade boy without making him unlikeable? And I mean that in the best way. (My son is in 7th grade so I know whereof I speak.) I think Greg is not only likable but entirely lovable. One way of negotiating childhood and Middle School in particular is to adopt some jerk-like qualities: cheating, lying, blowing off unpopular friends, over-confidence, self-importance, trying too hard, etc. He does the right thing in the end. What more could you ask for? And every character, though perhaps a cliche, has an exact dead-on correspondent in my son's real life, which makes it all even funnier.
So, for what it's worth I give both these movies a thumbs up.
Had I read reviews before spontaneously taking my kids to see Diary of a Wimpy Kid yesterday I probably wouldn't have gone. I hate sitting through a bad movie and kids' movies are no exception. Seeing a dumb cartoon with my kids because they really want to is just not one of the sacrifices of parenthood I'm prepared to make. (That's why I'll never see Squequel.) Life's too short, people.
The first day of spring break we saw How to Train your Dragon. That movie has gotten great reviews and I have to admit that reading the reviews beforehand primed me to like it. It is good. I did like it. The voices, in particular, are quite well-done and the story is compelling. I enjoy a good taming sequence just like I enjoy a good make-over sequence.
The next day we saw Diary of a Wimpy Kid and I loved it. We've read all the books. They are hands down the funniest books I've ever read. I mean, they are genuinely funny. And the movie is funny and well-done, too. I really think it's good. But it's gotten bad reviews and is criticized for the dumb, low, bathroom humor. This hurts my feelings. I laughed out loud through the whole thing and I pride myself on my tasteful, smart sense of humor! Critics say the main character, Greg, is unlikeable. But how do you portray an authentic 7th grade boy without making him unlikeable? And I mean that in the best way. (My son is in 7th grade so I know whereof I speak.) I think Greg is not only likable but entirely lovable. One way of negotiating childhood and Middle School in particular is to adopt some jerk-like qualities: cheating, lying, blowing off unpopular friends, over-confidence, self-importance, trying too hard, etc. He does the right thing in the end. What more could you ask for? And every character, though perhaps a cliche, has an exact dead-on correspondent in my son's real life, which makes it all even funnier.
So, for what it's worth I give both these movies a thumbs up.
Wednesday, April 07, 2010
How Ya Like Me Now
I've literally been blogging for six years. I literally chose the first blog style I literally saw and I have literally never changed it. But my old blog template started to give me mild creeps when I would see it just like my three-quarter-sleeve stretch cotton shirts with tie backs now give me mild creeps. Do you ever get mild creeps? It happens when something is not old enough to invoke nostalgia but too old to look new. I have a bunch of botanical prints (timeless) framed in cherry wood (mildly creepy) with forest green mattes (mildly creepy but will soon become nostalgic).
I sort of liked that I hadn't ever changed anything about my blog, but then I realized that just like people who don't watch Lost, abstain from soda, and refuse pain medication--it's a dumb badge of honor that no one else cares about.
So here's my new blog. Here's to six more years.
I sort of liked that I hadn't ever changed anything about my blog, but then I realized that just like people who don't watch Lost, abstain from soda, and refuse pain medication--it's a dumb badge of honor that no one else cares about.
So here's my new blog. Here's to six more years.
Monday, April 05, 2010
More Obvious Tips for Not-Very-Good Homemakers
This is part two in my series of obvious tips. The tips are, as you will see, so obvious that they are not worth mentioning to average homemakers. But for the not-very-good homemakers such as myself--Revolutionary! Please see the comment section of part one where there are some really wonderful suggestions. Here are some of my favorites:
You: I haven't had time to think about it yet! (You could stop here. Or keep going.) The book fair at [Jr. High, pre school, a nearby charter school, etc] has been going all week.
(This is probably true. There is always a book fair going on somewhere. And you aren't lying and saying that you are actually working at the book fair. It could be--as it is in my case--that the mere existence of a book fair somewhere wears you out or precludes you in someway from taking treats to a party. Then ask her what she is taking--that's what she wants to talk about anyway. Then go to the gas station to get a drink while your cleaning lady cleans your house. Yes--I do this and I don't feel lazy or guilty. Remember, I'm a not very good homemaker. Should a paraplegic feel lazy or guilty about using a wheel chair?)
Vegetable #1: Mark's Carrots
Steam a bunch of carrots (like 5 pounds?) You can use baby carrots or if you are more competent you can slice whole carrots diagonally with a mandolin. I actually have a mandolin. If you don't know what I'm talking about--DON'T PANIC. Forget I even mentioned the mandolin. If you don't know how to steam just boil them. It will work. Let them sit.
Melt 1 and 1/2 sticks of butter and cook some chopped up ginger (you peel it first) and garlic in the butter on lowish heat. It can't brown. DON'T LET IT BROWN.
Add a cup of brown sugar, red pepper flakes, salt, and pepper. This makes a glaze for the carrots so put the carrots in it and stir it around. There. You've made a big batch of carrots with ginger in it so it seems more gourmet than just taking a bag of raw baby carrots (see tip above). It's a passable side dish to take to a dinner at someone's house.
Vegetable #2: Josh's Creamed Corn
Warm up a 20 oz bag of frozen corn in a pot on the stove with a cup of heavy cream for about 5 minutes. Then add 3 T butter and 2 T of flour. Stir it up. Put in a teaspoon each of sugar and salt and 1/2 tsp of Accent. If you don't have Accent it's OK because Accent is MSG--tasty, tasty MSG. If you don't know what Accent or MSG is DON'T PANIC. It doesn't matter. Forget I even mentioned MSG. Pour it into a rectangular casserole dish and top it with Parmesan cheese. Put it under the broiler until it browns. Don't burn it. Voila! Creamed corn that tastes good and can be taken to a dinner without shame.
You might be thinking, "She has a maid and owns a mandolin? Where does she get off acting like a not-very-good homemaker!" Well, I hope you do think I'm better than not-very-good. But that doesn't change the fact that I'm sitting here on my bed unshowered in my pjs at 10:30 am, weekend dishes undone, breakfast for kids unmade, with a bag of garbage on one side and a bag of candy on the other side and a bag of Flamin' Hot Cheetos on the nightstand. You can think what you want. But mostly, share your obvious tips.
- Baby carrots make any meal healthier.
- Wipes. Every room. Every time.
- Throw away clutter--I do this with my kids' toys and it feels good.
- Hire a cleaning lady. Hello? This is the mother of all obvious tips. Yes. Yes. And yes. I have a cleaning lady and I am not rich. In fact, I've had one off and on since we first bought a house 10 years ago. You may not choose to spend your money this way but I do. It helps me, my house, my kids, and my marriage immeasurably. PS There's still a lot to do and kids can still learn to work.
- Never make side dishes. I never make more than one thing for dinner--it's true. I don't make side dishes. I make only one-pot meals like soups, pasta, chicken and bean-type things or stuff that goes with rice. I'm not saying it's the best way to live but it is certainly a way to live. I do have two recipes for side dishes in case you ever have to take one to a dinner. (See below.)
- A new thing I have started doing is not separating my kids' clothes when I do their laundry. It saves a lot of time and hassle. Nothing bad happens. Try it.
- Don't always sign up for PTA or room mother. You don't have to. No one knows and no one cares. There can only be one room mother per class. It doesn't have to be you. I help out in a significant way every other year or so in each of my kids' classes or schools. I have 4 kids--you do the math. I'm not known as a superstar around the school but I don't care. It's enough. And when I was doing more and felt like I had to help with every treat and party in all their classes it just made me mad and vengeful. I can't live like that.
- If you do get caught in an awkward situation where you feel like one of those jerky/judgy moms is giving you a hard time be vague and make it sound like you're doing something else in a different grade or a different school that conflicts with whatever she's giving you a hard time about. She won't call you on it.
You: I haven't had time to think about it yet! (You could stop here. Or keep going.) The book fair at [Jr. High, pre school, a nearby charter school, etc] has been going all week.
(This is probably true. There is always a book fair going on somewhere. And you aren't lying and saying that you are actually working at the book fair. It could be--as it is in my case--that the mere existence of a book fair somewhere wears you out or precludes you in someway from taking treats to a party. Then ask her what she is taking--that's what she wants to talk about anyway. Then go to the gas station to get a drink while your cleaning lady cleans your house. Yes--I do this and I don't feel lazy or guilty. Remember, I'm a not very good homemaker. Should a paraplegic feel lazy or guilty about using a wheel chair?)
- Always have eggs, olive oil, and some kind of cheese."Olive oil? Isn't that for fancy dishes?" I don't know. But everything "easy" or "quick" that you see on Food Network starts with it. Get some.
- Don't persist in traditions you hate. You need to read The Intentional Family: Simple Rituals to Strengthen Family Ties
. Decide what you do with your family that you actually enjoy and only do that. It will change your life.
- In that same vein, don't ask 2, 3, 4, 5, or 6-year-olds what they want to do, eat, have, make, or be. Of course they want to ride the Polar Express, get a new Easter dress, make and decorate sugar cookies, do a gift exchange with all their cousins, sleep in a tent, and have a party. They aren't reasonable and have no idea how much things cost or the toll it takes on you. DO NOT ASK THEM. You're going to need some bargaining chips when your kids can babysit, do dishes, and mow the lawn. Let voicing their opinion be a privilege they earn.
- Don't forget about music. A not-very-good homemaker easily gets depressed or feels overwhelmed. I actually forgot about music for about 3 years when I started having babies. I'm glad I remembered it because it helps. It really does help cheer me up when I'm down or bored or doing a chore I hate or just sitting there playing with toys with my kids and it's not exactly that fun. Listening to music I like makes anything tolerable and even pleasant.
Vegetable #1: Mark's Carrots
Steam a bunch of carrots (like 5 pounds?) You can use baby carrots or if you are more competent you can slice whole carrots diagonally with a mandolin. I actually have a mandolin. If you don't know what I'm talking about--DON'T PANIC. Forget I even mentioned the mandolin. If you don't know how to steam just boil them. It will work. Let them sit.
Melt 1 and 1/2 sticks of butter and cook some chopped up ginger (you peel it first) and garlic in the butter on lowish heat. It can't brown. DON'T LET IT BROWN.
Add a cup of brown sugar, red pepper flakes, salt, and pepper. This makes a glaze for the carrots so put the carrots in it and stir it around. There. You've made a big batch of carrots with ginger in it so it seems more gourmet than just taking a bag of raw baby carrots (see tip above). It's a passable side dish to take to a dinner at someone's house.
Vegetable #2: Josh's Creamed Corn
Warm up a 20 oz bag of frozen corn in a pot on the stove with a cup of heavy cream for about 5 minutes. Then add 3 T butter and 2 T of flour. Stir it up. Put in a teaspoon each of sugar and salt and 1/2 tsp of Accent. If you don't have Accent it's OK because Accent is MSG--tasty, tasty MSG. If you don't know what Accent or MSG is DON'T PANIC. It doesn't matter. Forget I even mentioned MSG. Pour it into a rectangular casserole dish and top it with Parmesan cheese. Put it under the broiler until it browns. Don't burn it. Voila! Creamed corn that tastes good and can be taken to a dinner without shame.
You might be thinking, "She has a maid and owns a mandolin? Where does she get off acting like a not-very-good homemaker!" Well, I hope you do think I'm better than not-very-good. But that doesn't change the fact that I'm sitting here on my bed unshowered in my pjs at 10:30 am, weekend dishes undone, breakfast for kids unmade, with a bag of garbage on one side and a bag of candy on the other side and a bag of Flamin' Hot Cheetos on the nightstand. You can think what you want. But mostly, share your obvious tips.
Thursday, April 01, 2010
Books I read in March 2010
Welcome to the Books I read in March. This is a blog format that I basically invented a year ago. I read books and then I list them on my blog. It has really changed the way people blog.
I started a lot of books in March that I did not finish. Here is a list of the books I did finish.
Past Imperfect by Julian Fellowes. This novel is about richies and the people who resent them. If you hate snobs, you'll love this (which is ironic because Fellowes's first book is actually called Snobs. So it could also be said that if you love Snobs you'll love this.) Past Imperfect contains the following: secrets, grudges, estrangement, paternity mysteries, and galas.
Venetia Kelly's Traveling Show by Frank Delaney. I love this book--it's Frank's latest. (I call him Frank now.) I don't know how Frank thinks of this stuff. Well, you all know how I feel about Frank. In this book there is a ventriloquist's dummy named Blarney. He disturbs me.
Keeping House: The Litany of Every Day Life by Margaret Kim Peterson. This book is what so many relief society lessons purport to be but I find it much more interesting and really quite beautiful.
From Publisher's Weekly: In this deeply theological, welcome book, Peterson (Sing Me to Heaven) argues in favor of the idea—no longer fashionable—that Christian service and spiritual growth are inherent in the acts of keeping people fed, clean, housed and comfortable. Housekeeping, she says, is akin to a litany, a long public prayer to announce needs and requests. A litany is repetitive and focused on the basics: food, health, shelter. Similarly, housework is ongoing and incarnational, teaching us about Jesus' earthiness and decision to live among us; it requires perpetual tending, much like God's active sustaining of the world. "All the more is this so when our homes are not all we might wish them to be," Peterson points out. "God's world is not as he wishes it to be, either." Addressing such topics as laundry, cleaning, shopping and cooking, Peterson offers persuasive biblical interpretations and incisive theological and cultural commentary. The two chapters on food and its preparation are especially groundbreaking, with Peterson enumerating helpful criteria for how Christians in a food-obsessed culture might determine whether a particular food is worthy of eating. At times, her domestic opinions have the whiff of superiority, as when she speaks disapprovingly about microwaves and dishwashers, but these moments are far outweighed by the book's well-researched and generous approach to domesticity.
Belong to Me by Marisa de los Santos. What a great book! And totally readable and juicy. I don't know why, but I kept thinking about Twilight while I was reading this. I guess I was thinking that grown women should like this book better than they like Twilight. Because it's better. But it's still fun--with cattiness and a handsome man. PS It's not about vampires.
And now I'm going to read a story to my daughter. The story I will read is A Bargain for Frances, one of my favorites. When I was growing up I think I thought Frances was a Koala bear. Now I'm not so sure. What is Frances? I don't know. But I do know this: Thelma is trouble. So many kids I know are just like Thelma. I hate them.
"Be careful. . . because when you play with Thelma you always get the worst of it."
Plastic tea set better and more valuable than a china tea set? Riiiiiight.
I started a lot of books in March that I did not finish. Here is a list of the books I did finish.
Past Imperfect by Julian Fellowes. This novel is about richies and the people who resent them. If you hate snobs, you'll love this (which is ironic because Fellowes's first book is actually called Snobs. So it could also be said that if you love Snobs you'll love this.) Past Imperfect contains the following: secrets, grudges, estrangement, paternity mysteries, and galas.
Venetia Kelly's Traveling Show by Frank Delaney. I love this book--it's Frank's latest. (I call him Frank now.) I don't know how Frank thinks of this stuff. Well, you all know how I feel about Frank. In this book there is a ventriloquist's dummy named Blarney. He disturbs me.
Keeping House: The Litany of Every Day Life by Margaret Kim Peterson. This book is what so many relief society lessons purport to be but I find it much more interesting and really quite beautiful.From Publisher's Weekly: In this deeply theological, welcome book, Peterson (Sing Me to Heaven) argues in favor of the idea—no longer fashionable—that Christian service and spiritual growth are inherent in the acts of keeping people fed, clean, housed and comfortable. Housekeeping, she says, is akin to a litany, a long public prayer to announce needs and requests. A litany is repetitive and focused on the basics: food, health, shelter. Similarly, housework is ongoing and incarnational, teaching us about Jesus' earthiness and decision to live among us; it requires perpetual tending, much like God's active sustaining of the world. "All the more is this so when our homes are not all we might wish them to be," Peterson points out. "God's world is not as he wishes it to be, either." Addressing such topics as laundry, cleaning, shopping and cooking, Peterson offers persuasive biblical interpretations and incisive theological and cultural commentary. The two chapters on food and its preparation are especially groundbreaking, with Peterson enumerating helpful criteria for how Christians in a food-obsessed culture might determine whether a particular food is worthy of eating. At times, her domestic opinions have the whiff of superiority, as when she speaks disapprovingly about microwaves and dishwashers, but these moments are far outweighed by the book's well-researched and generous approach to domesticity.Belong to Me by Marisa de los Santos. What a great book! And totally readable and juicy. I don't know why, but I kept thinking about Twilight while I was reading this. I guess I was thinking that grown women should like this book better than they like Twilight. Because it's better. But it's still fun--with cattiness and a handsome man. PS It's not about vampires.
And now I'm going to read a story to my daughter. The story I will read is A Bargain for Frances, one of my favorites. When I was growing up I think I thought Frances was a Koala bear. Now I'm not so sure. What is Frances? I don't know. But I do know this: Thelma is trouble. So many kids I know are just like Thelma. I hate them."Be careful. . . because when you play with Thelma you always get the worst of it."
Plastic tea set better and more valuable than a china tea set? Riiiiiight.
