I'm thinking about changing some of my mannerisms and/or adopting some new ones. What do you think? I've never had much luck with this but maybe if I try really hard it will work. I tried to quit cracking my knuckles when I was a child because people told me they would get big. 30 years later, I now know that was a lie so it was a waste of a very concerted effort. Ok. So I never tried very hard to stop cracking my knuckles. But I had to stop pulling faces and licking my lips! Leave me one simple pleasure. You can't ask a person to stop drinking, smoking, and doing drugs all at once, can you? Anyways. Maybe in another 30 years we'll see who's laughing, who's cracking, and who suffers from crippling arthritis.
I like to have a little hand signal on hand in addition to waving for when I pass people in a car or see someone from far away--or, for that matter, from close-up because it's a nice circumventor of conversation. What comes naturally to me is to do the devil sign. I guess this comes naturally to me because I'm sort of evil. I don't know. But it's like your pinky and your pointy finger and I really feel like it is the signal for "Rock on!" I used to do this to the young women in my ward, but sometimes after I flashed the horns it occurred to me that maybe I was sending the wrong message, so I got a little self-conscious about it. Consequently, I started to change my hand signal at the last second by putting up my thumb really fast--changing it from "I worship the devil" to "I love you" in sign "language." This was always met with the kind of looks teenage girls give you when you've just done something really lame. And if you don't know what I'm talking about, more power to ya Bluey Blue.
Anyway, it doesn't matter now because I'm out of Young Women and into scouting. They have all kinds of greetings and symbols and gestures and secret handshakes which I need to add to my repertoire. And they're totally cool with the devil stuff.
So since I'm adding all the scouting crap anyway, what I'm wondering is if I should start winking. There are a lot of cons to winking. It is sort of an old-person thing to do and it's kind of corny but--I've got to tell you--I love it when people wink at me. LOVE IT. I love it as much as when someone says my name. (I don't like my name or anything; I'm just pleasantly surprised by the reassurance that people actually know who I am.)
There's the joke wink that is performed so well by the mom on Arrested Development (Premier on September 19th--seriously folks: Yippee) where your whole face contorts in an attempt at indiscreet discretion. Everyone should do that when the occasion permits. What I am talking about, however, is a very genuine wink as if to signal fondness for someone, a greeting of sorts, or to let someone know I'm in on a joke with them. I wink at my kids. Can I extend this to other adults? I'm just not sure I can pull it off. Basically, I don't think I have it in me to do something like this and yet if I could give someone else that joy just by winking at them that I get when someone winks at me, I would do it.
Before I commit to the winking lifestyle I just need to know if it's something only creepy people do. I'm already distasteful enough and I have no desire to add yet one more peculiar mannerism to the cannon of creepiness that I call myself. Is it just me? Come on, everyone likes to be winked at, right? I mean, not by a pervert or an oddball. Or are you trying to find a nice way to tell me that if I winked at you it would be like how I feel when an oddball winks at me?
A few others I'm considering:
Hair twirling to make me seem a little cuter
Frowning to make me seem sad and (hopefully!) get attention from people in my ward
Speaking Spanish more enthusiastically and more often so I seem more spiritual (because people will assume I went on a mission--wrong again, my friend!)
Wrinkling my nose when people talk about yucky stuff, also to make me seem a little cuter
Wearing a cloak to make me seem like I appreciate the arts more
Jumping with my legs out and then crossing them and spinning around when ever I need to change directions to seem like I have a little more energy and just to endear myself to people in general
Slurring my s's to make me seem like I was sthcarred by attending speech therapy as a child and to endear myself to people in general
You let me know what you think. Wink!