Running Playlist for Lisa and Everyone

Happy birthday Lisa! I made you a play list to run to. I myself am not a runner but I take play lists seriously so I jogged in place next to my computer while I made this to make sure the pacing was perfect. Press play and start stretching out. Once you get warmed up you can start punching the air with your fists sporadically. And when Elvis says, "Come on come on," you give it all you've got. That's the way it works. Off you go!

Heaven Can Wait

Well, Lost is over. I thought Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse ended the show very well. I hope they earn a lot of money because if the makers of Cougartown are making even one dollar, then the makers of Lost deserve one hundred thousand million. (I've never watched Cougartown, but the few seconds I see at the end of Modern Family offend my sense of humor and enrage me.) I hope you watched the finale. If not, don't read this. You might think you will never go back and watch all the old episodes of Lost but I am holding out hope that you will--one day. Maybe after you finish the Harry Potter series. You know who you are. (Jerks.) I don't want to spoil it for you.

For me the most moving recognition scene was between Charlie and Claire. Very sweet. Probably because accents make everything more poignant.  Even though it was incredibly moving I was still distracted by what I had seen while Claire gave birth: Kate's upper arms and chest flexing and buckling while she yelled, "Push!" Remember that Seinfeld where the girlfriend tries to open a jar of pickles while naked? Gross. I'm jealous of Kate's good looks and sinewy frame but I'm glad that when I flex and hunker down nothing moves. At all. That's the one good thing about being me.

While on the subject of Kate--bless her heart--I'm going to go ahead and admit right up front that I never liked her and Jack together so I did not find their reunion all together satisfying. I've been gearing up for this for a while--ever since it became clear that Sawyer was a better man with Juliet and her death scene with jughead foreshadowed a cute reunion where they go dutch for coffee (and in the sideways world when they met at the candy machine it was seriously and satisfactorily cute and touching.) I'm pretty much on board with Juliet now in every way. After seeing her and Jack so amicably divorced and lamenting the fact that she isn't sealed to her apparently fake sideways son I take back all the stuff I said about her annoying mannerisms on island. Bygones! Since Sawyer is "meant to be" with Juliet that leaves Jack with Kate even though time after time she "chose" Sawyer by refusing to live in the cave with Jack, by keeping Saywer's secrets while engaged to Jack, by leaving Jack at the temple and going off to find Sawyer in his old Dharma house, etc. etc. . .  also cough. . . polar bear cage.  I think Evangeline Lilly likes Josh Halloway more than she likes Matthew Fox in real life which is why Jack always seems like a concession prize to her. She always lies to him and isn't loyal. In the end she doesn't stay with him on the island. Their relationship leaves me cold. Claire was her destiny. Can't we just leave it at that? I mean, Kate's kind of trashy.

The sideways John and Jack scenes have always been a wonderful treat. I'm happy for that. But I was dying for a hug between them in the church! They just shake hands! I was expecting a pretty big moment when Jack saw him after "waking up." But he'd just had a big moment with his dad. And John Locke had just had a big moment with Ben. Every moment can't be a big moment or it takes away the impact. All told, I was pleasantly surprised at the sheer number of big moments in the finale. They did a good job of it. But what about a big back-cracking hug between the man of faith and the man of science!

Another big moment was Jack turning the island over to Hurley. I know it's obnoxious to say I knew that was going to happen and I did not know it was going to happen but you couldn't help wonder if that's what was going to happen when Jacob told Jack to protect the island "as long as you can." And when Hurley said "I'm glad it isn't me," I think the music went "Dun dun dun." Still, a nice surprise which seemed fitting. Love Ben as #2. Good old Ben. He's my favorite character. I relate to him a lot--maybe because I'm a somewhat pathetic, island-loving, covetous, evil genius. But in my redemptive moments you can't help but love me. Don't be so hard on yourself, Ben.

The coolest scene was when Jack and Locke faced off on the cliffs and ran towards each other to fight. In my mind I said, "Don't do it Anakin! I've got the high ground!" And then Jack gave Locke an awesome punch giving new meaning to the hipster/Tweet favorite, "I want to punch _____  in the face." But then Jack got stabbed, giving new meaning to the hipster/Tweet favorite, "I feel stabby." All in all, I rewound it many times. Awesome. I love it when things are awesome. Why can't everything be awesome all the time? Because then we wouldn't appreciate it as much.

I think it must have been fun to be a writer on Lost and to be all, "You thought the island was Purgatory? Haha! Guess what suckers? The sideways world is Purgatory or Limbo or Spirit Prison. Take that!" Pretty good.

I've always enjoyed the religious and moral aspects of Lost. As the seasons went on it became more and more overt and then everyone died and went to Heaven! Hey Lost, don't be embarrassed about your religious beliefs or anything. Don't try to hide how you really feel and pretend it's all scientific or something. Just flat out end the series in a church with everyone walking towards the light--no seriously. Do that. What can I say? I dig that stuff. I'm a Mormon. I think Christianity is just as--if not more--plausible than time travel. What is that wound in Jack's side? It reminds me of something. Something important. I'm not sure I believe in it, can I touch it? Amen, Lost.

I thought the end would be more tragic, but I'm glad it wasn't. So they're all dead. It's the happy kind of dead like when old people die in non-painful ways and family members say it was a blessing. I'm glad the writers let the end be "happy" and redeeming. I'm glad they didn't feel like they had to be totally ambiguous and bleak just to prove they are a serious, dramatic, contemporary show.


Now, onto the post-finale Jimmy Kimmel show. I thought it was mostly dumb, but sort of fun. It's always good when actors are totally dumb and unappealing in real life because it helps you not have crushes on them when their characters are stoic and awesome. I liked Terry O'Quinn, period. I like Matthew Fox, but not as much as I like Jack. I thought Daniel Faraday wasn't funny in real life. I like Ben, but I think he's weird. Claire was ditsy. Sayid was goofy. Charles Widmore had some dignity. Jimmy Kimmel was cute in his fandom but I don't think Jack died during the plane turbulence. I felt bad for Marilyn Manson--I was once obsessed with him, you know. And now he's nothing more than a weirdo in the audience at Jimmy Kimmel's Aloha to Lost? Maybe he didn't make that deal with the devil after all.

But most importantly, why is it some badge of honor among actors to not watch the show they are on? They LOVE to tell you they don't even watch their own show--like they're so above it or something? Evangline Lilly doesn't have TV (Is that why I think Jack's too good for her? Probably.) Claire didn't watch all last year. Sayid has never seen the show. What gives? I could understand if they were saying they felt uncomfortable watching themselves on TV--like how I hate to hear my voice on a recording. Then again, I don't work really hard to get on TV or call myself an actor. So. I don't get it.

I'm a lawyer but trust me--you'll never see me in a courtroom.

I'm a chef but cooking is beneath me.

I drive a bus but you'll never catch me riding a bus!

I work in construction but I've never been inside a house or a building of any kind.

Whatever. You get the point. I like Hurley who admits to being a huge fan of the show. Regarding the series finale he said, "I think I got it," with nary a mention of his craft. I think I got it, too. Go to the light,  Lost. And to those of you who didn't like it? I guess I'll see you in Hell.

It's Like Being Lost in Heaven

When I thought about what I should do today it became clear to me that I should create a play list for, about, and dedicated to the series Lost, which ends for good this Pentecost Sunday. Seems impossible? Or like a giant waste of time? I wish you would believe in me.

A Willing Suspension of Disbelief: More Thoughts on Lost with Spoilers

So the light under the water was a little hokey and child actors can't act. Who cares?  I liked Across the Sea. I think they answered questions well and gave us some good back story for the mythology of Lost. A lot of people hated it. To them I say what Carlton Cuse said, "This is what an episode of Lost that answers questions looks like."Isn't it what we've wanted all this time? And isn't it great that it came right near the end? Still. I feel like I have to defend Lost--which I will do to the death as long as I can continue living happily in an alternate time line.

I think people who are mad that we don't know where Mother came from are silly. I understand curious, but mad and willing to tweet their anger to Damon Lindelof--psycho! (I've been reading his tweets since the episode aired. People are jerks. They come.  They fight. They destroy. They corrupt. They tweet rude things to Damon Lindelof.) It's like taking issue with, "Once upon a time." A story starts somewhere. It could start with a magic ring, the force, a wardrobe that leads to a magical kingdom (but where did that wardrobe come from anyway?), or in the case of the ridiculous and appalling Thomas and the Magic Railroad starring Alec Baldwin as Mr. Conductor, gold dust. (I'd like to tweet Alec Baldwin something rude about that movie.) Mother told us her answers would just make us have more questions. I like little meta-lectures like that from the writers to the audience. We deserve it.

Personally I found it excruciating that we didn't get a name for Brother. I was really betting on Esau. I mean, it makes sense--even if it's kind of obvious. At this point we probably won't get a name. I can live with it. I know the writers have probably thought about it more than I have--and I say that as a person who has spent literally 5 hours reading Lost theories today. And I mean literally, literally. They get to decide what to divulge. And I trust them because waiting for three episodes to reveal that John Locke was in a wheel chair made it all the more Haw-some!

It's hard, people. Believe me--I KNOW. But we can't think of Lost as something that really happened. Even if it does at times seem to depict the war in Heaven and Satan's subsequent denial of a body. It is, after all, a construct. The pilot was put together in a pressure cooker just like all these TV shows start out. They didn't know the end when they wrote it. They had some basic ideas, themes, imaginative narration, and (I believe) the main points. But yeah. They made it up as they went along. Frankly, I'm surprised and impressed the writers have been able to answer as many questions as they have successfully answered so far. I love it. I think it's good and clever.

One of the cleverest things they have done is have the mythology come out of the mouth of a woman who may or may not be crazy (she's for sure not mother of the year). So if the whole light inside everyone thing doesn't jive for you it's still plausible to think that she's insane and it's a big hunk of plutonium down there. It reminds me of X-Files. There was almost always an alternate scientific explanation--albeit sometimes far-fetched. I don't mind that it might be some kind of magical or god-like thing. I like thinking of Smokey as Evil and Jacob as Good. I always enjoy seeing that battle play out. (Spoiler Alert: Good wins. But at what cost?) But I know the writers worry about being didactic and it does make a better story to have some gray area. So now we know that Brother wasn't evil from the start and Jacob isn't the embodiment of good. The difference between them lies in their worldview: is humankind naturally evil or can we overcome our fallen state and be good? I've got to hand it to them: This is a more interesting question. Although I have to admit that there is a big difference for me between orchestrating this whole thing to put people through tests for their own good to make them better people and bringing them to the island as pawns to play out their parts. I always felt like Jacob was doing the former but now it seems like the writers have stepped away from Jacob being God-like as I, personally, liked to think of him. But  it still works for me. In fact, it probably works better if I were to go back and watch every episode. Which I am doing.

And at this point I think we can admit that there is not a way to "solve" Lost. The literary and Biblical allusions are there and they make the story richer and more meaningful but they don't have a one to one correspondence--they aren't the "key." I still want to guess the ending. Is it a time loop? Will it end with Jack on the beach waking up after the crash of Oceanic 815? Or not waking up? Matthew Fox keeps describing the ending as terribly sad but beautiful and moving. So I'm trying to think of the saddest thing I can think of even if it doesn't make sense. I think it would be sad for him to wake up, get up and run to the plane and find everyone dead. Other sad scenarios would be Hurley or Kate taking a proverbial (or literal) bullet for Jack so he can do whatever it is he has to do.

I can also see it ending with Jack on the beach with an adversary talking just like we saw Jacob and the MIB speculating about the nature of man. But I don't really like this. I don't want to see Jack sitting there alone for the rest of time. It seems pointless. I mean, I know the point is to keep the light from going out in order to save the rest of the world from complete annihilation but it actually sounds kind of boring to me for it to end this way and perhaps just a little too predictable--like the name Esau.

Since we got so much about the rules and how they could possibly be subjective or up to the protector of the island ("One day you can make up your own rules, Jacob.") what I'd really love to see is our survivors getting around the rules so Jack doesn't have to sit there forever.  I think this is where Desmond will come into play. I mean, Desmond obviously has to go up against Smokey or withstand exposure to the glowing water cave. I just hope scrawny Daniel Faraday has figured this whole thing out and knows a way around the inevitable. Because while there is virtue in self-sacrifice, I hope there is a way to subvert the rules or change them. This is the only way the ending can surprise us.

It's like how there are two sides and you think you have to beat them a certain way but then the scrawny nerd figures out that tickling a certain spot on a dragon's back will make him roll over. Or when you think you're outnumbered in a battle and the way to win is to call in reinforcements but the scrawny jedi single-handedly takes out the entire Death Star with one well-placed shot. Or again when you think you are outnumbered but you suddenly realize you can call up the dead to fight on your side. Or when it looks really bleak and whatever happened at the end of Pirate's of the Carribean happens.Whatever happens, I think everyone will die on the island and live in the alternate time line.

I know it's boring when people talk about their dreams. However, it might interest you to know that I've been dreaming about Lost almost every night for the last week. The dream that was actually a nightmare was one where I was with some Lost characters in the alternate time line and they got killed. I had a horrifying realization, "It's happening here." That's how much I have invested in the alternate time line.

If you like reading about Lost there is no shortage of Lost coverage.  It's important to remember though that it can only end in a way that the writers can show us. That is, it can't be so complicated that they can't show us the ending in the next 3 1/2 hours. This principle eliminates about 85% of all the theories out there.
This is a good simple summary, even though it has two major swear words in it.  I think if you swear you get crossed off the list.

I Wrote Another Article for Parents Magazine

About 8 months ago I wrote an article about housekeeping for Parents Magazine. If you'd like to read it, here it is.

I've written two pieces for Parents now and being edited is really weird.  For the first article they already had a blog post in mind they wanted me to revise for publication. After that, they wanted me to "pitch" them ideas. I said, "Great! What does that mean?" Luckily I was able to send them ideas informally through e-mail. I think there is such a thing as a formal pitch which probably follows a certain format but I don't know what it is.

This was before I started writing my tips for not very good housekeepers post but well after I had developed an obsession with reading housekeeping books to see how other people do it. I bought a bunch of books and offered to try them out. I was excited because they sent me four other books (for free!) to read and try and write about. I did it and wrote a draft. Then they wrote back with changes, which I made. And now--almost a year later--the article is in the June issue.

They cut out one of the books entirely, which doesn't offend me or anything because I'm sure it was for length. I should say none of the editing changes offend me but I do notice them and sort of obsess over them. For example, there's a part where I talk about assigning chores to my children and inspect them when they are done. They added that I wrote them down and the first chore was "make your bed," which isn't true. I can see that they are making it more coherent and giving more concrete details but when my kids read the article they thought I made it all up for the magazine (plus it was a while ago so they don't remember it at all).

At one point I said my domestic goddess was "telling me to bring it" and they changed it to "begging me to make her proud." Maybe "bring it" was unclear. When I was writing it I thought, "this is a great way to incorporate a hip new phrase." There's another part where I said "I'm a Mormon so nothing fazes me." I thought for sure they would cut it because it's an incidental detail about me that isn't really relevant--but when you're paid per word those irrelevant details add up! When I saw they left it in I wondered if they thought I would think it was anti-Mormon to cut it. (I enjoy playing mind games like this. With myself. And other people who don't know they are part of the game.)

Other words I didn't write and actually never say that my editor added: "back-of-the-napkin calculations," "grotty," and "needlepoint-worthy." I didn't write those words and yet. . . it does sound like me. This makes me wonder why they don't write the whole thing instead of paying me to write it because they are totally capable of sounding just like me. I seriously wonder. (The mind game continues.)

Is this boring you? Do you wish I would stop talking about it so you could just read the article and get on with your life? Sorry. I keep forgetting--just because my life is on hold until the season finale of Lost, doesn't mean yours is.

Well, here is the anecdote on editorial process that I hope will be your pay-off for reading this post. In my previous essay for Parents I gave a list of parental advice. One of the tips was, "Don't allow the word weenis in your home." I thought for sure they'd cut it but it is a rule I live by so I put it in the first draft. I'm sure they thought it was a typo on my part and that I meant wienies (like hot dogs,) which is how it was published. But there's nothing wrong with the word wienies. I said weenis and I meant weenis. And weenis, my friend, rhymes with penis. That's why I don't allow it in my home. Because it is a crass cross between wienie and the aforementioned.

Several months after the piece was published they called to tell me it was going into an issue of Parents for Brazil. They were translating it and had been working with several experts to get the word wienies just right. The woman who called had done a lot of research into the origins of the word and wanted to know if frankfurter fit with the original spirit of the piece. "Oh no, my dear. It's much more complicated than that. . ." When I told her about "weenis" she was dumbfounded and had no idea where to begin to find a suitable equivalent. I think you will agree--there is no equivalent. Which is when I wrote the improbable e-mail to my brother-in-law who served a mission in Brazil, "How do you say weenis in Portuguese?" There's really nothing quite like it.

What can I say? I'm a writer and an artist.

An Insensitve Look at Hoarders

I'm not naturally a clean freak. I understand how things can pile up and the worse it gets the harder it is to feel motivated to clean, BUT have you been watching Hoarding: Buried Alive? I feel some sympathy for hoarders. I know they are ashamed and worry that people are grossed out by them. But to be honest with you, I am grossed out by them. Let's not mince words. If you hoard garbage you are a slob. Some people on the show have lots of stuff. But some of them just never throw garbage away. One lady was making herself a microwave dinner and she just threw the wrapper on the floor on a pile of garbage. On camera. I mean, wouldn't you make some kind of pretense of looking for a garbage can if you were being filmed by a camera crew? I would. And I comfortably go to bed with dirty dishes in the sink. Hoarding is a scene, man.

So these hoarders have to meet with a therapist to work through their hoarding issues. It is so weird. I saw one where the therapist asked the hoarder if he could get rid of a tacky Christmas ornament for her. She had a panic attack. Then I imagined an amazing season finale for the show. It is revealed in a season cliffhanger that the therapist himself is a hoarder and has been hoarding all the stuff he has coaxed his clients to part with. Pretty awesome idea, I know.

Anyway, if you have hoarding tendencies and are worried about getting worse I've thought of some things you should AVOID doing. And if you've seen the show and want to give hoarding a try, here are the steps to becoming a hoarder:

Save pizza boxes--you could "make something" with them.
Start a "collection" of walking sticks.
Buy fabric whenever it is on sale.
Get a ferret.
Start wearing suspenders.
Get motorcycle helmets with microphones and plan a cross country trip that you will never take.
Smell like dandruff.

Good luck! When people come over just laugh and say, "Watch out for that box of used wax paper!" The most important thing is to continue acting and talking like you are completely normal instead of 100% nuts. And remember, no matter what your family says you can sell it, make something useful out of it, or turn it into a gorgeous accent piece. Think about it: What if you throw it away and then you need it?

I Know This Much is True

I know some of you are very turned off by my incessant posting on Lost. To you I say look, there are a lot of things about me that are a turn off. Suppressing these things is tiresome--maybe even as tiresome as reading my Lost blogs. Who can say? But with this Lost thing I just can't help myself. I love it. I take pleasure in talking about how awesome it is and I take pride in trying to figure out what will happen. And quite frankly, if it is my Lost posts that bore you and turn you off my blog I can live with that. It would be so much worse if you stopped reading my blog because you don't like my personality, think I'm dumb, think my kids are ugly, or decided that my face is too fat. That would really hurt my feelings. Bear with me. It's almost over. And to those of you who feel the way I do, bear me up. It's almost over. 

Today I feel like listing certain things I feel are "facts" with a tiny bit of speculation. Just to get everything clear in my head. I will mention spoilers.

The island is a cork that keeps evil at bay. Since the smoke machine's nickname has been "Cerberus," I think it's OK to imagine it as a gate to Hell if that helps you conceptualize. I also consider the island a proving ground for humankind to show whether it is inherently evil or good. I don't know what the rules are but they seem to be based on not interfering in certain ways so as to let the humans show their true colors.

There's also a bunch of electromagnetism all over that causes cataclysmic events. Desmond is immune to this. It's his gift and, in the end, what he does for the island will probably involve resisting or causing a big blast. He's done it before!

Flocke can't kill candidates--he's counting on them to self-destruct and kill each other. I don't know what he means by "home" when he says he wants to go home. Next week we'll have a better idea about what he wants.

Jack is the candidate. I mean THE candidate. He'll take over for Jacob. This means he'll stay on the island forever keeping Flocke at bay or die in order to destroy the island and the man in black. Some people think time will loop around and he'll crash again but as a better leader and man of faith which will change the outcome of events. I think this fits with him telling John Locke to "go first." I can imagine Lost ending with Jack opening his eyes on the beach after a/the crash--but I'm not sure how all this works out. I really hope to guess the ending, but not all the details of the ending. That is my goal.

As much as I love and support Jack, I found his pants to be a bit high-waisted last week.

Kate is unimportant.

Miles might live longer than we think he will in order to hear the last words of our beloved castaways after they die.

I've been kicking around this idea that everyone will die on the island and Flocke will be let loose and as Hurley said, "We all go to Hell." That time line will all be destroyed. But Desmond provides a loophole because of time-travel and electromagnetism and the Daniel Faraday/Eloise Hawking faction have figured out a way to open up the alternate time-line which is kind of an escape pod. Everyone is spirited away there safely--especially the kids. This idea reminds me of Harry Potter living at the Dursley's and Luke and Leia being split up and raised on other planets. I'm fixated on their posterity. Call me crazy! But most if not all of the candidates have daddy/mommy issues to resolve. Those of us with daddy/mommy issues of our own know they are best worked out when you have your own children.

Depending on how much time I have tonight and how much I decide to let the digital dominate my life I might just flesh this theory out and submit it to DarkUFO. I'm not kidding: Alternate Time Line as Escape Pod. It could be a viable theory. It's kind of sad that this post will be time-stamped on a Friday night. It's not the nerdiest Friday night I've ever had, I guess.

What if Claire has her baby in the alternate time line and decides she wants to name him Jacob instead of Aaron? Dun dun dun.

I've read a lot of Lost theories today and all I can say for sure at this point is that I don't believe any theories written by people who say "sorta speak" instead of "so to speak." They've spent their whole lives thinking it's "sorta speak?" I don't get that. I mean, I've never heard the word chignon in real life but I know it isn't "ching chong. "

My husband told me he liked my non-Lost posts much better than my Lost posts. It made me really mad. Don't tell me what I can't do, sorta speak.

"Because Now You Know this Show is Willing and Capable of Killing Anyone"

That's what the producers of Lost said today. [Spoiler Alert] So brace yourselves. I think everyone might die on the island. Maybe only Jack will survive as the new Jacob until the day he brings (or they come or are sent) all the  Lost progeny to the island (Aaron, David, Charlie, Ji Yeon?) to once and for all kill the Man in Black. Remember, you can only stab him if he hasn't talked to you. I don't know. That's just one idea off the top of my head. Here are others:

Next week I think we'll find out that Jacob and the Man in Black are brothers. That seems fitting. We'll get to see their whacked-out mom and who knows, maybe the Man in Black will kill her. Maybe Man in Black will be presented in such a way so as to create some sympathy for him, but I doubt it. There's not enough time. I'm pretty sure he's just plain evil. The main thing I want from next week's episode is to find out the "rules" and details of the "game" we're all so into. That's what I need to know.

Sun and Jin's deaths were sad but fitting in the context of the island. People die when their issues are worked out--remember how Charlie died after beating his drug addiction? Sun and Jin's issues have been worked out. They fixed their marriage. I thought it was quite lovely, in fact, that that was their purpose, and that was enough. I guess the Lost producers believe in the sanctity of marriage. Good for them--I do too. Jin and Sun also have a baby who might become important later. I keep coming back to this: Which Kwon is a candidate? It's Ji Yeon--the baby who is now an orphan being raised by her grandma but who will be born into a happy family in the alternate time line.

Speaking of the alternate timeline, what is it? I believe that if I think about it hard enough and long enough I can figure it out. The producers have told us that the relationship between island time and alternate time is THE big secret. I have puzzled out a few guesses.  The alternate timeline could be what happened when Juliet detonated jughead. Jack said they had to do it and if it worked "none of this would ever happen" so maybe it's that. Juliet did say [through Miles who has a gift at divining this sort of thing] "it worked." I believe it did work and we will see Juliet in the end and her cryptic ramblings about going dutch for coffee will make sense. And her hips will be wide, her stance manly, and her lips pursed.

My current pet theory, however, is that the alternate time line is actually after whatever is happening on the island "now" and is the result of whatever they do now on-island which will include Desmond messing with time to create(?) the alternate time line. Since the island is on the ocean floor in the alternate time line it makes sense that all the hullabaloo happening on the island with pockets of unstable electromagnetism will somehow result in the island being buried with water in the ocean. Maybe the alternate time line is a loophole for the good guys--a possible future which makes island sacrifices bearable and worthwhile.  This seems right, but I don't now why or how. And their awareness/memory of the island time line is going to make them do something (like raise their children or appreciate their soul mates) to defeat the Man in Black. Or maybe they all go to hell.

Another idea I had was that the alternate time line is a world where Jacob doesn't interfere at all--he's not pulling strings to get people to the island. This doesn't really make sense.

Of course another possibility is that the alternate time line is something I haven't thought of and can not even comprehend in the same way that I could not comprehend Marty McFly getting his own parents together before I saw Back to the Future. I hope so. But I also hope I'm right about something because that is truly satisfying. Case in point: Sayid blew up just like the Professional. As I predicted--It's the only fitting end to a repentant assassin.

For me the saddest part about last night's Lost is that it's almost over and in three weeks I will be forced to live in an alternate reality where Lost does not exist. Life might not have meaning there. I don't know yet. I also don't know if I will be in a wheel chair there.

The Deal with Deals to Meals

People have asked me about Deals to Meals because I have a button for it on my sidebar. Deals to Meals is an online service you pay for. In return for about $5 a month you can get lists of sales for all the stores in your state along with menus, customized shopping lists, and recipes that use the food you buy on sale. Can you do this yourself by using free sites and the newspaper? Absolutely. Do I? No.

I signed up for Deals to Meals maybe a year ago and I loved it. I can log on to their site from my iPhone or just print out the lists of sales for the stores where I shop. It helped me build up my pantry and food storage because the lists are color coded--the items in red are really good sales that you can't pass up. The blue items are good deals if you need the products. I love the format of the lists because they show what a year supply of each sale item is and how long it can be stored. It also tells you when something is cheaper at Costco.

Like I said, you can certainly do this through Savy Shopper or with your own coupon system. And that's exactly what I thought after being on Deals to Meals for several months. I was feeling poor so I canceled my subscription thinking I would just do it myself. But I can't. And I don't. I hate reading the sale fliers that come in the mail because they are on cheap newsprint and I never know what the best deals are. I'm sorry. Glossy catalogs have ruined me for ugly bargain fliers.  If you are naturally good at this then Deals to Meals might not be for you. But if you hate it and can't do it and don't remember how much things normally cost and don't know what to do with the food once you buy it then you might just love Deals to Meals. I got in the habit of buying the red sale items no matter what. And I found that I had treats and cake mixes on hand whenever I needed them for unexpected school parties or scout camp-outs. I always have eggs and I have salsa and chips and butter in the freezer and jars of spaghetti sauce--which I never bought before because I could make it homemade--which comes in handy when making one hand meals while holding a baby. In fact, I got a lot of ideas for not-very-good-homemakers from doing Deals to Meals.

So when I realized I was running out of everything that I had stocked up on while using Deals to Meals I decided to sign up again. I noticed they had redesigned their site and had a cute button. So I e-mailed them and asked them if they would trade a membership for me posting their button on my blog. They wrote right back and were happy to do it. I was so excited because they are the first "sponsor" who has even responded to my request.  I'm not saying you should ask them to do this for you, but I wanted to explain how the button came about and how it's something I really use and how I'm now in the awkward position of just leaving it there forever and hoping they keep renewing my membership. I'm not sure what will happen. I also just divulged that advertising on my blog is only worth 4.95 per month. At that rate Christian can quit his job just about 25,000 sponsors from now! (Because I need his help maintaining this blog and my 25,000 sponsors.)

It really must be said that Christian loves Deals to Meals too. I logged in on his iPhone for him once before he went to the store and he came home with every 5/$1 thing the store had. "Guess how much all this cost!" That's a pretty fun game to play and I'm glad he's into it. Maybe it's obvious to other people that you can plan meals around deals and stock up when things are on sale but to me it was a revelation. Cuz I'm dumb (Math 99).

Books I read in April: 2010

Many people think watching TV cuts into reading time. This is simply not the case. Reading books interferes with computer time but TV time is hands-free time (folding clothes) or too-tired-to-type time. So you see, I only watch TV when I'm too tired to read a book or need to have my hands free for clothes-folding. So for those of you who might be scared that I am reading too much and will forget to watch Lost, don't worry. The thing to worry about is that I will be doing online research about Lost during my not-too-tired-hands-available time and I will forget to blog about it. Because if I forget to blog, this all goes away.

The first book I read in April was Suprised By Joy : The Shape of My Early Life by C.S. Lewis. Like all other Mormons, I love C.S. Lewis. And there is absolutely much to love. But here's the truth about C.S. Lewis: He's an erudite grump. But I still love him. This book explains the roots of his conversion to Christianity. It's less interesting than you might think, but wonderful and charming nevertheless.  He tells a lot about his childhood and boarding school. He mostly says, "I read this and thought this and then I got really into this and it slowly made me come around to this idea which jived with this and eventually I decided there was nothing left to think but this." Substitute "this" with something you've never read or even heard of in a language you don't speak. It kind of reminded me of a lot of college textbook reading but it was such a pleasure because I didn't have to "get it." Does it even matter what C.S. Lewis says or does? He had us at, "Once there were four children whose names were Peter, Susan, Edmond, and Lucy."

If this were a book club (and why shouldn't it be?) I would say, "Do you think he ever really appreciated his father?"and "Do you think the fact that he knows he's an intellectual elitist makes him less of an intellectual elitist?" It has certainly worked for me.

Then I read Simple Home Solutions: Good Things with Martha Stewart Living Martha Stewart is also a bit of an erudite grump. This book is like reading a magazine. It was there. I checked it out. I read it. And then I lined some drawers with rubbery shelf paper. Good for me.

Next in April, DogPerfect, Second Edition by Sarah Hodgson. You probably think I have a wonderful dog because I read so many dog books but I don't. I hate my dog and she is horrible. That said, this book has some really helpful and practical advice. I love Cesar Milan but if you aren't a dog Svengali and you never walk your dog, his method doesn't work. The stuff in Dogperfect really works.

And since I'm not a tween Svengali either, I read Talking to Tweens: Getting It Right Before It Gets Rocky with Your 8- to 12-Year-Old by Elizabeth Hartley-Brewer. This book contains good advice and it is British, which makes the advice easier to take. Be nice to your tweens. Listen to them. Pick your battles. Teach them to be good. Appreciate them. Give them pocket money. They're young, but also old. That sort of thing. For more specific advice, read the book.

Simply Sane: Living Outside the Fast Lane by Debbie Bowen. This book is short and affirming for low energy-not-very-good-housewives like me. You know--Simplify your life and be happier.

More Diners, Drive-ins and Dives: A Drop-Top Culinary Cruise Through America's Finest and Funkiest Joints by Guy Fieri. Ever seen this show? I checked this out because we are going on vacation to San Diego when school gets out. We're planning the trip around places to eat. It was Maggie's idea. I'm going to eat this!

And the last book I read in April was Read My Pins by Madeleine Albright. Do you know about her pin fetish? What a COOL lady. Talk about a firecracker. I want to be her when I grow up. But I'm kind of behind since I haven't advised any presidents yet. I just gave up on that goal. But I still might get a lot of jewelry.

Read anything good lately?