Sunday, June 17, 2012

Gunter Glieben Glauchen Globen

When I saw Rock of Ages last night some people walked out of the theater about 30 minutes into the movie. Hey, I respect them for it. It is kind of obscene (PG13). Don't take your kids to it. Frankly, it was no worse than any White Snake video I watched when I was 12.

I didn't walk out of Rock of Ages because I liked it.

I totally love heavy metal from the 80s. Not as in, "Isn't this a dumb old song from the 80s?" But as in, I actually think Def Leppard is a really good band. I do--like, seriously.

I know it's not hip but it doesn't change the way I feel. Rock of Ages is campy and jokey but as I listened to the music I thought--this is great music and it is no joke.

I like to think I have good taste in music (I think most people like to think that). Who's to say whether it's "good." I do know that my love of music is totally earnest and unselfconscious. We used to have very little control over what we listened to. We listened to whatever came on the radio. I laid on the floor outside my sister's room and listened to whatever she was blasting. You couldn't choose a song on an iPod or search for anything on Spotify. I think people were more tolerant of different genres. Now a days you could go your whole life without ever hearing top 40.

When I was little I used to sit on the counter and play music on a tape player that was in the window sill above the sink. The first song I really fell in love with was "Copacabana" by Barry Manilow. I LOVED it. I died over "Mandy." I asked for a Barry Manilow record for Christmas and I got one--along with a disco kid record player with flashing lights. Talk about lame, right? Not at all--It was awesome! See, I'm totally self-aware about music. I'm just not self-conscious about it.

I know this story would be cooler if it had been Chuck Berry or The Clash that turned me on to music. But it wasn't. It was Barry Manilow. Then it was A-Ha and Howard Jones and Bon Jovi and Def Leppard. I'm equal opportunity, man. And I defy you to name a more beautiful song than "Home Sweet Home" by Motley Crue. It's a lullaby. It's an anthem.

So I basically know every word to every song in Rock of Ages because I had heard every song a thousand times at that age when you memorize everything effortlessly. I didn't even know I knew it. Heavy metal is easy to memorize. It's so obvious. It's not clever. It's sincere. Don't get me wrong. We used to make fun of Steve Perry and the guys in Foreigner, especially. The aren't cool. But oh, I love to sing along. I defy you to name a more beautiful song than "Faithfully" by Journey. It's a love note. It's a vow.

In the 80s heavy metal was on MTV all the time. You think Rock of Ages is thin on plot? Light in depth? Hardly. If you think of it as a music video it is positively rich in imagery, tension, and story. It's one of the best music videos I've ever seen. And that includes Guns N' Roses' video for "November Rain," which I defy you to find a more beautiful song than. It's a trial separation. It's a hymn.

Even as I write this I am of two minds. There are jokes to be made about this era with the "music" and the "hair" and the "guitar solos" but those jokes are all on me because Speedwagon makes me tear up and Pat Benatar is a stone-cold hero.  Like, I really think that.

14 comments:

  1. I used to be embarrassed when people told me I looked like Pat Benatar. Now I wear that badge with honor, except that when I tell people that I look like Pat Benatar they give me a funny look. Then I realize they don't know who I am talking about and I'm embarrassed that I am so old. (Except, I'm not.) Welcome to 40, by the way.

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    1. Don't be embarrassed that your old--it's sets a bad example to the young people.

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    2. Your? Welcome to old age :) You're going to be great at it -- and make it cool.

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  2. I have yet to see the movie, but ever since I saw the first preview (on iTunes like 5 months ago) my stomach has done a flip. I LOVE me some 80's hair band music. I'm so with you on this and few people get that I really love it. Not in the ironic way you mentioned, but in a true I-get-butterflies-in-my-stomach kind of way. I felt it even when I saw them sing 'We built this City' and 'We're not gonna take it' in the preview. I'm not expecting it to be this wholesome show and I'm sure it won't win any awards, but I'm still going to see it - that music is in my bones.

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    1. It's SO in my bones too. I bet you love the movie.

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  3. I liked 80s hair bands ironically. I used to make fun of it. But now I realize that I know all the words to all those songs and I like it. I like that I know all the words and that all those songs and all those bands are tied up with a lot of really great memories. I love Rock of Ages unapologetically (except that one part).

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  4. Oh, man, I listened to my Barry Manilow album so many times, I remember my mom calling up the stairs "Oh, Kristen, REALLY??" as I started it for perhaps the twelfth time in a single sitting (for about the millionth day in a row). Also: Air Supply, The Mamas and the Papas, and Starship.

    I heard Skid Row's "I Remember You" the other day and thought, "Whoa. That is REALLY GOOD SINGING."

    I've seen the preview for Rock of Ages and it looked AWESOME. I'm worried I won't like it as much as I think I will.

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  5. You've seen a million faces, and you've rocked them all.

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  6. Okay. Now I can't wait to see this.

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  7. I am smack in the middle of the target demographic for this movie. I used to head-bang to this music at school dances, and I thought I was the coolest, even thought I was a huge dork. Remember head-banging? The other day a Def Leppard song came on the radio and I made my kids stop talking and listen, so they could hear what a one-armed drummer sounds like, because he's amazing. Oh, remember the Scorpions? Remember Damn Yankees? I tried to get my oldest son to sing melody while I sang harmony on "High Enough" when it came on the radio a while ago, and he was totally embarrassed for both of us. But he's just being a dumb kid. It's a fantastic song.

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  8. one of my earliest memories is being at my friend's house and watching the "november rain" video on mtv (we were NOT allowed to watch mtv in the terrill house, probably because of videos like "november rain"). anyway, my memory is of being kind of freaked out by the funeral part but not knowing what the song was or who sang it, and i didn't make the connection till many years later. but man, what a good song. (the video still does sort of freak me [except for the slash part—that's pretty awesome] out but only because of the memory of watching it when i was 7 years old). a trial separation and a hymn indeed.

    i also remember watching richard marx performing "right here waiting" on mtv before my parents canceled cable. that song has always held a special place in my heart as a bittersweet memory from those cable days...

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  9. Oh, man. Pat Benatar IS a stone cold hero! And even though I spent most of the 80's obsessed with 60's music, I defy you to find a more beautiful song than "Sweet Child O' Mine." Also, if Axl's hair and Slash's hair had a baby, it would be my hair.

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  10. I couldn't stand any of it at the time. All stoners and hessians! And of course in HS it was all very much us vs. them, and I was all geeked out with my glossy, anti- product hair and nerd glasses and thrift store clothes and I loathed the ramen-haired rockers. UNTIL g-n-r, baby. For some reason, Appetite for Destruction crossed all boundaries (red hot chili peppers did, too, at my school...true men don't kill coyotes! ). Like Lisa, I discovered much later- like when I bought Power Ballads and truly loved it- that music did get under my skin and define my H S years, as much as I hated it. I totally agree with you about Faithfully...it was our prom song, I had a goblet with fancy purple cursive writing that read, " Forever Yours, Faithfully" It's beautiful. Also, I Cant Fight This Feelin' Was the soundtrack to my first gnarly crush in 7 th grade...lookin forward to the film, tho I hate Tom Cruise

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  11. THANK YOU FOR THIS POST. I will refer to it often in my own blog. I am CONSTANTLY mocked for my musical taste. I think my taste in music is out of sight while others...well they think the opposite. I love 80's and early 90's metal. Like LOVE it. I loved it then, when I had Mrs. Axl Rose written on my trapper keeper, I love it now, as my husband and I watch the GNR live in Tokyo DVD every month.

    I think Def Leppard is a band of genius...I DARE you to listen to Hysteria and tell me different. I think Poison, Motley Crue, Skid Row, Alice Cooper, Lita Ford, and even WASP are great. I see Iron Maiden every time they come to SLC and I drive for miles to see REO and Styx.I am in the crowd of state fairs for Eddie Money and Tesla. I have the Runaways as my ringtone

    This music is good. And catchy. And written with heart. And it rocks me to my core. I have no tolerance for the wimpy boys out there with their acoustic guitars and breathy voices. Give me Axl's voice ANY DAY.

    And music videos? Puh-lease....Headbangers Ball was a staple at my house. And when "November Rain" fist aired I cried. No one painted themselves naked in an attempt to be artistic. HELL NO they just ROCKED.

    Anyway what I am trying to say is I love this. Perhaps it is my age (35), but you can bet my little baby girl will grow up rocking out to Pat and Joan.

    ROCK ON

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