Family Movie Night

I love watching movies.  And if I can watch a movie I like with my kids, so much the better. But it's actually really hard these days to find a movie we can all watch together and enjoy. Generally, I don't like cartoons. I'm sick of paying money to sit through a crappy animated movie, such as Over the Hedge. I've done it for years because, you do. I hate it. I'm done. Luckily, there are some really decent movies for kids and, luckily, my kids are getting older. They are also, luckily, old enough to be dropped off at the movies when they want to see something I'm not interested in and, luckily, I can always read blogs on my iPhone if I do end up sitting through a movie with them that I don't like. My kids have pretty good taste, anyway.

Some good animated movies I like are: Megamind, and Toy Story 1, 2, 3. But I didn't really even love Up that much. It starts out great but then that colorful bird gets involved. I liked Cars but Cars 2 was insufferable. (Ugh, Mater--SPARE ME.) Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs is good. I loved the premise of Mars Needs Moms. Such potential to say something good and interesting! I liked the beginning where they don't take permissive moms--they only want good, firm moms. But I ended up hating that movie so much. The martian who wants the firm mom is a cruel, controlling matron who has banished all the males to a junk yard. I feel like this movie was written by someone who uses the term "femi-nazi." The men were worthless Rastafarian freakazoids. As if sitting through Jar Jar Binks the first time weren't painful enough. I appreciate that Mars Needs Moms tries to be pro-family but it misses the mark.

Additionally, it's not that my standards are super high, I'm just super picky. I don't want to show my kids crass movies with the F-word in them. I don't want to show them anything sexually explicit or nasty.  Mostly violence doesn't bother me. Drug use does. It's not funny to me and it I find it very disturbing. Stupid humor I can not tolerate, which is why I wouldn't allow my kids to see The Smurfs. In fact, I recorded Mystery Men to watch with my kids. I watched it first just to check it out. I really love parts of it and I think my kids would really like it. But it has so much crude humor I decided not to show it to them. Let them watch it with their friends some day. If I show it to them it's like I endorse it. I have a lot of hang ups. Sam is old enough to be sick of baby cartoon movies but Ellen is basically still into that. Maggie is sensitive to swears. Ben is impressionable. You have to be careful!

So last week I showed them one of my all-time favorite movies, Unstrung Heroes. Ellen fell asleep. It's not good for little kids. But my other kids enjoyed it and seemed engaged and interested. We've talked about it since and referred to jokes in it, which is the fabric of family life--don't you think? My kids rated it from 1-10, 10 being the best, as follows:
Maggie (age 12) 10
Ben (age 9) 7
Sam (age 14) 8 or 9.

The thing is, it's a sad movie. But it's beautiful and funny and moving and says good things. It's so, so much better than Mars Needs Moms--and "pro-family" as well. My kids did wonder why I showed them such a sad movie. I told them it was to show them that even a quirky family can give you what you need. Remember John Turturro before he was in Transformers? He's great to watch and it's good for kids to see a dad who's weird and then gruff and to understand that he's like that because his wife is sick and he's worried about her. It helps to understand different people's perspective. He has lost his faith and has this exchange with his brothers:
The dad: Religion is a crutch. Only cripples need crutches.
The uncle: A crutch isn't bad if you need it, Sidney.
Other uncle: All of us are cripples in some way.
The dad: Well, I'm not.

Like I said, it's sad. But not totally depressing. It has a handful of swears and SPOILER: The mom dies. If that will haunt your kids then don't show this movie to them. I think it was good for my kids--makes them appreciate me more. Also, Kramer is in it.

Any suggestions for  movies I can watch with my kids?

Book Report: To Be Sung Underwater

I saw To Be Sung Underwater: A Novel by Tom McNeal at the library and checked it out for two reasons: My maiden name is McNeal. You hardly ever see it spelled like that. And there's a blurb from Markus Zusak on the back which says, "You don’t so much read To Be Sung Underwater as you’re consumed by it. The characters are unforgettable. The writing is staggering. More importantly, though, it’s the courage of this book that sets it apart. It’s the bravest, most beautiful book I’ve read in a long time.” I take what Markus Zusak says very seriously.

The characters are unforgettable. The writing is staggering. But it sort of gave me the creeps. I don't know. I wouldn't call it beautiful. It's about this lady who suspects her husband is having an affair and then she starts thinking about her first true love. You learn about their courtship as the book unfolds. In the end, they meet after 20 years.  Willy, the first true love sums up their relationship, "For you I was a chapter--a good chapter. Maybe even your favorite. But for me you were the whole book." I didn't really like anyone in the book and it made me feel uncomfortable. If you've read it, tell me if it gave you the creeps. Sometimes I just get the creeps.

Still Awesome: The Family Circus?

Nope. In fact, it's a stretch to say that The Family Circus was ever awesome. But before you could read you might imagine that it was ironic or funny. It's not. 

No Pictures Please: Ben Broke His Arm

"I wish it was my arm that was broken instead of yours, " I told him.

"Me too," he said. 

Zombies, So Vexing

The Walking Dead is a TV show that I really like.  Would you like it too? Hard to say. Do you like this?

It's very graphic. Sometimes it's too much for Christian. Sometimes Law and Order SVU is too much for me. We're all different. That's what makes this world so beautiful and, in the case of an apocalypse, so frightening.

In The Walking Dead a disease breaks out which kills you and then turns you into a zombie. Once you are a zombie you can infect other people by biting them. It's rough. But in a Lost-like post-catastrophic restructuring of society the dynamics of community and leadership are intriguing to watch. I'm a sucker for any Lord of the Flies scenario and will enthusiastically root for the emergent leader whether his name is Ralph, Jack Shepherd, or Rick Grimes.

I like the look of the show and the music and the actors and the writing, except for one thing--its misogynist tendencies. The women's parts are terrible and none of the women are likable. There is literally a scene where women are washing in a river while men look on and they say that now that society is starting over, this is just the way it is--women wash clothes and men shoot zombies. I'm not sure if it was ironic or subverting social norms by asserting them or something interesting like that but I think it wasn't. I'm worried that it wasn't because the first scene of season 1 of The Walking Dead depicts some sexist banter between two redneck cops. They talk about how women are so perplexing (typical guy talk!) but Rick--our protagonist--goes on to say that women are capable of much more cruelty than men because his wife argues with him in front of their son.

Interesting, you'd think. Like it's turning the stereotype of the nurturing mother on it's head. But throughout the season they fall back on that stereotype again and again. So mostly it's just bothersome because while Shane (half of the redneck duo in the first scene) turns out to be the type of person who would spout misogyny, Rick is our hero! It's sexist on two counts--the women are only good for washing clothes but they are also demanding, mean, and cruel. I mean, usually when we're left to do the laundry we are at least exalted for being good moms. It's like we get the short end of two sticks in The Walking Dead. I hate it. I want them to fix that. Because the rest of the story is so great.

To my fellow Walking Dead fans, WHAT DID THAT GUY WHISPER TO RICK AT THE CDC? Do we know? Have they addressed that? Did I miss something? What do you think?

And to everyone else who hasn't seen the show and so you are woefully unprepared should this zombie-disease situation actually occur: Don't think of them as people. You can't treat the zombies like people. They aren't.

(You can start catching up on it on Sundays--what better day to contemplate the big questions The Walking Dead poses?)

SPOILER DISCUSSION FOR PEOPLE WHO SAW THE LAST EPISODE:

So, Rick is totally hard core, is he not? He made a judgment call about those two guys and he protected himself, his family, and the doc who is going to deliver his baby--unless Lori loses the baby as a result of her car crash! (First she gets pregnant and now she gets in a car wreck. See how women are just a liability on this show?)

The scene in the bar with Rick and the two strangers reminded me of Gideon choosing the men who used their hands to drink water rather than drinking straight from the stream. The guys in the bar demonstrate that they have no respect for the rules Rick and Hershel cling to. No matter how bad things get, we don't go to the bathroom on the floor. They speak disrespectfully. They call walkers "lame brains." They aren't good.

Under normal circumstances, I'm a big fan of due process but in a zombie apocalypse I want someone with good judgment to act fast and protect me. I don't think I would have SPOILER shot those guys but I wish I would have the guts to do it because I think it was right and admirable given the situation. The reason I wouldn't have shot them is that I would be afraid to face the consequences of killing someone. I wouldn't trust my judgment enough and be brave enough to take on the burden of killing someone. And I'm sure those guys would have gone on to take advantage of me and trash Hershel's farm. I've thought for a while that Glenn is sort of the "everyman" on the show and it is Glenn who I relate to the most. Glenn was relieved but freaked out by Rick. It's scary to have to depend on someone like that but let's be honest, we want Jack Nicholson sitting on that wall. OK, if it's real life and it's George Bush it makes me a little nervous. But if it's a TV show and it's Rick--I LOVE! His existence while grotesque and incomprehensible to you saves lives. Shane too--though his brand of justice is amoral and undisciplined.

What's that? You don't watch TV? Don't "have time" for it? I use words like "Tivo," "Pause," "Loyalty." I use these words as the backbone of a lifetime spent defending TV.  You use them as a punch line. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to people who rise and sleep under the blanket of the very recaps I provide and then question the manner in which I provide them. I would rather you just said thank you and went on your way. Otherwise I suggest you create your own blog and start to post. Either way. . . actually, I do hope you keep reading my blog. But you don't have to watch The Walking Dead unless you want to.

I Love You. It's Very Serious.

Happy Valentine's Day. I hope it's everything you dreamed of. This playlist is your valentine.  I know I should boycott Chris Brown, but I find I can't quit him.


I hope your day is the crunkest, the loudest, and the best. But above all this I wish you love.  Kowabunga, my [more than] friends.

The Mechanics of Becoming Lame

There are certain ways in which I've always been lame: I feel scared when a 9 Inch Nails song comes on, for me the B-word is b00b and the F-word is f@rt,  and I have an eye pad that is stored in the fridge which I wear when I have a headache and I do call it my iPad.

But there are other ways in which I have become lame over time almost entirely as a result of being a parent. I felt it happening--I willingly let it happen. And here I am on the other side of it.

First of all you are primed to get more lame through a process of humiliation. Birthing, touching feces, suffering public tantrums, and the like strip you of your pride. Once you've lost your pride, it's a slippery slope to lame. Because to be cool--to stay cool--you need your pride to keep you from doing embarrassing, "uncool" things. Many of those uncool things take place in KinderMusic circles, Cub Scout meetings, and in the privacy of your own home as you seek to appease your child. You'll read books that have ugly illustrations, offer blankies that aren't vintage, and sing mainstream bubble gum pop if that is what's called for. It's not that you don't know. You are just over it. Sad? Mature? Disappointing? Enlightened? I don't know. But there it is.

You'll spend a huge chunk of your savings on a straight-forward trip to Disneyland instead of an ironic, mustached, pilgrimage to the Grand Ole Opry. And--here's what makes you truly lame instead of simply selfless or just a good sport--you'll enjoy it.

You'll face off against a surly teenager one morning and instead of calling him on it or making a whole thing out of it you'll attempt to jolly him up with seemingly oblivious cheerfulness and a bright, falsetto, "RISE AND SHINE!' Here's what that surly teenager won't know for another twenty years: You are an intelligent, self-aware human being who knows that it is hard to get out of bed in the morning and, guess what? He's the reason you have to.

It's the same type of situation when you ask your daughter what her plans are for scooping the cat litter. It approximates playing dumb. But you aren't an idiot. You know scooping the cat litter isn't fun and you know she hasn't "made plans" to do it. And yet, there you are like some kind of ridiculous cruise director who thinks people put "Scoop Cat Litter" at the top of their To Do lists. And--again, here's the thing--you do.

I'm not saying it's good or bad, right or wrong. I'm just explaining the process. It happens slowly over time but one day you'll wake up and realize you're that person who hums all the time, likes cottage cheese, and appears to enjoy ironing.

You're yer mom.

Let's Don't Let a Good Thing Die

I like to keep a running list in my mind of my Top 50 Favorite Songs Ever. I'm not very close to having the whole list worked out, but I do know for sure that one of my top 50 favorite songs ever is Suspicious Minds. It's just one of my favorite songs. I think it is a great song. I think that pretty much every cover (even bad ones) of this song is good--and that's rare. I've made a playlist of Suspicious Minds. It's the only song on the list. I've included what I believe are the 4 best versions. The  Fine Young Cannibals cover is one of the most pleasant surprises from the 80s. It's actually, like, really good.  Also, the Waylon Jennings duet with Jessie Colter is really good but unavailable on Playlist.com. Also,  Pete Yorn's is good.

I listen to this playlist all the time at home. I play it in the kitchen and my whole family listens to different versions of the same song over and over. I never get sick of it.

This post is dedicated to Elvis Aaron Presley. Some of my earliest childhood memories revolve around him, his voice, and the impression that he was a very special and beloved man who might even be my father. We were devoted to him and we grieve over the end of his troubled life.

Re-purposing Alt Summit Swag

Blogging conferences (I've only been to one) are inspiring. You feel creative. You get a break from the mundane. I was so inspired at Alt Design Summit, in fact,  that I got a wild hair to put on my own blogging conference in Provo, Utah. (2013, anyone?)

When I came home from the conference my house seemed lovelier, my children more endearing, and my dog better-behaved. It was a treat. Note: Everything is back to normal now.

At Alt I got this big present. It was exciting.

Here is how I re-purposed (some might say "upcycled") the swag:

The ribbon was cut within an inch of its life for my Priesthood Preview invitations. It's not the actual priesthood, it's a preview of the priesthood and it comes (in this case) with root beer floats!

The mail chimp monkey was given to my son, left on the floor, and claimed by Frances as a special, tasty, chew toy. Look how she guards it! Frances the dog, brought to you by Mail Chimp.

Personally, I think the Cottonelle toilet paper covers are too good for toilet paper. But they aren't too good for Ellen's valentines. 

In my gift box there was a long, nude, stretchy swatch of fabric.

For Ben it serves as an ad hoc bald cap.

I'm thinking all you need for a great conference is a beautiful location, wonderful food, interesting classes, engaging speakers, and amazing swag. That shouldn't be too hard to throw together.

Still Awesome: Pele?

Yes. Of course Pele is still awesome.

Even Nazis get it.

Book Report: And Nothing But the Truthiness

I just read And Nothing but the Truthiness: The Rise (and Further Rise) of Stephen Colbert. Colbert is just as smart as a whip and super interesting. This book explains where Stephen came from and how "Colbert" the persona emerged. It also talks about how he and Amy Sedaris collaborate on projects. Teaser: She lays on the couch.

Here are some things I learned from this book: Colbert is the youngest of 11 kids. His father and 2 of his brothers died in a plane crash when he was 10 years old. The people who work at The Daily Show eat a lot of Lucky Charms. Colbert is a Sunday School teacher. He sings "I Want You to Want Me" to get psyched before his show. The only interview that really rattled him was Jane Fonda because she sat on his lap. He assumed "Bill O'Reilly" was an exaggerated persona just like "Stephen Colbert" is an exaggerated persona, but it's not.

I love this:

The Colbert Report
Get More: Colbert Report Full Episodes,Political Humor & Satire Blog,Video Archive

Reminiscing Unfondly about Sleep Deprivation

I am [knock on wood] doing great. I don't feel depressed, mad, tired, overwhelmed, and out of it like I did the first ten years of having kids. I am sure this has everything to do with getting more sleep. If you are in the thick of sleep deprivation it might make you cry to think about other people getting a good night's sleep. I am not saying this to make you feel worse. I just want you to know that there is hope. Sure--it's many, many years away (depending on how many babies you have) but it exists. You might think you are inept at things, can't get it together, don't understand how other people actually do things.  It's not you, it's sleep. Just know that you are not functioning on full capacity and you won't for a while. I wrote this two years ago: 

I’m lucky because my youngest child, now almost 2, has always slept perfectly and easily. Before you decide to hate me like we hate those people who just can’t seem to gain weight, know that I have 3 other kids who have put me through the ringer. Christian and I are so over staying up all night with kids. We can’t take it. It’s as if little Ellen came to us knowing that one more round of crawling away from the crib on our hands and knees while holding our breath would kill us.

That said, Ellen is going through a phase. I refuse to think of it as anything else (like a permanent change–Don’t even SAY that). She’s napping irregularly and waking up all night. I blame daylight savings. And diaper rash. And a growth spurt. And, in a moment of desperation last night with a flashlight, pin worms. I also blame the devil. It really sucks. The crying, the numbness of arms, the obsessive adding and subtracting to figure out the hours of sleep you will or will not get, letting her cry for too long,  giving in and regretting giving in but wishing you would have just given in and put on Super Why 5 hours ago. As awful as it is, it does make me appreciate that it is not always like that anymore. It used to ALWAYS be like that. With little non-sleeping kids, you live like a zombie and you don’t even know it until you come out of the haze 11 years later feeling refreshed. And suddenly you have the time and stamina to foster dogs, sew dresses, and blog like a mother.

I’m sure I’ll miss my babies when they are grown (people always say you do). But here’s some food for thought: What if I don’t? I have an 11-year-old and while I occasionally feel pangs as he grows, I don’t miss him as a baby. Now he’s fun to talk to, has good taste in books and movies, can carry stuff, and knows how to make quesadillas. What’s to miss?

I just want to say that I get even more sleep now because I regularly take a nap while Ellen watches a show in the afternoon. I do have to stay up late in order to pick up my son--now 14--from games and activities but for the most part life is getting better. And I still don't miss having a baby. I mean, I like babies and I appreciate them and remember my babies as being cute but I don't miss it. So if I can spare you the guilt you feel when old ladies tell you to "Enjoy this time" I would like to do that. You should enjoy it if you can but if you don't--don't feel bad.

No Pictures Please: Merchant of Venice

Last weekend my mom and I took the kids to one of my favorite Shakespeare plays at BYU.  It was only 50 minutes, which was sweet. My kids hate having their pictures taken and now even Ellen screams, "Don't put this on your blog!"

Oh, navigating the digital age with children! 

One of my blogging goals this year was to actually sign in to my Instagram account and learn how to put pictures on my blog in a grid-like formation as you see above. Done. People on Twitter taught me how. Are you glad they did?

 Oh, navigating the digital age with myself!

Still Awesome: Ferris Bueller?

Ugh. If Ferris Bueller is this old, what does that make me?



But yes, Ferris Bueller's Day Off will always be awesome. I'm not sure if it's timeless in its humor or coolness. Probably not? But for us it was mind-blowingly meta before meta was even a thing. GET THIS: At the end of the movie Ferris Bueller looks at the audience and tells them to, "Go home--the movie's over!" Have you seen Citizen Kane? I found it quite boring. But apparently its use of flashbacks was incredibly mind-blowing at the time. Ferris Bueller is the same. Remember when Lost flashed forward? That was so great!

Book Report: The Submission

The first book I read this year was The Submission: A Novel. It's very interesting and smart. A Muslim is chosen anonymously to design the 9/11 memorial. When people find out that he's a Muslim, they go nuts. I LOVE the ending so if you finish it and want to talk about it, I'm here for you.

This book is fiction but you know it's sort of like what really happened with the memorial, right?  Oh I just love interestingness. The Submission is one of the best books I've read all year. It sure feels good to call this a "Book Report." It's a short post about a book I liked which I read entirely and didn't skim. The "Book Reports" I gave in high school were a little bit the opposite of what I just said.