Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Cutthroat Parenting

I love the internet and blogging and comments and discussions. I'm glad so much of it is focused on parenting because everyone needs help and support and ideas and, yes, every one needs to feel a little better than another parent at one time or another. It's a great ego boost when your 5-year-old is playing a particularly savage game of emotional extortion with you.

Things can get pretty ugly though.

But don't you see, folks, we are the victims. We aren't in competition with each other or with stay-at-home moms or working moms or single dads or whatever--It's us against our children.

Sure, we have the capacity to ruin our kids the way our parents ruined us but it is us who are the losers. We are the ones who will grow old and tired in the service of our ungrateful children. We are the ones who will become irrelevant and useless as they become the parenting bloggers of the future. We lose. They win.

All this in-fighting amongst the ranks weakens us. It almost feels like a strategy our own little diabolical dictator-children came up with to wear us down along with making infinite impossible requests, demanding that we watch them do cartwheels (that take, like,  FOREVER) and--let's call a spade a spade--sleep deprivation torture techniques that I will refrain from comparing to Gitmo, but it's taking a lot for me not to. 

Who will you chat with online when your kids are grown and busy with their flying cars that we can't figure out how to work? THE VERY PERSON WHO FLAMED YOU ON FACEBOOK. Let's build bridges, not landmines. It's going to be a long lonely life in our custodial care centers. I HOPE I've got someone left to follow on Twitter who hasn't blocked me because my kids eat school lunch. I should be so lucky, friend. And so should you.

So, when you find out I didn't love nursing, that I stuff my kids with gluten, and that not only do I let my kids watch Phineas and Ferb, I watch Phineas and Ferb when I'm by myself. What does that say about my precious, fleeting IQ points? Please. Don't tell me. I'd rather you just said "thank you" (for making you feel good about your Nick Jr. ban) and went on your way. Or, better still, though I know it's a lot to ask, I'd love an air-high five from one exhausted parent on the road to ruining their kids as slowly as possible to another exhausted parent trying to keep the really bad stuff at bay and pick her battles.

We're the same, you and me. And the only ones laughing at the end of the day are our kids. Mark my words. And keep your head down--We are in this trench together whether you like it or not so scooch over.

34 comments:

  1. so glad i am not the only watching phineas and ferb without my kids sometimes....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. even my husband is addicted

      Delete
  2. I will *NEVER* tire of you slipping that little A Few Good Men bit into your blog posts. It reminds me that life is worth living.

    Carry on.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And I will NEVER tire of quoting it. That is a promise.

      Delete
  3. I have but a single child currently, and he is 8 months old, so his diabolical scheming is still developing. But I am a fan of you, your Babble posts (which I have shared on FB, because appreciation is best served with appreciative action, probably), and I second Gerb.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Okay, I've lurked here for a really long time, but now I just have to say that I love, love, love your blog. For some reason, your comment about having to watch cartwheels that never end forced me to tell you that you are my favorite. My very favorite. Please keep writing forever.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm glad you finally commented, AmyLynne. I will keep writing forever.

      Delete
  5. I'm just glad to hear that I'm not the only one still eating gluten (or wondering why we all stopped).

    ReplyDelete
  6. Anonymous1:45 PM

    Well said:)

    ReplyDelete
  7. *scooches over* *hands you the bowl of gluten* *starts new episode of Phineas & Ferb because that show is hilarious*

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We would have fun in our trench.

      Delete
  8. Right on! Parenting lately feels like high school and I'm the nerd who doesn't have Umbro shorts (I can't remember what we all HAD to have in high school). But only online...maybe cause in real life no one cares about anything, it's all a show.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Agreed. Before my first was born, I way underestimated the competitiveness of parenting. Can't we all just get along (and have more air high fives)?

    ReplyDelete
  10. Are you sick of my comments always saying, "Yes! You hit the nail on the head"?
    Too bad. It's not going to stop now.
    Nice shout out on CNN, BTW.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Air high fiving you (and probably missing :)

    Thanks for your perspective. Your perspective is refreshing (and hilarious). When I see your blog in bold on Reader, I know I'm in for a good time. I've yet to be disappointed.

    ReplyDelete
  12. You should probably start watching Invader Zim while you're at it. It's the bizness.

    ReplyDelete
  13. I've learned not to talk to other mothers with superior parenting techniques...ever. It's a solitary life- but it's guilt free. Thanks for shining a light on this very important topic. You should know (because I've said this before) I love your blog.

    ReplyDelete
  14. This is a mom manifesto I can get behind! Make room in the trench for me!

    ReplyDelete
  15. Love the sentiments of this post and totally agree. We're all trying to do the same thing, aren't we? It's stupid to compare. And also I love gluten and phineas and ferb. And I drank gallons of caffeine while I was pregnant.(not literally gallons. I'm exaggerating for artistic effect.) It just took me four tries to spell exaggerating right without that little red squiggly line. That line still says phineas and ferb are spelled wrong. Maybe if they are capitalized? Phineas. Ferb. Nope. Still wrong. The spell checker's mom must also have a nick jr. ban.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Thanks for another hilarious post! It's not too bad here down in the trenches...

    ReplyDelete
  17. Oh, how I need to hear this today, thanks Kacy! High five coming your way.

    ReplyDelete
  18. My kids and I have great bonding moments and inside jokes with Phineas and Ferb.

    ReplyDelete
  19. you really shouldn't be watching fineas and pherb alone.....you should be watching it with me.

    ReplyDelete
  20. bahaha, something went weird in my brain....with a weird spelling spoonerism. phineas and pherb. obv.

    ReplyDelete
  21. ferb! i'm losing my mind! see, you are better than me.

    ReplyDelete
  22. I heart Phineas and Ferb. My husband works in aviation and all the pilots (at our airline, anyway) watch P&F on their looong days off, and quote episodes at length on the radio. There's no shame in P&F around here. Or gluten.

    ReplyDelete
  23. I had sort of forgotten how awful the internet + insecurity + self righteousness can be until last week when my friend pointed me toward a nursing website she loves. 'Nuff said, right? There were haters on both sides of the fence. A real waste of mom talent was spattered through the comment section.

    My friend said that site was brilliant. I say you are brilliant. And I will add my voice to the throng...long live Phineas and Ferb!

    ReplyDelete
  24. Just the message I needed to see! Another air high-five! :)

    ReplyDelete
  25. SO TRUE

    amen

    hallelujah

    ditto everything you just said

    ReplyDelete
  26. Well put. Thanks!

    ReplyDelete
  27. I can't wait for all the highfaluting, holier-than-thou moms to knock on my trench and ask if they can come in. THAT will be the day that I finally feel vindicated. I will let them in, but not without just a little passive-aggressiveness. Just for fun.

    ReplyDelete

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...