I Was a Mommy Blogger Not a Trad Wife, Bozo

<------Look at her. That was me 12 years ago. I want her to know that I take a nap almost every day now. And that I have a hot tub. Don't tell her anything else though. Do not tell her who just started their second term as president. Or how I got the hot tub. 

I used to hate the term mommy blogger. It seemed dismissive. Now I don't care. Ever since I was little I wanted to be a mom and, truly, I have felt that it is my calling in life and every big decision I made from who I married to the work I prepared to do was in the service of my future children and the lives I wanted them to have. My children have turned out to be thoughtful, likeable people. That's what I wanted. I did it. 

Even though I have basically followed a path of stereotypical gender roles, my path was still singular and specific to me. Everyone's is.  Us mommy bloggers spent so much time talking about being stay-at-home moms and working or defending what we were and weren't doing as mothers and parents and writers and people who needed money and these conversations still happen on whatever platforms we pick. Where it is helpful to people, I'm glad. Where it is demoralizing to people, I'm sad. 

In retrospect I see now that it didn't matter if we were feminists of post-feminists or third wave or happy homemakers. Never in a million years would I have thought in 2012 when I took this picture with my laptop that we wouldn't be able to get Hillary Clinton or Kamala Harris into office against Donald Trump. What a joke. Old Joe Biden was the only one who managed to get never-trumpers out to vote.

The LGBTQ+ community, brown immigrants, people who are disabled, and people who are poor are on the front lines as targets for this "presidency." I am privileged and relatively safe, but the Trump win was a hard slap in the face to all women. My friends all talked about feeling a visceral and painful loss the day after the election. 

Was Hillary Clinton too bossy for you, progressive people? Was Kamala Harris too shrill for you, leftists? Couldn't get excited about the Democratic choices, Bernie bros? Shame on you. Shame on anyone who stayed home and didn't vote for Kamala Harris in November. It was the choice we were presented with and not enough people did the right thing, selling out the mommy bloggers and the trad wives alike. Sexual assault is now sanctioned by the state (look at our president; look at our Supreme Court justices; look at the cabinet nominees people like John Curtis confirmed) and reproductive rights have been limited in dangerous ways. The people in charge of us becoming mommies never cared about our mommy blogs or any mommish things. 

They (men? I guess?) don't care about our (my?) well being. Since the election I have felt much more animosity towards most people unless I know for sure they are cool. Cool means that they don't vote against my interests. Or their moms' interests. And so I no longer give people the benefit of the doubt and I am withdrawing attention and mental effort, refraining from small talk and nodding when they talk to me, and no longer feel bad when they flip me off or honk at me. As ever, they don't notice or care. But at least it helps me conserve energy to spend on the people I care about. I can save my attention, patience, and common courtesy for my students, friends, and family. It's a kind of self-care I am currently practicing to ease the despair I feel about how things are going. You can join me of you like.