Monday, September 12, 2005

Some New Mannerisms I'm Considering (Such as Winking)

I'm thinking about changing some of my mannerisms and/or adopting some new ones. What do you think? I've never had much luck with this but maybe if I try really hard it will work. I tried to quit cracking my knuckles when I was a child because people told me they would get big. 30 years later, I now know that was a lie so it was a waste of a very concerted effort. Ok. So I never tried very hard to stop cracking my knuckles. But I had to stop pulling faces and licking my lips! Leave me one simple pleasure. You can't ask a person to stop drinking, smoking, and doing drugs all at once, can you? Anyways. Maybe in another 30 years we'll see who's laughing, who's cracking, and who suffers from crippling arthritis.

I like to have a little hand signal on hand in addition to waving for when I pass people in a car or see someone from far away--or, for that matter, from close-up because it's a nice circumventor of conversation. What comes naturally to me is to do the devil sign. I guess this comes naturally to me because I'm sort of evil. I don't know. But it's like your pinky and your pointy finger and I really feel like it is the signal for "Rock on!" I used to do this to the young women in my ward, but sometimes after I flashed the horns it occurred to me that maybe I was sending the wrong message, so I got a little self-conscious about it. Consequently, I started to change my hand signal at the last second by putting up my thumb really fast--changing it from "I worship the devil" to "I love you" in sign "language." This was always met with the kind of looks teenage girls give you when you've just done something really lame. And if you don't know what I'm talking about, more power to ya Bluey Blue.

Anyway, it doesn't matter now because I'm out of Young Women and into scouting. They have all kinds of greetings and symbols and gestures and secret handshakes which I need to add to my repertoire. And they're totally cool with the devil stuff.

So since I'm adding all the scouting crap anyway, what I'm wondering is if I should start winking. There are a lot of cons to winking. It is sort of an old-person thing to do and it's kind of corny but--I've got to tell you--I love it when people wink at me. LOVE IT. I love it as much as when someone says my name. (I don't like my name or anything; I'm just pleasantly surprised by the reassurance that people actually know who I am.)

There's the joke wink that is performed so well by the mom on Arrested Development (Premier on September 19th--seriously folks: Yippee) where your whole face contorts in an attempt at indiscreet discretion. Everyone should do that when the occasion permits. What I am talking about, however, is a very genuine wink as if to signal fondness for someone, a greeting of sorts, or to let someone know I'm in on a joke with them. I wink at my kids. Can I extend this to other adults? I'm just not sure I can pull it off. Basically, I don't think I have it in me to do something like this and yet if I could give someone else that joy just by winking at them that I get when someone winks at me, I would do it.

Before I commit to the winking lifestyle I just need to know if it's something only creepy people do. I'm already distasteful enough and I have no desire to add yet one more peculiar mannerism to the cannon of creepiness that I call myself. Is it just me? Come on, everyone likes to be winked at, right? I mean, not by a pervert or an oddball. Or are you trying to find a nice way to tell me that if I winked at you it would be like how I feel when an oddball winks at me?

A few others I'm considering:

Hair twirling to make me seem a little cuter

Frowning to make me seem sad and (hopefully!) get attention from people in my ward

Speaking Spanish more enthusiastically and more often so I seem more spiritual (because people will assume I went on a mission--wrong again, my friend!)

Wrinkling my nose when people talk about yucky stuff, also to make me seem a little cuter

Wearing a cloak to make me seem like I appreciate the arts more

Jumping with my legs out and then crossing them and spinning around when ever I need to change directions to seem like I have a little more energy and just to endear myself to people in general

Slurring my s's to make me seem like I was sthcarred by attending speech therapy as a child and to endear myself to people in general

You let me know what you think. Wink!


  1. I have always wanted to be a winker, but have a hard time bringing myself to do it. And I have even thought about making more of an effort to do it since I saw you wink at Ruby River and it WAS endearing.

    True story: Camelio Estevez put me through winking training. I can hook you up if you want.

  2. Anonymous8:06 AM

    I guy at my work is a winker and it just warms your heart and makes you smile to be winked at.


  3. I usually panic when I go to wink at someone and it turns into an Arrested Development/"i've got something in my eye" type of action. Start winking, by all means, but get some training from Marcy.

  4. Put off the winking for another 30 years or so. Once over 60 you can wink to your heart's content, and people will just feel like they met Mrs. Claus. However, if the phrase "Where is the Scotch" should ever pass from your lips at that age, then you must avoid winking at all costs.

    For the mean time, stick with the devil fingers. If you need something to work on, try the perky jump-turn, while doing a double devil fingers (both hands). I think anyone could appreciate that.

  5. I say wink away unless you get comments along the lines of, "I wonder how I can talk you out of ever making that face again."

    Although I love all non-pervert winks, even Lucille's. I wish I had the poise to become a winker myself.

  6. I was going to say, "Thanks for the advice on wink postponement, Chris--you must really care about me not making a fool out of myself." But then I went on to read your recommendation for what I should work on, and now I'm not so sure.

  7. Anonymous1:56 PM

    I would especially love it if I was visiting Provo and I was out somewhere (where could I be...Smith's, maybe, or the Bean Museum, or perhaps Danceworks) and I saw someone twisting her Juliet Binoche hair and then realize she needs to change direction, so she busts out a double-devil cross-jump-turn. That would be so delightful. I would wink at that person.

  8. If you become a winking person you're going to have to change your friends, change the type of clothes you wear, and change your entire life. Are you ready for that kind of commitment?

  9. There was this sweet sister in some stake calling back when I was but a youth. She was the wink master (mistress?). Taking to heart the counsel given in D&C 121:43, she would have occassion to reprove betimes with sharpness when moved upon by the Holy Ghost. But she would do it with an increase of love toward him whom she had reproved by winking! I recommend rehearsing this technique before breaking it out in public as it may come across as not being serious about the reproving.
    And, I would also research your jump turn by studying the Ministry of Silly Walks sketch on Monty Python.
    But whatever you decide, do not lose the flesh colored fish net stockings!

  10. There is a subtle difference between the "i love you" gesture and the "devil" gesture. The "devil" requires you to actually touch your thumb to the forward-bent two middle fingers...simply extend the thumb out and it's "i love you" again.

    Some people get the "devil" sign mixed up with the "hang loose" sign (which is thumb and pinky extended with the three middle fingers in a classic forward-bend). I get irritated at this. We had to explain this paradox to a little old Scottish lady who in great distress showed us a photo album where missionaries were giving both the "hang loose" and the "devil". She implored us passionately: "Why would missionaries give the sign of the devil, sisters? Why?" And for the record, speaking Scottish does NOT make me sound more spiritual.

    And... when I had Bell's Palsy, I winked all the time. I actually had a teacher stop class and say, "Now I've got a girl here on the front row who's winking at me! Why are you winking at me?" The movie "Clueless" hadn't been invented yet but if it had I would have responded with a rousing and sarcasm-dripping "As if!"

  11. Do you remember Tiffany Densley? I was in her singles ward at the time when she was engaged to be married. Anyway, she told us in a sacrament talk that she and her fiancee liked to wink at each other three times whenever they saw each other across a crowded room. Those winks stood for "I LOVE YOU." And I saw them do it a few times, too! She wasn't just making that up.

    So you can encode your winks, if you want to.

    PS. Kiera winks at Sonny in 'Xanadu.'

  12. telling your code over the pulpit kinda screws up the point of code, doesn't it?

    Guy and I think you should go with the cape. We'd love to see anyone in a cape who wasn't one of those D&D guys down at the park. Don't know if you'd look like you appreciate the arts more, but we'd appreciate you more.

  13. my sister and I were just talking about our hair twirling habbits...we have the worry that we look like freaks, not know, like we have some sort of OCD HAIR TWIRLING issue that we just can't shake and that must look laughable at the person driving or sitting behind us

    Perhaps we should take up winking...

  14. Anonymous8:16 AM

    I tend to wink when I'm singing along to music alone in my car.

    I hope it's an OCD thing but I'm guessing it's not.

  15. So about ten minutes into the first meeting of the man who would become my father-in-law, (in 4 more years) he winked at me--talk about 'you had me at hello'--I have had a crush on him ever since.

    And just yesterday a relatively normal looking 20 something guy was wearing what had to be a new (probably expensive) cloak/coat. It was gorgeous. Sadly though, he wasn't pulling it off (not, not literally pulling it off, but not having the probable desired cool-factor he was after) for at least 3 reasons: It's September, not January, he kept looking at how it was flowing and it occasionally got tangled up in his legs, and finally, he was at Wal-Mart for pity's sake! But honestly, if I had come across that amazing Matrix meets Javert, 3 silver buttons on each sleeve, fitted at the small of the back, tons of fabric at the bottom, great high collar of a coat and it was accidentally priced at 5 dollars instead of 500--I'd be wearin' right now as I type!

  16. Wearing a cloak1 Ha! That is HILARIOUS! You are truly funny. I too love a good wink. How endearing.

  17. Anonymous10:30 AM

    Are cloaks in January acceptable? I live in Phoenix, so I don't know these things.

    And, for the sake of contrariness, I really do not enjoy being winked at. Please, if you are my sister-in-law, please do not wink at me. It makes me feel like you think you have endless insight and understanding and inside-jokedom about me that I don't think you have. Smile warmly, but don't wink.

    What do your sons think, Kacy?

  18. I speak Spanish sometimes too, which also may contribute to people assuming I served a mission which they are also wrong about. By the way--that bugs me. I can't say how many times I've heard, "Sister Belnap, you served a mission, didn't you?" To which I really want to respond, "No I didn't, you got somehting against that? Huh?" But to which I normally respond, "No, Brother, I am ON my mission and have 4 potential converts I'm working with EVERY day." Then I smile and occaisionally wink.

  19. I don’t suggest hair twirling, I’ve been there and its hard to get back. Thanks to Mr. Chambers cupping his hand and slamming into the side of my head, thusly compressing air swiftly into my eardrum, I was cured of this Habit- - oh no, there I go again!

  20. I think maybe you should consider the winking in the context of your recent cat-heave experience.

    The cat that made you heave was most similar to the old Marlon Brando. I'm pretty sure the old Brando was a winker! "What? The Big Mac wrappers you found in the back yard? No, I didn't eat those. (wink wink)". You don't want anything that brings you closer to that.

    (and if you don't know what I'm talking about, you need to watch more E! True Holywood Story)

  21. You may be right, Chris. In fact, I think I saw that Marlon Brando cat jump over the fence with a McDonalds sack clenched in its engorged jowls.

  22. I don't know Kacy. Everything you have listed sounds completely insane or for old farts. Obviously the only one that is the least bit acceptable is the jumping in the air with legs apart before making a turn. I think you are a knuckle head for not being able to realize this on your own!

  23. Lorien: I didn't read any comments after yours, so someone may have already addressed this, but Mat6t and I went to talk to those guys at the park. Apparently once you hit someone in both arms and legs they have to kneel on the ground defenseless. In that case you are allowed to beat them on the head mercilessly. I don't know what happens if you hit someone in the crotch. I'm in no way affiliated, although I do know a lot about them. They meet every thursday at North Park. Also, check out

  24. Hail and well met! So much input has been provided that I now feel like just doing nothing. I can't believe Alice called me a knucklehead because SHE'S a knucklehead.

    Spider-fan, if I may say so, you don't twirl. You burrow.

  25. I don't know a ton of people that have the old devil-sign habit, but my favorite film professor points at everything with his hand in the devil sign fashion... or the I Love You sign. I think it's quite endearing, because I love him to death. Even if he promotes the devil, sort of.

  26. Haven't stopped over here in awhile but had fun catching up with you. I know this is a late entry BUT I vote yes on the winking thing but no on the hair twirling. I remember hearing somewhere years ago that hair twirling is a sign of immaturity. I'm sorry I ever heard that because now whenever I see someone do it or I'm tempted to do it myself, I think of that. But maybe that's just like that knuckle cracking myth . . .

    BTW, I recently purchased an iPod myself. What a brilliant invention!



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