Monday, October 17, 2005

Maggie Taped Ben to a Chair

My daughter Maggie is a very kind caregiver. Whenever I am losing patience with Ben she's all, "Come on Ben. Let's go color." Or something like that. And she says it in a really nice voice that I'm sure she has never heard me use before. Seriously, I'm not trying to portray myself as some kind of saint.
(Or am I?)

And I'm not suggesting that she really did learn how to be nice from me. I don't think she did. She seems to have some kind of natural maternal gift. When I was little I was more like her I suppose, but I mothered a hot water bottle which I filled with warm water and dressed in baby clothes. Looking back, I don't really know why I did this. The hot water bottle did feel and weigh more like a human baby than my dolls did so that makes sense. Then again, it had no arms or legs or head. As perplexing as the hot water baby's appeal seems now, it entertained me for YEARS.

When I was little I also always wanted to be a nurse, which involves caretaking. I planned on being a nurse until I started college when a little something called "chemistry" made me re-think it. Strangely, in the interim between my senior year at BYU and graduate school I decided that if I didn't get into graduate school I would become a mortician. As a teenager I was seated in the front of the hearse at my grandmother's funeral and was impressed with the undertakers. It takes a special kind of person to make those kinds of arrangements. For a time I thought I was that kind of person. But I probably wasn't. As perplexing as the appeal of a career as a mortician seems now, I seriously looked into it and Christian supported me. You see, we went to high school with Mercedes Berg of Berg mortuary who was as rich as she was tan so that probably skewed our thinking.

Anyway, the other day I was marveling at how wonderful Maggie is with Ben and wondering, once again, from whence her mothering skills come. They were upstairs quietly playing for quite a while when I went to check on them and saw this:
What I like best is that Maggie taped a book onto Ben's lap for him. You see--however different we may be, we both value literacy. Perhaps I have rubbed off on her just a little.

27 comments:

  1. Be glad you didn't become a mortician. Just think of where you might have found Ben if you had been running a mortuary in your basement!

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  2. I am laughing. Excellent use of name-dropping photo without actually dropping the name.

    Excellent use of blue tape. Your daughter is to be commended.

    This post has officially landed you a link on my blog.

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  3. Emily4:05 PM

    As a middle child myself, I think there may be some middle-childness coming through in this rowdy behavior. Maggie rocks.

    But I didn't catch the photo-dropping. Which saint is in that picture that I should know who he is?

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  4. Emily6:46 PM

    Oh, right. It's ETB on a funkadelic couch. He looks different somehow.

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  5. I love it. I wish I had been as wise with my own brothers when I was her age.

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  6. Umm... did you feel a little underdressed being in the presence of greatness??

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  7. I still can't see water bottles without thinking that they should be wearing a pink dress. Go, Maggie!

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  8. Ben's expression is priceless! It looks as though one second he was peacefully reading, and then the next, "Whua? Where'd this blue tape come from?!"

    When questioned, did your daughter claim it was a reenactment of Nephi's voyage rather than an act of torture?

    lianne--I'm new to blogger: can you just link to someone else's blog? You don't need permission? Or an invitation? Miss Manners didn't cover this.

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  9. Kacy,
    That is hi-lar-i-ous. Wow. Maggie has managed to leave me somewhat speechless. Tear-stained and speechless.

    Is that really Ezra Taft Benson? I'd like to know when you met him, why you met him, and why he is sitting so unassumingly on that funny couch. And what exactly are you wearing? I suppose the question of underdressed or not relates to my first question above--what were the exact circumstances of that encounter?

    Mandy sleeps with her CD. Maren and Hollis are arguing over who has more ownership of their CD. Dean and Hattie are grumpy. Dean because I showed you my house while it was a mess, Hattie because I tried, yet again, to slip some dairy products in on her. That was a big no-go, unfortunately. Now, I'm paying the price for it. Ahh the joys...

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  10. nothin' better than a good li'l brother tie-up. My family has long held that it is the key to family harmony. Really. Rope was a necessity to all play and we're the happiest family I've ever met....;)

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  11. I see that photo is saved as President Benson #3. How many more times did you pose with the man?

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  12. She really should have used rope. How will he ever learn his scout knots? We used to tie up my little bro. and hang him from the stairs. He learned his knots I tell you.

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  13. I agree with Allison. You must blog about the circumstances of the photo with you and EZB, the weird couch, and your french sweats. Perplexing.

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  14. Oh, man! I about lost it when I saw your little tape mummy. Great photo! And the fact that it was blue somehow made it that much better. He'll get miles from that one. I'm wondering how your sweet daughter convinced him to participate. Love your blog.

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  15. Ha ha ha ha ha!

    The saddest part is that you blame it on Maggie! She doesn't even have a blog to defend herself.

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  16. Did you know my husband is finishing up his funeral directors program? Yes, that's right, I'm SO married to a some day mortician. Currently, he is working at a funeral home where he does all the paper work. This makes me happy because is means he is not touching dead people. But honestly, I totally agreed with this line of work because, well, people are always dieing, so we'll never be destitute (I hope).

    But enough about me... ;)

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  17. That act shows a great deal of ingenuity on Maggie's part. Not only is there a book and the blue tape has thoroughly bound Ben, but she's obviously been working on this for quite some time. Building up Ben's trust with all those "Come on, Ben. Let's go color" instances. How deep did this plot go? And did she accomplish all she wished to before she was found out? I say, don't let on that you've found her out next time. Let the scheme play out to the end. You may have a criminal mastermind on your hands!

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  18. Call me crazy, but I'd like to know how you convinced young Ben to get the tape off? A quick lightening fast bandaid rip?

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  19. I like your "et vous" sweats.

    And I like Brother Benson.

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  20. Maybe Maggie's next step was to re-paint the room around him...just a guess.
    I would also love to have heard her conversation and tone while taping up her trusting brother.

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  21. For me, the best part about this blog is the part about Mercedes Berg. She was all the rage at Dixon. Very rich, very tan, and very androgynous. Totally 80's. She was the TA for my band class, and she would always roll her eyes when Mr. Pratt gave her some kind of errand. She was really good at eye-rolling. (PS. I played the bassoon.)

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  22. Bassoonists, morticians and child-sized tape mummies... What DOESN'T this blog have?!

    That picture is hilarious. :)

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  23. Brilliant post. Brilliant photos. Brilliant expressions. Brilliant title. Brilliant Maggie. Brilliant. Brilliant. Brilliant.

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  24. Anonymous9:09 AM

    Oh yeah, it's weird that I didn't go to jr. high or high school in Provo, but whenever I drive past Berg Mortuary I think of Mercedes Berg. And I couldn't pick her out of a line up. Her influence spread far and wide.

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  25. Mercedes Berg9:53 AM

    I read your blog.

    I'm just kidding. It's Emily and that was a lame joke, but really, Chris Clark, haven't you learned your lesson?? I'm the first and last name police.

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  26. I am still laughing about the tape picture (and curious about the ETB picture). I want to see the reruns on that event. How in the world did she manage to get him to stay still for all that tape? I enjoy your blog--I remember you and Christian from HS. (I also remember Mercedes. She talked to me once...should I feel special?) I was in Christian's class, by the way. My brother Klay was in yours.

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  27. Maybe Maggie should be pulled from Star B's and coerced into the Family Relations class...

    It never ceases to amaze me at the facts I just don't know about you. We are BEST FRIENDS and I had to find out about the tape thing on your BLOG?!?

    P.S. Thanks for the topic of my next blog..."What Not to Wear in the Presence of God's Mouthpiece or Any Other VIP"

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