Thursday, March 17, 2011

When Irish Eyes are Smiling or Can a Dog Have Pinkeye?

Happy St. Patrick's Day to my fellow Irishmen and Irish wannabes. Here's a picture of Ben, the most Irish of all my children because he had red hair when he was born, with cucumbers on his eyes after a long day at church. If you're not Mormon then you have NO IDEA how much time we spend there. It's a lot. We love it. But when we come home we know how to relax.

Last year I did a Give Away on St. Patricks Day. I gave away my luck. I just can't afford to give it away this year so instead I'm giving away this picture of my dog's eyes. In return I am asking for a diagnosis. See how one of them is swollen? What do you think that is? Please diagnose my dog's swollen eye in the comments. This Give Away closes Friday night at midnight. I really don't want to pay for a vet visit. The one I go to always rips me off.
Speaking of dogs, I've become obsessed with looking at dogs for sale on I don't really even want another dog (there's not enough hate in my heart, I don't think) but it is fascinating to see how people tackle the ultimate rhetorical challenge of trying to sell their dog while at the same time explaining why they don't want it anymore. I can't get enough of it. Some people are simply honest: "My wife is not turning out to be a dog-person" or "My husband will kill me when he sees that I've posted Jack!" Many people reveal personal details about their life: "Taking care of this dog costs more than I thought it would and I can't afford it." And there are almost always tales of dramatic adventure: "Being deployed in 2 days. Dog must go!" Some read like a badly written depression-era memoir: "Lost house. No room in trailer for dog." Some people post really long, emotional stories about their divorces. It's a scene, man. You should read it. I would be embarrassed if you knew how much time I spend reading it. Check out the "Free Pets" section too. That's where you'll find the people with the most heart.

I hope you enjoy St. Patrick's day and may you be in heaven  half an hour before the devil knows you're dead (or in my dog's case, stricken with conjunctivitis)!


  1. I diagnose an eye infection and I prescribe a $30 tube of antibiotic ointment that all the pharmacies near you will not have in stock because of the main company that makes that ointment going out of business.

  2. I concur with Swistle, and I say use store-brand Neosporin, because that's what we used on our blind goat's eye, and it healed her. She is fully sighted now. True story.

    I also devour the dogs section of the classifieds. My new dog has only further stoked my passion, and I think another dog would be a great idea (but from the Humane Society, not the classifieds, OBVIOUSLY). But ask me again in a week, after she has her third accident on my rug.

  3. I diagnose that it's just a little infection that will go away on its own if you ignore it and pretend it isn't there. That's what I do all the time.

  4. I concur with Carly. But I try not to touch dogs, so I'm maybe not the best one to ask.

    Those classifies would make a good tv series, no? It should be called "How Much Is That Doggy In the Window?" and follow the jubilation and/or regret felt as people find new homes for their once loved pets. I would shop it around to TLC (you don't want Bravo to touch it).

  5. I don't know what's wrong with that eye, but every time I look at that picture, my eyes start to water furiously, so whatever it is, I think it's highly congatious. Watch out.

  6. When I was engaged to be engaged I enjoyed reading the stories for why wedding rings were for sale. Also, I don't necessarily trust someone who makes it sound like they don't want to sell the dog, an honest person would say: This dog smells, sheds, is not potty trained or is not like dogs on TV.

  7. Oh, man, you make me laugh. Your kids are hilarious. Listen, I mean it this time, I am coming to UT on spring break (3.30-4.02) and I just have to have some Kacy time. You know how to email me & we really should get together (making new mom friends! you can even give me advice about my upcoming childbirth!). Make it so. (and if Lisa Clark is involved, all the better).

  8. Anonymous7:50 PM

    OMG, I can't believe I commented as the frickin' PTO again. It's me, Jamie, in case you didn't know that by now.


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