I read this interview with Emma Thompson and Maggie Gyllenhaal. Both women are pretty and cool and seem smart and interesting. I've always liked them. This interview makes me like them even more. I like Emma Thompson WAY better than Maggie Gyllenhall though. She is so much more grounded and real. Maggie Gyllenhaal tries to seem grounded and real and I do think she is great and I like what she has to say in this article AND I like her much better than Gwyneth Paltrow but people who "carve out me time" by doing 2 1/2 hours of yoga every day just aren't the same as me. I don't relate. I mean, maybe I would take 1 hour at the most on a treadmill but it's more likely that I would lock the door to go to the bathroom or hide in the pantry and eat chocolate chips. I'm not genteel like these Hollywood types. [Read the interview so we can discuss it.]
I also think that saying "I want to be X when I grow up" is a backhanded compliment and another way of saying X is old. But Emma Thompson is much more gracious than I am and takes Maggie's compliment like a lady. I want to be her when I grow up. I also think it's funny that when Maggie Gyllenhaal was playing the role of a frazzled mother driving a car with 5 kids and pets in Nanny McPhee 2 she "cracked." Granted I ONLY have 4 kids but it's my real life and I haven't cracked. I mean, not clinically. I wish I were Maggie's acting coach because I would tell her, "Since these aren't your real kids and you aren't really driving them but only acting like they are your real kids and acting like you are driving them why don't you pull a Robert Dinero and ACT LIKE YOU AREN'T CRACKED." Actors--they act, right? Am I not getting it?
Nevertheless, Maggie Gyllenhaal is smart to take advice from Emma Thompson and I really like what she says about paying attention to her husband and I have also read Home Comforts and it is very good.
Emma Thompson gives the best advice when she tells Maggie Gyllenhaal that you can't have it all. It's the post-feminist truth. You don't need it all and you can't have it. I don't. But I have enough. You might think that I'm a fantastic blogger and my children are charming but I have a really fat stomach and I have to suck in all the time and it is very tiring. I might think you have a great life and shapely legs but your blog is really boring. See? None of us have it all. [Please don't make comments about someone who really does have it all. I'm not interested.] Anyways. I like what Emma Thompson says about this. It's kind of a revelation.
That being said I think there is an interesting feminist backlash going on right now in the form of people who are really into homemaking and claim to be anti-feminist. They can do and say what they want. That's part of feminism. Actually, it's just part of being a nice, fair, person who lets other people live their life. What do I care? I happen to not be good at homemaking, or maybe I'd go all Martha Stewart on you. I think a lot of people my age are "rebelling" or asserting their individuality by embracing the 50s because maybe they grew up in the 70s and 80s with a working mom and Claire Huxtabel so now baking bread in heels and an apron seems quaintly retro and awesome. And their mom's are going, "Red lipstick and homemade cupcakes? Yeah--we remember Donna Reed just a little too well for it to be awesome to us." Kind of like how I remember baggy fluorescents and stinky plastic flats just a little too well for the 80s to be awesome to me.
I find it interesting. I am nostalgic for the past, too. My mom used to tie a dish towel around her neck like a bib to keep her church clothes clean while cooking Sunday dinner. I do that sometimes--but I'm not going to start an Etsy shop selling dishtowels. Whatevs. I could hang out with Emma Thompson I think. I could hang out with Maggie Gyllenhaal too if she wanted to.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Monday, July 26, 2010
I'll Be Coming for Your Love OK
Here's an emergency 80s play list in case you need one. (You'd be surprised how many people do.) How do I create an 80s play list? Simple. I close my eyes and imagine myself at a dance. When I open my eyes the play list is complete. If you haven't heard, the 80s are totally back in style. Pegged pants are called "skinny jeans" now. As far as I can tell, however, there is no contemporary equivalent for gender-ambiguous hair bands.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
For the Curious: About Me
Here are some things about me.
When I was little I had the vague notion that catnip was really bad. I thought it was like chewing tobacco for cats. I also thought that foxes were as dangerous and menacing to humans as wolves. It has only been in the last 5 years or so that I realized that foxes are small and can't really hurt you.
Until What Not to Wear aired I was suspicious of makeovers because they always seemed to make you sluttier--like in Grease or the Legs video by ZZ Top.
When I get my hair washed before a haircut I never know where to look. It feels hedonistic to close my eyes. Staring at the ceiling seems weird too. I hate it.
If I were a Native American I would wear this kind of hat because it just seems really cool to me.
My mom has never given me a whole stick of gum.
Sometimes out of desperation on Sunday mornings I play The Mormon Tabernacle Choir to get my kids to be calm even though I'm not really that into The Tabernacle Choir and rarely listen to them when it's just me. I wonder if my kids will incorrectly remember that their mother loved The Tabernacle Choir. Then I wonder if my Mom actually hated dates and pine nuts, which she seemed to have an odd fetish for considering they are both so gross.
The other day I realized that the sound "Bowm chicka bow wow" is the new "Duh nuh neer neer neer neer neer neer" (Dueling Banjos from Deliverance). I was all, "I should write a book on pop culture." Now it seems less apt.
I've never shopped at or even seen The Duty Free Shop. Is it some kind of gag?
When I was a peer counselor in high school I was in a skit where I played "cocaine."
I'm mad that in addition to worrying about fat I also have to worry about my dermatological age now. That blows.
I call deodorant that smells worse than body odor "B.O.dorant." It's apt.
Now you know everything.
When I was little I had the vague notion that catnip was really bad. I thought it was like chewing tobacco for cats. I also thought that foxes were as dangerous and menacing to humans as wolves. It has only been in the last 5 years or so that I realized that foxes are small and can't really hurt you.
Until What Not to Wear aired I was suspicious of makeovers because they always seemed to make you sluttier--like in Grease or the Legs video by ZZ Top.
When I get my hair washed before a haircut I never know where to look. It feels hedonistic to close my eyes. Staring at the ceiling seems weird too. I hate it.
If I were a Native American I would wear this kind of hat because it just seems really cool to me.
My mom has never given me a whole stick of gum.
Sometimes out of desperation on Sunday mornings I play The Mormon Tabernacle Choir to get my kids to be calm even though I'm not really that into The Tabernacle Choir and rarely listen to them when it's just me. I wonder if my kids will incorrectly remember that their mother loved The Tabernacle Choir. Then I wonder if my Mom actually hated dates and pine nuts, which she seemed to have an odd fetish for considering they are both so gross.
The other day I realized that the sound "Bowm chicka bow wow" is the new "Duh nuh neer neer neer neer neer neer" (Dueling Banjos from Deliverance). I was all, "I should write a book on pop culture." Now it seems less apt.
I've never shopped at or even seen The Duty Free Shop. Is it some kind of gag?
When I was a peer counselor in high school I was in a skit where I played "cocaine."
I'm mad that in addition to worrying about fat I also have to worry about my dermatological age now. That blows.
I call deodorant that smells worse than body odor "B.O.dorant." It's apt.
Now you know everything.
Saturday, July 17, 2010
A Few More Obvious Tips for Not-Very-Good Homemakers
I have a few more obvious tips for you, but only if you are a not-very-good homemaker. If you are a better-than-average homemaker you are probably too busy styling your step-by-step blog on how to make organic cupcakes for your 2 year old's half birthday and won't have time to read this. That's OK. I don't want to waste your time. But for all of you less-thans out there, consider this Festivus for the rest of us who, frankly, are probably in bed balancing our laptops on our stomachs.
Here's the secret to laundry: You just have to do it. All the time. Every day. Well, maybe not every day. There is nothing more to it than that. I read about a lady who had a great system for getting laundry done. She did towels on Monday, sheets on Tuesday, kids' clothes on Wednesday, adult clothes on Thursday and oh my gosh I want to kill myself. You're supposed to wash sheets?
I really don't mind the "clothing" part of feeding and clothing a family. I like to shop for, store, wash, fold, and put away clothes. But I don't like doing any of that with or for food. You might be the same as me or the opposite. Guess what? It doesn't matter either way. You still have to do both. (It sucks to be us. I know, right?) Have TIVO and watch a good show while you fold clothes. Don't let wet clothes sit over night or they will stink. You can do a little every day or all of it in one huge laundry smorgasbord. Whatever you like. Of course, "liking" has nothing to do with it.
Two fancy "foreign" things you should be aware of and buy are Nutella and Babybel cheese. A jar of Nutella is breakfast, lunch, dinner, and dessert. Buy Babybel to help defray the cost of toys--My son has been playing with red Babybel wax outerskins for weeks. It's like modeling clay. Gross? Yes well, some of us can't afford salt dough.
If your brown sugar gets hard (and it will if you are not a very good homemaker) put a piece of bread in the bag with it. It will get soft again, should you ever decide to "bake."
If you want to have healthy snacks around [to go with the Nutella] invest in bananas. Bananas are the only fruit I buy except for the occasional apple. I know variety is something to shoot for, but the important thing is that my kids don't have scurvy or rickets. Bananas do you right. You don't have to use expensive peelers to eat them. They are perfect. The best thing about bananas is that you can put them in the freezer--yes, just throw them in--if they get brown. You can't do that with your bags of cantaloupes and kiwis (also known as "good intentions.") When you are relaxed, in the mood, and ready for something a bit more advanced you can make banana bread with those brown bananas. You can do it. I know you can because I can do it. Meanwhile, the bananas will bide their time in the freezer and they won't judge you. Bananas are supportive.
Make instant pudding and call it panna cotta. Why not?
Have a garbage can in every room. Chances are good that you, a not-very-good homemaker, have garbage in every room. Increase your odds of cleaning it up with conveniently-placed receptacles. Maybe we aren't awesome homemakers but WE ARE BETTER THAN THE HOARDERS. HAVE SOME DIGNITY, PEOPLE.
Get Oxiclean Miracle Foam in the pink bottle. It's good to clean your bathroom with and has the perfect clean smell which lingers and inspires. This is NOT A PAID REVIEW.
This might seem counter-intuitive, but get all white everything for your house: sheets, towels, and dishes. It all matches. It all can be bleached. He didn't become Gandalf the Citrus Moderne Dot, did he? White is best because it makes things seem cleaner than they are.
My friend Barbara (you all know Grannybabs, right? She's awesome) suggested this absolute gem on her blog, "Specialization is the key to appearing competent." Memorize that. It's a great homemaking tip. Barbara says she knows how to sew aprons and make homemade mac and cheese, pumpkin cookies, and jam. That's it! But she's really good at those things and people think she's a very snazzy homemaker. Find your four things and live your life. This is a true pearl of wisdom. Thanks Barbara!
And finally, I'd like to share something that I learned only a few years ago which blew my mind. It is this: Interpret things in your favor. I spend a lot of time and energy trying to tease out what people really mean or could have meant or could be thinking or might have meant to imply. I read this advice in a magazine and told Christian about it. He says he does this all the time. He just assumes people mean the very best. I never do that. I always think the worst. And it makes me feel bad. So I don't do that anymore because as a not-very-good homemaker I've got my hands full without worrying what everyone else thinks about me and my store-bought birthday treats.
I hope this helps.
Here's the secret to laundry: You just have to do it. All the time. Every day. Well, maybe not every day. There is nothing more to it than that. I read about a lady who had a great system for getting laundry done. She did towels on Monday, sheets on Tuesday, kids' clothes on Wednesday, adult clothes on Thursday and oh my gosh I want to kill myself. You're supposed to wash sheets?
I really don't mind the "clothing" part of feeding and clothing a family. I like to shop for, store, wash, fold, and put away clothes. But I don't like doing any of that with or for food. You might be the same as me or the opposite. Guess what? It doesn't matter either way. You still have to do both. (It sucks to be us. I know, right?) Have TIVO and watch a good show while you fold clothes. Don't let wet clothes sit over night or they will stink. You can do a little every day or all of it in one huge laundry smorgasbord. Whatever you like. Of course, "liking" has nothing to do with it.
Two fancy "foreign" things you should be aware of and buy are Nutella and Babybel cheese. A jar of Nutella is breakfast, lunch, dinner, and dessert. Buy Babybel to help defray the cost of toys--My son has been playing with red Babybel wax outerskins for weeks. It's like modeling clay. Gross? Yes well, some of us can't afford salt dough.
If your brown sugar gets hard (and it will if you are not a very good homemaker) put a piece of bread in the bag with it. It will get soft again, should you ever decide to "bake."
If you want to have healthy snacks around [to go with the Nutella] invest in bananas. Bananas are the only fruit I buy except for the occasional apple. I know variety is something to shoot for, but the important thing is that my kids don't have scurvy or rickets. Bananas do you right. You don't have to use expensive peelers to eat them. They are perfect. The best thing about bananas is that you can put them in the freezer--yes, just throw them in--if they get brown. You can't do that with your bags of cantaloupes and kiwis (also known as "good intentions.") When you are relaxed, in the mood, and ready for something a bit more advanced you can make banana bread with those brown bananas. You can do it. I know you can because I can do it. Meanwhile, the bananas will bide their time in the freezer and they won't judge you. Bananas are supportive.
Make instant pudding and call it panna cotta. Why not?
Have a garbage can in every room. Chances are good that you, a not-very-good homemaker, have garbage in every room. Increase your odds of cleaning it up with conveniently-placed receptacles. Maybe we aren't awesome homemakers but WE ARE BETTER THAN THE HOARDERS. HAVE SOME DIGNITY, PEOPLE.
Get Oxiclean Miracle Foam in the pink bottle. It's good to clean your bathroom with and has the perfect clean smell which lingers and inspires. This is NOT A PAID REVIEW.
This might seem counter-intuitive, but get all white everything for your house: sheets, towels, and dishes. It all matches. It all can be bleached. He didn't become Gandalf the Citrus Moderne Dot, did he? White is best because it makes things seem cleaner than they are.
My friend Barbara (you all know Grannybabs, right? She's awesome) suggested this absolute gem on her blog, "Specialization is the key to appearing competent." Memorize that. It's a great homemaking tip. Barbara says she knows how to sew aprons and make homemade mac and cheese, pumpkin cookies, and jam. That's it! But she's really good at those things and people think she's a very snazzy homemaker. Find your four things and live your life. This is a true pearl of wisdom. Thanks Barbara!
And finally, I'd like to share something that I learned only a few years ago which blew my mind. It is this: Interpret things in your favor. I spend a lot of time and energy trying to tease out what people really mean or could have meant or could be thinking or might have meant to imply. I read this advice in a magazine and told Christian about it. He says he does this all the time. He just assumes people mean the very best. I never do that. I always think the worst. And it makes me feel bad. So I don't do that anymore because as a not-very-good homemaker I've got my hands full without worrying what everyone else thinks about me and my store-bought birthday treats.
I hope this helps.
Friday, July 09, 2010
Books I Read in June: 2010
I read Straight Man by Richard Russo. It's pretty good and funny.
I don't recommend this book. It's rare that I will list a book I don't recommend because I usually quit reading a book if I don't like it, but this book was intriguing and well-written so I kept with it until the end. I can't say I came out of the experience unscathed, however. It's extremely violent. It's about sadism. Rated R for sure. It's horrifying.
I needed some lighter fare after that so I read The Evolution of Calpurnia Tate by Jaqueline Kelly.
This is a wonderful book and I totally recommend it. It is delightful. June ended on a high note because of this book. It's like Little House on the Prairie plus Little Women plus evolutionary science. You'll find it with the kids' fiction in the library. I should probably get all my books there.
Books I Read in May: 2010
I didn't read any books in May. All I did was watch Lost, write posts about Lost, and read theories online about Lost. Literally.
Sunday, July 04, 2010
This Is How I Feel About Twilight, et al
In the interest of time, here's my thesis: Listen, I'm not that into Twilight--but if you are, then gosh darn it be into it.
Here's where I flesh out my thesis with anecdotal argument: I read the first Twilight many years ago when several friends recommended it. It is compelling. I read it in a day. I started reading the second one but ended up skimming until the end just to see what happened because I got sick of it. I haven't read the other books or seen the movies but I think I know basically what happens. I don't enjoy Bella. I think she's stupid and not a good example. I think her relationship with Edward is shallow and uninteresting. That said, the wildly-popular- among-teens series seems to promote abstinence. So bully for it. If my kids were older I would let them read it and see the movies if they wanted to. I'm not against it. Whatever. I don't care. I'm happy for Stephanie Meyer. Bully for her.
Of course, I think I'm "right" in my assessment of Twilight. That said, I'm into a lot of stuff that people say is dumb: Harry Potter, Lost, Barry Manilow, message T-shirts, traditional furniture, super heroes. I know other people probably think they are "right" in their assessment of those things but I DON'T CARE. And until my dying breath I will own up to my love for those things. Because--and here's the thing--I still secretly think I'm "right" about those things too. Bear with me. I'm getting to the point. (And if you don't have time, see above.)
I've noticed a lot of embarrassed/apologetic blogs and Facebook statuses lately regarding Twilight. It bugs me. If you love Twilight and are going to the midnight premier vamped out with your albino boyfriend then bully for you! Embrace it. Love it. Think it is good. If you like it, you think it's good, right? I mean, if you think it's dumb then why do you like it? Or are you just saying that because you are afraid that people like me will think you are dumb if you don't acknowledge that you know some people think it's dumb? I understand that inclination. But I'll tell you what I'd really love is for you to talk me into loving Twilight. Bear testimony of it. Be into it. Be all in. If you love it so much, why equivocate?
Loving something has consequences. I'm in bed with Comic-Con. I know I am. I think if you really love Twilight you should be happy to take your wannabe-goth-teenage-girl lumps. Look at me, for example: I own a rosewood wand enchanted with a dragon scale. Can't really be above wands if you own a wand! You don't get to love it and be above it at the same time. Because that's not true love. And if Twilight has taught us anything. . .
Here's where I flesh out my thesis with anecdotal argument: I read the first Twilight many years ago when several friends recommended it. It is compelling. I read it in a day. I started reading the second one but ended up skimming until the end just to see what happened because I got sick of it. I haven't read the other books or seen the movies but I think I know basically what happens. I don't enjoy Bella. I think she's stupid and not a good example. I think her relationship with Edward is shallow and uninteresting. That said, the wildly-popular- among-teens series seems to promote abstinence. So bully for it. If my kids were older I would let them read it and see the movies if they wanted to. I'm not against it. Whatever. I don't care. I'm happy for Stephanie Meyer. Bully for her.
Of course, I think I'm "right" in my assessment of Twilight. That said, I'm into a lot of stuff that people say is dumb: Harry Potter, Lost, Barry Manilow, message T-shirts, traditional furniture, super heroes. I know other people probably think they are "right" in their assessment of those things but I DON'T CARE. And until my dying breath I will own up to my love for those things. Because--and here's the thing--I still secretly think I'm "right" about those things too. Bear with me. I'm getting to the point. (And if you don't have time, see above.)
I've noticed a lot of embarrassed/apologetic blogs and Facebook statuses lately regarding Twilight. It bugs me. If you love Twilight and are going to the midnight premier vamped out with your albino boyfriend then bully for you! Embrace it. Love it. Think it is good. If you like it, you think it's good, right? I mean, if you think it's dumb then why do you like it? Or are you just saying that because you are afraid that people like me will think you are dumb if you don't acknowledge that you know some people think it's dumb? I understand that inclination. But I'll tell you what I'd really love is for you to talk me into loving Twilight. Bear testimony of it. Be into it. Be all in. If you love it so much, why equivocate?
Loving something has consequences. I'm in bed with Comic-Con. I know I am. I think if you really love Twilight you should be happy to take your wannabe-goth-teenage-girl lumps. Look at me, for example: I own a rosewood wand enchanted with a dragon scale. Can't really be above wands if you own a wand! You don't get to love it and be above it at the same time. Because that's not true love. And if Twilight has taught us anything. . .
Friday, July 02, 2010
A Barrel of You--Blog Soundtrack
I've been working on this playlist for a while. It's for you to listen to while you read my blog. Need to get caught up on a few Lost posts? Sit back. Relax. Press play and let the digital dominate your life, for once. These songs are for you from me or for you about me or mood music for my posts or just songs I love. See annotations below if you are interested. In a perfect world you would be interested and I would play songs I like for you all day and talk about them.
The first song is dedicated to you, my friends. Next up we have a sentimental little ditty which describes my secret sentimental heart. Then we have a Johnnny Cash song. If you substitute "girl" for "boy," and "Sack" for "Sue" you'll know all you need to know about me. Just kidding. Or am I?
After that you'll hear "The Whole of the Moon" by the Waterboys. I have no idea what it's about but I love it and kind of assume everyone agrees that it is one of the best songs ever. When it comes on I just look around sheepishly thinking "How can we contain ourselves when we hear this wonderful song? Why don't we all just let go and start singing?" It's kind of surprising when I realize that everyone doesn't feel how I feel about it. I'm over selling it now, even. Next you'll hear Prince singing "I Would Die for You." Prince is awesome. How does he manage to pull off sexy? He's 4 feet tall and womanish. And yet. I would die for you--especially when you leave comments.
Then we have my favorite Killers song. I love it. It kind of reminds me of us. Or anything else I love. Because I love it. "Sand and Ice" by Fanfarlo is another song I don't understand. The last few lines, however, seem relevant to blogging: "I'm no worse than the rest but I'm easily impressed. You've seen my file." Because guys--you've totally seen my file.
I've included my favorite Doors song, "Peace Frog." My high school boyfriend told me it's about Jim Morrison's girlfriend getting an abortion and for all I know that's true. So it's not exactly for you or about me or involved with blogging in any way but holla at cha' Jim Morrison, it rules. Don't think about it too much. It's what I want you to listen to while you read this. Just do it.
The Julian Casablancas song, "Out of the Blue" just seems fitting for all my posts. Maybe because he sings about how exacting vengeance gives excitement? He gets me, I think. Even though he's a shade crasser than I am. For those of you with questions about my religion, I give you "Goody Two Shoes." It's all you need to know about Mormons. Just kidding. Or am I?
"Special Brew" is another song dedicated to you. Listen. It's a special message from me to you. Then you'll hear "Sweet Disposition" by Temper Trap which I like but can not sing along to no matter what. See if you can. It's composed entirely of notes I can't hit. And then of course I end on an obvious note. Obvious is underrated.
After that you'll hear "The Whole of the Moon" by the Waterboys. I have no idea what it's about but I love it and kind of assume everyone agrees that it is one of the best songs ever. When it comes on I just look around sheepishly thinking "How can we contain ourselves when we hear this wonderful song? Why don't we all just let go and start singing?" It's kind of surprising when I realize that everyone doesn't feel how I feel about it. I'm over selling it now, even. Next you'll hear Prince singing "I Would Die for You." Prince is awesome. How does he manage to pull off sexy? He's 4 feet tall and womanish. And yet. I would die for you--especially when you leave comments.
Then we have my favorite Killers song. I love it. It kind of reminds me of us. Or anything else I love. Because I love it. "Sand and Ice" by Fanfarlo is another song I don't understand. The last few lines, however, seem relevant to blogging: "I'm no worse than the rest but I'm easily impressed. You've seen my file." Because guys--you've totally seen my file.
I've included my favorite Doors song, "Peace Frog." My high school boyfriend told me it's about Jim Morrison's girlfriend getting an abortion and for all I know that's true. So it's not exactly for you or about me or involved with blogging in any way but holla at cha' Jim Morrison, it rules. Don't think about it too much. It's what I want you to listen to while you read this. Just do it.
The Julian Casablancas song, "Out of the Blue" just seems fitting for all my posts. Maybe because he sings about how exacting vengeance gives excitement? He gets me, I think. Even though he's a shade crasser than I am. For those of you with questions about my religion, I give you "Goody Two Shoes." It's all you need to know about Mormons. Just kidding. Or am I?
"Special Brew" is another song dedicated to you. Listen. It's a special message from me to you. Then you'll hear "Sweet Disposition" by Temper Trap which I like but can not sing along to no matter what. See if you can. It's composed entirely of notes I can't hit. And then of course I end on an obvious note. Obvious is underrated.
