Monday, October 11, 2004

Gratitude Journal: Take My Ferrets--Please!

My neighbor said to me, “These ferrets make our house stink. Would you like to have them?” I think he thought he was making me an offer I couldn’t refuse. But I did. I’m not an anti-pet person. You know, those people who also make you take your shoes off when you come in. But, truth be told, I have still not gotten over the ghastly loss of my dog, Lou, which happened about 3 years ago and I’m not ready for another pet. In fact, when I think about Lou’s death, I could cry. I can keep myself from crying but if I let myself, I would cry. Like if I were an actor (which I’m not--but my Bishop did ask me to be in a training video about ward councils. Probably because of my realistic portrayal of a competent member of his real ward council—Acting!) If I were an actor, Lou’s death would be the “place I go” when I need to act sad. Anyway, I don’t need the heartache and neither do my kids. It's bad enough that Lou died the first day of “Pet’s Week!” at Sam’s pre-school. It’s bad enough that Rosie, the token death-replacement-fish from great grandma, died not once, not twice, but thrice. (Yuck. Fish are so weird.) I did break down and get a cat from the animal shelter—Ozzy--to get rid of mice in our yard. I started to think perhaps I could love again. Though I am not a cat-person by nature, Ozzy won me over. Low-maintenance. Endearing. Mouse-killa. Then I saw him in action. And it’s disturbing. He stalks, torments, and murders mice. I respect him for it and, indeed, I hired him for the job but I can’t hold him in my lap and pet him until he purrs anymore. It’s just not the same. I can’t even look him in the eye. It’s like he’s Michael Corleone and I’m Diane Keaton and he’s the Godfather now. I want him to shut the door in my face like Michael does to Kay because I don’t want to see what he does, but I do want him keep killing those mice. So, I care about Ozzy. I wish him well. But I won’t be making him a Christmas stocking like I did for Lou. We don’t have that kind of relationship.

So I told my neighbor “no thanks” and he immediately appealed to my 4- year-old daughter. “Maggie, wouldn’t you like the ferrets to come and live at your house?” Many people might think that this is cruel or pushy but it is a smart strategy. Fortunately Maggie isn’t the easy sell she appears to be. She was all, “Let’s get out of here. It reeks like ferret.”

My poor neighbor. You see, he loves those ferrets. He would like to “pour honey on his chest and let the ferrets lick it off.” (He said that knowing, nay, hoping I would blog it so I feel justified including the rather personal detail here.) But he will be out of town for 4 months so he has to get rid of them. I guess giving them to us is a way that he can really keep them, because we live close by. But it ain’t gonna happen. In my own moment of weakness I appealed to Christian, “Sam would like having those ferrets.” “I don’t care!” he screamed. “We are not becoming a rodent family!” Sometimes in this crazy world we lose sight of what’s really important to us. I’m grateful for a husband who never waivers on the important stuff.


  1. I'll never forget hearing Sam and Maggie wailing, "Rosie's dead again!"

  2. Anonymous5:16 PM

    Erin: Kacy, I have to give you snaps, props, whatever it is those kids of yours in YM/YW would say. Reading your blog was the highlight of my day. Honestly. I laughed so hard that I snorted! Look out David Sedaris. Blog on girl, blog on.

  3. I wouldn't know. They don't give me props or snaps. So thank you for giving me some. I can't believe you read my blog.

  4. So my question is -

    Has he poured honey on his chest and let the ferrets lick it off? Or is that just something he "would" do?

  5. Anonymous9:04 AM

    I'm glad you said no. Ferrets really do stink. It would completely ruin the ambience of a dinner party.

  6. You know Kacy, its interesting that you mention honey, it seems to me that Mr Danner once poured honey on his head, and let a ferret lick it off in math class... You remember him don't you? Didn't you have some cute name for him? What was that name.......

    PS, I told you in my blog to call me if your husband has not finished the treehouse in your yard, and I would come over (for a pizza) and finish it.

  7. I don't know Eliza. He was very ambiguous about it. My best guess is that he hasn't done it yet. But it was so specific and heartfelt. . . one wonders.

  8. Anonymous6:07 PM

    Kacy, this is so totally the funniest blog. Don't be embarrassed, but I sent out your first gratitude journal post (about the fat neck) to a couple friends because it is totally hilarious and funny. You should write a screenplay. Who would play you? Hmmmm....Yet another excellent question for the blog!

  9. Ferret owners in California have no friend in their new governor. More information can be found at Ferrets Anonymous

    Governor Schwarzenegger Vetoes Ferret Amnesty Bill

    To the Members of the California State Senate:
    I am returning Senate Bill 89 without my signature.
    I love ferrets. I costarred with a ferret in Kindergarten Cop. However, this bill is far too bureaucratic and it legalizes ferrets prior to conducting an environmental impact report (EIR). I am concerned that there has not been proper study to determine whether ferrets are detrimental to the health and safety of California citizens and the environment. The EIR should be completed and evaluated as part of the decision making process before changing the legal status of ferret possession.
    For these reasons I am returning this measure without my signature.
    Arnold Schwarzenegger


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