Last night's reunion sure was. . . something, wasn't it? It started with Chris Harrison revealing a startling statistic: There are 500 old Bachelor cast members. Yikes. That could be a charter school. They are all vying for a role on Bachelor Pad which is, presumably, some kind of reality show for Bachelor alumni who have not yet succumbed to venereal disease. Sounds good.
After the Bachelor Pad plug we had to wait to see Michelle talk while all these other freaks who no one remembers acted out their strange aggression toward each other. Then Jackie called Michelle a spider (not very apt, actually, but whatever) and Michelle started to cry. During Michelle's crazy reign on the show a lot of her defenders reminded us that she is a paid actress--and I believe them. She rounded out her Bachelor Pad try-out last night by doing "vulnerable," "hurt," "crying," and "single mom." To sum up, I think most of the women liked Michelle during their stay in the house but were shocked when they watched her on the show. This discrepancy in her behavior really threw some of them. Needless to say, people who go on The Bachelor have a very fragile grasp on reality.
Michelle successfully railroaded the show for several awkward moments while she tried to compose herself. It was weird. Really weird. Chris Harrison felt so bad for her that he protectively moved closer to her and said to the women hurling insults, "Really?" That's how people express their indignation these days. I don't love it, linguistically. It's sort of like how "my bad" has supplanted real apologies but I can live with it. I like Chris Harrison. I hope he and Brad can find a way to spend more time together now that the show is over. He seems to be the only person Brad has had a genuine conversation with. As for Michelle? Somehow I think she'll manage to pull it together. I liked her parting shot: "After watching the show I realized what Brad and I had wasn't that unique." In other words, he made out with everyone.
I found the Ashleys the most disturbing--especially Ashely the first. She is so adorable when she cries I don't know how any man can resist her. That said, she is so pathetic when she cries I don't know how any man can stand her. Sweetheart, this is a fake show. Don't pin your self-esteem on it. Can't she just find some dummy her own age? I hated it when she actually wanted to ask Brad for advice about what would make her more marriable. Does The Bachelor actually have the power to transport its contestants back in time 60 years? Ugh. I found his apology [dismissal] to [of] her gentlemanly and I hope it helped restore her self-worth but I am also very sad about the state of affairs in the psyche of Ashely S.
I've always admired the other Ashley's spunk, which is why I found it disconcerting that she wanted to apologize to Brad. "I'm sorry I led you on and made out with you and decided not to marry you because you are too ambitious so I kicked you to the curb after blaming you for not being vulnerable enough and made you question yourself and caused you to have haunting regrets even though I still would have dropped you even if you had told me you loved me and made a fool of yourself because that's what I plan to do to Chantal." Wait, scratch that. Her apology went like this "I'm sorry I wasted our special time together." Wasted it how? By making out with him, sitting on his lap, and asserting her plan to finish dental school. Yeah, that does sound like a big waste of time for the bachelor. I hope he forgives her!
Nevertheless, I have to say I'm kind of excited about the prospect of Brad choosing Emily. You know she's always been my favorite. Next week we will finally know which spoilers are right. No matter what happens, I'm sure Chantal will behave with the utmost poise and dignity. Sarcasm! (I learned about "sarcasm" from Michelle--it's an excuse for rude or hurtful comments and bad behavior, also known as "dry humor" and "missing your daughter.")