Wednesday, January 17, 2007

On Deciding Not to Have Any More Children

I spent most of last year decidedly against having more children. I wasn't baby hungry. I pitied pregnant women (still do); the smell of Baby Magic turned my stomach while not having to buckle any of my kids into their car seats gave me a feeling of elation. There were no baby names left that I wanted dibs on--I proffered my best names to friends honestly hoping they would use them. I turned my eye to the older set--the women just ahead of me, experts in scouting and date dance-asking. You know, mom's who have actually articulated a sleepover policy. It wasn't too hard to say goodbye to the young hip moms and their talk of sleep-teaching and formula intake.

But in my heart of hearts I did feel bad. Because I knew why I wasn't having any more kids. It was because I couldn't handle any more. This is a pretty good reason for not having any more kids. But I didn't have a calm and peaceful feeling that women speak of telling me that I was done. I had a stressed-out unpleasant anguish telling me I couldn't take anymore. I wasn't depressed or unhappy. I'm just telling you the truth. Please don't worry.

Then I had a life-changing experience at DI. I know--that's such a cliche! But for me it was true. I had boxed up a lot of baby stuff just to see how it felt. It felt good! I took it to DI for a drop off. The man who picked up my donation changed my life forever. He was a younger black man with a kind face. As he took my boxes he smiled to himself and said, "Ah. Baby stuff." Then he told me that his own baby son was turning one that day. He didn't judge me. He recognized that it was the end of a phase and the beginning of a new-babyless phase for me just as for him the baby phase was just beginning. Hakuna matata, man. I'm not a failure. Three is enough. I am good.

After that day I was content with our decision. And in that contented state I decided to have another baby. (You see, I made this deal with God that if I got released from Young Women's I would have another baby. It was time to make good on it.)

So! It's a girl due May 27th. Of course I need name suggestions (because I gave mine all away) and baby gear recommendations (because I gave mine all away). What's all this about Nuk pacifiers? I thought MAMS were the cutest?


  1. Congratulations. May I suggest the name Mary Kate? I know it's Olsen twinish NOW, but think of the Quiet Man! And by the time she is grown up the Olsen twins will have disintegrated and no one will be the wiser.

  2. Oh Kacy, Congrats! Will that make 2 of each now?

    Our babies won't ever take pacifiers, so I'm not much help there.

    I've always adored the name Sasquatch, but I'm not sure it works for a girl :-)

  3. I'm fully committed to Lucy...I am a little unsettled that I was not personally called...We HAVE started dating again...

  4. Thanks for the quick response!..My third eye and I feel a lot better...

  5. Well... I haven't had a chance to spend any of my favorite names yet, so I'll keep that one to myself.

    But congratulations, nonetheless... that's exciting news! Tennish years ago I was babysitting Sam. That's weird. Now this comment is just turning into me recalling a bunch of Faulconer-baby memories.

  6. Anonymous6:15 PM

    Oh, finally I can say congrats!! I saw the comment you made to Suzie P but I didn't want to say anything because...well, you hadn't said anything here! And, you know...I'm totally a chicken and couldn't just ask.

    Now I'm rambling when all I wanted to say was congrats!!

  7. Congratulations on your lady baby. I like Ellen (and all your name choices - you have good taste)

    I'm the first first-born daughter for generations in my family NOT to have the middle name Ellen.

  8. Kacy- Thanks for sharing your DI story. My wife and I are in that phase: done or not done? It is not a fun stage to be in. I mean, there is a parenting "graduation" or milestone to's like having the chance to move up from the minor league and go professional.

    Congradulations. May 27th is a fabulous day...if you went two days over your daughter and I would share the same birthday and that would be so cool...but of course that is selfish to hope for any woman to go past her due date.

    Emma is a nice name

  9. Congratulations! I love reading your blog...and am glad you're back to blogging. I'm thinking of having another one...maybe trying this Spring. I look forward to reading your future posts!

  10. You give me hope. I'm in the not-contented-with-being-done-but-overwhelmed group who wants to stop talking about birthing choices and sleeping techniques and move on to important things like being able to go to the movies with the entire family. I'm on my way to DI right now. . . which I really should have thought of in the first place.


  11. Congratulations! I have to weigh in on this one for two reasons. One, because I am a firm believer of the "content-ness" that comes when you know you are done. I wanted that after two, but didn't get it. Totally got it after baby #3.

    Secondly, I have to give my two cents on the baby name. We have had a very sympatico baby naming thing going so far. You have a Sam, I have a Samantha. Samantha was going to be Maggie until she came out and didn't look like one. I don't have a Ben, but my high school boyfriends name was Ben.

    So, to come to my point...My third is a Henry, so how about Henrietta? That would just be perfect.

  12. Not that you asked, but here is my ranking of the names you are currently thinking about:


  13. That news makes me happy. Maybe the novelty of it all will come back with this one--all those new binkis and all. I think that since your boy looks so very much like Edmund you should probably bank on Lucy--she could very well look just like her. Just a thought. Nice timing, by the way--you get to miss being prego in the summertime (like I needed to point that out, you old pro).

  14. Congratulations! I'm in the same club as lvc -- and it's such a peculiar place.

    What have been your own impressions for a name??

    I love the nuk pacifiers. And our baby bjorn. And our swing. Those are the things we use most with our new little one.

  15. I once worked with a guy who went into a tirade when people said, "The D.I." he was also kicked out of the John Birch society for being too conservative. I'm not saying there’s a connection.

    As for names, I’ve always been fond of Dagmar Natasha (seriously), but I was consistently vetoed. Other names that were vetoed include, Freawaru, and Wealhtheow. I guess I can understand the veto here, but she'd never be called "Freawaru F." because there was already another Freawaru in her class.

  16. I love the name Lucy, and not many around. Sarah Beth or Claire. I'm done, I can't toss the names about! My daughter named her build a bear Lucy Allison....Good job.

  17. More congratulations!

    The names you're considering are lovely. I think I'm currently favoring Eleanor or Frances.

    According to the comments, it appears that Lucy is way to acceptable. I prefer that a few people raise their eyebrows when they hear the name.

  18. Oh my hooray-ness! Congrats! I guess maybe if I talked to my sis more I might know that you were gonna have a baby. Gotta call Carrie. CONGRATULATIONS!
    We have three girls so I am all out of girl names...that was too many to think of.
    And I gotta vote for Lucy since we watched that movie today...but I think it should be "Lucy the Valiant", Lucy for short.

  19. 10 years ago we named our first daughter Isabella, which I think is WAY overused by now, but 2 years ago we had another girl and named her Rosalind (we call her Roz). I won't deny that Monsters, Inc. and Frasier had something to do with it.

    I also loved Millicent and Vivian, but hubby nixed both.

    If you want more name ideas, there's a great baby name book series that started with "Beyond Jennifer and Jason" and has most recently been called "Cool Baby Names". We've found all our kids' names in those books.

    I decided I was done having kids when I realized I was sharing my brain with six other people (including hubby), and needed some of it back.

  20. I am a lurker and a friend of Lisa's. Congrats!!

    I am not having any more babies for a long, long time (if ever). I am in the "I am overwhelmed and am pretty sure I don't want any for at least 5 years" phase. And I only have three. The last time I gave away my baby stuff (highchair, crib, etc) it was last June 30. I had a baby in my arms July 21 (and we weren't really planning on a baby), granted, I don't give birth to mine, but still. I am NEVER giving baby stuf away again b/c it means that another one is coming. Maybe if I let it sit in the garage, we will get a toddler next time!! :-)

    Our youngest is named Norah... and then Emily saw it and named her baby Nora and then another friend did, so stay away from that name. While I think it is lovely, it is getting popular. BUT, I still love Emily's Nora and my Norah.... :-) Our babies are all named Skeletor until we finalize (around 6 months old...).

  21. Congrats! I have an almost-3-year-old and an almost-5-year-old, and think I'm content right now that I don't have to decide yet whether or not I'm done having children. But I'm pretty sure I want just one more. Some name suggestions:


    I also adore the name Frances. It's always been one of my favorite names, but alas, I haven't had a chance to use it.

  22. Oops, make that an almost-6-year-old and an almost-3-year-old!

  23. That's so weird. In Brooke's suggestions are the names of my grandma, mother, and niece.

    Oh Judy, isn't Cambric for cold sores? JUST KIDDING! You should name your 5th baby that.

  24. Anonymous7:14 PM

    I love the name lucy. All the lucy's I know are nice!

  25. Cambric IS used for HERPES, and it's also the name of Gina's best friend growing up (Cimony and Briony's sister). As for the name of my yet-to-be-decided-fifth-child, I'll just steal whatever name you like best.

  26. How about Agnes? Maggie and Aggie, they could be best friends.

    Really though...Frances makes me think of the badger (Best Friends for Frances, etc.), but a cute choice. Theo would have been Ramona if he'd been a girl. I'd suggest something classic to go with your other kids' names...Sarah and Grace are favorites of mine, Grace is a little trendy but they're both classics. Catherine too, but I like Katherine better for some reason. I also really like Rachel.

    By the WAY, congratulations. My mom mentioned to me awhile ago that you were "Expecting!" and then there was nary a mention on your blog so I was thinking maybe she'd heard you wrong or something. I'm glad she was right.

    Baby far diapers have served me well, also I have committed a cardinal sin and introduced the binky in T's first weeks of life, but it is a Nuk. Orthodontic!

  27. I like Katherine with a K better, but Catherine is a family name. The most important thing to remember is that the middle name is Kay. So of course we have to eliminate Grace--too staccatto.

    I mean the most important thing to remember is to never name your baby after herpes.

  28. My Nora is a Norah. And I owe Bek for letting me steal her name, at risk of overpopulizing it.

    Kacy, today I heard "Sometimes When We Touch" on the radio and I thought of you. But not in a gross way.

  29. Anonymous6:55 PM

    Another baby? You need a bigger house. A much bigger house. And a forest for the kids to romp in, with grandparents across the street. Such a paradise is probably just a dream, but it is meant to be in the grand scheme of things, it will doubtlessly turn up at just the right moment.

  30. This is interesting. I'm in that want-to-be-done-but-don't-feel-the-peace phase. It's crappy. So now that you went for it, how do you feel? Is it as hard as the first three? Do you feel peace? I've been wondering if all women go through this and if it's a biological thing or a spiritual thing. I'm confused. I'm so confused. People should definately warn you about this kind of stuff.

  31. Yay! Babies. . .as long as it isn't me. . yet. I'm in the club with LVC and ~j. . .I love the "idea" of another baby, not sure about the mental state it will put me in.

    I have 3 girls already, so I'm kind of done with girl names, but here's a few we didn't end up using

    Jacinda (call her Jaci maybe?)

    also I will second ~j.'s suggestion of a baby bjorn. With 2 other kiddos to chase around, or be to sports/school stuff with, I loved having the bjorn, and my babe was a fussy one, so having her close helped.

    Oh, by the way, LOVE the birthday, May 27, although LVC may prefer the 28th.

  32. I have a sister named Lucy. She is 22 now. My parents were way ahead of the curve on that one.

    The point I want to make, though, is that my sister's name is Lucy and we teased her about it all growing up because it sounded like the name of a farm animal. A duck, or a goose.

    Another thing to think about is that in romantic comedies, 50% of the time the heroine's name is Lucy. Lucy, played by Sarah Jessica Parker or Kate Hudson or Sandra Bullock, lives in Manhattan and wears awesome shows. Can't find love, blah blah blah.

    I like the name Lucy, but please consider these points.

  33. Alice

    I've definately got a thing for the "E" and "L" sounds in names, huh? I hadn't realized it until I just typed them all out!

    These are my current favorites, and my baby due in March will probably be one of these. We live fare enough away from each other... you can borrow one. You're welcome. :)

  34. I know a girl with a baby Eliza and calls her Ella. Two in one. I also know a girl with an Eliza who calls her Ellie. Not sure what's wrong with plain old Eliza, but this nicknaming seems to be a trend round these parts.

    Eliza (as a name) is a crowd pleaser, I'm just saying.

    I'm curious where the MN Kay comes from. Kacy? Or, a family member?

  35. Well, Kay is the first letter of my name.

    Actually, it's my sister's middle name and Christian's mom's middle name.

  36. That's mom's middle name is Kay and my dad's sister is also named Kay...

  37. I'm really glad to hear your comments on done, not done. I think after this one, we're done.
    I like Grace (but it is a bit trendy) and Lucy because I think it fits your family. Also, you could call her Lucia like Dame Maggie Smith calls Helena Bonham Carter in A Room with A View.
    When we didn't know what we were having yet, we started to consider Molly. You might get the "Molly Mormon" thing around here, though.

  38. I love the classic names here. Very neat.

    My children are Ethan (way too trendy now, but I didn't think it was when we named him *sigh), Victoria, and Aurora.

    I love Nora. I think that is beautiful.

    Congrats on your expectancy.

  39. I heard Lucy was official. I’m not giving my sources, but I’m just putting it out there so people know to not object to it too much since it will be the child’s name.
    Unless it won’t be, because then I have some comments to make. One, the name Lucy almost always makes me think of the original BBC Chronic-(what?)-cles of Narnia Lucy who scares me more than the creepy wolf character Maugrim. Two, Lucy is everybody’s least favorite Peanuts character. And Three, I already know a baby names Lucy, granted it’s cute but I cant know two babies named Lucy. I mean it’s ok to know two people of the same name, but not two babies. I suggest Kimberly. It’s awesome! It’s a reference to the original pink Power Ranger and and Kim Possible, and you could call her Kim, Kimmy or Burley.

  40. i'm a first-time mom and mormon so i don't feel entitled to the last baby debate until #3. but i have noticed that 3 is the new 4. which means that 4 is the new 5, so good for you.

    also, the form-fitted nuk is all lil' miss dub will take. plus, it's very modern looking. i'm sure ikea will sell its version any day now.

  41. Congratulations. You will now be inducted into the Anti-McDonalds-Germ Bath-Playland-Club.

  42. I'm an occasional lurker, but baby names will totally bring me out of the woodwork.

    Congrats! These names have been on my list.

    Love, love love:

    Judy (don't know why, but totally dig it)
    Violet (maybe getting too popular?)
    Milly (short for either Camilla or Amelia)

  43. Nuks are the only way to go.
    Buy a good stroller. They are way cooler now than they were 5 years ago.
    Good luck with the naming. I think it's the hardest part. Way harder than the actual giving birth, in my opinion.

  44. Anonymous2:41 PM

    Congrats!!! I plan to use Miriam Nicole if/when I have a daughter, should go well with Levi ("No, we aren't Orthodox Jews...")

    Nuks - love them. That's what Levi uses and it's a life saver...

  45. Congrats!

    I hear you on the done/not done thing. 99.9% sure, but still. It's a strange place to be when another child is still biologically feasable.

    I don't have a namesake yet. I'm just sayin.

  46. Forget baby names!! Why have you guys deserted us?!! I feel like a slut after a one-night-stand, and the guy is gone before I am awake...

    Let me know when you are giving "tours!"

    (You will now become a verse in our "Bishop in the Ghetto" song!)

  47. Anonymous6:43 PM

    Did Grandpa Jim submit an inverted hierarchy because "Lucy" was actually his priority name? If not, are Lucy's parents perfectly comfortable exclaiming, "Lucy. Final Decision!" when "Lucy" constituted the dregs of Jim's vintage names? Tension in the 'hood? Why not just incorporate a moat and razor wire into your new landscape design?

  48. Just stumbled on your blog.

    I hope the pregnancy has been going well, and congrats!!

    I also have to say, I want to break down and buy a fluidity bar myself. If you get one, don't hesitate to blog about it, cuz I'm curious.

  49. Anonymous7:51 AM

    Don't know you, just linked my way over here and you are a lovely writer--very fun to read. name suggestions: definitely Eleanor (it's my fave right now, but I don't know if I can talk my other half into it :( Baby Gear: Baby Bjorn and Jumperoo--I think that's what they're called. I never actually had one, but a few of my friends do and their babies are happier and there must me something to it. And check on Craig's List for the things you need. I've seen new looking Baby Bjorn's on there for as low as $20 (retail almost $100.) Good Luck!

  50. I just read your post and I am probably too late, but I would vote for Ruby. I have 3 and can't decide if I am done yet either. Of course, my youngest is only 13 months and now it not the time to really make that decision anyway. Good luck to you!!


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