Tuesday, February 22, 2011

ABC's The Bachelor: It's a Family Show

Last night's hometown visits were very sweet, upbeat, and family-oriented. In fact, I have completely forgotten about the pornographic romp that was last week's The Bachelor. 

Speaking of, I love how Chris Harrison refers to last week's episode as "a rough patch for Brad" instead of "a major step backwards for the women's movement" or  the "reprehensible state of affairs in reality entertainment" or "a sad comment on the human condition" or simply, "sickening, shameful, and painful to watch." Semantics!

Friends, Brad is a simple guy. You know, "not complex." To Brad, olive oil is stinky. Embalming fluid is, likewise, a turnoff. And remember, Brad hates drama. OBVIOUSLY. Why else would you even go on ABC's The Bachelor unless you hate drama. So being with all-American women in all-American towns, except Maine which is partly French (Spanish if you're the bachelor), was a breath of fresh air for Brad. The families were warm and welcoming. And I mean, who wouldn't be? (Oh yes--every real family I've ever met.) They cheerfully gave Brad permission to string along their desperate daughters until he decides who to "marry." I grew up with a bit of an absent father and watching last night's The Bachelor made me realize what I've been missing all this time--someone to sell me out once the cameras are rolling to any handsome stranger that walks through the door.

For me the contest is really coming down to Boca vs. Rikki. I'm afraid Rikki will lose because she put up walls early in her relationship with Brad whereas Boca put himself out there. Brad likes it when people put themselves out there and it bothers him so much when people put up walls.  We'll see which one ends up handily placed in a boat and paddled to shore.

Personally, I like Emily. But the more I get to know Brad--and even though I've never made out with him I do feel like I know him quite well--the clearer it is that he will choose the woman with no kids, no career, and no prospects. And that, dear reader, is Chantal. He is simple. She is easy. There's a perfect symmetry to it. She has the lowest barrier to entry, as they say. And who can blame him. Parenting, pursuing a career, having a personality and will of your own--it's all very dramatic.

My hope for the finale of ABC's The Bachelor is that in the end it is revealed that Brad is--and has been all along--his twin brother Chad. All the comments about "being a new man" make sense now! I really hope this happens. It would be the perfect ending.

15 comments:

  1. You are my favorite blogger. If I had a million dollars and a publishing company, I'd give it all to you. And if you didn't want to write a book, I'd still give it all to you, to do whatever you wished with it. Blessings on your head.

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  2. Wow, I would watch the show (at least 10 minutes of it) for that ending. As it is, I'm getting a much more scintillating experience reading your posts about it.

    I'm also impressed by Beth's devotion. I love your blog very dearly, but if I had a million dollars I would probably spend it on other, non-blogger things, such as Doritos. No offense.

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  3. What would I do if I didn't have your knowledge of dramatic pop culture to entertain me?

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  4. Kacy, you are right. But the Bachelor would never end like that, but we can hope.

    My wish is that, in the end, that when he (predictably) chooses Chantel O., she will slap him across the face again and say, "This is for womankind all over the world! For REALZ, yo!" and walk off. That way, once he doesn't "get his way" he'll REALLY become a new man.

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  5. I just love these. I wish you would summarize ALL THE SHOWS for me, because not only do I then totally know what's going on, but also you do it way funnier/better.

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  6. I really like Emily too... but I have a sneaking suspicion that it's going to be Chantel. *sigh* And of course.. I think that he's not only thinking of "being in love" here... I think it's going to come down to Emily and Chantel. Both are pretty financially well off (Helloooooo! Did you see her parents house?!) Her dad played for the Seahawks, and she was married to the vocalist from the band Acceptance! And Emily... c'mon! She has the granddaughter of Hendricks Motorsports! You KNOW she's taken care of! She has a REALLY nice house in Charlotte as well!
    I know that's a really crappy way to look at things, but, really! Have you thought of that, or is it just me that is that cynical?? LOL

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  7. What's with Ashley not really being a dentist yet? Did anyone else catch that? She'll finish her schooling? Did she drop out to go on the Bachelor? Hello! Bad idea jeans!

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  8. I love how they kept talking about how ambitious Ashley is when really she dropped out of dental hygiene school to go on the Bachelor. Brad really doesn't want to get in the way of ambition like that and neither does his twin brother Chad.

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  9. Oh my crap! I'm having so much fun reading your recaps each week. I wish you were watching every trashy show for me so you could give me your take. But that would be just plain selfish of me. Your Bachelor recap is a highlight of my week.

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  10. Sarah9:12 AM

    So, so funny. I am loving these recaps. I really enjoy your sense of humor.

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  11. http://facesofrejectedbachelorettes.tumblr.com/

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  12. also loviing your show summaries. I don't watch, but am tempted after your descriptions. then again, after you sum it all up I don't need to watch.

    Thanks!

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  13. Emily has at least three grains of common sense. There's no way she's going to "win." And how is being picked by Brad "winning," exactly? I can only believe Chantal has done something very bad in her life for this kind of karma to find her.

    Also, I hopped over here from the Mormon Momma nominations, and I'm very confused as to how I have never read your blog before. I feel deprived.

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  14. Thanks a lot. After reading these I have now watched the last two episodes of the Bachelor online while my husband is out of town and cannot mock me. That photo shoot on the beach made me want to cry.

    Can't wait to see what you'll say next about the Bachelor.... No pressure.

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  15. I just cancelled my cable. Your play-by-play is so much better - and hilariously on point. You are fantastic!
    p

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