Friday, December 21, 2007

What Is the Deal With. . .

I made the decision the other day because I am a respectable mother of four--the oldest being 10--that it's time for me to downshift my cool. Don't worry. This doesn't mean I'm giving up. I just think, unfortunately, for my kids' sakes I have to actively pursue churchiness over coolness. I don't like it but I think it will help them turn out better. (In all actuality me not caring about being cool will probably make me cooler--just when I think I'm out, cool keeps pulling me back in!) Consequently I have been thinking about coolness and cool things lately and it has made me wonder. . .

Were laser shows ever cool? Because I used to think it was pretty freaking cool to go to Laser Floyd or Laser Zeppelin. But now, it's so Dwight Shrute. Was it always Dwight Shrute? Maybe it was never cool and it would follow: Maybe I was never cool. At this time I feel that I should assert that I don't do drugs and have, in fact, never done drugs. If you were a kid in the 70s you didn't have to do drugs because every book, movie, and after-school special was basically a trip.
I hate it when people do drugs. Drug use REALLY creeps me out and that is why watching YouTube clips of Amy Winehouse makes me get tears in my eyes and feel like Satan is close. Not kidding.

The other thing I was wondering about is these glasses:

They are cool and many cool people wear different variations of them. I have seen a picture of my dad wearing glasses like this in the 50s. My question is this: were they cool then? Or are they cool now precisely because they were hideous then? What would the modern-day equivalent of these glasses be for people back in the 50s? I just wonder if the people who wore them then were fashion-savvy like the people who wear them now or if they were just dorks.

And lastly, batons. What's the deal with batons? Does anyone twirl batons anymore? I guess I wouldn't say batons were ever ultra cool but they were definitely a viable option for a talent or a hobby. I had a baton and an older girl once tried to teach me to twirl it with the phrase, "You dip it in the vanilla and the chocolate. . . vanilla and the chocolate." Does that make sense to anyone? What was she talking about? Was this vanilla and chocolate bit some kind of Suzuki method of baton twirling teaching? Batons are weird. They aren't like pogo sticks or hoppity horses. I understand the allure of a pogo stick or a hoppity horse. But what was the deal with batons? Were they an accessory or a toy?


  1. I was quietly sitting in PDX reading this and listening to my iPod and then when I got to the phrase "And lastly, batons." I laughed out loud and dribbled Diet Coke. Now my fellow passengers are hoping that I am not sitting be them because they are afraid of me.

  2. Isn't the baton more of a sport? I remember going to my cousin Kristin's baton lesson. I also remember being really jealous that she could twirl it awesome.

    I salute you and your desire to tune down your coolness for your children, but you are pretty cool so that will be hard to measure. If you want to start with Ben, I suggest stopping the poo jokes.

  3. Ditto on Amy Winehouse. To me she's like the devil in drag. Pretty scary! I think Ben has been talking to Owen- my sweet little guy has been running around the house chanting "underwear-underwear" for the last 10 minutes.
    What is up with that?

  4. I don't really think that this new endeavor is going to be possible for you. I mean, no one else could make a hot water bottle so cool. No one else could think of using monopoly money for food. Your relationship with Adventure People is one of your greatest attributes. Nope, it ain't gonna happen. Sorry, the poo jokes are going to go on forever.

  5. "I have to actively pursue churchiness over coolness..." (Rolling my that's gonna happen...)

    Batons? TOTAL accessory...Especially if you made those yarn pom-poms to go on the ends...

  6. A Mia Maid in our last ward was a baton-twirler...not a super great one and incidentally, not a super cool kid. But yes, they do still exist.

  7. When I played baton, for one month back in 1983, the girl who was explaining how to use the baton said it was like scooping ice cream. That's why I feel I'm qualified to say that vanilla and chocolate was an allusion to scooping ice cream.

    Cher once said, on her Behind The Music special, that being uncool is the worst thing in the world.

  8. Anonymous7:14 AM

    Wait a minute.

    Coolness and churchiness are mutually exclusive?


    Oh and batons were only cool if they were the kind you could light on fire.

  9. Anonymous8:08 AM

    Most things were way different in the 1950's. Glasses weren't cool. Period. If you wore glasses, which I did, you were "four-eyes." Unless, that is, you were already cool, which I wasn't. Then you looked smart and studious in your glasses, which was cool. But the glasses themselves weren't cool. There weren't "styles" of glasses. There were just glasses.

  10. Kacy, you're cool and always have been (I have pictures to prove it).

    In an effort to promote marital bliss--and "world peace" in general--I watched Miss Congeniality with my wife last week...Needless to say, the winner of that beauty contest did some amazing things with a flaming baton!

    Frankly it's a lost art. Thanks for bringing it back from extinction!

  11. Laser shows are for stoners.

    Baton twirling was kind of a 1950-1980s thing, doncha think? Or maybe it's just one of those 10-and-under cool things in every generation.

    I don't think coolness and churchiness are mutually exclusive, but it all depends on your definitions. My definition of coolness has always included religiousness ("JEWISH BOYS!"-Mary Catherine Gallagher), so that's convenient.

    My definitions of freaky and scary also include another degree of religiousness, so it's a fine line. But I am sure you'll always be on the coolside.
    Way to put the kids first, btw. I always say, "It's my daughters' time to be cute and fashionable; I am retired."


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...