The Villainy You Teach Me Will Go Hard

Many of you know my friend Lisa. I love everything about her. One of the things I admire most about her is the way she continues to be a joyful person even after the untimely death of her husband, Chris. In spite of going through a very unfair and painful tragedy, Lisa is still a soft, hopeful, not bitter (for the most part) woman. She has fought for this because she didn't want grief to change the essence of her being. It hasn't—and it's remarkable.

She's a lot better than me. 

I don't love the ways I've changed since the second election of Trump. I'm meaner. I'm madder. I am hopeless. A few years ago I was volunteering at the Utah State federal prison and I met a man who had been a Black Panther in the 70s. I wish I had asked him more about how they worked. I have a thousand times more respect for lawlessness now.  I woke up the day after the 2024 election sympathizing more strongly with Malcolm X than Martin Luther King, like I used to.  Who was more effective? Hard to say since they both got shot.

I was so inspired when Michelle Obama said, "When they go low we go high." I think she's right and that's how I want to be, ideally. But it doesn't work and so we have to fight dirty. Similarly, I know that forgiveness is a good principle with psychological and spiritual benefits both for the forgiver and for the forgivee. However, in spite of what I know is the right thing to do, I will never forgive this country or any of the people who made Trump our president again. 

I am becoming ungovernable and I plan to fight dirty. I choose to break unjust laws and be ungovernable even though I respect and value civics and order. In principle I think it is good to take the high road and not stoop to the level of the opposition. Here we are. 

I was kind of lamenting that my heart is turning dark until my friend Carina told me, "You're not a bad person. You are a just person." She's exactly right. She also said that she's committed to anarchic and disruptive behavior. "They don't want to play by rules," she said,  "Ok. Then neither will I." 

We have to. Because nobody older, richer, or smarter than us has any better ideas about taking care of business. 

I remember waiting for someone to fix the Trump problem and restore order during his first presidency. Jim Comey was so worried about "putting his finger on the scale" that his fat finger cost us our first female president. Mueller spent ages on his "report" that accomplished absolutely nothing. I earnestly asked our beloved Mayor Curtis to please run for Jason Chaffetz's seat in the House of Representatives. But then he didn't even vote to impeach Trump when he had the chance. Mitt Romney seems to be the only one personally rich enough and whose wife had the scruples to say, "hmmmm. . . " until Mitt decided to vote "yes" on impeachment. But then he couldn't bring himself to endorse Kamala Harris in 2024. It is slim pickings out here for heroes or gentlemen among the party who claims to want to "protect women." Seriously, yuck. get away from me. I'll be laying on the horn when you try to get over in front of me from now on. And more.  

There's a well-known speech in The Merchant of Venice about how the quality of mercy is not strained; "it droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven." How beautiful. Ideally it would describe our leaders. Sadly, it doesn't. 

Shylock, more relatable, replies, "The villainy you teach me, I will execute, and it shall go hard but I will better the instruction." That's what he says to explain that the harsh unfairness he has received is exactly the kind of thing he plans to dish out. I love to see it.