Every Day I Write the Book

Re-purposing Alt Summit Swag

2012-02-08T08:00:00.000-07:00

Blogging conferences (I've only been to one) are inspiring. You feel creative. You get a break from the mundane. I was so inspired at Alt Design Summit, in fact, that I got a wild hair to put on my own blogging conference in Provo, Utah. (2013, anyone?)

When I came home from the conference my house seemed lovelier, my children more endearing, and my dog better-behaved. It was a treat. Note: Everything is back to normal now.

At Alt I got this big present. It was exciting.

Here is how I re-purposed (some might say "upcycled") the swag:

The ribbon was cut within an inch of its life for my Priesthood Preview invitations. It's not the actual priesthood, it's a preview of the priesthood and it comes (in this case) with root beer floats!

The mail chimp monkey was given to my son, left on the floor, and claimed by Frances as a special, tasty, chew toy. Look how she guards it! Frances the dog, brought to you by Mail Chimp.

Personally, I think the Cottonelle toilet paper covers are too good for toilet paper. But they aren't too good for Ellen's valentines.

In my gift box there was a long, nude, stretchy swatch of fabric.

For Ben it serves as an ad hoc bald cap.

I'm thinking all you need for a great conference is a beautiful location, wonderful food, interesting classes, engaging speakers, and amazing swag. That shouldn't be too hard to throw together.

Still Awesome: Pele?

2012-02-06T08:00:00.000-07:00

Yes. Of course Pele is still awesome.

Even Nazis get it.

Book Report: And Nothing But the Truthiness

2012-02-03T08:00:00.002-07:00

I just read And Nothing but the Truthiness: The Rise (and Further Rise) of Stephen Colbert. Colbert is just as smart as a whip and super interesting. This book explains where Stephen came from and how "Colbert" the persona emerged. It also talks about how he and Amy Sedaris collaborate on projects. Teaser: She lays on the couch.

Here are some things I learned from this book: Colbert is the youngest of 11 kids. His father and 2 of his brothers died in a plane crash when he was 10 years old. The people who work at The Daily Show eat a lot of Lucky Charms. Colbert is a Sunday School teacher. He sings "I Want You to Want Me" to get psyched before his show. The only interview that really rattled him was Jane Fonda because she sat on his lap. He assumed "Bill O'Reilly" was an exaggerated persona just like "Stephen Colbert" is an exaggerated persona, but it's not.

I love this:

The Colbert Report
Get More: Colbert Report Full Episodes,Political Humor & Satire Blog,Video Archive

Reminiscing Unfondly about Sleep Deprivation

2012-01-31T12:20:00.000-07:00

I am [knock on wood] doing great. I don't feel depressed, mad, tired, overwhelmed, and out of it like I did the first ten years of having kids. I am sure this has everything to do with getting more sleep. If you are in the thick of sleep deprivation it might make you cry to think about other people getting a good night's sleep. I am not saying this to make you feel worse. I just want you to know that there is hope. Sure--it's many, many years away (depending on how many babies you have) but it exists. You might think you are inept at things, can't get it together, don't understand how other people actually do things. It's not you, it's sleep. Just know that you are not functioning on full capacity and you won't for a while. I wrote this two years ago:

I’m lucky because my youngest child, now almost 2, has always sleptperfectly and easily. Before you decide to hate me like we hate those peoplewho just can’t seem to gain weight, know that I have 3 other kids who have putme through the ringer. Christian and I are so over staying up all night withkids. We can’t take it. It’s as if little Ellen came to us knowing that onemore round of crawling away from the crib on our hands and knees while holdingour breath would kill us.

That said, Ellen is going through a phase. I refuse to think of it asanything else (like a permanent change–Don’t even SAY that). She’s nappingirregularly and waking up all night. I blame daylight savings. And diaper rash.And a growth spurt. And, in a moment of desperation last night with aflashlight, pin worms. I also blame the devil. It really sucks. The crying, thenumbness of arms, the obsessive adding and subtracting to figure out the hoursof sleep you will or will not get, letting her cry for too long, givingin and regretting giving in but wishing you would have just given in and put onSuper Why 5 hours ago. As awful as it is, it does make me appreciatethat it is not always like that anymore. It used to ALWAYS belike that. With little non-sleeping kids, you live like a zombie and you don’teven know it until you come out of the haze 11 years later feeling refreshed.And suddenly you have the time and stamina to foster dogs, sew dresses, and bloglike a mother.

I’m sure I’ll miss my babies when they are grown (people always say you do).But here’s some food for thought: What if I don’t? I have an11-year-old and while I occasionally feel pangs as he grows, I don’t miss himas a baby. Now he’s fun to talk to, has good taste in books and movies, cancarry stuff, and knows how to make quesadillas. What’s to miss?

I just want to say that I get even more sleep now because I regularly take a nap while Ellen watches a show in the afternoon. I do have to stay up late in order to pick up my son--now 14--from games and activities but for the most part life is getting better. And I still don't miss having a baby. I mean, I like babies and I appreciate them and remember my babies as being cute but I don't miss it. So if I can spare you the guilt you feel when old ladies tell you to "Enjoy this time" I would like to do that. You should enjoy it if you can but if you don't--don't feel bad.

No Pictures Please: Merchant of Venice

2012-01-30T10:35:00.000-07:00

Last weekend my mom and I took the kids to one of my favorite Shakespeare plays at BYU. It was only 50 minutes, which was sweet. My kids hate having their pictures taken and now even Ellen screams, "Don't put this on your blog!"

Oh, navigating the digital age with children!

One of my blogging goals this year was to actually sign in to my Instagram account and learn how to put pictures on my blog in a grid-like formation as you see above. Done. People on Twitter taught me how. Are you glad they did?

Oh, navigating the digital age with myself!

Still Awesome: Ferris Bueller?

2012-01-27T12:00:00.000-07:00

Ugh. If Ferris Bueller is this old, what does that make me?

But yes, Ferris Bueller's Day Off will always be awesome. I'm not sure if it's timeless in its humor or coolness. Probably not? But for us it was mind-blowingly meta before meta was even a thing. GET THIS: At the end of the movie Ferris Bueller looks at the audience and tells them to, "Go home--the movie's over!" Have you seen Citizen Kane? I found it quite boring. But apparently its use of flashbacks was incredibly mind-blowing at the time. Ferris Bueller is the same. Remember when Lost flashed forward? That was so great!

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Book Report: The Submission

2012-01-27T08:00:00.000-07:00

The first book I read this year was The Submission: A Novel. It's very interesting and smart. A Muslim is chosen anonymously to design the 9/11 memorial. When people find out that he's a Muslim, they go nuts. I LOVE the ending so if you finish it and want to talk about it, I'm here for you.

This book is fiction but you know it's sort of like what really happened with the memorial, right? Oh I just love interestingness. The Submission is one of the best books I've read all year. It sure feels good to call this a "Book Report." It's a short post about a book I liked which I read entirely and didn't skim. The "Book Reports" I gave in high school were a little bit the opposite of what I just said.

Growing a Boy: Sam

2012-01-25T12:25:00.000-07:00

It takes a long time and I'm still not done.

But he got his braces off today--so I can cross that off the list.

Still Awesome: Chevy Chase?

2012-01-24T08:00:00.001-07:00

There was a time when Chevy Chase was awesome.

Is he still awesome?

I say, No.

I'm Home From Alt Summit

2012-01-22T00:16:00.000-07:00

I got home from Alt Summit today. It started on Wednesday night with a surprise (but ineffective) drive-by shooting. Luckily I wasn't at the crime scene because I was safely watching Modern Family while eating one of the new Wendys Singles. I have been so sick of Wendys over the last few years but the new singles are very tasty. The bun is better than it used to be and they have sweet pickles on them. It makes a big difference and keeps you safe from gang bangers.

The next morning started off rather congenially with a leisurely breakfast of cereal and uninterrupted checking of news [Twitter]. I was happy to hear that Greg has rejoined the Wiggles! I'm so glad he is well again. I went to classes, ate snacks, and met cool people. I networked and felt synergy. It was inspiring. Meeting Nat the Fat Rat gave me the greatest idea: Someone (maybe me) should make (commission) a stuffed plush toy of her. She is the most adorable thing I've ever seen. I want her to be a lovey for my kids. It would be so cute. I would buy several. I know a lot of people who would.

That night there was a "white party." I went shopping before the Summit to find something new to wear but everything I tried on made me look like Aging Olvia Newton-John. I ended up wearing a. . .

white shirt.

At the party I met most of the Stanley clan. The Stanleys are Gabby of Design Mom's siblings and in-laws. As I understand it, the Stanleys met when Gabby assembled a crack team to pull off a very lucrative but very dangerous heist. She needed a hacker, an acrobat, a driver, the brains, the muscle, the wise guy, and someone with a lot of heart. Jared, Rebecca, Salem, Josh, Lis, Steve Urquhart, and Jordan answered her ad in the paper. Gabby's been trying to go legit ever since with these blog conferences. But, bless her heart--"THEY KEEP PULLING ME BACK IN!"

On Friday there were interesting classes, cool people, and even prime rib. On Saturday I came home and that's where I am now. Way to be, Alt Summit.

I'm Going to a Blog Conference

2012-01-18T12:46:00.003-07:00

Lisa and I are going to SLC for a blog conference today. It's the Alt Design Summit. I'm really excited to go. Nothing makes me love my family more than leaving them for a few days. In fact, it's quite common for me to get homesick whenever I go anywhere. (Then I come home and I'm in a bad mood like that, as if I never left.)

For the conference I got business cards that say "writer" on them. You can get business cards that say anything. It's pretty validating to see it in print. Next time I might get cards that say "sharp shooter," or "maven." At Alt Summit I will meet the Blog Fairy who designed my cards and in a moment I am anticipating to be very surreal, I will hand her one.

I wonder what the conference will be like. Will I meet Dooce? Will I have to flash anyone for beads? Will there be a dance off? Will I find out that I have a cult-like following among design bloggers? It's possible that all of these things will happen.

Lisa and I are staying off-site at her Aunt's condo. I wonder if she will help me get my boots off at night--I wonder if she knows I am expecting her to. I wonder what expectations Lisa has for me and whether or not I will feel comfortable with them.

So, I'll be off to the big city in a few hours. Has anyone been to a conference before? Any words of advice for me? I've got my food basket packed.

I Don't Do Zumba

2012-01-13T17:55:00.000-07:00

Several months ago my friend Lisa asked me if I wanted to join the gym with her. I knew I was at a crossroads. I knew that a good friend would accept the invitation. I also knew that I've belonged to a gym before and hated it. What would I choose? I value friendship as much as I value not working out with people. How could these two things be at odds? It seemed like one of those fake but excruciating scenarios you worry about in seminary where you are forced to either lie or drink coffee.

Well, I chose not to join the gym. In other words, I didn't choose Lisa. In other words, I chose not to do something that makes me uncomfortable instead of choosing to be there for Lisa. I chose to do the opposite of what a good friend would do. I denied Shirley her Laverne. I'm sure Lisa and I would be closer if I had gone on her Zumba journey with her...but I didn't want to and we're close enough already.

So when Lisa had the opportunity to try on some active wear for Old Navy's big promotion tomorrow (in-store demonstrations, huge discounts) I went along gamely. After denying her request for a work-out buddy, it was the least (pretty much the very least) I could do. It was fun!

I tried on the tight stretchy pants and they are good and do hold your fat in/support your muscles. I found myself ruing the day I blew my Kohls Cash on cheap yoga pants right after Christmas because the Old Navy ones looked way better and through the clever use of seaming or maybe it's a spell it made me look like I had a good body on the bottom. I mean, not like a 10 but better than a 5 and my goal has always been to land somewhere on the positive side of neutral. I didn't buy any of the pants but I can attest to their max control and wicking ability. They are kind of like Spanx, actually. If you hurry in to the American Fork Old Navy you might even get a pair with some of my dry skin flakes still in them at no added cost, which you can sell on Ebay for, like, a lot. I know that's gross. I don't know why I said it. It makes buying the pants I tried on less appealing and that's not what I meant to have happen at all.

I did get this sweet little number which I totally love:

You can plug your phone into the pocket and listen to it on your drawstrings! You catch my drift? The drawstrings are headphones. It's like H. G. Wells designed it. So when you imagine me running on the treadmill (which I hate), doing my iPhone Yoga App (which I love, but it seems to be a little heavy on the rest), or lofting my kettlebell high into the air after swooping it down into a firming squat (which I also hate), or walking the dog (which I don't mind), picture me wearing this with my [regrettably, lower-quality] yoga pants [from Kohls] on. Actually, don't picture it. That's why I didn't join the gym in the first place.

See you at Old Navy on Saturday for the sale and Zumba demos! (Maybe I'll treat myself to some new bottoms. Even if it means that I totally wasted my Kohls cash--I could buy them with the Old Navy Super Cash I got today and everything will come out even.)

Resolutions for 2012

2012-01-12T19:49:00.000-07:00

We have had such a light winter without snow that I am feeling fresh and springy. It makes me want to make New Year's resolutions--except for the moisture naysayers fretting over the snowpack which will make us very thirsty come August. (It's like you can't enjoy anything.)

Nevertheless, I haven't felt cold and oppressed (which I don't mind) and I think it has led to great optimism. Here are my goals--I'm already working on them!

Stop reading blogs written by people I hate. Sure, I won't have anything to talk about but think of the time I'll save!

Wear Peds. Neat people always wear them. I want to start doing this consistently. They aren't really my favorite, though.

Patch the holes in my walls and paint over them with touch-up paint. I am giving myself a year to do this.

Pretend to be more friendly.

Strengthen my eyes. I am losing the ability to focus on small print close up. People (I'm guessing it's mostly evil optometrists) say you just lose these muscles when you get old but people (I'm guessing it was evil obstetricians) said it was impossible for me to have a *VBAC! What I'm basically doing is Kegels for my eyes.

Stop multi-tasking.

"Like" more people's runs on Facebook. I'm shooting for liking about 3-5 miles of runs the first 2 weeks and I'll slowly work up to liking about 21 kilometers by the end of the year. I'm determined to finally do it this year.

Pretend to be more enthusiastic. (Step 1: Use more exclamation points in texts.)

Laminate more.

Just enjoy it.

Develop a signature pot luck dish.

Sip drinking chocolate every night.

All of these resolutions are just smaller parts of my personal theme for 2012 which is, "Be My Best Authentic Self." I like the way "authentic" modifies the word "best." My design theme for 2012 is "An Illusion of Freshness." I like the way "illusion"modifies the word "freshness." My family theme this year is, "Quickly I obey." It's ironic, of course.

Cheers!

*Impossible because I've never had a cesarean but I LAUGHED IN THEIR FACES.

2011: The Year in Books

2012-01-04T16:28:00.000-07:00

2011--It certainly was a year, wasn't it? Here's an annotated list of what I read:

Sway: The Irresistible Pull of Irrational Behavior: Medium interesting
Outliers: The Story of Success: Very interesting. You should read it.
The Glass Castle: A Memoir: You should read it.
Truce: The Day the Soldiers Stopped Fighting: Wonderful. I loved it
The Water Seeker: Good YA book. Lady dies in childbirth though.
The Man Who Loved Books Too Much: The True Story of a Thief, a Detective, and a World of Literary Obsession: Pretty interesting. It made me want to visit Ken Sanders Rare Books in SLC which I still have not done. Shoot.
Gifted: Good story Karey White!
The Other End of the Leash: Why We Do What We Do Around Dogs: Oh. I just love dogs.
Other People's Rejection Letters: Relationship Enders, Career Killers, and 150 Other Letters You'll Be Glad You Didn't Receive: Pretty interesting.
I Was Told There'd Be Cake: Essays: This is really good and I'm jealous of Sloane Crosley.
The Passage: A Novel:Love!
Tim Gunn: A Guide to Quality, Taste and Style (Tim Gunn's Guide to Style): I'll be so sad when Tim Gunn dies. He's a class act.
How Did You Get This Number: Another one by Sloane Crosley. I think the other one is better--but both are funny!
I Feel Bad About My Neck: And Other Thoughts On Being a Woman (Vintage): I'm also jealous of Nora Ephron. She's funny.
Squirrel Seeks Chipmunk: A Modest Bestiary: David Sedaris, you magnificent weirdo.
Stuff White People Like: A Definitive Guide to the Unique Taste of Millions: It's funny because it's true.
The Hidden Gifts of the Introverted Child: Helping Your Child Thrive in an Extroverted World: So validating.
Siblings Without Rivalry: How to Help Your Children Live Together So You Can Live Too: Yeah right.
As I Have Loved You: I forgot about this book. It's good. Very life-affirming.
A Discovery of Witches: A Novel (All Souls Trilogy): Oh how I hated this book. But it could have been so good! If only the vampire and the witch didn't fall in love doing earnest sexy yoga together.
Half Broke Horses: A True-Life Novel: A prequel to The Glass Castle--also super interesting, weird, and good.
A Secret Kept: Not great. Spoiler: THEY'RE LESBIANS.
I Am the Messenger: Kind of cool. Nothing is as good as The Book Thief though. That must be hard to live with. And wonderful to live with.
Real Simple: Cleaning: Meh. I like the pictures. I also like my maid.
The Children You Want With the Kids You Have: My kids were so offended when I read this. HAHAHA.
What Would Jackie Do?: An Inspired Guide to Distinctive Living: Fun.
Lists to Live By for Every Caring Family: For Everything That Really Matters: Nice and good.
Notes from the Underwire: Adventures from My Awkward and Lovely Life: This is the book I would write if I were a former child star. Too bad I'm nothing.
Little House in the Big Woods - Teacher Guide by Novel Units, Inc. (Little House-the Laura Years): Love!
Little House on the Prairie 75th Anniversary Edition: Love!
Farmer Boy (Little House): Love!
On the Banks of Plum Creek (Little House, Book 4): Love!
By the Shores of Silver Lake (Little House): Love!
In Zanesville: A Novel: Really good and reminiscent of my 70s childhood.
:The Likeness: A Novel: This is a pretty good murder mystery.
Whatever Happened to Pudding Pops?: The Lost Toys, Tastes, and Trends of the 70s and 80s: This is really fun.
Jane Eyre: What a great book. Glad I read it for pleasure now instead of not reading it for a class in college.
Peace Like a River: If this book were my life's work I'd be pretty pleased. You should read it.
Bossypants: Oh Tina, YOU'RE SO GREAT!
The Busy Mom's Guide to a Happy, Organized Home: Fast Solutions to Hundreds of Everyday Dilemmas: Kathy Peel puts me in my place whenever I read her books. She's kind of a domestic guru.
Major Pettigrew's Last Stand: A Novel:Such a lovely book. It's worth reading.
Escaping the Endless Adolescence: How We Can Help Our Teenagers Grow Up Before They Grow Old:This is one of my top 5 recommended parenting books. You should read it if you're going to have a tween soon.
And the Pursuit of Happiness: Really cool. I wish I were in illustrator. Or had some kind of talent.
Made from Scratch: Discovering the Pleasures of a Handmade Life: I totally related to this book until she started playing the fiddle to her chickens. I'm not that down home. But I like the idea of being that down home.
Junk Foodie: 51 Delicious Recipes for the Lowbrow Gourmand: A fun book about making gourmet things with junk food.
Horoscopes for the Dead: Poems: If I ever meet Billy Collins I will embarrass myself so bad.
Her Fearful Symmetry: Pretty good little creepy book.
Little Town on the Prairie (Little House): Love!
Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother: Veeeerrrry interesting. She's psycho but she knows what she's doing. I respect her.
A Jane Austen Education: How Six Novels Taught Me About Love, Friendship, and the Things That Really Matter: I don't really even remember this, but I like the sound of it.
Silver Sparrow: Very good fiction.
This Life Is in Your Hands: One Dream, Sixty Acres, and a Family Undone: Very good non-fiction. I liked this a lot.
Growing Up: Gospel Answers About Maturation and Sex: Very informative. Get this if you're going to have a tween soon.
Mr. Chartwell: A Novel: I really liked this. There's no other book like it.
Among Others: Really good--even if I didn't get half the sci-fi/fantasy references.
The Weird Sisters: Oh yeah. This book was not half bad.
Stories I Only Tell My Friends: An Autobiography: Rob Lowe's book is great and surprisingly interesting. You should read it--it will make you wish President Bartlett were up for re-election this November.
Make the Bread, Buy the Butter: What You Should and Shouldn't Cook from Scratch -- Over 120 Recipes for the Best Homemade Foods: Such a great idea for a cookbook.
A Visit from the Goon Squad: What a cool, amazing book. Read it if your read rated Rs.
Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children: I liked this a lot and thought the real photos were neat.
State of Wonder: A really great and thought-provoking book.
A Wrinkle in Time (Madeleine L'Engle's Time Quintet): Read.
Corn Flakes with John Lennon: And Other Tales from a Rock 'n' Roll Life:One of my favorites that I read this year.
The Girl Who Circumnavigated Fairyland in a Ship of Her Own Making: Fun YA book.

And in December I read...

The Apothecary by Maile Meloy. It's my favorite YA from 2011. It should be a fun series.
And...

Room by Emma Donoghue. What a psycho story. It's compelling but I had to skip long bits of narration from the narrator, Caillou. Bleh. But also intriguing.

Happy New Year!