Help Me Mother Ellen

Ellen is my youngest and she is 4. She is articulate and advanced and hilarious and delightful but also a stinker. She is stubborn. She likes to fight about clothes and shoes and sides of bed and color of cups and how her hair is done and she will rarely do anything I ask her to do or wait patiently for more than one second. I feel that she needs her will broken and I wonder how to do it.

When my other kids have hit this stage I've had other babies already or been pregnant so they were just out of luck. I was laid up. Out of it. Didn't care about them anymore and they knew it. They learned their place in the grand scheme of things. But this one--how will she ever learn that? Half the time I am strict, structured, follow-through and parent her very awesomely. The other half of the time I let things go, am extra "nice", decide not to fight stubbornness with more stubbornness, and I roll with the punches. This half and half strategy has served me well with the rest of my kids. They are turning out OK. They aren't perfect but if you ask them to put something in the garbage for you they do it without making a federal case of it.

But there's more than just the half and half going on. Each of my kids are also strict with Ellen half the time and lenient with Ellen half the time so that's six more halves and they often conflict. I find myself yelling "Don't give in to her!" and "Just do what she wants!" alternatively. The great thing about having your kids get older is that they can help you with the littler ones. But then you find yourself in this alternate hell-dimension parenting them about how to parent her while also parenting her much differently than you parented them and still also parenting them normally about other stuff and pretending like you aren't a hypocrite when you give her extra computer time just to get her off your back but don't let the older kids have it even though they are nice and deserve it.  

So anyway, I've tried being strict and dealing with the fall-out. It's a lot of fall-out. One day I was nice and cheerfully did everything she asked and tried to teach her through my example how to be amiable, flexible, and helpful. It actually worked pretty well. But it wasn't 100% effective and I simply can't sustain that kind of cheerful subservience unless I'm getting some kind of pay off. Parents of youngest kids who aren't spoiled: How?

I'm Worse than Over Half of 100 Mom Bloggers

 

I am a Babble Top 100 Mom Blog.  I don't know how this happened but I certainly love it. The only thing is, I'm #55. I'm totally NOT complaining. I mean, #55 is better than nothing (or #56). But last year I think they only did 50 Top Bloggers total, so I can't help but feel like this year they are just humoring me.

Since I'm basically worse than over half of the other bloggers on the list, my goal is to raise my ranking by five points by next year. And then--just think--in ten short years I will be number one. 

NUMBER ONE!

NUMBER ONE! 

NUMBER NUMBER NUMBER ONE! 

And I will only be, like, almost 50.  Skadoosh, bucket list! Here is my ten-point plan to raise my ranking by five points. 

• Turn into Beyonce but remain a Mormon mommy blogger
• Learn Photoshop
• Pretend to be single, then blog about meeting, courting, and marrying my husband who is a vampire--have a vintage photo booth at reception
• Stop blogging about books I read (or start blogging about it 45% more--What does math mean?)
• Get a job, blog too much at work, and get fired
• Pull out my oak wooden floors, replace them with bamboo wooden floors, and let my readers choose between "dark" or "darker" in a survey on my sidebar--liveblog results from Home Depot (a sponsored post, obviously)
• Invent time machine; Invent Pinterest
• Have triplets and name them Foxtrot, Sledgehammer, and Soren.
• Streak at Blogher
• Get a favicon--Favicons are game changers. You know it. I know it. 

Wish me luck and I'll see you ten years and 50 points later! Give or take five points.

Books I Read In November: 2011

Who wants to know what I read in November? Get psyched!

Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children by Ransom Riggs. This is a weird novel. I like it. The author started a with a collection of weird old photos and wrote a story to fit the pictures. It's pretty good. You should definitely check it out and at least look at the photographs.


State of Wonder by Ann Patchett. This is a wonderfully written, interesting novel. I always looked forward to reading it--ya'll know I quit reading a book if it bores me or if I'm not in the mood--so it's sort of inexplicable that I feel like this book was boring. That's sad. But it's how I feel. I have no idea why it's called State of Wonder. It's about the jungle and medical ethics and the Prime Directive. 



*A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L'Engle. I read this out loud to the kids. It is so good. This (along with The Yellow House Mystery) was my favorite book in grade school. It holds up. Have you read it? Remember how repulsive IT is? Remember how Charles Wallace initially avoids being brainwashed by shouting nursery rhymes while IT rhythmically recites times tables? Math is evil.


*Cornflakes with John Lennon by Robert Hilburn. Robert Hilburn is a music columnist for the LA Times. He interviews everyone awesome and has amazing taste. I love him. He is smart and passionate and interesting. And what's great is that famous people like Bono and John Lennon love Bob too. He's not "cool" and he doesn't try too hard but they respect his opinion and seek him out. I wish I were him and I wish every book were this book. I could read 10,000 more pages about how much Bob loves Bruce Springsteen, because I love Bruce Springsteen. He "gets" Indie rock that people like in order to be the only ones who like it but he's much more interested in rock legends who have mass appeal and are good (by his standards). He's totally buds with Bob Dylan.



The Girl Who Circumnavigated Fairyland in a Ship of her Own Making by Catherynne Valente. This is kind of fun.

Now that it's cold and windy all I want to do is sit (or lay) with a blanket (or duvet) and read. What would make for some cozy reading? Alternatively, what books should Christian get me for Christmas?

I Just Finished Watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer

So if you'll indulge me by pretending it's 10ish years ago and I'm not in an alternate Buffy-less, Tivo-less dimension having babies and watching Blues Clues we can discuss Buffy as if I were actually there at your finale party wearing chunky shoes, Spuffy T-shrit,  and a really long denim skirt. SPOILERS.

First of all it really must be said that it's got to be hard to pull off a TV series. You don't know how long you have--2 seasons or 8? You have to think a lot about episodes and arcs in addition to the whole big picture, and you have (if you're lucky) crazy fans with lots of expectations.  I recognize that some of the things that bother me about the Buffy series are par for the course when running a TV show (and by bother I just mean I like to talk about them, not that I don't like the show because I do).

I think Joss Whedon is great and awesome, and I would love to hang out and talk to him. I like how he steals from X-Files, Lord of the Rings, Marvel, Dragon Ball Z, Harry Potter, etc. etc. He's cool. But you can't lift your apocalyptic vision of uber-vamps directly from The Two Towers' orcs without inviting comparison.  I feel that the end of Sunnydale lacks the gravitas of a Return of the King and it's not just because Whedon is an atheist and Tolkien and I are Christians, though that's part of it. The Christian myth resonates with me because I believe in it but it resonates with lots of nonbelievers too. But the battle between good and evil suggests some kind of morality and Buffy is definitely fighting for the good.  I don't think you have to be a Christian to be moral. But I think Joss Whedon shirks. I think as an atheist he wants to say, "this is not the good vs. evil story you are expecting. Or if it is, I will turn it on it's ear and say it's about power and empowerment and control or something else contemporary and meta like feminism." And that is fine. Like I said, I think he's great. I think feminism is great. But I think there is just a little bit of inconsistency in the last two seasons and it bothered me because I was all in.  By the time I'd gotten through the first 5 seasons I understood that it was contemporary and meta. I didn't need to see a weird dark Buffy treating Spike like crap just to show me that she stands apart like Batman, especially because she's all baby-gooey whenever she sees Angel so it made her responses to Spike--even in the last episode--seem like cold rejection. I didn't get it. It was almost like Buffy was using Spike right up to the end. But he did the right thing anyway, which was great. From interviews it seems like James Marsters is kind of obnoxious and unlikable. Maybe Sarah Michelle Gellar just couldn't get past that.  I think Whedon wrote a great part for Spike and I like what he said and did and even what Buffy said but it was Gellar's acting that confused me. Even in the end it seems like she doesn't like Spike that much. And maybe she doesn't. Because he tried to rape her! That should never have happened and I'll tell you why: You don't come back from that--you shouldn't come back from that. Spike spent season after season slowly redeeming himself by protecting Dawn and fighting with the Scoobies. He was already earning redemption. That scene took a huge clumsy step backwards.  It felt gratuitous and there just wasn't enough time to work it all out.

I know Whedon was leery of turning BTVS into the Spike show and did not want to repeat the "Buffy loves an ensouled vampire" story, but what he essentially did was waste all of James Marster's great acting and the great writing of season 5 on the bad boyfriend idea of season 6. I hated it.  I think Sarah Michelle Gellar was unsure how to play it. I don't know. I found it unsatisfying and confusing. I think it's because Whedon wanted to leave it open for Angel and Buffy for all the Angel fans and also give some closure to the Spuffy shippers like myself. But it bugged me because leaving it open gave me nothing. The cookie-dough speech Buffy gives Angel was a feminist nod that I appreciated but the I'm-not-a-complete-woman-yet-so-I-don't-want-a-man-yet resolution feels more like just a solution to the problem of Buffy fans being split on who she should like best rather than the "real" story.  From interviews I get the feeling Whedon likes Spike better. So I'm unsatisfied with this resolution which leaves it open--even while being fully aware Whedon was laying groundwork for future comics and spinoffs.

Anyway, I'm more interested in true partnerships than self-actualization. I think we can go beyond hear me roar feminism into partnerships and what makes great marriages. That is part of what I loved about Harry Potter. It's not just about a loner superhero or an emasculated Hobbit.  And it's not just an awesome strong female lead but in Harry Potter men and women work together and fall in love and have mutual respect and create a legacy of standing up against evil. I love Ginny and Harry. I love that Ron and Hermione get married. I love those teams and I want to hear more about that. I really like Aragorn and Arwen, too. Spike and Buffy could be like that.

Spike's speech to Buffy the night before she gets the scythe is beautiful and right. But it ended with, "You're one helluva woman," which is exactly what Riley said which suggests that Spike is just another guy that Buffy doesn't really love back. Also, when she tells him she loves him right before he dies it is underscored by him saying, "No you don't. But thanks for saying that."  I cried when Buffy ended because Buffy didn't love Spike enough. And it's probably because he tried to rape her and I totally blame Whedon for that because he wanted to show that no one is completely good or evil and heroes are complicated and all that but, again, after 7 seasons--I'm ready to let Spike be a champion and get the girl. At the very least I wanted to see Buffy be sweet to Spike. There were plenty of great moments with Spike being sweet to Buffy but never a fully sweet moment for her. She always had a glazed, reserved look in her eye.  Be a strong feminist and also be sweet to Spike.That's where we need to go with feminism right now which is why Up All Night is one of my favorite new shows. But I'll talk about that another time. I guess Buffy really loves Angel best, which is lame and less interesting. I mean, I might as well be watching Twilight.

Other thoughts: It's great that Anya dies. I always hated her and was bugged considerably by her "acting," which seems to consist of holding her fingers and nodding with wide eyes while saying stupid, rude things. I love Andrew (Tucker's brother). He's the voice of nerdy Buffy fans who gets to comment right there on the show instead of waiting to go into a chat room later that night after it airs. I felt the cast got really unwieldy before Tara died so I was glad to see her go. I thought the attitude toward Willow and magic was inconsistent. She gets addicted and they want her to stop but then they think she's selfish because she won't wield her power to help toward the end. And Buffy gives a speech about how she's better than Willow because she is willing to use her power. That's one of the inconsistencies. She also gives a speech to rally Spike about how she needs him to be a killer instead of having a conscience and it's really confusing. I also thought it  was inconsistent for Giles to turn on Spike and lie to Buffy after a 5-second conversation with Principal Wood who he had just met. I like Giles being all-knowing and fatherly. Whedon didn't have to throw in his fallibility there at the end just for good measure. I guess it makes the point that Buffy had finally grown up and had the best judgement? But she learned all about ethics from Giles. So that was weird.

I loved Xander's speech to Dawn about how she isn't special, "She's extraordinary." That was good. See, I don't want Whedon to shy away from moralizing. I've heard him say that not believing in an afterlife makes our actions here and now the only thing that matters. Actually, I think Angel says that but Whedon thinks it and that's a great and interesting message. Nathan Fillion is awesome as Caleb--a real scene stealer. I'm looking forward to watching him in Firefly. The whole show is really compelling and I liked it a lot. I'm behind on my Angel episodes but I do know Spike gets resurrected. I'll be closing this blog down and focusing on my Spuffy artwork here. Just kidding! I'm totally over how Joss Whedon made Buffy not love Spike as completely as she should have! I mean, it was ten years ago. Don't you think they make a great couple though? (Season 6 bathroom floor debacle notwithstanding.)