I spent most of last year decidedly against having more children. I wasn't baby hungry. I pitied pregnant women (still do); the smell of Baby Magic turned my stomach while not having to buckle any of my kids into their car seats gave me a feeling of elation. There were no baby names left that I wanted dibs on--I proffered my best names to friends honestly hoping they would use them. I turned my eye to the older set--the women just ahead of me, experts in scouting and date dance-asking. You know, mom's who have actually articulated a sleepover policy. It wasn't too hard to say goodbye to the young hip moms and their talk of sleep-teaching and formula intake. New moms are annoying anyway. The novelty wears off. That doesn't mean I'm a bad person.
But in my heart of hearts I did feel bad. Because I knew why I wasn't having any more kids. It was because I couldn't handle any more. This is a pretty good reason for not having any more kids. But I didn't have a calm and peaceful feeling that women speak of telling me that I was done. I had a stressed-out unpleasant anguish telling me I couldn't take anymore. I wasn't depressed or unhappy. I'm just telling you the truth. Please don't worry.
Then I had a life-changing experience at DI. I know--that's such a cliche! But for me it was true. I had boxed up a lot of baby stuff just to see how it felt. It felt good! I took it to DI for a drop off. The man who picked up my donation changed my life forever. He was a younger black man with a kind face. As he took my boxes he smiled to himself and said, "Ah. Baby stuff." Then he told me that his own baby son was turning one that day. He didn't judge me. He recognized that it was the end of a phase and the beginning of a new-babyless phase for me just as for him the baby phase was just beginning. Hakuna matata, man. I'm not a failure. Three is enough. I am good.
After that day I was content with our decision. And in that contented state I decided to have another baby. (You see, I made this deal with God that if I got released from Young Women's I would have another baby. It was time to make good on it.)
So! It's a girl due May 27th. Of course I need name suggestions (because I gave mine all away) and baby gear recommendations (because I gave mine all away). What's all this about Nuk pacifiers? I thought MAMS were the cutest?