Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Let Me Explain Why I Haven't Blogged

Now that I'm teaching, I'm busy. So I don't have time to blog. I have to cut and paste handouts from other [good] teachers and white out their names and memorize my lectures with zany, spontaneous jokes. I also have to be very careful about what I write now that I am a professor. My students really look up to me. You should see how they hang on my every word in class. So I'm sure they will pore over my blogs (when they aren't rating me "hot" on ratemyprofessor.com. It's so embarrassing!) I have to choose my topics wisely. No more of this Paul Bettany naked sleaze. I hold their young minds tentatively in my bare hands. It's not something I take lightly.

Everyone has a blog now. It makes me feel commonplace to blog. I refuse to become a cliche of the 21st century!

It takes me a long time to read everyone else's blogs.

There are shows on that I must watch. Primarily, Lost, Heroes, and The Office. And then I have to think about them and figure out if Ben (Henry Gale) is really somehow good and I pause to admire Jack's coolness and I wonder if Nikki is going to be a villain because I don't see how she could be a hero and, finally, I dwell on Jim. And Pam. And sometimes I think about Michael and I laugh and laugh and laugh.

It is already November which means I have to get my ward's Christmas movie ready. This is basically the equivalent of a demanding full-time job and I really don't have the time (you've seen how my blogging has suffered) but I know that if I don't put this slideshow together with just the right pictures set to just the right music the ward could, well--I hate to say it, but--fall apart. This year it's especially tricky. I'm not glossing over the hard stuff like some filmmakers. But I have to do it with sensitivity and respect. Last year we were a newly organized ward and stake. The slideshow said, "We like each other. We are united." But this year I'm trying to accomplish more. This year the slideshow says, "We love each other. We are beautiful."

I have been working on couches. You see, I have three rooms that need couches. (Ok, yes. I live in a mansion.) One room had perfect couches that I loved. These are the couches that Ben cut with an Exact-o knife.  Homeowner's insurance covers this sort of thing, but our deductible is $1000.00 so it's not that helpful. I had to decide what to do with the cut couches and which couches to put in the living room and on and on. You will surely relate to my confusion and, perhaps, be more understanding when you hear that I decided to replace the cut couches in my front room with a new seafoam green number. What can I say? I shop at RC Willey. It was like choosing between Nixon and McGovern.

I think these are all good explanations for why I haven't had time to blog. But the truth of it is, I was just waiting for 17 comments. You see, it's not my fault--it's your fault. Those pictures of Tina Fey were so cute I felt strongly that at least 17 people needed to see them before I moved on. Next time maybe you'll comment a little quicker and a little more. (If there is a next time.)


  1. I've been wondering about how they're going to turn around Nikki/Jessica, too. Although, there wasn't any Nikki at all in last night's episode... Maybe Nikki will be able to learn to turn on Jessica-ness at the flip of a switch and then turn it off again? Kinda like the Bruce Banner learned to do with the Incredible Hulk when he became "Merged Hulk"

    But, then again, maybe they'll just kill her off... Who knows.

  2. Yep, that's really the only way it could go. The only thing is that super heroes don't usually kill people, even villains. So Nikki is going to need a lot of discipline.

  3. Thanks for not being dead.

  4. I think your OCD is endearing, I really do.

  5. A little multitasking will solve all your problems! How about posting your couch dilema/opportunity for some interactive decision-making while discussing Heroes? You can grade papers while you wait for responses. . .

    Also, can't you already see the scene where Nikki/Jessica and her/their son come together in a who-will-destroy-who climax?

  6. Wahoo! I am so glad you're back. You ARE back, right? To heck with the couches, you must blog every day. You see I stumbled onto your blog in September, laughed heartily, and was so inspired that I began my own blog. But then you vanished. And I feared the worst -- that you had fallen into the botany pond south of campus. I am so relieved to hear from you again. And I am jealous. Nobody ever rates me as hot on ratemyprofessor.com. I covet your chili pepper status.

  7. I sense an undertone here--are you breaking up with us? I see your excuses as potential break-up material, like, "I had to stop blogging! It was becoming so cliche. It's not you, it's me."
    You can't just mess with us like that. If you really love us and want to reassure your worried fans, you will spend your entire Thanksgiving vacation making it up to us. 17 comments? We'll give you 18!

  8. Abby, what you trippin' for? It's cool my baby. You and me are foreal.

  9. How could Henry possibly be GOOD?! He's so creepy with his smug looks and pursed, scarred lips. I hope Jack lets him die, but you just know he won't. He can't. Jack is too good. And his poor little heart is probably broken over the Kate/Sawyer thing. He's just taking it out on The Others.

    I'm sorry, was this just about tv... I almost forgot to say I'M GLAD YOU DON'T HATE US. I was beginning to think you had been sorely offended. I'm glad to hear you're just too cool for us. I already knew that.

    I was thinking about your "I'm blogging this" t-shirt and wondering if you can bring yourself to wear it anymore.

  10. I rarely comments on your blog, but if you insist...if it will get you to blog more often, then I will. If it means that when I click on your blog's name, I will get to read and be entertained by your quick whit (what the? is that how you spell that? wit...whitt...)and insights, then I will comment. I will stroke your blogging ego a little harder next time if you request it, because sometimes a girls need that.

  11. I don't actually have anything to say, but I like reading your stuff, so I'm adding my comment to help get this past the 17 mark.

  12. Anonymous10:43 PM

    I want your handouts.


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