Tuesday, April 29, 2008

And Now for Something Completely Different--Poetry

I thought that you might enjoy a little genre shift so here are my poems. I wrote them when I was in grade school. They mostly involve bathroom humor. As you will see, I was partial to the rhymed couplet. I only remember two. The first was co-written with my sister, Heidi, and it refers to family lore:

His mother taught him
to air out his bottom

The next one is self-explanatory:

Go in the bathroom if you dare
I spent a little time in there

It's important, I suppose, for me to remember these early attempts and their subject matter. My poetry came to mind yesterday after I gasped at Sam for saying "brain fart." We don't say that in our family. The kids insisted that there was no other word for it and I could not imagine where they had ever heard it in the first place. "Memory lapse!" I said, "I'm drawing a blank!" I retorted as I shined the buckles on my shoes and straightened my wide white collar.

First thing the next morning Ben requested potty on his cereal. . . But don't you think rhymed couplets are really classy?


  1. This made me laugh more than is probably appropriate. Yes, I'm twelve.

  2. I think you are a natural born poet. In Jr.High, my friend and I wrote what we called "Soft Sayings" and they were poems like:
    If you must heave,
    Please leave.
    Bit by bit
    The boy will spit.
    Snot is not
    Not snot.
    I think poetry is beautiful form of expression, don't you? The poem I'm most proud of, however, I wrote in high school where I then peaked. Enjoy:
    Ode to the little lima bean,
    You are small and you are green.
    You've been known to be obscene,
    Oh, little, nasty lima bean.

  3. So you are somewhat of a Fecal Poet. That would be one who writes poems dealing with and around fecal matter. This is very interesting. Your rhyming is masterful though. I think I share this talent as I won the reflections contest in 6th grade with this beauty that I wrote in 3 minutes:

    Leaves are falling to the ground,
    Whispering without a sound.
    Listening when someone talks,
    Wondering when someone walks.
    Brown and crispy,
    Nice and wispy.

    I still have the medal in my drawer.

  4. Gross!!!! Do you have any more?

  5. Just in time for National Poetry Month!

  6. After heroically deciding on Monday to drastically limit my computer time (and, as a result, getting a whole lot done), I found your blog yesterday. I started at the beginning and read the whole thing. Surely the fact that I haven't showered today (and can't remember if I did yesterday), have a kitchen counter covered in crusty rice and will probably feed my family Kraft dinner tonight has everything to do with your bewitching way with words and nothing to do with my inherent laziness.
    Thanks for lots of laughs, Kacy!

  7. Potty on his cereal? Hmmm, Hugh asked for poop for dinner. I think it's about time we gave these little boys what they're asking for!

  8. We used to have a little song we loved to sing about a sister in the ward:

    My name is Susie Barnhart,
    I love to fa-hart,
    And I do it every other day.

    I'm not sure why it was every other day, but oh, man does the rhyming couplet lend itself to some beauties.

  9. Hahaha. Kind of reminds me of my favorite as a child:

    here is sit in smelly vapor
    last one here used all the paper
    I'm not gonna sit and linger
    I'll just have to use my finger

    Poo humor is funny.

  10. today annika (3 y/o)came to me and said

    "Johnnie ate a booger
    And it tasted like sugar"


  11. Here are a couple of your family poems that I committed to memory during a trip to the cabin where they are posted in the bathroom:

    No tampax, kotex, playtex too;
    Cigarettes and matches they're all taboo.

    And then there's this updated version of an old favorite:

    If it's yellow let it mellow.
    If it's brown flush it down.
    Yellow paper in the can,
    Brown paper in the pot.
    Thanks a lot!

    Septic tank humor is a branch of bathroom humor that deserves more attention.

  12. Anonymous12:30 PM

    your poetry is so deep and profound... it moved me... or i had a movement, rather... ha! potty humor just never gets old... no matter your age... and for future reference it is a brain farct (short for brain infarction)... now you can go set him straight with your impressive mom knowledge! :)


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