Friday, December 18, 2009

Going Native: Avatar

I just saw Avatar in 3D and it is, you know--about what you'd expect. All the critics are saying it's an unspectacular movie with spectacular visuals but I personally found the visuals gross. I almost couldn't stand it. Here is a list (by no means exhaustive) of things I hate that Avatar contains:

Moist Fronds
Naked Buttocks
Corn Rows
Reptilian Tongues
Squatting
Chanting
Mysticism
Giant Blue Sigourney Weaver in Cut-Off Tank Top
Beaks
Pointy Incisors
Tails
Anna Lucia
Loin Cloths

I kept thinking the aliens' legs on Pandora looked like pants that David Lee Roth would wear. It distracted me from the subtle messages about the Iraqi war and environmentalism that James Cameron was trying to communicate to me through nuance.

Anyway, I understand why people like this movie but no matter how much you might want to go into World of Warcraft and mate for life with your virtual girlfriend, James Cameron can't make it happen--not even with 500 million dollars.

17 comments:

  1. It's not on my list - but I sometimes wonder if I need to be aware of these things so that I can hold my own in conversation.

    Maybe I can see the trailer.

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  2. Kacy, I love you, and hated the corn rows.

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  3. Thank heavens. I was running out of reasons I hated this and was not going to see it with the giant nerd husband. Now I have a fresh list! You have saved my anniversary.

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  4. I can not tell you how much I love this post. If I maybe would ask to have it placed into my dead hands before burial it would only begin to cover it. I have never been able to fully express WHY I can not stand Fantasy to any real length. You did it in a fast five minute read. (I took time out to fall to the ground laughing till I cried.) Genius.

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  5. Exactly!

    You have summed up perfectly why I hate Fantasy.

    I do not get it...lizards and sea creatures that walk and talk...why?
    My intolerance is showing.

    Well Done.

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  6. Exactly. Anna Lucia. What's up with that girl?

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  7. I LOVE the list, and I also love the part about the subtle message, and I also love the part about World of Warfare.

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  8. Personally, I like naked buttocks.

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  9. What about inter-twisting cerebral cords?

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  10. I cannot even watch the previews for that movie. For all the reasons you listed here.

    Also, I surprised my kids with a trip to McDonalds to celebrate the first day of Christmas vacation, and guess what the Happy Meal toy is?

    Yes, some creepy Avatar dude whose head lights up when you clap your hands. What a disappointment.

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  11. Anna Lucia from Lost?

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  12. Anna Lucia is in it? Never mind, dont want to see it now.

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  13. I saw the trailer for this while waiting for my date with Edward and whispered to my SIL, "I think someone had a REALLY BIZZARE/bad dream and made a movie out of it." Maybe you could have had more fun burning 10 dollars:)

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  14. I like that all the animals came with their own USB ports

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  15. Kacy, I saw Avatar last night despite your warnings and have to say that I disagree. I especially watched for squating because I thought there wans't quite enough of it in Pocahontas. I thought there was just the right amount of squating in Avatar. Also, I for one, will no longer buy any products that conain obsulidium, nor will I support the companies that use it in their products.

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  16. I waited and saw this on DVD. I was actually surprised by how bad it was. Visuals and themes and brainwashing efforts aside, the screenplay/ dialogue was so LAME. Recycled. Unoriginal. I am so glad it didn't win best picture because it wasn't good. Special effects? Yes, very good. Everything else? Recycled and lame.

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