Friday, June 13, 2008

And Don't Buy This Either

Lest you think I am some kind of frugal guru the likes of which might keep a baggie of kitchen scraps in the freezer to one day make into "Leftover Soup," may I assert that I am an expert in what not to buy by virtue of the fact that I have bought so much. I have my regrets. Let me spare you.

Don't buy Sigg Bottles. This is a tough one, I know. Their selling points are three-fold: 1) Beautiful design 2)Somehow better for the environment 3) Promotion of more water drinking which will make your children healthier and you skinnier.
In a burst of water-loving verve, I ordered 6 of these last year with the hope that they would change my life. They aren't that great. They don't stay cold, can't go in the dishwasher, are too narrow to fit ice cubes from my freezer, and the plastic spout gets chewed on, gross, and dirty like any 50 cent water bottle my 5 year old spends time with. Just to add insult to injury, Dooce made fun of the psychedelic styles I bought. Unfortunately, cups and drinking fountains meet my plebeian needs best.

Do not buy Nutrisystems food. After I birthed and weened my last baby, I had a new lease on life! My body was my own (to abuse in ways no fetus would ever dream of). I could lose my baby weight and never gain it back. The world was my oyster, so to speak. I ordered a month's worth of Nutrisystem food. It's kind of fun at first. And it does work. But when you are squeezing orange tuna casserole out of a foil bag you'll think to yourself, "I'd rather be fat." Don't buy it.

Don't buy The Flirt jeans from Old Navy without trying them on. They are billed as flattering for everyone. But they aren't. Word.


Don't buy Laura Mercier tinted moisturizer. I did and I wish I hadn't. People online swear buy this stuff! I got some and whenever I use it I get zits where I put it. This might not happen to you, but what if it does happen? You will have spent $42 on moisturizer that isn't very tinted and makes you break out. You schmuck. You'll wish you would have wasted only 10 dollars on Almay Smart Shade, which also doesn't work but will save you 32 dollars.
I know I'm telling you things you don't want to hear. I'm just doing it because I love you.

31 comments:

  1. You are so thoughtful. :)

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  2. Well I for one am extremely grateful I read this. I was this || close (those are very close lines) to buying that moisturizer. For now, I will just continue to use whatever Lindsey buys and puts on the counter and hope it doesn't smell like a Japanese Tea Garden.

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  3. Good thing I didn't spend the $20 or whatever on the Sigg... I just need to find a BPA free bottle before my Nalgene bottle gives me cancer. Is that just a rumor or is it another ploy to get us to buy new products and stimulate the economy (which is something that I don't benefit from, just like the stimulus package that I didn't get)?

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  4. Thank you for saving me! I have been tempted by buy Sigg bottles AND try NutriSytem.

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  5. Thank you.

    And to show you I love you too: Do not buy the Townhouse Flipsides pretzel-cracker things. I love both pretzels and crackers, but together they taste funny.

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  6. Dede, I'm going to disagree with you re: Townhouse crackers. If I'm in the mood for a cracker, I bite it with the cracker side next to my tongue. If I'm in the mood for a pretzel, I flip it over. I often can't decide between the two (my mental capacity is stretched thin lately) and now I get two, two, two snacks in one!

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  7. I think I will make it a habit to buy whatever irks Dooce, because Dooce irks me.

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  8. I don't know what I'd do without you.

    Hey, can I call you in the early mornings or late evenings just to run things past you? I could use the help.

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  9. I have to disagree on the Sigg bottle. I have had mine for a couple of months and I still love it. However, I don't try to put ice cubes in it. Maybe I should?

    And thanks for the heads up on Nutrisystem. It always looks so tempting.

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  11. Hailey told me to read your blog, and I have to admit I laughed for days, no seriously, it took me a while to read all your posts. Remember when you came to our show and said, "Wow, you guys look really pretty onstage."?
    Well I may have a small complex offstage now, but my self esteem couldn't be better while on.
    Whatever you do, don't buy Burberry Beat perfume. You will like it, actually love it for one, I repeat,one day. Then you will want to shower whenever the smell is anywhere near.

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  12. Thanks for the tips. I love knowing what not to buy. This is saving me tons of money! Actually, I had never thought to buy any of these products, but now I'll know to watch out. A good antidote to all those blogs that tell us what to buy. Lately I've been so disappointed that one of my favorite blogs has turned into little more than an infomercial--hate that.

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  13. I was THIS CLOSE to buying one of those bottles at Barnes and Noble. It was all "Yogaish" and had a cool design that reminded me of my tattoo. But, I must have known somehow. I love these lists.

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  14. Now for things ot buy: Colorless Iodine for finger nails that split and peel, and a lovely Neti-pot for allergies and sinus problems! Both must haves in my book!

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  15. Sorry to! I feel like I must spell well to post on this blog! And I questioning my spelling of peel?

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  16. Sorry, I'm thinking quicker than I type!

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  17. any word on the pancake puffs maker? My kids are begging me for one of those.

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  18. btw, I was dying to make a comment on the Bean Museum post, but it wouldn't have passed inspection. let's just say my friend's kid made a comment about a certain exterior portion of the bear's body. and how big it was.

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  19. I was going to buy those water bottles! Oh, our similiar lives! If I give you a list of things I want to buy, will you try them out for me first?

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  20. A lot of the teachers at my school have carried around those Sigg bottles all year - I didn't know they were called that - and didn't know they were cool.

    They seem to like them - at least they use them all the time without complaint.

    But I have a Nalgene bottle Hannah and Robbie gave me, so I won't be tempted.

    And Neutregena makes an excellent tinted moisturizer - with an SPF of 15 - that I have enjoyed using for years. So I won't be tempted there.

    I will watch out for NutriSystem though - I have such a hard time just eating less and exercising more that I could be tempted!

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  21. I have wondered why (OH WHY) do the Sigg bottles have that stupid narrow spout.....Don't the Sigg folks know most people don't want luke warm tap water?

    You do us all such a great service.

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  22. Love the blog. And thanks for the consumer advice.

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  23. I almost succumbed to Nutrisystem this week. Thanks for the heads up.

    I want you to know that your name is being bandied about as one of THE Mormon Mommy Blogs to read... you are just that cool. Remember the little people, k?

    What is this I keep hearing about not using plastic bottles. Really? Does it apply if I already poisoned my last three kids with plastic bottles? Who can keep up?
    (I don't know what a Sigg bottle is, but it just looks like something my 3 year old would use to hurt/torture my 8 year old...)

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  24. there is such a thing as orange tuna casserole? who wouldn't rather be fat?

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  25. I don't buy it.

    Get it?! Ha! And, what if some of us LIKE leftover soup?

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  26. Thanks for the list. And I am a 'skinny' fan of Weight Watchers. PS: I love your blog.

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  27. Ditto on The Flirt jeans! They are not flattering to everyone. I have a pair in my closet that my BFF gave me after they got too big for her. I put them on and they only came up to my knees. SO not flattering. And I kept tripping when I walked.

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  28. ok, anyone out there tried the ZENO zit killer?

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  29. If you're still looking for a tinted moisturizer and can handle the scent of a self tanner until this dries, try Jergen's Natural Glow Face. I'm not saying that I'm not having break outs, but I don't think this is what's causing it.

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