When I was little I used to play house all the time. I was the mom, of course. My husband's name was "Steve." We had two beautiful children! Page Ann--our baby girl--was a hot water bottle that wore my little sister's old baby sleepers. My toddler was a tan stuffed animal monkey with a big gross red smile. I dressed him in Carly's blue 2t corduroys and a sweat shirt that could be for a boy (but was really for a girl, because it was Carly's), and called him Benjamin Wells. That was my boy name always: Benjamin Wells. When my first son was born, my husband's family had a naming tradition we adhered to. So "Benjamin Wells" was given to my next son (born five years later). He just turned 7. He's not as weird as a monkey dressed in hand me downs (and much, MUCH more conventional than a water bottle dressed in a sleeper), but he's not at all what you might expect, either.
He calls me "Motheh" or "Kacy."
He likes to eat a big meatball at the Spaghetti Factory every year for his birthday.
Ben has humbled me more than any of my children--and by humble I mean humiliate. In his 7 years he has acted horribly in front of people, thrown fits in public, refused to speak at kindergarten evaluation, looked awful at church, behaved oddly around cashiers, and embarrassed me even though it has always been clear to me and Christian that Ben is good, bright, articulate, kind, thoughtful, and sensitive. You can't really be Ben's mother and care about what other people think of you and your parenting, which is really great because keeping up parenting appearances is exhausting.
I know it might sound weird that someone like me who carried around a headless water bottle in baby clothes ever really cared about parenting appearances but I did, and it is much easier and better when you don't . You don't take as many pictures of your kids in coordinating outfits and you let them drink way more Sprite than you should, but it's all for the best.
I know it might sound weird that someone like me who carried around a headless water bottle in baby clothes ever really cared about parenting appearances but I did, and it is much easier and better when you don't . You don't take as many pictures of your kids in coordinating outfits and you let them drink way more Sprite than you should, but it's all for the best.
I met Ben once. I put him to bed (in his clothes) and he sang himself to sleep with a little rendition of Mamma Mia. I was impressed he knew all the words.
ReplyDeleteAnd this is why parenting is mostly about keeping perspective.
ReplyDeleteI approve of your litmus test of awesomeness! (re: makes me look good) Ben has the best stories, and someday when he's a writing teacher, he will write his childhood memoirs.
ReplyDeleteI don't know Ben very well, but any child of yours would probably be a child I would like!
ReplyDeleteAnd there is justice in this world. He will have a child just like he was. And he will not love it at first - but then will embrace it!!
In my heart, Ben has moved from loved but alien to thoroughly loved and cool. He really doesn't care what the rest of us think of him, but he is, indeed, good and smart and all those other things.
ReplyDeleteI have a son that sounds a little like your description of Ben. Somehow I thought he might outgrow some of it. He's a teenager now -almost graduated- and I am REALLY glad he never did!
ReplyDeleteBen sounds cool. It's even better that he'll probably survive to adulthood, not like that Ellen.
ReplyDeleteI tend to prefer interacting with children with strong personality traits.
ReplyDeleteI love Ben, I love this post (you should publish it somewhere besides just the internet), and I love bubblesandgas.com. I want Ben to like me, so I will stop giving him high fives and start bringing out the poo and gas jokes.
ReplyDeleteI also have a Ben, but he has a pseudonym. And I also hope and pray for a teacher who will love him. Thank you for this. Sometimes I need perspective.
ReplyDeleteI have a litmus test child and her name is Josie. I know a lot about a person by the way they respond to her. If all my children were like Calvin, I would be all smug and superior. But thanks to Jos I try to restrict my judgments just to those who take their two year olds barefoot into Walmart late at night in 20 degree weather. While recently telling Josie that "life is about work" and she'd be better off accepting that sooner rather than later, she looked at me and said "Mom, those are the types of things that people don't want to hear. I find this topic very unattractive."
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I think I would like Ben. My second son is named Sam, and he is a bit odd but hilarious. I think it is better when your kids don't make you look good from the beginning. Might as well figure out in toddlerhood that they just aren't going to be or do whatever it is we want. Heck, I'm just happy when I don't get calls and emails from the teacher.
ReplyDeleteNow, when I meet a mom who has quiet kids with perfect hair and clean shirts, or raise their hands in Primary, I think, poor lady, those kids have no personality.
Wow. Somebody really wants you to go to a Chinese chat room.
ReplyDeleteTotally love that song Ben's been singing.
I love this! I am so glad YOU realize how awesome Ben is. I've had my share of humbling (humiliating) parenting experiences. I am most proud of myself for the few times I've been able to keep things in perspective. You see, my "Ben" is my first, so I've been a bit too hyper about the whole thing.
ReplyDeleteWhat a charming story. Wow! Thank you for sharing with us. If I am ever blessed with a child, I hope I get a Ben!
ReplyDeleteAll the very best always,
M
i remember the hot water bottle... very well. Do you remember playing rich lady/poor lady and fighting over who had to be poor?
ReplyDelete