50 First Dates--My Saga of Rejection

Many of you have encouraged me to write a book so I wrote up a non-fiction book proposal for a collection of essays. It's 36 pages long. If you want to write a book the first thing you do is hope to just get discovered. If you don't, then you have to get a literary agent. So then you write a "query."(I don't know how yet.) You send out queries and if people are interested by your query they ask you for your proposal. I wrote my proposal first so it would be all ready in case someone requested it. (Ever the optimist!) You also have to figure that if you can't write a proposal (it's kind of involved) you probably can't write a book.

So now I have to read up on queries and write one. But I jumped the gun out of excitement after finishing my proposal and sent it out to 4 literary agents who let you submit proposals online even if they don't request them. Of course, that doesn't mean they want them. Intellectually I know that I will get lots--if not only--rejections. I set a goal to get 50 rejections. JK Rowling got 12 before she got published and my book would be AT LEAST 5 times worse and a katrillion times less profitable. So 50 rejections seems reasonable and an accomplishment in itself. When I get 50 rejections I plan to celebrate by buying myself an outfit and giving up on my dream.

But I have to say, as the rejections come pouring in I really don't like it. In fact, I hate it. Each rejection has dampened my enthusiasm for writing. I can see myself stopping after 3. I've already gotten 2. It bites.

The first rejection came almost immediately and it was obviously an auto-response. Frankly I'd rather receive an auto-response then a long, personal, specific response detailing everything they didn't like. I knew the first agency wasn't a good fit for me because they publish mostly academic and how-to non fiction. But they looked classy and didn't specialize in erotica. They seemed cool. And I have to say, rejecting me only makes them seem discerning, successful, and choosy.

My second rejection came in today. I knew this one was a long shot. Let's face it--no one is really clamoring for non-fiction essays about foster dogs by stay-at-home moms. (This isn't the 80s and I'm not Erma Bombeck.) These literary agents often have websites which talk about their interests and the types of books they want. I became very intrigued by Jeff Kleinman. He is really specific about what he likes--upbeat, NOT post-apocalyptic. There's a picture of him on his site and he looks so nice.  As it turns out, he is nice. He rejected me like this,

Dear Kacy:

Thanks so much for sending your query - I appreciate the chance to take a look at your project.  I'm sorry to say, though, that I'm going to step aside instead of asking to read more.

Please bear in mind that everybody has different tastes and interests - my decision is based on my present work-load, and also based on the kind of material that I'm presently representing.  That said, keep in mind that this is a crazily subjective business: I absolutely think you should keep looking for representation because what works for one agent (or publisher) may not work as well for another. I'm afraid, though, that I cannot recommend someone for it.

Very best of luck!

I'm sure it's his standard reply but I felt that he took great pains to let me down easily. I appreciate that in a person. In fact, it might be my all-time favorite quality. I wrote back, "That was nice. When I give up it won't be your fault. Good luck to you too!" just to, you know, acknowledge my appreciation. Nevertheless, I was systematically deleting all copies of my proposal and samples of my writing and all my old e-mails out of mortification (sometimes I overreact) when he wrote back,

Why give up?  You can always publish it yourself, you know!  No need to give up – just choose a different avenue, if it should come to it …

I knew he was a nice guy. I can always spot a nice guy. I'll still probably give up very soon, but Jeff doesn't need to know that.
 
After I figure out how to write a query the rejections should really start coming in. Stay tuned.

48 to go!

Will I Sob or Will I Weep?

I love the Harry Potter series because it is good and wonderful. I also like valor, courage, loyalty, morality, mortality, intensity, and awesomeness.  I'm not ashamed to say that I wish I were a wizard but I'll go one step further to say that I would be willing to be a muggle, if it meant that wizards could exist.


Snape at Godric's Hollow? Are you freaking kidding me? Statues mobilizing? Girlhood flashbacks of Lily and Petunia! I can't even talk about Fred. I'm not ready. This trailer proves to me I'm not ready. I'm hyperventilating now. July 15th: On this night join me and confront your fate.

I Would Never Pose Nude

 I know you're thinking, "Sure, but you are old and had four babies and are not tan so no one wants you to pose nude." You make a fair point. But even if I were young and in demand, I still wouldn't do it. I don't know why so many people do. Movie stars, especially, are stupid. They always claim to do provocative photo shoots to show that they are grown-up women now. Why not just be a grown-up woman? Ashley Tisdale is the latest I've heard of--I don't exactly Google that sort of thing like some people, people who will now turn up this blog post on their seedy Google searches, SURPRISE!

But here's something I think is even sadder. Check out Corbin Bleu's reaction to the news about Ashely Tisdale. His initial reaction is shock! And then he recovers and says, "Good for her," and "I'll have to check it out," as some kind of show of support. Isn't that a weird kind of support?  I think society is so weird. It's twisted from what I would expect--that the tempered response would be disapproval after an initial outburst of glee. The politically correct, supportive, friendly, cool, non perverted, "nice," thing seems to be to say that you will have to go and check the naked pictures out, as if someone just told you they posted a pictures of their kid's ballet recital on Facebook. "Oh. Thanks. I'll have to check those out."

MTV Shows

It's kind of how J Geils felt when his angel was a centerfold.

But it's not just me. Emma Watson marvels, "What an incredible position to be in, to be able to follow my own path ... I'm never going to have to take my clothes off." Some people who were aghast at the Hermione/Harry imaginary love scene in Deathly Hallows part 1 might think Emma is being a hypocrite here but even I'm not that big of a prude. (Remember, that watery, silvery, kissy vision came from Voldemort!)

Just something to think about when you get your ultra sound and find out you're having a girl. Or a boy.

Momness: The Next 10 Years

You may know that I have 4 kids. Ellen is 3. She helps me keep my foot in the young-mom pool--for now. I need the young mommy blogger contingency to keep my numbers up here on the blog. (If my biannual check from Blogher dips down below $30,  my husband might have to get a job.)

But I also have an 11-year-old daughter.

And two sons who love to socialize and meet new people.

I'm big talk about bearing babies, nursing or not, and parenting my own way the best I can, but I have to admit that as I enter the next ten years with these kids I feel as insecure as ever. My no-sleepover policy is making me feel like the mom who carries special spray to sterilize pacifiers whenever they drop on the floor. Hold up--I'm that mom?

What is a big deal and what isn't? There aren't really any baby books about this stuff. I find myself texting desperately to friends, "Halo is bad, right?" or "Will I regret a trampoline?" And last night when my son wanted to bake cream puffs with his friends at 11:45 I was paralyzed with indecision. It was getting late, but. . .  cream puffs!  To add to my confusion one of the other moms dropped off a carton of heavy cream. OK. So I guess it's a perfectly normal thing for a group of 13-year-old boys to do over spring break. Could be worse?

One day I realized Sam had forgotten to take this fork with fishing line attached to it to school for a project. I know about the ages and time increments for letting kids cry it out at night, but at what point to you not drop off the fork with fishing line at the school office for them? I don't know. It's like how they used to say hugging kids would spoil them. In 50 years there will be a study about providing unlimited forks with fishing line attached in order to make your child feel secure. Maybe?

Now that they are older my kids actually go places and tell people things I say like, "My mom told me to run away and scream if your dad tries to kidnap me. Hahahahah." Yes! I said it. And I still maintain that it is good advice along with boldly asserting, "This is not my father!" I guess I should add, "If he doesn't try to kidnap you, be polite and don't tell him that I thought he might kidnap you." I'm regretting all that early language development we used to work on. Say what you will about us latch key kids from the 70s, WE KNEW HOW TO KEEP OUR FAMILY SECRETS.

Then there's my incredible cheapness. I'm just totally cheap in general, unless it is something for myself. I have to be! Times anything by 4 kids and you get a big number. But my kids have generous friends who take them to museums in Salt Lake City and buy them lunch or rent skis or get dessert. I never do anything like that. I feel like I should return the generosity of my kids' friends, but if I do it right after they bought my kids something it seems insincere and unnatural--like I'm keeping score, which I am, but only because I owe so much. Still, it's like being the second person to say, "I love you." It just never comes off as well. I've gone from resenting those little play dates who would whisper "Ask you mom for some food," to being a full-on mooch. I thought it was a recession? I'm just not carefree and fun and I never will be. Should I be?

Nevertheless, I do still make an effort by talking about comic book movies and Justin Bieber and wearing skinny jeans even though I shouldn't because sometimes I think mutton dressed as lamb looks cute. I don't know what I'm doing.

Worth a Thousand Words Where Words Are 50 Dollars Each

Every now and then I need to take a photo dump here on the blog. These photos were taken with my iPhone and they are miraculous because the front of my phone has shattered into a million pieces.

 Sweatshirt outfit. Yes. It's a thing.

Rotting onion retrieved out of garbage, painted with a face, and set upon newel post. Yes. It's a thing.

We were playing on our side of the river when we Sam and his friends happened along on the other side. Then, a girl walked up and started talking to them. I texted him, "Who is that girl? Run away." 

 Bugs Bunny? Still funny. Hey batta batta suwing batta.

Boring Day.

Books I Read in March: 2011

March was a very special month for me because in March I met the author of The Book Thief, Markus Zusak. I went with my friends, Chris and Lisa, and my husband. We were only able to get two books signed each, but my good buddies were willing to bring my extra books through the line with me even though I was perfectly honest with Markus Zusak about the books and how they were all for me. Here's what he wrote in I Am the Messenger, "Dear Kacy, Here's to love, bank robbers that screw it up--and books..."He probably writes that all the time to everyone, but I don't care.

To my son he wrote, "Dear Sam, Here's to Jesse Owens impersonators and books." I like how he referred to Rudy in this one because Sam is about Rudy's age. Rudy is Markus Zusak's favorite character in the book.

To Maggie he wrote, "Dear Maggie, Thank your mum for this," which was sweet, I thought. He asked how old she was and whether I would give her the book now. I told him I'd probably wait a couple of years but she is actually reading it now. He said he didn't write it as young adult fiction. That's just the publisher he got.

And to my friend, Beth, who drove over to my house to insist that I read her copy of The Book Thief he wrote, "Dear Beth, Don't mind the Diet Coke--at least it's signed." I had kind of ruined Beth's copy and thought I would have to buy her another one. But in the end I gave her warped and ruined book back.


In addition to meeting one of my favorite authors, I also read some books in March.

Siblings Without Rivalry--It's full of great ideas, but none of them worked for me. Sigh.


Then I read As I Have Loved You. It's good, inspiring, and true. I recommend it.



The Discovery of Witches--It's equal parts Twilight and The Historian.

I hate this book. I almost quit reading it about 30 times. Usually if I am even inclined once to quit reading a book I put it down and move on to the next one. I should stick with that rule. I kept plowing through this because little bits of the story would interest me and propel me further but I hate the main character so much that the reading experience was very distasteful to me. She's supposed to be an independent academic but she spends the whole book being, literally, swaddled and spoon fed and put to bed. She is ostensibly a professor of history who starts dating (they go to yoga) a thousand-year-old vampire. You'd think she might have a few interesting questions for him about, oh, something to do with history? But she hardly asks him anything interesting. I guess because he is so sexy. You can read it--I won't hate you if you like it. But I will be interested to know if you do.

My mom loaned me Half Broke Horses after I read The Glass Castle.

I liked The Glass Castle better, but I really enjoyed this too. It is the imagined but basically true memoir of Jeanette Wells' grandma. She comes from an interesting family--that's for sure.

I also almost quit reading A Secret Kept. It's not that good. Once again, I should have quit reading at my first inkling of not liking it. Life's too short!

I never read Tatiana de Rosnay's first book, Sarah's Key. A lot of people recommended it to me though. The secret in A Secret Kept is pretty easy to guess. (Spoiler: Lesbians.) I did enjoy the writing but I don't get why I'm supposed to think the main character is so sympathetic because his wife left him and ALSO think his mother is so heroic for cheating on his dad with a (spoiler) woman. See what I mean? It's incongruous. You can skip it.
 
Mark Zusak wrote I Am the Messenger before he wrote The Book Thief.  It is not a great book.

But I did enjoy it. The ending has a major twist which he doesn't quite pull off. But it has a moral message that I really liked. In fact, it says some of what The Book Thief says about being a good person and that doing small, nice things for people might be the difference between losers and heroes. I love the writing and sense of humor--but of course, I know Mark Zusak personally. I don't heartily recommend it. You won't like it as much as The Book Thief. But it is a thousand times better than The Discovery of Witches. 

Then I read Real Simple Cleaning for a lark. 

It got me in the mood to organize some drawers. But then it snowed.

In April I promise myself I will not finish any books I don't like.