Tuesday, August 23, 2011

For Your Reading Pleasure

Some day I want to henna my hands. But I want it to be an appropriate occasion for doing this. I can't really think of an occasion which calls for hand henna, but when one comes up I plan to take advantage of it. I don't want to be one of those people who goes and gets hand henna just for the heck of it, you know?

I think people over-use the word amazing. It's the only adjective you hear anymore except for awesome. I almost never use it in order to help it retain its power. But I feel like the mom who doesn't push for antibiotics in the midst of over-parenters who insist on getting antibiotics for every little sniffle which will result in a new breed of antibiotic-resistant bacteria. In this comparison antibiotics are amazing and the extra strong bacteria is everything you describe as amazing.

I am so nostalgic about childhood things like the Muppets. The things I'm nostalgic for seem so cool and hip in a retro way. I'm wondering if old people feel the same way about their stupid old stuff. Howdy Doody comes to mind.

I always think, "I shop at DI because I am quirky and interesting but everyone else here is just really poor," and then I realize that's what they are thinking too. About me.

I feel so bad for Julian Lennon. How could John love Sean more than Julian? I think John Lennon might have been a big jerk.

So much about dinosaurs is just speculation.

I got a pretty good idea at Women's Conference last year: Get a cheap Book of Mormon and highlight the heck out of it according to a theme and give it as a gift. For example you could highlight everything about the priesthood and give it to a boy turning 12 or the Young Women values for your daughter. I made one for Ben when he turned 8. I highlighted everything about the devil in red, everything about Jesus in green, and everything about baptism in blue. You get it, right? It's color-coded by light saber colors.

As I look out over my congregation, sit in parent meetings, or when I find myself in various waiting rooms I often muse about how really rare it is to meet a normal person. 

Sometimes I think about attending Blogher. The last conference I went to was the 4cs when I was teaching English. I cried from homesickness and my boss slept in a cot at the foot of my bed so it's hard to muster up enthusiasm for another one.

Did you know that hard tack is a cracker?  I only learned that this year. I always thought it was some gross kind of candy.

There is nothing wrong with pop music, but it's like strained pears. If you feed it to your children first they'll never develop their palate for vegetables. Remember that.

I look better with short hair and I will prove it:

In the first picture I'm wearing a flattering color and make up. In the second picture I'm wrapped in a blanket with bags under my eyes. OK. The second photo is right now. (I know it's August, but I like to crank the AC and wrap up in a blanket.) (We can't all drive a Prius.) I like the second picture better--bags and all. Maybe you think long hair looks better but you can't prove it--just like dinosaurs. I do believe in dinosaurs. I just don't care about the particulars. Anyway, everyone knows their bones come from parts of planets that are older than the Earth. Kidding! But happy in the fact that I can run for president either way!


  1. I have a testimony of short hair. Amen.

  2. Out of the mouth of 2 or 3 witnesses...I second Azucar's testimony. (have you seen my new short post-partum cut? it's better)Amen and amen.

  3. I feel the same way about dinosaurs. How do those "scientists" come up with this stuff? Have you seen that show that "re-enacts" dinosaur times? Somebody's got a real big imagination....

  4. I can see why you're hesitant to go to Blogher now. You've been burned before. A cot at the end of your bed? Scandalous!

    Your hair looks AMAZING (and I use that word in the same way I wait to use my meds for when my toncils are red, scratchy, and full of puss)!!!

  5. I think, maybe, that normal people attract other normal people. Which is perhaps why I don't ever meet normal people...and you don't, either.

    Thank you for letting me know about hard tack. I thought it was a gross candy, maybe black in color and tasting like molasses.

  6. That's the problem with people I interact with lately. Some newcomer to our ward saw my kids being naughty in sacrament and her husband said to her, "Oh good, they're normal." When she told me that all these red flags went up for me. If she's thinking we're normal, she's in for a big let-down, over and over again. If people would just assume we're wierdos, then when they interacted with us they'd be like, "Man, they're wierd." and move on. But when they assume we're normal, then every time they interact with us they'll be like, "Whoa! Where did THAT come from?" I just don't like inciting that kind of trauma in people again and again.

  7. Just last Sunday we had a neighbor say to us, "Oh, you guys and your weird . . ." and then she trailed off, like she realized she was saying something mean.

    Dinosaurs, evolution, all of it . . . I have no problem with any of it, and I'm going to just sit tight until I get to heaven and hear how it all really happened. Because it doesn't really matter to my eternal progression or whatever.

    I think the proper time to henna your hands is for a baby blessing, so you should probably get working on that.

    Epic is the new amazing and awesome, only it's not even new. The intensity of its overuse has made it even more offensive and played than either of the other two. Also applies to mid-sentence emphatic periods.

    Lightsaber Book of Mormon colors is so inventive and wonderful.

    And just this morning I was lying in bed, coming to terms with the fact that my dream of looking cute and quirky with long braids is a stupid, embarrassing dream, and I just need to cut my hair again.

  8. Hey, don't knock Howdy Doody until you've tried him - he was "awesome" and probably "amazing" too!

  9. Muppets: The Green Album. Covers of the muppet songs by cool artists.

    Helps with the nostalgia, and keeps your kids off the strained pears.

  10. Lightsaber color coding has infinite meanings which I could muse on for hours...Yes, John Lennon was a Jerk for promoting Peace and Love and not being able to live it at home.

  11. "We can't ALL drive a Prius" - genius.

  12. I was working in Abu Dhabi and I got henna on my hands right before I left. It was beautiful but it took a really long time, over 2 hours for the ladies to finish the design. And at first it looks orange but deepens to brown over the next 12 hours. So I totally recommend it but give yourself enough time if you're doing for a specific occasion.

  13. Anonymous12:46 AM

    I can't remember whether I knew what hard tack was before my son told me all about it when he learned about it in junior high history class. He's kind of obsessed with hard tack now. He keeps pointing it out to me at Costco, hoping I'll buy it. I don't know why I haven't yet. Goodness knows it has a reputation for durability and keeping people alive in desperate situations. (Probably that is why I haven't bought any yet.)

    Horehound is an antique candy. A disgusting antique candy. And just as the Muppets are objectively superior to Howdy Doody, Skittles are objectively superior to horehound.

    My problem with blogging conferences is that they are all about blogging. I like blog get-togethers for purposes such as discussing Muppets and hard tack. And henna hand-dying. Somebody arrange that one, and I'll come.

  14. I believe what you demonstrated is that you have more confidence to behave like you look better when you have short hair, meaning it may be a self-fulfilling prophecy. But either way, the result is the same. Short for the win.

    My favorite people are those who can be in front of a camera in a disheveled look and be fine with it. That was the moment I knew that Diane Sawyer was a bona fide.

    Lots of good little nuggets in there. It's good to know there are others who notice the off-kilterness of those around them. I'd like to think I'm a neutrino, and most of those I see at these gatherings are strange particles. Do you also wonder if maybe more of the normal people just stayed home or are on cruises because they're too smart to bother themselves with such minutiae, and you simply missed the normal people's memo. You can pick up on some of that in certain jobs. People who look nicer might be less apt to be in industries that require more brawn. I'm sure it all comes back to supply and demand.

    Have you noticed too that we're becoming more and more a cliche society? Idioms and other jargon are adhering more to our use of language. As we lose our collective creativity, we parrot what other people have said. We go Hollywood and do a remake of something. In an information age, the buzzwords achieve flight more readily, and they cover more ground. We're learning how to think less and less for ourselves. The meaning of what we say becomes secondary to how we say it. Style over substance once again.

    Language is a very interesting prism to view society through. Trends reveal attitudes, and attitudes apply to everything. We can only hope this is just a phase. Notice how quickly cliched words lose their potency, and therefore their meaning? I'm still rooting for 'awesome' as a direct modifier to remain strong. As an interjection, it has certainly become stale.

    Most any phraseology with "That is so _______" will run itself into a ditch before long, since it doesn't fulfill its promise of qualitatively stating what it wants to bring perspective to. It just leaves one hanging. A phrase that unintentionally adds to the confusion is of no use, and is empty. We don't need to know that something is 'so' anything. What we need to instead know is the depth of the 'so', but it's so lacking.

  15. Very thought-provoking Rusty! So basically what you're saying is YOU DON'T LIKE MY HAIR?!

  16. i often want to leave a comment on your blog but i feel like a big nerd trying to infiltrate the popular girls table . you and your commenters and all of the hilarity... it's just so...hilarious.

    anyway, now that my insecurities have been stated, yes to the dinosaur thing, yes to the short hair thing, yes to the pop music thing, and yes to the normal people thing. i concur. like, in a BIG way.

  17. I'm not sure if what I intended to say was construed in a similar manner. While I have no obvious qualms about the tussled hair visual aspect, I had ultimately hoped to agree with you in whatever side of the argument you were on. Did I mention how becoming the photos were? (but one of them exceeded the becoming quota and was crowned champion of the becoming hair lengths)

  18. This post makes me all sorts of happy.

  19. This comment has been removed by the author.

  20. I have a friend, the type who does/can drive a Prius, who is invited to an Indian wedding...where female guests will get their hands all henna-fied. The invitation also included a credit card for use during their stay. No joke.

    The short hair looks rad, and you look 6 years younger in that picture (with "bags" apparently?)


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