Here are some things about me.
When I was little I had the vague notion that catnip was really bad. I thought it was like chewing tobacco for cats. I also thought that foxes were as dangerous and menacing to humans as wolves. It has only been in the last 5 years or so that I realized that foxes are small and can't really hurt you.
Until What Not to Wear aired I was suspicious of makeovers because they always seemed to make you sluttier--like in Grease or the Legs video by ZZ Top.
When I get my hair washed before a haircut I never know where to look. It feels hedonistic to close my eyes. Staring at the ceiling seems weird too. I hate it.
If I were a Native American I would wear this kind of hat because it just seems really cool to me.
My mom has never given me a whole stick of gum.
Sometimes out of desperation on Sunday mornings I play The Mormon Tabernacle Choir to get my kids to be calm even though I'm not really that into The Tabernacle Choir and rarely listen to them when it's just me. I wonder if my kids will incorrectly remember that their mother loved The Tabernacle Choir. Then I wonder if my Mom actually hated dates and pine nuts, which she seemed to have an odd fetish for considering they are both so gross.
The other day I realized that the sound "Bowm chicka bow wow" is the new "Duh nuh neer neer neer neer neer neer" (Dueling Banjos from Deliverance). I was all, "I should write a book on pop culture." Now it seems less apt.
I've never shopped at or even seen The Duty Free Shop. Is it some kind of gag?
When I was a peer counselor in high school I was in a skit where I played "cocaine."
I'm mad that in addition to worrying about fat I also have to worry about my dermatological age now. That blows.
I call deodorant that smells worse than body odor "B.O.dorant." It's apt.
Now you know everything.