Why do I give parental advice? Am I some kind of certified expert? No. But I do have this blog and a Master's degree in Rhetoric so. . . here's some more unsolicited advice.
Teach your kids not to urinate outside but if other people's kids do it, don't judge them too harshly.
You never have to go to Chuck E. Cheese. Ever. I wish someone would have told me that 11 years ago.
Threatening to beat your kids to a bloody pulp will not do any long-term damage. I don't want to get into how I know this. I just know.
Do not allow the word "weenis" in your home.
If you take your child to their kindergarten assessment and they act a little bit autistic (even if they aren't), don't sweat it. Think of the improvement they will make by the end of the year.
Think twice about preschool for 3-year-olds. Even though they liked it, none of my kids have needed it or benefited from it.
If they are up, just bite the bullet and be up. I have wasted hours trying to get kids down for naps and trying to extend early morning snoozes. It's not worth it. If you are sick, pregnant, have a newborn, or it's the middle of the night, ignore this advice.
Try to do chores while kids are awake. Using up nap time to do dishes is nothing less than soul-crushing.
Get used to zerrisenheit. It means fragmented and its the new normal. At least you can feel fancy because it's German.
Remember, an over-scheduled child is one who is enrolled in more classes than yours.
If your child wants to pursue acting instead of college, take comfort that a lot of universities end up giving honorary degrees to actors.
Choose your child's orthodontist carefully. I have one who is so nice and so friendly that it makes me suspicious. (Maybe you should choose a less friendly one.) WHAT ARE YOU HIDING DR. T!
Making/letting your kids help you with the service you have/get to do because of your church calling can take the place of family vacations. We didn't take a lot of family vacations growing up but my little sister tagged along with my mom to youth conference for years and she turned out very well. (In fact, she has a blog and a Master's degree in Rhetoric.) Similarly, we didn't go skiing last year but my kids shoveled snow with their dad for the ward every Saturday all winter. Same thing, basically. And concerts count double.
Know this, Resolve Carpet Cleaner won't work.