Monday, December 14, 2015

Sending off a Missionary: It Gets Better

I'm not going to lie—saying goodbye to Sam was tough. I think the last thing I said to him was, "I'm sorry you have to go on a mission!" But at the airport when Ellen and Maggie were sobbing I realized I had never pictured anyone else's loss when I thought about Sam leaving. I thought I'd lay in bed all day and miss him all alone. But there was the rest of my family and I was still the mom.

Christian and I had to cheer people up and talk positively about the wonderful step Sam was taking. I think it was harder for the kids than for me because I had been hardcore grieving Sam's departure for months. At the airport I was worried because Sam seemed nervous to be traveling all alone. On our way out we saw a dapper missionary and I asked him where he was headed. "Birmingham, England."

"You'll meet my son on the plaaaaaaaaaane!" I called to him as I ascended the escalator. I knew they'd meet at the gate and Sam would have at least one traveling buddy. (As it turns out, he had many. They picked up missionaries all the way to England.) We had $100 gift card to Market Street Grill so we went there for breakfast after we left the airport and let everyone order whatever they wanted. Christian went to work and the rest of us went to bed to cry and sleep all day. We only came out when dear, wonderful, thoughtful angels rang our doorbell to bring us treats. I hope I remember to return the kindness. It's like having a baby—you don't know the ways in which it will be hard or the kinds of things that will help you as a new mom. I feel like a jerk when I consider all of my friends who have sent off missionaries who I did nothing for. Now I know.

So how are we now that Sam's a month and a half into his mission? Better! As soon as we heard from him from the England MTC I felt better. He sounded great and happy and continues to write upbeat, funny, adorable, spiritual letters. We all go through phases of missing him and things set us off crying, but that awful agonizing despair I felt is gone. I'm so glad. There's still a little PTSD there when I think about it. But mostly I'm happy, proud, appreciative, and so glad that he's doing what he's doing.

It's hard to describe, but I think I almost missed him more during those last few months of high school and the months before his mission than I do now. We weren't estranged or fighting, it was just an intense time where I had to nag him so much about homework, graduating from seminary, saving money, finishing his eagle, preparing for his mission, etc, etc, etc (typical stuff) while at the same time agonizing over how much I was going to miss him and wishing that our last few months could be spent in more meaningful ways that it was a little bit excruciating. I think it's growing pains. I'm eager and optimistic about being a mom to a young adult. But I guess there's an awkward kind of stretching before you get there. Honestly, leaving for a mission is a wonderful way to get through that part. As my little boy was preparing to leave, serving a mission felt like a big ask. But now? It feels like the best and least cruel way to get him grown up.

It's really fun and rewarding to have him on a mission. We hear from him on Mondays. He gets along with his companion, has joined a choir, and has an investigator committed to baptism—This is not common in his area of Yate. If you're wondering about Yate, just remember the Doctor Who episode where the TARDIS became tiny and Rigsy the graffiti artist was painting people who disappeared—that was filmed in Yate. Sam is there too. So far, so good.

My friend Jill, who has 3 returned missionaries and one leaving in a year,  says she actually misses being a "missionary mom" now that her boys are home. I'll probably be the same way.

8 comments:

  1. I appreciate your two most recent posts. We just dropped off our oldest daughter at the MTC today, and I found a good deal of comfort by reading my own thoughts expressed in your nicely articulated words. Thanks!

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    1. Thank you so much for reading! I feel like moms of older kids need a support system just as much as (if not more than) moms with babies. Enjoy being a missionary mom.

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  2. Thank you so much for this. My eldest turns 17 next week, and the idea of him leaving home, pretty much forever, scares me to death. I kind of wish he'd talk back more, be generally nasty, and fight with everyone so I'd think, "you need to go on a mission and grow up." But sadly, he's very nice to have around.

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    1. I know. Just when they start to become wonderful they leave. It's tough, dude. But it's good. Front load your grief like I did and it will get better and better.

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  3. I don't even know how to speak "blog" anymore but I think I'm going to try. So happy to see you are doing the same! And how convenient that you happen to be in the same phase I am, just a couple months ahead of me. One difference is I never thought my daughter would serve a mission - she has been against it for years, but sometimes things change. I had to change with it, but I have still managed to stay in denial for weeks since getting her call. Denial seems to be retreating to the back seat while reality is riding shotgun and I am starting to freak out a little. "But I'm not that parent!" my inner voice screams out. "Yes you are you freak!" says my other inner voice. Did I mention I have multiple personality inner voices?

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    1. That sounds emotionally tough, Kristy. I'm glad we are in it together. Our mantra: "A mission is a good thing and I can be that parent." Good luck!

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  4. My children are five and three and -6 months old and I still feel the cold hand of panic close around my throat when I think about the possibility of them serving missions. Missions are wonderful, wonderful things, but my goodness, they're a bit drastic for a first foray into adulthood, don't you think? I suppose that's one of the many ways that we know the church is true.

    Does Sam have a Brummie accent yet?

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    1. It does seem drastic--NO HALF MEASURES! No detectable accent yet. Of course, I virtually never talk to him. :(

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