That's Sam on the left. And here we are this year:
Here's something rare:
It came back to bite him today though when he brought this picture home. "I look like I don't understand what's happening," he said. Apt description, don't you think?
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Proof That My Son Has Grown a Foot in a Year
Here we are on our annual trip to the top of the mountain last year:
That's Sam on the left. And here we are this year:
It's kind of weird, if you ask me.
He is handsome and wonderful. But, NO. He's not available. Nothing has made me more of a misogynist than having a teenage son. And when Maggie becomes a teenager and boys start texting, calling, talking to, and saying inappropriate things to her like some girls do to Sam, I can see myself googling "manslaughter" pretty often--just to brush up on the intricacies of the law.
Here's something rare:
Ben acting normal in a picture. Normally he's not exactly "cooperative" with photographers:
It came back to bite him today though when he brought this picture home. "I look like I don't understand what's happening," he said. Apt description, don't you think?
That's Sam on the left. And here we are this year:
Here's something rare:
It came back to bite him today though when he brought this picture home. "I look like I don't understand what's happening," he said. Apt description, don't you think?
New Chance to Win $100 Gift Card
If winning a hundred dollars is on your life list, go here and get her done.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
My Life List: Part 1
I've seen a lot of "life lists" on the internet and I want in. Here is Part 1 of my Life List:
1. See inside of a UPS truck.
2. Write a post with the word "halcyon" in the title.
3. Have all the famous people I've ever mentioned in my blog read it and respond and become my friend, even if I hate them.
4. Hug a woman unselfconsciously.
5. Go to Ireland, get divorced, and leave the church--set my family back 150 years in one fell swoop! Well, I probably won't really. But I could, and the power is intoxicating.
6. Have Prince write me a hit song.
7. Slow dance with Robert Plant, platonically.
8. Find out that Robert Plant is my father. (I hope. I hope.)
9. Have a dog I love that obeys me.
10. Sing on key.
11. Be completely engrossed in Sunday School for a whole hour.
12. Invent something even better than television.
13. Eat locally.
14.Watch every episode of the BBC's All Creatures Great and Small series.
15.Win a Give Away
16.Own a king size bed.
17. Get 220 followers on Twitter.
18.Eat every meal out for a day.
19. Buy someone's love.
20. Attend Comic-Con.
21. Avoid being buried alive.
22.See a play.
23. Lose a pound a week for 80 weeks, gain 2 pounds at Christmas every Christmas until I die.
24. Cook a turkey.
25. Write a life list.
I can already tell that writing these down is moving me in the direction to make them happen. I believe in possibility. Further installments to come! There will be 100 things on my life list.
1. See inside of a UPS truck.
2. Write a post with the word "halcyon" in the title.
3. Have all the famous people I've ever mentioned in my blog read it and respond and become my friend, even if I hate them.
4. Hug a woman unselfconsciously.
5. Go to Ireland, get divorced, and leave the church--set my family back 150 years in one fell swoop! Well, I probably won't really. But I could, and the power is intoxicating.
6. Have Prince write me a hit song.
7. Slow dance with Robert Plant, platonically.
8. Find out that Robert Plant is my father. (I hope. I hope.)
9. Have a dog I love that obeys me.
10. Sing on key.
11. Be completely engrossed in Sunday School for a whole hour.
12. Invent something even better than television.
13. Eat locally.
14.Watch every episode of the BBC's All Creatures Great and Small series.
15.
16.Own a king size bed.
17. Get 220 followers on Twitter.
18.
19. Buy someone's love.
20. Attend Comic-Con.
21. Avoid being buried alive.
22.
23. Lose a pound a week for 80 weeks, gain 2 pounds at Christmas every Christmas until I die.
24. Cook a turkey.
25. Write a life list.
I can already tell that writing these down is moving me in the direction to make them happen. I believe in possibility. Further installments to come! There will be 100 things on my life list.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Mo' Better Blues
Want mo' money? Try my mo' better blog and learn how to get out of bed in the morning (in theory). Plus--a winner!
Monday, September 20, 2010
Design Solutions For Children
I don't understand how people make cute rooms for their kids. Once in our last house I set up a little closet with bins and a shelf for bookbags, like you see in magazines. I started to detect an odor after a while. It was kind of a rotten egg smell. Eventually I found the origin of the smell. It was a rotten egg. Sam brought an egg home from school and put it in his little cubby. I need a design solution for that. I also need a design solution for boxes of rocks and also for boxes of boxes. My daughter has a nylon pouch that her camping hammock came in. She stores dog food in it for a training session she had with the dog about a year ago. It's under the sink in her bathroom (of course). Ben uses his nylon hammock pouch to store his buttons. I'm not sure where Maggie's hammock is, but Ben's is wadded up on the back porch with some mildew on it. It cost $50. I paid extra for the "slapstraps" which allow you to hang the hammock anywhere. Last time I saw the straps they were lowering a nude Indiana Jones doll wrapped in blue painter's tape off the balcony.
We have this little room upstairs with built-in shelves which I hoped would serve as a playroom, but the kids never went in it so I moved all their junk out and put my treadmill in it. I say that like it didn't almost kill me to move the treadmill through 2 doorways and an L-shaped hallway. A few days after I set up my home gym I discovered that a white board, school supplies, and several scarves had been moved in there. Today I went in to use my treadmill and found that Sam had raised the incline as high as it would go, set a wooden chair on it, and plugged his iPod into the treadmill speakers. There was also an empty mug and a plate with chocolate cake crumbs on it. He excitedly told me he had set up his own home theater. I'm sure in his mind it was like this:
Once I saw a really cute pink Radio Flyer wagon on a blog so I bought one for Christmas. Ellen stuffs it with couch cushions and makes the kids push her around in it while she bellows "I'm a granneh. This is mah wheel cheh," in what she thinks is a grandma voice. It does not hold crocheted elephants or wooden blocks.
There is an orange extension cord coming out of my crawl space. It powers a TV, DVD player, and lamps throughout my unfinished basement which is decorated with everything from rugs to #10 cans which I have stored down there. There is even a glass vase filled with fake cherry blossoms in the middle of a coffee table along with a tent and a cot. I don't know what to say. I don't think my kids and I are particularly slovenly or that I am particularly permissive with them, but our aesthetic is off.
We have this little room upstairs with built-in shelves which I hoped would serve as a playroom, but the kids never went in it so I moved all their junk out and put my treadmill in it. I say that like it didn't almost kill me to move the treadmill through 2 doorways and an L-shaped hallway. A few days after I set up my home gym I discovered that a white board, school supplies, and several scarves had been moved in there. Today I went in to use my treadmill and found that Sam had raised the incline as high as it would go, set a wooden chair on it, and plugged his iPod into the treadmill speakers. There was also an empty mug and a plate with chocolate cake crumbs on it. He excitedly told me he had set up his own home theater. I'm sure in his mind it was like this:
There is an orange extension cord coming out of my crawl space. It powers a TV, DVD player, and lamps throughout my unfinished basement which is decorated with everything from rugs to #10 cans which I have stored down there. There is even a glass vase filled with fake cherry blossoms in the middle of a coffee table along with a tent and a cot. I don't know what to say. I don't think my kids and I are particularly slovenly or that I am particularly permissive with them, but our aesthetic is off.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Give Away Winner and Back to School Post
I've done it again! I just gave away another $100. But don't get your hopes up--Susan C won. I don't know anything about Susan C, but she has a hundred more dollars now. Remember when people used to make bets in grade school and when it was time to pay up they would say, "OK, here is a hundred DOLL HAIRS!" That was a really dumb trick because the supposed word play was clumsy and they didn't really even have doll hairs to count out and pay with, which might have made the joke funny. Suffering fools--it's hard.
There is also a new chance to win more money. I find money to be a mood booster. Have a nice day. Hope you win some money. Or earn some.
There is also a new chance to win more money. I find money to be a mood booster. Have a nice day. Hope you win some money. Or earn some.
Thursday, September 09, 2010
My Trip for Design Mom: Behind the Scenes
Gabby of Design Mom is busy with her new baby so she let me go to a Honda blogging event for her in San Diego. It was pretty glamorous. Go here for more details, if you are so inclined.
Tuesday, September 07, 2010
Books I read in August: 2010
I read some great books in August. I tweeted compliments to my favorite authors and none of them tweeted me back or followed me. And yet, someone called Nice Try, Stalker is following me. Why does the world work like this?
The first book I read this month was Cutting for Stone by Abraham Verghese.
This is now one of my favorite books. Abraham Verghese is a doctor and the medical commentary in this book is fascinating. He talks about how certain diseases have smells--which is sick. But I have always wondered if doctors diagnosed by smell because I can always tell when my kids are sick by how they smell. The book is about doctors and a set of twins in Ethiopia. The twin boys always sleep with their heads together. That reminds me of how Mary Kate And Ashley Olsen are always leaning on each other, which I think is adorable. (Maybe they are just weak.) You might read this book and be surprised that I would recommend it when I was so traumatized by The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo--it has a lot of gynecology in it. But it's clinical instead of sadistic. I guess that's the difference. It reminds me of John Irving. There were quirky details and the story was moving and meaningful to me because the characters reconcile their unusual family life and make peace with their absent father. I don't really know why I found it meaningful though because I have no plans to make peace with my absent father. Kidding!
Then I read two books by Rob Sheffield. I love Rob Sheffield now and wish we were friends. But I know we won't ever be friends and that makes me sad. Nice try, Stalker. Truly. Talking to Girls about Duran Duran is really fun and good. I don't know if you will like it though--it's sort of just a list of songs and stuff about videos and the 80s and how Rob Sheffield didn't date much. Poor Rob.
Love is a Mix Tape is even better. Rob's wife died suddenly after they were married for 5 years. They were married around the same time Christian and I got married. They were poor students with no kids, just like were were for the first 4 years of our marriage in the 90s. This book resonated with me. It's all about playlists. I don't know if you know this about me but I love to make playlists or "mix tapes." I don't really like doing anything else as much as I like making playlists. Sometimes when I talk to my mom or a friend I think, "Oh, I had something really exciting to tell you!" And when I remember what it is it's just my playlist that I'm working on--it seems like an exciting activity that people would want to hear about. But they don't. And they shouldn't. It's OK. Some people are into music and some people aren't. I'm into it. It effects me pretty seriously. I don't claim to be into cool music. But the music I like does make me happy, and sometimes sad. I wish I were a rock star. Rock stars are cool.
Only one thing is cooler--Superheroes! Especially the reluctant, noble, spidery type.
I wish I were a super hero, but mostly I want to be a super hero's girlfriend. Although it would be hard sometimes because villains would use me as bait. Spider-Man Blue is Peter Parker's valentine to Gwen Stacy, the woman he loved first and best. Gwen died, just like Rob Sheffield's wife. Rob Sheffield is remarried now and of course Peter Parker went on to find love with Mary Jane. Life goes on.
I am planning to read more books in September.
The first book I read this month was Cutting for Stone by Abraham Verghese.
This is now one of my favorite books. Abraham Verghese is a doctor and the medical commentary in this book is fascinating. He talks about how certain diseases have smells--which is sick. But I have always wondered if doctors diagnosed by smell because I can always tell when my kids are sick by how they smell. The book is about doctors and a set of twins in Ethiopia. The twin boys always sleep with their heads together. That reminds me of how Mary Kate And Ashley Olsen are always leaning on each other, which I think is adorable. (Maybe they are just weak.) You might read this book and be surprised that I would recommend it when I was so traumatized by The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo--it has a lot of gynecology in it. But it's clinical instead of sadistic. I guess that's the difference. It reminds me of John Irving. There were quirky details and the story was moving and meaningful to me because the characters reconcile their unusual family life and make peace with their absent father. I don't really know why I found it meaningful though because I have no plans to make peace with my absent father. Kidding!
Then I read two books by Rob Sheffield. I love Rob Sheffield now and wish we were friends. But I know we won't ever be friends and that makes me sad. Nice try, Stalker. Truly. Talking to Girls about Duran Duran is really fun and good. I don't know if you will like it though--it's sort of just a list of songs and stuff about videos and the 80s and how Rob Sheffield didn't date much. Poor Rob.
Love is a Mix Tape is even better. Rob's wife died suddenly after they were married for 5 years. They were married around the same time Christian and I got married. They were poor students with no kids, just like were were for the first 4 years of our marriage in the 90s. This book resonated with me. It's all about playlists. I don't know if you know this about me but I love to make playlists or "mix tapes." I don't really like doing anything else as much as I like making playlists. Sometimes when I talk to my mom or a friend I think, "Oh, I had something really exciting to tell you!" And when I remember what it is it's just my playlist that I'm working on--it seems like an exciting activity that people would want to hear about. But they don't. And they shouldn't. It's OK. Some people are into music and some people aren't. I'm into it. It effects me pretty seriously. I don't claim to be into cool music. But the music I like does make me happy, and sometimes sad. I wish I were a rock star. Rock stars are cool.
Only one thing is cooler--Superheroes! Especially the reluctant, noble, spidery type.
I wish I were a super hero, but mostly I want to be a super hero's girlfriend. Although it would be hard sometimes because villains would use me as bait. Spider-Man Blue is Peter Parker's valentine to Gwen Stacy, the woman he loved first and best. Gwen died, just like Rob Sheffield's wife. Rob Sheffield is remarried now and of course Peter Parker went on to find love with Mary Jane. Life goes on.
I am planning to read more books in September.
Remember Summer?
I remember summer. It was fun but I'm glad it's gone. Fall is more my style. Summer recap and another chance to win here. I told you--there are still a lot more $100 gift cards to give away. That's a lot of gift cards.
Saturday, September 04, 2010
Survivor's Guilt
I have a lady who cleans my house every week. Her name is Clara and she's really great. She lives in my old neighborhood and offered to clean our house when we moved a few years ago. Then she came over to our new house and gave a us a bid for cleaning it weekly. She has a good business going and does a great job. Certain areas of my house never get gross, my kids get sick less often, it takes a huge amount of stress off of me, and it lets Christian off the hook because he works so much and can't help out around the house as much as he [I] would like. I love and recommend it.
That said, my relationship with Clara is complicated. I find myself trying to impress her by cleaning things myself. "Wait until Clara sees how I organized the kids' closets! She's going to be so impressed." And when I'm having a bad week and I leave a huge mess for her, I feel shame. When that happens I try to leave prescriptions out so she'll know/think we've been sick. Or I leave my sewing machine out so she'll know/think that I was busy with a sewing project and that's why my house is a mess. Or something. Thursday is the day Clara comes and it is my best day of the week. Wednesday night, however, is very stressful. I just don't want Clara to think I'm a slob or that my kids are lazy. I backed into her car once and have written her checks that bounced. She basically knows everything about me.
Well, Clara's house burned down a few days ago. Like, BURNED DOWN. As in, everything in it is gone. Poor Clara! We heard immediately because it's across the street from our old house and we know a lot of people in the neighborhood. I dropped everything and rushed over because I feel very close to Clara. She makes my life better and easier. I think of her almost every day as I make decisions about whether to leave her a mess or impress her. I invoke her name when I lecture my kids, "You think it's Clara's job to pick up your dirty socks???!" It's probably kind of unhealthy, actually. I know she doesn't feel the same way about me--why would she? I'm just another client to her. Maybe she thought it was weird that I rushed in hugging her, intervening with the Red Cross, and bringing her a bag of clothes from Ross including pajamas and underwear. It was weird, I guess. But I have gotten better about not caring when I do weird things. Her house burned down.
She has homeowner's insurance and will, hopefully, be OK. She couldn't even go into her house after it burned to try to salvage anything because it is condemned. Can you imagine? The Red Cross will be helpful but they told me they don't provide things like housewares. I have no idea what she'll be getting from the insurance company. She met with them Thursday--I'm sure there's a lot of red tape to go through. And, of course, her ward will provide a lot of help (even though Clara is not a Mormon). Mormon's love to be of service in situations like this. We mobilize. We're ready. I like it. Do non-member victims think our enthusiasm in these situations is weird? We don't care!
Clara's house burned on Tuesday. She still wanted to come and clean my house on Thursday because she needs the work and the money. Now, I know I am but a peripheral character in this tragedy and if this weren't my blog I wouldn't presume to make it about me BUT--I feel like such a jerk having her clean my house! My house that is full of junk which I throw on the floor and don't take care of and which also--oh yeah--didn't burn to the ground! But she wanted to come. She said it took her mind off it. What was I supposed to do? I gave Clara an unexpected raise a few months ago since she had given us a good deal when she started and has been working for us for three years. I'm glad I did and I feel good about it now but when I gave her the raise she asked me why. I tried to explain (she speaks Spanish), but since I gave her the raise she started staying longer to do my house and has started doing the laundry while she's here. So I've been worried that she thought I was paying her more because she wasn't doing enough work and now that her house burned down I feel even worse. But I'm glad I gave her the raise. What's a middle-class white person to do! I know. I KNOW I'm a jerk. That's what I'm saying.
If you are interested in helping out Clara, e-mail me. Maybe we can put together some stuff for her to make-do with until her insurance comes through.
That said, my relationship with Clara is complicated. I find myself trying to impress her by cleaning things myself. "Wait until Clara sees how I organized the kids' closets! She's going to be so impressed." And when I'm having a bad week and I leave a huge mess for her, I feel shame. When that happens I try to leave prescriptions out so she'll know/think we've been sick. Or I leave my sewing machine out so she'll know/think that I was busy with a sewing project and that's why my house is a mess. Or something. Thursday is the day Clara comes and it is my best day of the week. Wednesday night, however, is very stressful. I just don't want Clara to think I'm a slob or that my kids are lazy. I backed into her car once and have written her checks that bounced. She basically knows everything about me.
Well, Clara's house burned down a few days ago. Like, BURNED DOWN. As in, everything in it is gone. Poor Clara! We heard immediately because it's across the street from our old house and we know a lot of people in the neighborhood. I dropped everything and rushed over because I feel very close to Clara. She makes my life better and easier. I think of her almost every day as I make decisions about whether to leave her a mess or impress her. I invoke her name when I lecture my kids, "You think it's Clara's job to pick up your dirty socks???!" It's probably kind of unhealthy, actually. I know she doesn't feel the same way about me--why would she? I'm just another client to her. Maybe she thought it was weird that I rushed in hugging her, intervening with the Red Cross, and bringing her a bag of clothes from Ross including pajamas and underwear. It was weird, I guess. But I have gotten better about not caring when I do weird things. Her house burned down.
She has homeowner's insurance and will, hopefully, be OK. She couldn't even go into her house after it burned to try to salvage anything because it is condemned. Can you imagine? The Red Cross will be helpful but they told me they don't provide things like housewares. I have no idea what she'll be getting from the insurance company. She met with them Thursday--I'm sure there's a lot of red tape to go through. And, of course, her ward will provide a lot of help (even though Clara is not a Mormon). Mormon's love to be of service in situations like this. We mobilize. We're ready. I like it. Do non-member victims think our enthusiasm in these situations is weird? We don't care!
Clara's house burned on Tuesday. She still wanted to come and clean my house on Thursday because she needs the work and the money. Now, I know I am but a peripheral character in this tragedy and if this weren't my blog I wouldn't presume to make it about me BUT--I feel like such a jerk having her clean my house! My house that is full of junk which I throw on the floor and don't take care of and which also--oh yeah--didn't burn to the ground! But she wanted to come. She said it took her mind off it. What was I supposed to do? I gave Clara an unexpected raise a few months ago since she had given us a good deal when she started and has been working for us for three years. I'm glad I did and I feel good about it now but when I gave her the raise she asked me why. I tried to explain (she speaks Spanish), but since I gave her the raise she started staying longer to do my house and has started doing the laundry while she's here. So I've been worried that she thought I was paying her more because she wasn't doing enough work and now that her house burned down I feel even worse. But I'm glad I gave her the raise. What's a middle-class white person to do! I know. I KNOW I'm a jerk. That's what I'm saying.
If you are interested in helping out Clara, e-mail me. Maybe we can put together some stuff for her to make-do with until her insurance comes through.
Thursday, September 02, 2010
Rest Your Head, You Worry Too Much: How to Love Your Husband, A Playlist
What's with all the playlists this week? I like making playlists. It is my favorite thing to do. There are only a few things I like as much: wrapping Christmas presents, talking to Christian without being interrupted (by the kids OR his cell phone), and watching my kids ride their bikes. This week's topic is timely. Consider this: I've been married for 17 years today. Love you long time. I always feel very weird after I post these playlists. They are probably more personal and revealing than anything I've ever written on this blog. Take, for example, my fetish for singers who fantasize about knowing their wives when they were babies. Yes. It's weird. I'm not sure what that's about.
Anyway, this here is songs to sing to your husband. He'd prefer to have Susanna Hoffs sing them to him, but you'll do. And that's not nothing.
Anyway, this here is songs to sing to your husband. He'd prefer to have Susanna Hoffs sing them to him, but you'll do. And that's not nothing.
