Reader, I Married Him

Last  night I saw the movie Jane Eyre. Just so we are clear, I've never read the book. I have read some books, but not that book. I think I would like it. I loved Wuthering Heights and they seem similar with the soul mates and the heather and the whatnot. I had to read Wuthering Heights in high school over Christmas break when I was a senior. I got chicken pox that year. My affliction was severe but I was dedicated so my memories of Wuthering Heights are restless and fever-stricken AS THEY SHOULD BE.

Here's a picture my mom took of me at that time with Heathcliff. 

So I'll spare you my sharp, expansive, literary criticism of Jane Eyre and just tell you how I liked the movie: I liked it. At first I was all, "This is way more boring than Thor." But I was quickly drawn in and by the end I found Jane Eyre very satisfying. Maybe even more satisfying than Thor which was (recall) pretty satisfying. I bet you wish I would stop talking about satisfaction. OK. I will.

In many ways the love story between Jane and Mr. Rochester is the exact opposite of the romance in Thor between Thor and, as luck would have it for this comparison, Jane. Basically the Jane in Thor is into Thor because he has a good body. But they don't really have interesting conversations and other than coyly spurning him for bad manners, Jane doesn't seem to have much of a hold on Thor--who can blame him, he is a God.  At first Thor comes across as a disheveled, homeless man who is out of his wits. As he gets further away from this image, Jane likes him more. But the opposite happens in Jane Eyre. It is into the arms of a disheveled homeless man that Jane [SPOILER] returns. Did not see that coming. It's such a great ending.

I guess Jane Eyre is supposedly no great beauty. But Mr. Rochester wants her anyway.  He loves her mind, cares what she thinks, and craves her soul. Do I love that idea because I am ugly and I want to be appreciated for my remarkable soul? Do I love that idea because I am beautiful and I want to be appreciated for my intriguing mind? Hard to say.

But you have to wonder about this Jane Eyre character. In the movie she meets two men and they are both strongly drawn to her soul. Is she just really passionate and awesome?  I have a hypothesis that there is a personality type that is good at making people feel like they have found their soul mate. I think Rashida Jones might be like that which would explain why some guy is keeping her on Parks and Recreation even though she is decidedly unfunny.

Mr. Rochester was kind of mean to Jane Eyre sometimes. I'm glad he went blind. I probably would have still married him though. It certainly don't hurt that he's Magneto!

I Really LIke Thor--He's a God, You Know

The movie Thor is a lot of fun. I really liked it. Sometimes if we don't have time to eat dinner before the movie we get a "movie dinner," where Christian gets nachos (which I don't like) and I get popcorn (which he doesn't like) for our dinner. Since I don't have to share I put a ton of salt on it--so much that my lips and tongue are puckered for several days after the movie. It felt great. If you have nothing to drink it is a bad feeling but if you have a huge icy Diet Coke it feels good. Every movie preview was a comic book movie or Harry Potter and Thor had an after-the-credits scene so I was basically in heaven. Captain America looks especially good and during the preview I slurped soda, tossed back a handful of popcorn and loudly told Christian, "I think the shield is Adamantium." If I were young, cute, and Japanese it might be kind of hot. But I am not. So it's probably the opposite of hot.

Thor is a god, see--not really a super hero. You get that--right? He's not an alien or a human but a god. So that's pretty interesting.  Thor is much better than Clash of the Titans.  Thor is surprisingly endearing for a Norse god. You'll like him. I know you are thinking that the hammer thing is really weird and stupid because it seems so clumsy but it's good in the movie and commanding thunder can be helpful. 

What I liked best, however [SPOILER], is that Thor doesn't end up with Natalie Portman. Sure, they may spend forever trying to find a way to cross into each others' realms without the bifrost but it would have been really dumb for Thor to sacrifice his world for her when he doesn't really know her very well. I would have been disappointed if he had given it all up for a mortal he just met. I'm unromantic like that. Love at first sight is just not all that interesting to watch. How did they fall in love? What drew her to him? What gesture warmed her heart? I hate it when the two attractive people just fall in love by default. It's such a cliche.

So Thor must wait for the mortal Natalie Portman or find someone immortal to pursue. That's what I would do if I were Thor. I've really only seen this kind of relationship work between Aragorn and Arwen and their relationship is fraught and complicated. I'd like to see Thor avoid that.

Summer Binders

I love the idea of home school, even though I've never had to actually do it since my kids are plugging away nicely in public school and, you know, learning things. But I love school supplies and the idea that my family would collaborate and pursue our interests and use file folders and markers. So I have been working on summer binders for months. Having a new binder makes anything fun.

I start by going though Rebecca Rupp's book which I love. She lists suggestions for what kids ought to be learning each year.


My kids have usually covered everything they were "supposed" to cover but if there are any lapses, I take note. I printed out some geography activities for Ben's binder because he needs more help reading maps-even though they talk about geography all the time in grade school. I hate geography. The only instance of geography that I like is when Kate Middleton talked Will into changing his major to geography--it does seem a befitting major for a king! I also bought "Gifted Math Workbooks" for each of the grades Ben and Maggie just finished by way of review. Here's a parenting tip: Call things "gifted." And Sam has to do some sort of typing program (besides Minecraft, which he tries to convince me is a typing program) before he starts high school next year. So that's all the boring stuff--made exciting with its own tab in a binder!

The "fun" stuff (known by my kids as "nerdy," "lame," or simply, "stupid") is what I like to call learning augmentation. It's extra wonderful topics they don't get to do in school. For example, they all have a birding life list in their binder. There are a lot of birds around my house! Can you imagine how fun it will be to track them? Ben's binder focuses on life science because of his interest in dirt and water in our back yard. I printed out Genus and Species flash cards for him and constellation cards for Sam. (Lots of sources here.) Maggie's binder focuses on arts and humanities. Sam's binder focuses on Science and Math but mostly it's full of articles I've ripped out of magazines which I think he'll find interesting. One of them is from BYU Magazine about finding your calling in life. That sort of thing. I also got a bunch of Mad Libs (which  count as grammar.) I'm not going to teach them lessons but the binders will beckon in all their glory. Each binder has a fox mask in it. Who could resist that? I know the binders will call to my children and they will answer with hours of self-directed study.

Odds and Ends for Fun

Every now and then I like to throw some odd bits and pieces together for you. Here you go. 

You might say that I'm risk averse, and I am. But mostly I just like to do things where it doesn't matter if you make a mistake. That's why I'm not a dancer because if you make a mistake as a dancer you fall over.

These are the best shows from the olden days for kids: The Muppets, Space Ghost, Electric Company, Sesame Street, Looney Tunes, Schoolhouse Rock, Little House on the Prairie, and Danger Mouse. If I had to choose only one of those, I would choose Danger Mouse. I'm sure there are more.

I would rather have you not read my blog than have you just skim it.

Christian has a bag for his laptop which was made for women and is called the "Christina Bagilera."

Wallace Stegner once said, "Any life will provide the material for writing, if it is attended to." Easy for Wallace Stegner to say.

All my favorite radio voices have speech impediments.

A few years ago we stopped over night in Las Vegas on our way to Disneyland. In the morning we decided that Christian would pick up breakfast for us while I stayed in the hotel room with the kids. Sam made the case for this arrangement: "Dad should go to protect Mom from the harsh casino world."

There was a kid on This American Life (the TV show) who was afraid to ever love because he wanted to spare himself the pain of losing love. In the end he said, "If I could find a portal into another world then it might be worth it." I often wonder about that kid.

I love this quote from Brigham Young about Joseph Smith, "I knew Joseph was a human being and subject to err, still it was none of my business to look after his faults. . . He was called of God; God dictated him, and if he had a mind to leave him to himself and let him commit an error, that was no buisness of mine. . . He was God's servant, and not mine." Except the only thing is that I really do consider it my business to look after people's faults. I just really like doing that.

In the summer we used to cut off our pants to make shorts. I even had cut-off polyester pants.  One summer I went to visit my dad in South Carolina. I wore my cut-off shorts the first couple of days. On the third day I brought out a pair of "real" shorts--hot pink overall shorts made by Calabash. They were cute. In fact, they were my best outfit. My stepmother gushed over them but I didn't take it as a compliment. I took it as an insult to my cut-off polysters.

Whenever a woman describes herself as a "_______ girl," (for example, "Water-only girl, sunshine girl, high heels girl, organic girl, etc.) it always means that she thinks she is better than you.

What is it that draws hoarders to downtown Provo?

I like it when Hispanics call all diapers "Pampers." It sounds cool.

I wish I couldn't sleep with dishes in the sink. But I can. And I do.

Ben told the other kids that when I was young people used to drink water out of rivers.

Now that the 80s are back in style, will that also mean the return of the lavish banquet upheaval which was so popular in John Hughes movies and INXS videos? I wonder.

Have you noticed that Paul Mitchell looks exactly like one of the villains in Superman who gets put into the glass triangle? No one ever mentions it--it's a huge elephant in the room, IMHO.


I saw The Adjustment Bureau over the weekend. I love the premise but it's just not as cool as I wanted it to be.  It's hard to define what makes something cool but here's an example: Being in the secret service is cool. It's especially cool when you get to boss the president around. What makes it cool is 1)You are acting selflessly in order to protect him. 2) He has a lot of power.  3) Black and white suits are always cool on thin people. (It's elusive, I know.)

Another thing that is cool and that I always like is when people--an alliance--stand back to back in a circle to defend themselves.

Unfortunately, with kids it is not the thought that counts. You actually have to do stuff.

Maybe these odds and ends sound more like tweets, texts, or status updates. I don't know. What can I say?  I'm just a blog girl!

My Blog Was Mentioned On Studio 5

A couple of days ago I got an email telling me that my blog was going to be mentioned on the show Studio 5. Christian said, "I hope they say something nice about it," and laughed because he knew in my heart of hearts that I was thinking they might make fun of me on TV. I always think the worst. My mother taught me to do that so I would never be disappointed. They didn't make fun of me at all. The clip shows Frannie's big eye and Ben's sweatshirt outfit so, of course, I love it. They chose me as the most humorous-supportive-mom blog. I told my kids it was world-wide but I don't really know. In the clip they said people voted for the blogs on the Studio 5 Facebook page but when I looked at that page (to see who had voted for me and to add them as a friend, of course) I noticed that no one voted for me--my blog was never even mentioned. So maybe it is just a joke. Here's the clip.

Princess Diana Nursed Prince William (I Know Because I Googled It)

Did I get up early for the royal wedding? No. Because I have a life (as you shall see!). But since the royal wedding I've really brushed up on my Kate and William. I was going on and on about it to Christian the other day and I breathlessly ended the conversation with, "Ask me anything!"

I tuned into the wedding on the internet just to see what the dress looked like and was immediately mesmerized by the whole thing. It was weird. I didn't expect to be drawn in. But that's what happened. Kind of like how the day after Bin Laden was killed I spent at least 2 hours researching (by "researching" I always mean "Googling") Marfan Syndrome. Osama Bin Laden, Abe Lincoln, one of the Ramones and Michael Phelps all have it--allegedly. I am keenly interested in diagnosing by sight. Under the study of Dr. Gregory House, I diagnosed Mickey Rourke's clubbed fingers in Iron Man 2. When Christian asks me, "What are you going to do today?" I have no way of answering. Because I never know what I will end up Googling all day. It's exciting.

I wondered if Harry and Pippa were falling in love during the wedding. But she has a boyfriend, and a Facebook page devoted to her behind. I know even more about her, but it's kind of inappropriate. I still know it though.

William's dapper suit? It's made out of special sweat-absorbing material.You know how the British are about stuff like that. Also, William didn't want to faint. That would have been a fiasco. My ex-uncle fainted at his wedding. I was the flower girl. A fainting groom is tacky and unmanly. Say what ever you want to about Prince William. I bet the two words you wouldn't say are tacky and unmanly. Prince Harry had a special hidden pocket sewn into his cuff to keep his swastikas in. Kidding! The hidden pocket was to keep the wedding band safe. (Welsh gold.) Now Kate wears the gold band under her (Diana's) engagement ring. I would have moved the engagement ring to my right hand and kept the wedding band on the left but I'm not the Duchess of Cambridge, am I. But I could be because I'm a commoner. In fact, it just don't get any commoner.

Let's see. What else. They have no household staff except for body guards. Kate does her own grocery shopping. They haven't had a honeymoon yet (unless you call living together for years a honeymoon, which I don't). They are coming to the United States around the time Posh and Beckham have their baby. But seriously, who cares about Posh and Beckham? I'm ALL about William and Kate now. They got a penguin for their wedding. It's endangered. The zoo really hopes they visit it.

 I love them for a lot of reasons. But I guess the main reason is because he's so handsome.

Grocery List

This is a grocery list I emailed to Christian in 2007. I think it captures the exquisite thrill of being married to me.

Paper towels
crushed tomatoes (several cans of them)
onions
milk
diapers for Ellen (size 1, cheapest but not store brand)
Loreal Excellence hair dye in whatever color you want my hair to be (if too hard, I'll get it later)
a bunch of inflated helium balloons--keep in your truck for tomorrow morning.
Love,
Kacy