Saturday, November 06, 2004

10 (More) Things of a Confessional Nature

Here are 10 more things. I would like to work up to 100 Things, like other bloggers, but it will take some time. Most of these things are of a confessional nature to foster a feeling of intimacy between us. Because that’s how you build friendships over the internet. And isn’t that what this is all about, people?

10. Until recently I thought Sarah Marinara was really named Sarah Marinara.

9. Last summer at youth conference there was a big, final, dance. Granted, I hadn’t “gone all out” because, with all due respect to the kids in my ward, why would I? But I had actually gussied up a bit, looked in the mirror and pronounced myself “ready.” As we were heading over to the dance one of the girls kindly told me, “You might want to brush your hair.”

9. a. (Also regarding my hair.) One time, days after we had taken the young women in my ward to a movie they jovially referred to how my hair was at the movies that night, how funny it had been, how they had laughed and laughed because it looked like I had washed it and then gone to bed with it wet. Yes girls. I do remember that day, says I. And you were right, little ladies. I had taken a shower and gone back to bed. I did this because I had a migraine. I went on to tell them that my migraines make my whole left side go numb and require me to have CAT scans and how it probably won’t be long before I have a stroke as my migraines are an indicator of the likelihood of this happening if, in fact, these migraines aren’t really just mini-strokes as doctors fear. And how that day I dragged myself out of bed to take codeine and them to the movies with my funny hair. Hahaha! True, I did lay it on a little thick--but my hair ain’t so funny anymore!

8. I took a picture of David Sedaris even though it is well known that he hates having his picture takien. But here is why I made this choice: I’m not insane or even disillusioned enough to think that if I just hadn’t taken a picture of him he and I would have become fast friends. As much as I might enjoy and even fantasize about paling around with David Sedaris, I know that picture or no, it’s not going to happen. So why refrain? Maybe you can tell that I still feel a little guilty about what I did. But I really had fun at his reading and I really wanted a picture to commemorate the fun. I politely asked and he politely agreed. Anyway, he lives in France now which only increases the odds that even if I hadn’t taken the picture I would have unknowingly done something obnoxiously American that would have totally turned him off to the idea of being friends with me. That’s what I keep telling myself.

7. Sometimes I run down the stairs really fast and on the last stair bounce really high and say “Doing!” I do this for the benefit of no one but myself. Christian has caught me doing it and doesn’t like it. I’m telling you this in the spirit of full disclosure, even though I know I have lost some of your respect.

6. Vegetarians really do kind of bother me. And sometimes I persecute them, but only a little.

5. In Jr. High I was in the Dixon Spectacular which was based on the premise that life would be awful without color. I did not have a feature role, but was onstage the whole time in the background pretending to adjust a series of gears and levers which operated a color-producing machine. As I did this I had the same gross feeling in my heart that you get when you are cruel or tell a lie—an early indication that I am not a natural performer.

4. (Also in Jr. High) My friend and I entered the American History Fair with a tape recording of our own version of James Brown’s “Livin’ In America” called “Women in America.” Her mom played the piano as we sang the words we had written and recorded our song. When the part comes up where James Brown would shout out “New York City. . .” We would shout “Susan B. Anthony. . . “ but we couldn’t quite muster enough gusto to pull it off. We got out of school for the whole day to go to the fair. I couldn’t face the judges so we just left the tape recorder on the presentation table and hoped they would have the wherewithal to press play.

3. My friends got me to join pep club as a freshman in high school. I didn’t know what it was. Before long I figured out that it was a prerequisite for being a cheerleader the next year (something I was not interested in). In pep club we learned a dance that we were to perform during half time of a football game. It was one of those numbers you have to look away during out of pity. They gave us a “costume”—white pants and a green sweater. White pants were actually in style at the time but these were made by Hunt Club—not good.

2. I Googled Peter Parker today. Again.

1. Unlike George Eliot, a woman who wrote as a man, I am a man who writes as a woman. (Just kidding. Or am I?)

21 comments:

  1. Undoubtedly one of the most scariest blogg/list/confessional/testimonials that I have ever read or witnessed. Kacy, Kacy, Kacy… Maybe more than I even need to know on the subject of you - let the hair/migraine thing go – fashion/self image/appearance, no matter how mundane is in the eye of those looking at you and there is still nothing that you can do about it anyway. Vegetarians deserve every unkind remark, I know I’m one of them and after telling all these seemingly painful episodes of your past life are they now gone?

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  2. Fromage, I knew you were a vegetarian! And, I confess, I threw in #6 to try to get YOU to confess that you are a vegetarian.

    I'm going to interpret your other comments as "Good job laying a guilt trip on young people for making fun of your hair. They are benefitting so much from their association with you." I think that's what you meant.

    So how do you like my hair?

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  3. Gheeze! Now I’ve had to go and scroll through your bloggette and search the archives just incase I’ve missed a snapshot or two and here’s your ZZ Top coifed do and then there’s that “Dancing on poor Morrison’s grave/not my hair but a headband-hood” shot and then finally the shameless exploitation of Mister Sedaris photo-op! Whew, I think we’ve sort of come to the end of that list. But I still haven’t broached the bouffant subject in question and though I myself spend hours agonizing in front of the mirror to get mine oh so right, yours’ abounds with that el natural just out of bed and I don’t care look – that a million women, and some men mind you, are out there salivating over as we speak, so to speak, and damn the kids anyway!

    Your hairs fine, but that ‘doing’ thing with the stairs? If I tried that in my building, well, the last stair would just about put me in the building’s lobby and then I’d make every crackheads that was lounging around jump when I hopped up and screamed “DOING” that, well, it wouldn’t really be healthy! Oh, and for the record. I hate whiney vegetarians! Be a vegetarian, but don’t whine if there’s only sliced pig snout on the menu! Now I think I’ve already said too much and creeped out your audience this time! Good night!

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  4. I thought that Pete Libertine was really named Pete Libertine. No, well, I guess I didn't really. I'm not brave enough to take pictures of famous-type people I admire. When I went back stage at the pixies I had a camera, but I was afraid to ask an angry-looking Frank Black if I could get my picture taken with him. He's a very large man.

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  5. I love this blog and am glad we are now blogging friends, too. I think I may try Doing-ing. It sounds fun and I have stairs so why not? I have never googled Peter Parker, but it was Spiderman 2 that solidified my decision to name my first-born son Peter.

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  6. Adam Ant's autograph on your chest? Please tell more.

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  7. Theres nothing wrong with google-ing Peter Parker, many a time, I myself have oogled, Uh, I mean, that is, Googled him.

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  8. Thanks Spider Fan. From now on I will embrace my Robness, rather than being ashamed of it.

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  9. I want you to know that because of your blogs, I have had to make a permanent spot on my shelf for my year books. So in my recent browsing of the Dixonian 1986 to find the Dixon Spectacular I found some interesting things. 1st on page 41 I notice you are hanging out with all the popular kids. 2nd turn the page to 42, David Dulle the most popular? I am sure it was the hair. (if I remember correct, he almost beat me up a few times) 3rd Page 46, swatches. I still have one from the 80’s and finally page 50 Todd Dally... Everyone loves Todd. I won’t even go to page 66 in which the cheerleader uniforms look like something my mom whipped up on her sewing machine. Plus in my picture I believe my mom had cut my hair the week before.

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  10. Yes Cameron, on page 41 I'm sitting with the popular kids but I'm the only one who looks like a man, don't you think--a Ken Doll, in fact. As far as most popular, remember: Dixon was a school where F Dudes ruled supreme. Does your Swatch smell like Polo? How did anyone ever find the right size Levis 501s when they were really shrink to fit? That was a weird idea because you could never try them on. That picture of Todd and Karl Nelson (pg. 50)looks like it was Halloween, but I don't think it was. I think the cheerleading outfits look like they fasten with velcro all the way up the back--like doll clothes. And finally, you look cute. Too bad Lyle Hayes didn't have your mom cut HIS hair. I could go on forever.

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  11. Is Todd Dalley the history teacher at Dixon now? If so, he was the best teacher I've ever had. Someone should tell him that.

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  12. That's our Todd. At least someone from the class of 90 made good. Todd is a good person, smart, and funny. I will pass along the compliment, Nate, when I see him at my 20 year reunion (if not sooner).

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  13. i read several of your posts, and this is hands-down the funniest and certainly the most amusing blog i have ever come across. it has been very entertaining to me for the past thirty minutes, even though it makes mine look like complete crap. i love david sedaris, too, and your grammar is BEAUTIFUL (then again, you are an english teacher.). your honesty is very endearing, and you seem like someone who never has a dull day.

    anyways, keep up the good work! a+ for you.

    -maggie
    tampa, florida

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  14. Thank you Maggie and Welcome! My little girl's name is Maggie (short for Margaret). Is your name short for something? So how do you like Tampa? I should blog about it because I lived there for about a year. Are you familiar with the blogs of the Amazing Spider Fan, or the Stunningly Handsome Nate Perkins? I just like bringing the young people together, you know--and spying on them through their blogs.

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  15. It took me a few minutes to figure out the bouncing on the stair and saying "Doing!" thing. Because I thought you were saying "doing" as it "do as I'm doing." Then I figured out that it's "doing" as in rhymes with "boing." That makes more sense than the first interpretation.

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  16. I'm Abraham Lincoln, and I took the long test so it must be true.

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  17. In response to Eliza's comment, I've had the same problem with many a word. That's why I think hyphens should be used without mercy. A simple hyphen changing "doing" to "doi-ng" would've cleared that misunderstanding right up. wel-l, th-e-re'-s m-y t-wo c-ent-s.

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  18. I gave some thought to the spelling of doing, realizing that it could be mistaken for do+ ing (as in "do as I'm doing"). The bottom line is this: doing rhymes with boing (Like in "Oingo Boingo"). Anyway, I'm glad to see that people are more distracted by my spelling than by the actual practice described.

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  19. Anonymous12:19 AM

    Kacy - My book group was going to meet tonight and they were supposed to read "The Heart is a Lonely Hunter" but since I knew that I would have to miss the meeting because of a previous commitment, I didn't bother to read it. (I am an English teacher too and the previous sentence is really unacceptable as prose!) Anyway, they cancelled the whole thing because no one had either read the book or finished the book or anything. Now I'm a little intrigued to read it.

    Found a book on the bookshelf at my daughter's house (she is living in her in-laws home while they are in Switzerland) called "Crazy Ladies" by Michael West - and Michael West is a woman. It's another Southern women regional type story - but fun/compelling to read - good airplane fiction - kept me occupied on the flight home. And "The Story Factor" - nonfiction - and about influencing people. You have to wade through some of the verbiage, but the stories are good, by and large.

    I'm not really anonymous - I'm Sister T and I know nothing about blogs except I think someone could have come up with a better name for them - blog sounds like something my students would do that I wouldn't approve of!! (especially ending the sentence with a preposition!!)

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  20. Anonymous12:19 AM

    Kacy - My book group was going to meet tonight and they were supposed to read "The Heart is a Lonely Hunter" but since I knew that I would have to miss the meeting because of a previous commitment, I didn't bother to read it. (I am an English teacher too and the previous sentence is really unacceptable as prose!) Anyway, they cancelled the whole thing because no one had either read the book or finished the book or anything. Now I'm a little intrigued to read it.

    Found a book on the bookshelf at my daughter's house (she is living in her in-laws home while they are in Switzerland) called "Crazy Ladies" by Michael West - and Michael West is a woman. It's another Southern women regional type story - but fun/compelling to read - good airplane fiction - kept me occupied on the flight home. And "The Story Factor" - nonfiction - and about influencing people. You have to wade through some of the verbiage, but the stories are good, by and large.

    I'm not really anonymous - I'm Sister T and I know nothing about blogs except I think someone could have come up with a better name for them - blog sounds like something my students would do that I wouldn't approve of!! (especially ending the sentence with a preposition!!)

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  21. Well Sister T, I have about 30 pages left of The Heart is a Lonely Hunter and it kills me not to finish it. That said, it might kill me to finish it as well. I still have a list of books you suggested that I want to get to. And for future reference, my blog is very low-brow as far as grammar and ending sentences with prepositions so don't worry about that sort of thing. Glad to have you on board! Enjoy your Utah visit.

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