Monday, February 25, 2008

Not Cool No More

A while ago I wrote a post about how I was going to give up trying to be cool and focus on churchiness, remember? Did you like how I made it sound like I'm choosing to be less cool? I said that because it's what I really thought. But over the last few weeks I've noticed some signs that I'm just becoming an old, uncool fuddy duddy, whether I like it or not.

First of all, I regularly find just what I'm looking for [to wear] at Sears. Does this include multiple products manufactured by Lands End--including jeans? Yes. It does. As it turns out, your active and stylish grandmother was right!

Along the same lines, I give up on low-riders. I just plain give up. I can't take it. When I see girls half my age and half my size bending over and revealing a pretty gross crack, I don't even want to imagine what it's like when that happens to me. And it happens to me a lot because, frankly, I bend over a lot. It's uncomfortable and ugly and I'm just not going to do it anymore. Does that mean I will wear mom pants now? I guess.

Another thing that makes me a fuddy duddy is that I think organic is for suckers. This might mean that I'm not hip and fresh, but at least I'm not a sucker.

Also, reading Cosmopolitan makes me profoundly sad. It really does. It's not that I'm a prude. I don't mind the sex talk--they have some very creative tips! But the context and frequency of the sex talk is eyebrow-raising (to me) and nothing makes me sadder than imagining the actual target audience for this magazine. It's sad because some of the most degrading and sexist content is being marketed as modern and empowering. And, based on most of the reality programming I watch, I think women are buying it. See? I know. I wish I could be a better sport about it. But I can't.

And finally, I've noticed lately that whenever I eat a small amount--and small for me is probably moderate for you--of cookies or candy it makes me feel kind of sick. I hate it! I compare it to not being able to hold my liquor. It's SO lame. I mean, you should have seen me in my candy prime. (Some of you did. Sigh.)

Oh well. I guess there is some comfort in knowing it's all downhill from here. The only thing that keeps me going is the thought that if I can just hold it together a little longer I'll be a cougar soon.


  1. Oh come on. You are still totally cool. I mean, I saw a special on Barry Manilow the other day and my first thought was, "I bet Kacy still has the words memorized to all of his songs." Nothing is cooler than that.

    P.S. I have the same candy thing going on. I just try to push through it.

  2. Anonymous9:22 AM

    Welcome! It took you long enough, but we are happy to finally accept you as a member.

  3. There are mom jeans and then there are mom jeans. I don't believe that you've resigned yourself to mom jeans.

    I don't know if candy will ever make me sick. But the rotting teeth thing, I can get behind that.

    I still think you're cool.

  4. MEOW! I've always felt a particular kinship to my active, stylish grandmother--now I know why!

    I'm with you on all fronts and will add that past 10 pm, I'm no good.

  5. I ate a lot of sugar on Sunday and I still can't shake it. My mom got me a subscription to ELLE and I'm still mad at her for it.

    And in reference to your last post, did you ever watch Pinwheel in all of your childhood TV-watching days? I loved that one!

  6. I DID watch Pinwheel--member Pinwheel? It was the first show on a new network called "Nickelodeon."

  7. Except for the mommy pants and cosmo, I can totally relate.

    However, it is something to revel in and be proud of...almost to the point of having it printed on a t-shirt. Fads aren't cool, they're just fads. Cool is forever cause it transcends fads, without getting caught up in the fad.

  8. Some kinds of cool never go away! Remember when you wore cowboy boots with denim cutoffs and it looked really COOL? I'm sure you'll infuse some pizzaz into the Mom pants... somehow. And ANYTHING is better than the crack. I hate seeing that. and crack plus thong... heaven help us all.

  9. I'm a complete stranger to you, but I read frequently.

    I give you a standing A.Men. on this post. Except for the last sentence, I have no idea what that means.

    I saw a lady at work today that had the low rise jeans on, a cropped shirt, she bent over in front of everybody in the hospital lobby revealing at least 2.5 inches of her g-bottoms. She didn't appear to have a g-top on. It was attractive, really attractive.

  10. I have been waiting for a good pinwheel reference. If you've given up, then I'm DOOMED. Cause I still try to emulate you in all that I do.

  11. I think you're cool but I probably set the bar pretty low considering that sometimes I still think I'm cool.

  12. Does that mean that you shop at Chico's, too?

    Although, I have to say, that I do like Lands'End Bathing suits. I know that is very uncool, but no one else makes them with any kind of support. And if I have to br wearing it all day at the pool, I want to be as comfortable as I can be in a bathing suit.


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