Thursday, November 01, 2012

I Hate This For a Thousand Reasons



Bridgit Mendler - Blonde on Disney Video
The singing sounds horrible, the lyrics are ri-DONK-ulous. The tired sentiment of the song is neither adorable nor interesting. This is a counterfeit of music. (And I say that as someone who genuinely likes Call Me Maybe and thinks it's legit.) The studied  self-consciousness. The contrived quirkiness. The lyrical conceits that you can barely pull off if you're Bruno Mars but you don't get to try if you're Teddy on Good Luck Charlie. I hate all of it.

But what bothers me most--what makes my blood boil--is that Bridgit Mendler pretends to be Bjork only when she can't hit the high notes. Sorry kid, that's not allowed. Bjork pays the price of being Bjork with psycho-freakazoidness--It's not a convenience she calls upon when her voice cracks.

The fact that my daughter Ellen thinks this is the best thing in the world fuels my rage.

20 comments:

  1. What is this? I only understood about nine words.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Amen. It all makes me so sad. The lyrics are the worst. And I think I'm most disappointed cuz I like Bridget. Or I used to. Whatever.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't really mind her. Disney execs need to stop encouraging her though.

      Delete
    2. You just made me LOL!

      Delete
  3. EW. This offends me as a blonde, as well.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hate it. And I bet I hate her, too.

    And while we're here, I want a time machine to go kill the guy who told the first blonde joke, and the girl who first used it as an excuse for intellectual laziness.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I genuinely like Call Me Maybe too. I think the performance with Jimmy Fallon is what got me to take it seriously.

    ReplyDelete
  6. In my ignorance and lack of taste, I find the tune and singing style to be catchy. Too bad about the annoying hands and dreadful lyrics.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Dumb, D-dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb.

    ReplyDelete
  8. The lyrics are pretty bad. At first, it's an excuse to not remember a guy's name and then it ends like it's some sort of criticism of blonde jokes but of course it goes back to the chorus. Really lame.

    I think it's interesting that in an effort to monetize the crap out of every child star, actors have to be musicians and they have their own product lines. I don't know exactly how, but I think this is related at least tangentially to your post about boredom on Babble. When we had a handful of channels and you had to get up off the couch to change the channel and you could only watch what was on right then instead of what you had recorded on your DVR, there simply wasn't room for a child star to do more than play his or her role on Diff'rent Strokes. Now there's room for it and the result is that our children are never bored. It's a shame.

    ReplyDelete
  9. It makes one wonder if her parents have seen what Disney's "encouragement" did to Miley Cyrus or Lindsey Lohan. Picture her as an overly monetized, ignorant has-been in 10 years. Sad, really.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Other than the pervasive derivative sing-songy nursery rhyminess, the excruciatingly stilted lyrics, and an utter paucity of talent, I think she pulls it off nicely. In a parallel universe. Where karaoke is considered avant garde. With the sound muted. And backup ice picks nearby to gouge my eyes out with. Yeah, I could see that....

    ReplyDelete
  11. ACK!! This is why my kids aren't allowed to watch the Disney Channel!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Wait. This isn't a joke?

    ReplyDelete
  13. Anonymous11:56 PM

    You forgot the most obnoxious part. Does the piano only have one key? No more B flats!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Wow. Doesn't she know that legit blondes don't talk about being blondes? Even if they are trying to be sarcastic. Way to help the cause, Bridge. That just sent me back to 10th grade when my geometry teacher told me "You're such a blonde." True story. I failed geometry so clearly I wasn't helping the cause either. (But I did retake it the next year and get an A.)

    Never heard of her. Already forgotten her...

    ReplyDelete
  15. Wow! Such a shame. The tune is catchy but the lyrics are appalling. It is all made infinitely worse by the fact that she seems to be taking a song about being a dumb blonde FAR too seriously.

    I do like that tune though. I just vote for new lyrics.

    ReplyDelete

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...