Tuesday, February 15, 2011

The Bachelor Reaches a New Low, or "High" If You're Satan

[Spoilers]

Maybe topless photo shoots aren't a new low for ABC's The Bachelor. Maybe it's actually rather typical. I don't know because I've never watched it before. I have to say I was pretty scandalized by last night's episode, but then--I'm not a purveyor of pornography.

I mean, you kind of expect the smarmy, accented Sports Illustrated photographer to suggest going topless. What surprised (and really, "horrified" is a better word here) me was the encouragement of the matronly shoot director. Wow. You're very good at your job, ma'am. And all you had to do was sell out your whole gender. Congratulations?

The first to go topless was the lady who was self-conscious about having a small chest. So typical and so sad. And this isn't some outcast teenager from a broken home trying to get boys to like her--Ashley is a dentist. That's what, 8 years of school? Who would have thought that a woman who knows what amalgams are made of would be such a cliche? A white lab coat doesn't offer the protection it once did. Alas.

Next up for going topless? Chantal--the girl who feels fat. To Michelle (who, inexplicably keeps her top on) I say, "Way to go!" (I'll overlook the exploitative beach making out because. . . I don't even know anymore.) Please note that posing topless didn't make anyone feel better. The two who did were the most insecure and weepy they've been all season.  And so it goes with the objectification of women. At its best it makes even Brad feel awkward and at its worst everyone involved blackens their soul. Not cool, ABC's The Bachelor--NOT COOL.

Next week are the home visits. That's right! If you make it you get to take Brad home to meet your mom--After shaming her this week in your topless photo shoot. Here is where the irony is less delicious and much more sickening.  "To family," says Brad in his toast--Woopsie. My shirt fell off. Hi mom! Meet Brad.

Congratulations to Emily for being the only woman Brad has any respect for. He should choose her. But she has a kid. So he won't.

Congratulations to Shawntelle for being the only girl with any real personality. Of course, maybe I'm biased because I wanted to be a funeral director before I went to graduate school and became a teacher. Now I'm neither and couldn't be happier. We'll see what Brad goes for. I think the personality is kind of like having a kid though, where Brad is concerned.

Congratulations to Michelle for being the only girl not to cry on the way out. Congratulations to Michelle also for the best line of the night: "I don't see Brad and Britt even friending each other on Facebook." You had me at crazy tan freakazoidal harpy. Well-played.

Congratulations to Chantal for providing us with a cautionary tale for insecure young women thinking about getting involved in the adult entertainment industry to boost their self esteem and feel empowered--It won't work. It will make you feel embarrassed. And it doesn't guarantee a rose. You know what else? Your mom is watching. And she's sad. Profoundly.

And congratulations to Britt for putting herself out there.

As for me, I'm not going to put myself out there. I'm going keep myself in here.

20 comments:

  1. Becky Osthed10:53 AM

    I LOVE that you are calling ABC out on the carpet. I decided to NOT watch the show this season, because of the trashy-ness of it. And after reading your blog, it makes me realize what a good choice that was. You are witty and accurate in your assessment of the show. Your blog is PURE entertainment. (im talking the mormon pure...)

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  2. I'm so glad you are taking a hit for Team Womankind every week and watching The Bachelor so you can give us your perspective, because I have renamed Tuesday "Kacy's Bachelor Recap Day."

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  3. Amen, and amen.

    There are so many reasons why I could never do the Bachelor (the show, or the creep they pick,*) one being that my mom would just be so darn ashamed.



    *junior high humor.

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  4. Holy crap, this is so full of awesome I don't even know where to begin. And I'm not even watching the show!

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  5. Oh my word -- that's what's on ABC these days? Ick.

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  6. You are a moral rockstar and should be my friend on Facebook.
    Really, I want to link this post of yours and feel like you should know me electronically before I link to you. It just feels right that way.

    Hi. I am Rachel Eaton.

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  7. i was shocked to Kacy. Shocked. It really is sad that thats whats on TV now.

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  8. Makes you wonder if her "white lab coat" is just a costume, if you know what I'm saying ;) because I for one REFUSE to believe that 8 years of education will make you poor AND stupid.

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  9. Gross and gross, embarrassing all around.

    I've been embarrassed for Ashley ever since they showed her "dancing" ala Risky Business for her intro to the show. So awkward and lame. Any respect for her as a dentist was lost during that. Also- how many female dentists think it's a great idea to get a wrist tattoo, you know, right where every one of your patients will see it. Nothing against tattoos, it just seems like poor judgement. Which brings us to Michelle.

    I believe that Michelle took the moral high ground only because she didn't get to go first. Otherwise she would've been all over that.

    Chantal, well, if you are going to buy ones that big, I guess you'd want to show them off at every turn. I was bewildered that her bikini was able to cover everything as it was, if you know what I mean. CGI may have been involved.

    And lastly- what is up with all the side/half braids this season?

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  10. Will you keep watching now that Michelle is gone?

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  11. Just letting you know that you were just nominated for Best LDS Female Solo Blogger of 2010. :) Good luck.

    http://www.mormonmomma.com/index.php/2011/nominations-best-lds-female-solo-blogger-2010/

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  12. I love Bachelor season. I've never really watched the show but I LOVE the blogging reviews of it! They are way better than watching it myself! I'm going to keep myself in here, too.

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  13. For some reason I got the giggles thinking about what would happen to that photo shoot I were part of it. I'm about the same age bracket and I think not hideous over all, of course I'm 10 1/2 months into breastfeeding my fourth and don't go to a "doctor" unless I'm having a baby.

    Welcome to the real world "reality" people.

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  14. Jumping off buildings,
    taking your clothes off,
    being photographed for millions to see (without getting compensated for ownership rights),
    crying about your deepest insecurities for millions to see,
    watching a man you're supposed to be dating make out and "charm" other women in front of you,
    having your real feelings be invalidated and wrong (and cause for you to be punished--ie "sent home")

    . . .is "the process."

    with the guarantee that NO ONE has found long-lasting love (so far!)

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  15. Well, I guess I'm glad that not only have I never watched the show, I didn't even know it existed.

    There is something to be said for living a sheltered life!!

    But I do worry - a lot - about the effect T.V. has on the middle school students I teach - male and female.

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  16. Once again you've made me laugh and you've made me proud. Great recap and thanks for telling it like it is. I want to share this with everyone I know.

    Have a great weekend!

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  17. I'm commenting on the last THREE posts in reverse chronological order, which is very efficient of me.

    1) I love the t-shirt. It made me laugh out loud. (I forgot to follow the link over to the giveaway.)

    2) I used a Design Mom idea for my kids' valentines and so did two of my sisters. We did not consult each other about it beforehand. I love your kids. Since their mother leaves the house sometimes, they are very lucky. Oh, and how could you be younger than I am? You always seemed so much wiser. (And by "wise," I mean "funny.")

    3) EW! Although it would be even worse if she went topless while actually working on people's teeth.

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  18. I did it! I just did a posting on my blog about your posting and linked it up. This was just too good not to share as far and wide as we can! http://kareywhite.blogspot.com

    Thanks for your posts. I hope you win the award!

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  19. Anonymous10:42 AM

    What about Britt having to SWIM to the yacht! I would have died - not romantic.

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  20. I got your blog link from a friend after she found out I am a closet Bachelor watcher. I think you're hilarious and find your posts about The Bachelor to be SUCH good reading (even though I've only read the last two).

    Just for correction sake: Ashley is NOT a dentist. She goes to dental school. I always wonder why they put "dentist" next to her name, instead of "dental student" or something. But whatever.

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